Benny

by Terry Bolryder

  This guy looked like he hadn’t slept in about a million years.

  His high cheekbones were extra gaunt, his lips pressed into a thin line. There were dark circles under his almond-shaped eyes, which had long, curly lashes and irises that looked either black or purple.

  He had a hard, straight jaw, an elegant, long nose that slightly pointed up at the tip, and a five o’clock shadow that emphasized his roughness.

  The man didn’t bother to shove his hair back as he downed the orange juice, not caring when a little got inside.

  He slammed the juice down, ignoring the lock of hair that was dripping, and wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve.

  Still wearing that huge leather jacket.

  The man leaned forward, resting his arms on the table and tenting his fingers. He slowly appraised Benny with those unnerving, almost-black eyes. “So you’re the dire bear?”

  Benny’s whole body immediately went into a state of heightened awareness. It was rare that someone called him out or even knew what dires were.

  “Don’t look so nervous. I’m here to help you. To offer at least.”

  “How?” Benny sat back with his arms folded. Not only did this guy not seem like the helping type, but he also gave off weird vibes.

  “I know you’ve been looking for a cure for a long time. Some way to not be a dire.”

  Benny frowned. “How? Who did you talk to? Have you come to any meetings? Who told you?” Benny fired off the questions rapidly.

  “I know things in ways others don’t,” the man said softly.

  “Yeah?” Benny asked, wincing at how defensive his voice sounded. But after the night he’d had, his psyche was just raw. “What do you know about dires?”

  “What do you know about dragons?” The man’s piercing gaze met his.

  “What kind?” Benny asked, indicating that he already knew there were quite a few different ones.

  “Purple ones.”

  Benny frowned. The only dragons who identified by color were the modern ones who worked in pairs to combine powers in interesting ways. They were unique from other dragons for that and because they shared a mate, who, if dragon-hearted (exceptionally brave), would also gain a power.

  “I know enough.”

  “Do you know their powers?”

  “Not specifically,” Benny said. “I’ve met other dragons, but—”

  “Dragons like me are born in a set of six. Blue, black, red, silver, gold, purple. Each imbued with something different. Do you know the purple dragon’s power?”

  Benny shook his head, getting frustrated with the cryptic way the newcomer was speaking. “Get to the point.” He was too tired for this.

  The man’s eyes went wide, and one corner of his mouth curled up, making him look just slightly crazy. “We have visions.”

  Benny tried to ignore the sheer feeling of creep juice he was getting. “Yeah?”

  “We tend to lead our area group, due to being able to see the future. At least some parts of it.”

  Benny let out a little growl. “So if you’re a purple dragon, where’s your partner?”

  The dragon’s smile deepened. “I’m not like the others. I’m free.”

  Yeah, somehow Benny didn’t think “free” meant the same to him as it did to this person.

  “You didn’t even tell me your name.” Benny figured he should get it so he could check in with Lock and see if he’d met this dude.

  “Van,” the dragon said. “Short for Donovan.”

  “Okay, Van. Well, it was nice to talk to you, but I’m kind of handling things on the dire bear front, so basically—”

  Van put up a hand. “You are not. I have seen it.”

  Benny’s eye twitched. “What?”

  “I’ve seen you in a vision. You and your little redheaded friend.”

  Benny froze. “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve seen you… end her.”

  The world seemed to slow around Benny. He tried to tell himself this man was wrong. That anyone could claim to have visions. That—

  “I see the doubt in your eyes. You think you can gain control of your beast. You think a dire can live as a normal shifter. It’s not possible. That thing inside you is beyond your control. One day, you will hurt her.” He cocked his head. “No, that’s not exactly correct.” He pinned Benny with a glare. “You will kill her.”

  Benny didn’t want to listen. Didn’t want to believe him. But who would come lie to him about something like this, and why?

  Besides, dragons were usually on the good side of things. Especially double dragons, as modern dragons were called. They rarely troubled themselves with regular shifters, so why had this one come unless it was to help?

  “Why do you want to help me?” Benny asked. “And what do you hope to accomplish by telling me this?”

  The dragon shrugged one shoulder. “I supposed you would want to know. You love her, don’t you?”

  Benny nodded. “With all my life. Not that it’s any of your business.”

  “Can you risk it?” Van asked. “Does she know what you are? Does she know the risk she’s taking?”

  “She doesn’t know,” Benny said, shaking his head. “But even if she did, it wouldn’t change anything. She always insists I could never hurt her.”

  Van smiled, showing perfect white teeth. “Sweet but dreadfully naive. You asked what I know about dires, so I’ll tell you. I know they are a throwback mutation, brought forward when trauma prevents a shifter from shifting normally at the right age. And they appear during a particularly traumatic event, one that is usually life-threatening.”

  That all made sense and was what Benny had heard as well. “How do you know this?”

  Van sighed. “My kind has to be aware of things like this. Things that could threaten humans or other shifters.”

  Benny sat back in a slump, head hurting as he considered whether to trust Van or not. He had spoken Benny’s worst fear. The one he never spoke to anyone, the one that had held him back from Harley for so long. But wouldn’t his pills…?

  “No pills could stop what I saw in my vision,” Van said as if he had read Benny’s thoughts.

  “How did you—”

  Van just shrugged again, not interested in giving answers unless they were the ones he wanted to give.

  “So you came to tell me I’m going to kill the woman I’m in love with, is that it?”

  Van nodded. “And to offer you a choice.”

  Benny’s throat was so tight it felt like he was breathing through sand. “What choice? You want me to dump her? Harley’s not going to give up, and—”

  “Visions aren’t my only power,” Van said. “Purple dragons can do one other thing, though it’s very secret. Can I trust you, dire bear?”

  Benny winced. “I’m more than that. Don’t call me—”

  “You won’t be if it ever breaks out again. Don’t you remember how out of control you felt the day you killed your parents? You didn’t plan that, did you? How do you know it wouldn’t happen with Harley?”

  Benny could feel his dire at the surface now, agitated, and took a deep breath to calm down and push it back. “What choice do you offer?”

  Van smiled. “I think I can pull it out of you.”

  Benny could have fallen off his chair from sheer shock. “You what?”

  “I can remove a dragon’s ability to shift. Pull the dragon right out of them. I should be able to do the same with your dire.”

  “And what, I would just be a human?”

  Van shrugged. “I’m not sure exactly. I’ve never done it on a dire bear before.”

  “Have you done it on any dire?”

  Van’s cool expression dropped for a second, flashing impatience. “No. But I won’t sit here and be questioned. I’m the only person in the world who can offer what you’re wanting. You either accept it or you don’t.”

  Benny let out a tense breath. “Why do you even want to do it?”

  Van sneered. “The
world will be better with one less dire running around.”

  Benny didn’t know how to feel. He was finally starting to make peace with his dire bear, and now he was being offered the thing he’d wanted his whole life. And he was hesitating.

  It was intoxicating, the idea of being normal, of being… like Harley. Even if he was a human, it would be better than living with the fear of knowing there was even a chance he could hurt her.

  But for some reason, he just didn’t really trust this guy.

  “Are you sure it would work?” Benny asked.

  “No,” Van said. “But I think it will. Still, isn’t the chance worth it, considering the alternative is seeing the woman you love torn to shreds?”

  Benny felt the blood drain out of his face at Van’s words, an awful image in his mind that he couldn’t erase.

  Why had he allowed himself to get comfortable? Perhaps that was why he’d had the nightmare last night. To remind him not to underestimate his murderous beast.

  “He has killed, and he will do it again,” Van said. “So make your choice.”

  Benny shook his head. “I need to think about it. I need time, and—”

  Van flicked a card across the table. “Fine, but think quickly. I might not be in town long. I have a lot to do.”

  Then Van stood, pulled his hood up, and strode out of the bar, never looking back.

  Instead, he looked both ways and then started down the right side of the street.

  By the time Benny got up to go see where he’d went, he was gone. Just disappeared.

  Benny walked back to pick the card up, turning it over to see white numbers over a background so black it almost appeared to be moving.

  And he’d never seen a number like that. Too many digits. A weird format.

  Benny swallowed, feeling like there was glass in his throat. Just last night, he’d gotten everything. Been inside the woman he loved, convinced himself that maybe, just maybe, everything was possible.

  This morning, he’d been told he would kill her, and though he didn’t want to believe it, he didn’t know if he could afford to doubt.

  Chapter 14

  Harley was glad she’d come for the Club Crimson meeting, even though she had the day off and could probably have used the sleep.

  She wanted to show moral support for Benny, who hadn’t texted since he’d dropped her off that morning.

  She’d gotten the sense that something was off, and when she’d seen Benny, she’d confirmed it.

  She was worried he’d spent all day at the club, but it was clear he’d gone home to shower and change outfits. His hair looked adorably mussed, and he was wearing a green flannel over worn jeans and work boots.

  There were circles under his hazel eyes, and he wasn’t his usual friendly self. He was quiet, sitting back and watching, a cold expression on his face.

  She’d tried to sit next to him, give him a reassuring smile or a secret squeeze to his leg under the table, but he’d been unresponsive. Nervous.

  Did this have anything to do with the nightmares?

  After what they’d done the other night and how good things were going, it was hard to feel cut off from his affection.

  Maybe he needed some rest or some cuddles or—

  Her thoughts abruptly cut off as he stood from the table, walking over to talk to Fifi as the other shifters trailed out.

  She stared as they moved to the far side of the room to talk where no one could see them.

  Benny appeared to be asking Fifi something, but Fifi just shook his head, causing Benny to look even more frustrated.

  He walked back over to where Harley was sitting and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Want me to walk you out?”

  “I… I was hoping we might—”

  Benny shook his head. “Not tonight. I’m sorry, Harley. Something came up, and—”

  “It’s fine. I just wish you’d tell me what’s going on. What did you talk about with Fifi?”

  “None of your business,” he snapped, and then he let out a sigh, giving her a look of remorse. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. I’m just stressed, and—”

  “It’s fine,” she said, putting an arm through his. “I just hoped I could make you feel better. I love you. Of course I want to make you—”

  “Look, can we talk another time? I really shouldn’t be here with you, and—”

  She stepped back, putting a hand on her hips. “So is it about us, then? You don’t want to be with me? Are you having regrets?”

  His hazel eyes met hers, looking tired and desperate. “I have zero regrets about us.”

  “Then what is it? Why can’t you tell me?”

  “It’s just something I have to take care of on my own.”

  “It’s not fair,” Harley said, stamping her foot. “You always help me. I know you’re grateful to me, but you have to let me help you as well if we’re going to be together.”

  Benny was silent for a few seconds that felt like hours. “I don’t know if we should be together. At least right now.”

  She threw her hands in the air. “Then when? If you won’t let me help you, what if you can’t do it on your own? What if you need me?” She blinked, trying to fight back tears. “I’m tired of this. I don’t want to go back and forth. When we’re together, we’re happy. What happened to make you change your mind?”

  “I haven’t changed my mind,” Benny said. “I’ve just gotten new info, and—”

  “What info could you get about you and me that matters more than how we feel?”

  Benny averted his gaze. “I don’t know.”

  She walked forward, putting her hands on his forearms. When she touched him, he met her eyes, his hard expression finally softening slightly. “We need to be able to trust each other. I know you’re still hiding something. I’ve always been able to feel it. I’ve tried to be respectful. But you need to tell me about it if it’s going to come between us like this.”

  “No,” he said sharply. “I’m going to figure it out. I promise.”

  She sighed in frustration. “You’ve been trying to do that for years. Now suddenly, you jump into a real relationship with me, and you’re still keeping secrets. Secrets that have a very big effect on my life if they make you act like this.”

  Benny’s face looked gaunt, hopeless. “I don’t know what to do, Harley. I can’t tell you this one thing. I don’t want to see the way you’ll look at me if I do. I want just one fucking person to still see me as not a monster. I want that one person to be you.”

  Her heart beat rapidly. “I would never see you as a monster.”

  “You don’t know that,” Benny said. “You haven’t seen what’s inside me. You never will.” He took a deep breath and turned his back to her. “I’m sorry, Harley. I need to end this.”

  Her heart felt like it had been struck by lightning. “What?”

  He couldn’t even face her while he dumped her?

  But he was already striding back into the bar, leaving her to wonder what had gone so wrong.

  Slowly, though it felt like her whole body was aching, she got into her truck and drove home.

  Meet me at the club in five minutes.

  Benny’s thumb hovered over the send button for the text he’d typed out to Donovan as he wondered if he should actually go through with it.

  It had come to the point where he had to either do something about his bear or tell Harley about it, and Benny preferred the former to the latter.

  His dire bear growled, and Benny growled back.

  This is all your fault, stupid fucking bear.

  Without him, Benny and Harley were perfect together. She was perfect. If he could just cross the finish line and end this, they could have a real shot together.

  Benny mashed the screen, and his phone warbled to signal the text had been sent.

  This was it.

  He stuck his phone into his pocket and paced in the parking lot, raking his hands through his hair, trying to relieve th
e tension in his scalp. But it couldn’t remove the hole in his heart, knowing Harley was out there wondering why he was acting weird, probably worried or sad.

  Not sure how long it could take the enigmatic man to respond, Benny headed for the club. But before he could even reach the front door, a loud ding sounded that filled the quiet night air, resonating in its emptiness.

  Benny practically leapt where he stood, pulling his phone back out, looking for the response. Maybe it was Harley.

  To his surprise, there was a response from Van. But it was strange, the letters jumbled in some places while others were colored, like something was wrong with his phone.

  So fast to get down to business. But are you certain?

  Benny took in a deep breath. Above him, the red neon of Club Crimson’s sign loomed over him. The club he and Harley had built together, with the help of others they’d met along the way. But even before Lock, Max, and Fifi, it had just been him and her.

  Without Harley, he was nothing.

  Benny needed to be rid of his bear. Needed to have the horrible waking nightmare of hurting the woman he loved finally finished.

  No matter what it cost.

  Yes, I’m sure, he replied.

  Van’s response was almost instant.

  Perfect. The bubble popped up on Benny’s phone. But as he watched it, the bubble seemed to melt away, dissipating on the screen into smoke until it, along with his first text, was gone.

  Benny needed a new phone. Or maybe the latest update had screwed something up.

  Either way, Van was probably on his way.

  Benny opened the front door, leaving it unlocked. Inside the club, everything was put away and cleaned, ready for another day and another crowd. He left only the lights behind the bar on, not wanting to signal to any passersby that the club was open for business when, in fact, it was only open for one purpose right now.

  It felt so empty without everybody else. Just another building, another club like any other. Harley’s face flashed in his mind, torturing him for the thousandth time in the past minute as he struggled with how he would explain this to her when it was all over.

  “So nice and quiet here, don’t you think?”