The Year of Luminous Love

by Lurlene McDaniel

  “Why didn’t you say something?” Eden looked incredulous.

  “I couldn’t. She wanted him so much she was loopy. She crushed on him when she was twelve, hanging around on a job site at Pickins’s ranch. Seems as if Jon was visiting his dad that summer from Texas. When she saw him again, all grown up, well, she tumbled hard.”

  “And you just stepped aside.” Eden shook her head.

  “She’s my friend. She’s struggled all her life with cancer. She was in remission. She was happy. What would you have done?”

  “I’d have said something to her! She would have understood.”

  Ciana pressed her lips together. “But I didn’t. I couldn’t break her heart.”

  “What about Jon? What did he say?”

  Ciana toyed with her food—fish. She hated fish. “I begged him to keep it a secret, to not ever tell her about us meeting.”

  “So it wasn’t just that one night with him?”

  Ciana had said more than she’d wanted to. The wine had loosened her tongue too much, but there was no turning back, not with Eden. The girl had read between the lines. “Every time … whenever we were alone, whenever he held me, it was like being inside a bottle rocket.”

  “Sex?” Eden asked outright.

  “No!” Ciana said hotly. She shuffled self-consciously, dropped her voice. “Not that I didn’t want to. But then Arie’s face would float in front of me and …” She sat on her hands while tears gathered in her eyes. “If it had been any other female on planet Earth …”

  “Jeez. You’ve got to be kidding me! And he went along with you?”

  “It’s just hormones between us. Chemistry,” Ciana said, dismissing Eden’s question.

  “Hormones? You just used the word magic. Don’t make me ask Jon.”

  Ciana’s eyes widened. “Don’t!” She shoved her half-eaten meal aside. “Please. This is a pinkie-swear confidence.”

  “So it isn’t all about Arie’s birthday, is it? Jon came to Italy to see you.”

  Amazed that Eden had come to that conclusion so effortlessly, Ciana reminded her, “And to tell us what happened with Tony.”

  The waiter reappeared to offer them dessert menus, but Ciana waved him off. The lump in her throat was huge, and she was afraid she’d toss her meal if one more morsel crossed her lips. She asked for the bill, but when it came, Eden snatched it out of her hand.

  “This is on me. I still have one of Mom’s credit cards and the company hasn’t cut it off yet.”

  Outside, the air was crisp and cool. Ciana shivered in spite of her sweater. “We should go back to our room,” she said, putting on her helmet.

  “Why?”

  “It’s after eleven. What if Arie comes back and we’re not there? I know we left her a note, but maybe we should check in, just in case.”

  Eden turned to face Ciana. She put her hands on her friend’s shoulders, squeezed. “Ciana, girlfriend, get a grip. Reality check. Arie’s not coming back tonight.”

  Ciana searched Eden’s face and saw the truth she couldn’t bear written in Eden’s blue eyes.

  Eden pulled Ciana close and hugged her sympathetically. She knew what she was going to say would wound Ciana, and yet she knew she had to say it, because in the end, the truth was kinder than a lie. “Here’s the situation, honey: Jon wanted you and you gave him to Arie. He’s a guy. And tonight with Arie, he’s going to do what guys do. And she’s not going to turn him away, trust me.” She felt Ciana’s shoulders shake and her breath heave. “But the good news is guys don’t have to be in love to do it.” Experience with Tony’s moods and appetites had shown Eden that much. “Please, don’t hold it against either of them.”

  Ciana sobbed.

  Eden held her, letting her cry herself out. Somewhere, Eden found a wad of napkins, and when Ciana’s sobs had turned to hitching breaths, Eden made her blow her nose and wipe her eyes.

  “I guess I don’t want to go to our hotel either.” Ciana’s voice was thick and hoarse. “Where should we go? Two lost girls and their scooter.”

  Eden smiled wanly. “I’m thinking we should check out the Spanish Steps and the piazza where everyone gathers. I think we need a crowd around us tonight. Maybe even a nightclub or two.”

  Ciana was running on empty. She didn’t care where they went or what they did. Not tonight. “Sounds like a plan.” She straddled the scooter, wrapped her arms around Eden, and asked, “How’d you learn so much about love?”

  Eden snapped on her helmet. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I don’t know squat about love. But I know a lot about sex, and how a man thinks about sex. For men, the two don’t have to go together. And sometimes that’s all right.”

  The motor chugged to life and the scooter headed out. Ciana raised her head and silently begged the wind rushing past to blow images of Jon and Arie out of her mind and heart.

  Arie was gone for two nights and only returned to the hotel suite after leaving Jon at the airport on the final day of his visit. Even after spending so much time together, their goodbye had been stilted, and they did not behave like parting lovers. What had she expected? That he would fall madly in love with her? While the days and nights had been the happiest ones of her life, she’d have to accept that although he’d been attentive and kind to her, she’d seen no spark of love for her in his eyes. She didn’t know what she’d report to her friends. She didn’t want to share the intimacies with anyone. Arie wanted to hold on to her memories. And her fantasies.

  Standing at the suite’s door, she fished out her key. Unsure of the reception she’d receive from Ciana and Eden, she took a few deep breaths to calm her nerves. Pasting a smile on her face, she marched into the room.

  Eden tossed aside her fashion magazine and shot off the sofa. “Look who’s home!” She hugged Arie. “We’ve missed you.”

  Ciana was on the balcony drinking coffee, soaking up the morning sunlight, and didn’t appear to have especially missed her. Not that Arie blamed Ciana. She had brought Arie to Italy in part to celebrate her nineteenth birthday and Arie had blown her off to be with Jon. And although she’d hoped Ciana would forgive her and cut her some slack, Arie realized that Ciana’s acceptance wouldn’t come quickly. Arie had never planned to hurt her best friend, but her chance to be alone with Jon had been too perfect to pass up. For once all the stars and planets in the universe had lined up in her favor.

  Arm in arm, Arie and Eden strolled to the balcony. Arie said, “The wayward friend has returned.”

  Without looking at Arie, Ciana said, “Have fun?”

  Eden encircled Arie’s waist with her arm. “Now, now, we agreed not to bombard Arie with questions. Her story to tell in her own time, right?”

  “Sorry, forgot the rules,” Ciana said coolly.

  Arie felt the sting. “I … I’m not holding back. I just need some time.”

  Ciana chewed her bottom lip. Whatever had happened between Arie and Jon had not left Arie in the state of ecstasy Ciana had expected. And feared. “Fair enough,” she said.

  “What have you all done, seen, since I’ve been out?”

  “The Spanish steps,” Eden answered. “Awesome crowd of people. We went with a group of locals to a nightclub and danced our booties off.” She wiggled her backside for emphasis.

  “You too?” Arie asked Ciana.

  “I mostly watched.”

  “Look, I’m sorry about bailing on my birthday—ruining any plans you all made.”

  “We accept your apology,” Eden said quickly.

  Too quickly, Arie thought, and without Ciana’s agreement. The slight stabbed Arie’s heart. “We only have two more days in Rome. Shouldn’t we be out sightseeing?” she asked brightly.

  “I’ve made reservations for us to tour the Villa Borghese gardens tomorrow,” Ciana said, adding, “If you haven’t made other plans.”

  Eden glared at Ciana, but Arie let the catty comment pass.

  “Really? I’d love to go there. It’s supposed to be one of the
most beautiful places in all of Rome.” The Borghese family legacy stretched back to the sixteen hundreds when the great estate once boasted a vineyard. But one of the family members, a cardinal, had begun turning the wine-making fields into lush gardens and began a collection of Roman art from antiquity. The gardens were now a public park in the heart of the city, the museum still open for the price of admission.

  Ciana said, “The next day we pack up and return to Cortona.”

  “Where we have another month before we have to go home,” Arie said, hoping to disperse Ciana’s bad mood.

  Eden could hardly wait to return to Tuscany and Cortona. She was eager to see Garret. Still unsure of her place in his life, she’d decided to tell him everything about her past. If that ruined things between them, so be it. She wasn’t about to take a chance on another relationship that wasn’t honest.

  Ciana was eager to return too. She had a man to see about a side trip to Portofino. She still wasn’t sure what she was going to do about Enzo’s offer. With Jon out of the picture, the offer was more tempting than ever, because once she left Italy, she’d return to her former life and a fight with her mother over Bellmeade’s future. And, according to Jon, with several of her neighbors too.

  “So nothing planned for today?” Arie asked.

  “Nope,” Eden said cheerfully. “Unless you want to take a ride on our rental scooter.” She quickly told Arie of her impulse to rent the thing and of how she and Ciana had been driving and riding all over the city.

  “Sounds like fun,” Arie said, without meaning it. Her back hurt, her head ached, and at the moment, she wanted to take a pill and lie down. “Maybe later today after the sun’s not so warm.”

  Eden eyeballed Arie. “You do look like you should stay out of the sun. Your skin’s kind of yellowish.”

  Arie filled with dread, knowing that her yellow cast came not from the Italian sun but from the beginnings of liver failure. “Well, we all know I don’t tan, but with so much sun, yellow is better than ghost white, don’t you think?”

  Ciana took a hard look at Arie. Realizing she didn’t look a hundred percent, her hardness softened. “You hungry? We discovered a Hard Rock Café a few blocks away. What say I take that scooter and bring us back burgers and good old American French fries? I, for one, am over spaghetti.”

  “You’re not going without me,” Eden announced. “I’ll carry the food. How about three milk shakes to wash it all down? Chocolate for me,” she called, raising her hand.

  “Me too,” Ciana said.

  “Vanilla,” Arie added, not wanting either food or drink. As soon as Ciana and Eden left, Arie took two pain pills and went to bed. There she lay clutching the sheets and gritting her teeth until the pills kicked in and dulled the pain. She couldn’t put off telling her friends about her relapse. Jon had been correct about that. She had withheld the truth too long.

  The drive to the Cortona villa from Rome was quiet, with none of the girls talking much, and once there, Arie pleaded a headache. She insisted Eden and Ciana to go meet Garret and his friends without her. The moment the girls appeared in the square, Garret launched himself toward Eden and caught her in a bear hug, lifting her off her feet. “You’re cutting off my air supply,” she said with a laugh as he twirled her in circles.

  “Let me perform mouth-to-mouth,” he said.

  “Don’t encourage him,” said Colleen, a fellow traveler from Ireland. “Poor lad’s been moping around like a sad sack since you went away.”

  The words pleased Eden immensely. She winked at him. “Is that so?” She slid down his body until her feet touched the ground.

  “Not true. I haven’t moped. I’ve been totally depressed,” Garret said without taking his eyes off Eden. “It’s just that it’s time to move on because the tourists are leaving.”

  “Move on? You’re going?”

  He pulled Eden close and locked his fingers behind her back. “End of the week.”

  Two days. That was all the time she had left with him. Not the news she’d wanted to hear.

  “I need a beer,” one of the guys called out. “Can you two share giggles in a bar?”

  The group set off on its familiar evening route. Garret held Eden back until the others were out of earshot. “Like to talk to you later,” he said.

  “About what?”

  “An idea of mine. A serious idea.”

  “Not too serious, I hope.”

  Garret said, “Later,” grabbed her hand, and hurried to catch up with the others.

  Ciana returned to the villa early, unable to get into the camaraderie of the evening. As usual, Eden chose to stay with Garret. Ciana parked and came inside, hoping that Arie had gone to bed earlier, but that wasn’t the case.

  Arie sat on the low sofa bench, wrapped in her pink fuzzy bathrobe and painting her toenails. “Hey,” she said to Ciana. “Want a cup of hot tea with me?”

  Ciana felt awkward alone with Arie, still unable to manage her unresolved feelings toward both Arie and Jon. “No tea,” she said. “Think I’ll just head upstairs.”

  She’d only taken a few steps when Arie said, “Wait. Please. Sit down and talk to me. I … I know something’s wrong between us, Ciana, and it’s eating me up.”

  Ciana halted, Arie’s plea ice-picking its way through her feelings. In all their years of friendship, they’d never had such a chasm between them. Ciana knew that the current rabbit hole was all hers. Self-consciously she sat, propping her boots on the cocktail table. “Sorry, I just have a lot of things on my mind.”

  “Tell me. I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve done something to upset you. You’re my best friend.” Arie screwed the top back on the nail polish bottle, taking her time, wanting to say what was in her heart. “Before you came along, no one wanted to befriend the ‘sick girl.’ You held that fund-raiser in fifth grade and … and helped my family. And then you became my friend. So now I … I hate thinking we’re not in harmony. Please tell me how I can fix things.”

  This was Ciana’s moment to come clean, to tell Arie the truth about her and Jon. Ciana watched Arie’s face, saw the dark circles under her eyes, the planes and angles that made her skin look too tightly stretched over her cheekbones. Emotion clogged Ciana’s throat. She realized she couldn’t tell Arie the truth. She simply couldn’t. So she dredged up a lesser matter, certainly a true one, but not nearly so paramount. “Jon told me that some developer was looking to build a subdivision in my end of the county. That’s why Mom wants to sell Bellmeade. Some adjoining farmers have already agreed.”

  “And that’s what’s been troubling you?” Arie sounded as if she wanted to believe Ciana but wasn’t quite convinced. “I thought you were mad at me.”

  “No,” Ciana lied.

  Arie heaved a sigh of relief. “I thought you weren’t going to let this problem get the better of you when there’s nothing you can do about it while you’re in Italy.”

  “Guess I have, though. Plus I’m homesick,” Ciana added in a flash of inspiration. “I miss home. My land, my horse. Stupid, huh? I’m all grown up. You’d think I’d have gotten over homesickness. But it’s a fact.”

  Arie smiled. “Not stupid. Honestly, I’ve missed home too. Mom, Dad, Eric—”

  “Your three hundred closest relatives,” Ciana interrupted, flashing a wry grin and with it, a peace offering.

  Arie laughed and relaxed, looking as if a weight had been lifted off her.

  “Let’s think about where we should go next. Milan? Naples?”

  “Cities at opposite ends of Italy. We should wait for Eden.” Ciana rose from her chair. “I think I’ll have that cup of tea now.” She went into the kitchen, realizing that if she went off to Portofino with Enzo, she wouldn’t be going anywhere with Arie and Eden. Enzo would want her answer about the trip when she saw him, and Ciana still wasn’t sure what she was going to tell him. A few days of being pampered and loved by Enzo might flush Jon Mercer out of her heart for good.

  “Thank you for talking to
me,” Arie called out as Ciana found a cup and a tea bag and turned on the burner under the kettle. “I’m glad you’re not angry at me, because our friendship truly means the world to me.”

  Ciana answered, “Me too.” It was true. She couldn’t allow anything to break up her and Arie’s lifelong friendship. The kettle screeched, and as an afterthought she added, “As for your birthday, sure, I was disappointed, but you’ll have another one next year.”

  Arie didn’t answer, so Ciana chalked it up to not having said it loud enough for Arie to hear over the whistling kettle.

  After the group broke up for the evening, Garret took Eden to his closet-sized room over the coffee shop.

  Eden balked when she saw the unmade bed that seemed to dominate the space. “Maybe we shouldn’t come here.”

  “No place else to talk where it’s warm. And while I’d like to jump your bones, I promise I won’t.” Garret waggled his eyebrows comically. He motioned her toward one of two straight-back chairs. “Some wine?” He opened a tiny cupboard.

  “No more wine,” she told him.

  Garret dragged his chair so that he was facing Eden and straddled it backward. “I want to ask you something important. And I want to see your face when you answer.”

  “No pressure,” she said, feeling her pulse rate shoot up.

  “I care for you, Eden. A lot.” He searched her face. “Join us on our walkabout.”

  Her heart beat faster. “An interesting idea.”

  “More than that. You see, the others will eventually peel off and move on to other things. Tom and Lorna are already talking about going home. But not me. I want to see the world. All of it. I want to go to India, see the Taj Mahal. I want to go to China and walk along the Great Wall. I want to sign on to a sailing boat and go to Bali. I’d like to walk in the rain forests of the Amazon.”

  “Wow. Ambitious.” In truth, his idea appealed to her.

  “These are no small journeys. It costs to travel, but I have an employer. An Aussie travel magazine. I write a column called ‘Travel on the Cheap.’ I email the pieces and photographs every few weeks and they pay me. Not a lot, but some to help on expenses. There’s talk of syndicating my pieces, which will mean more money.”