Second Chances

by Phelps, K. L.

Sarah nodded. "Okay, he's all yours."

  Julie moved around until she was behind the wheelchair and began to push it towards the front door. Doris looked at Sarah, who was frowning.

  "What's wrong? Do you think she'll need your help?"

  "No, I am sure she can handle him. He's not that bad today."

  "Then what's wrong? He seems happy to see her."

  Sarah nodded. "No question about that. And no question how deeply she cares for him, but I kind of wish..."

  "What?"

  "This is going to sound horrible," Sarah said, looking down at her feet. "Part of me wishes she would stop coming to see him."

  "Sarah Mathews!"

  Sarah flashed her a look and Doris was horrified to realize how loud she'd spoken.

  "It's just that her visits always seem so hard on him."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Well you saw how he responded, right?"

  Doris nodded and said, "Yes and isn't that wonderful? It's horrible for such a young man to experience such an advanced case of Alzheimer's."

  Sarah smirked and Doris knew what her smile meant.

  "Well he's younger than me so that makes him young," Doris said.

  "Yeah, but that's it. You saw him responding to her and that is wonderful. I remember when they used to be able to talk together a bit."

  "Her devotion is admirable."

  "I agree, but still I wish it weren't."

  "Have a crush on him, Sarah?"

  She laughed. "Maybe a little, but that isn't it. He usually perks up a little when she arrives, but the next day..." She shook her head. "That next day he always seems worse. As ridiculous as it sounds, it's almost like her visits make his disease worse." She frowned as she watched the front door close.

  CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

  Julie rolled the wheelchair down the ramp and then turned right, continuing along the pathway that threaded its way around much of the property. She did her best to maintain a slow, steady pace. She made small talk as she pushed him further from the house. She stopped every so often and pointed at one thing or another, using the opportunities to look around.

  She did not see anyone observing them. Nor did she see any cameras, but she was quite certain there were some scattered around the facility. Whether they had been placed by Cameron or by Ocean View itself, Julie wasn't sure. She wouldn't have put it passed Kassar to have had the grounds wired for sound.

  When they were nearing the end of the path, Julie brought them to a stop next to one of the many wooden benches scattered around the grounds. She made sure that Jason's back was to the facility and then sat down.

  She reached out and took his hands in hers.

  "Hey sweetheart," she said. Leaning forward, she looked into his eyes and waited until she was certain he was focused on her. She smiled and then gently kissed him. "Are you in there Jason? Please, be in there." She spoke in a whisper. She didn't actually believe she could be overheard, but she refused to ignore the paranoia she felt. She had learned long ago not to underestimate Cameron.

  They sat in silence for a moment. Julie had almost given up hope when she felt the gentle squeeze. Relief flooded her and she couldn't hide her smile.

  "Thank you, God," she said and squeezed back, leaning in close to him again. "I wasn't sure I had cut back enough to make a difference. Had I known things would escalate the way they seem to have, I would have started earlier or maybe even risked cutting back the dosage even more."

  She felt him squeeze her hands again and smiled, not simply because he was responding much quicker then she had anticipated, but because she realized she could actually feel the differences in his squeezes. It had been a questioning squeeze. He was asking her what was going on.

  She let go of his hands and placed hers together as if praying and tapped the tips of her index fingers against her lips, lost in thought. How much should she tell him? How much might he understand? Just how there was he really? He certainly deserved the truth, but could he understand it? Would it matter to him? Did it matter to him?

  "Cameron is on a rampage. Things appear to have gone very wrong, but I'm not exactly sure what or why."

  Her eyes went wide as he reached out and took her hands.

  He struggled and she heard a noise pass his lips. My God, was it possible? Had cutting back really made such a difference already? He blinked in frustration and squeezed her hands again, stronger this time.

  "Take your time," she encouraged him.

  He made a sound, as if clearing his throat and then in a barely audible croak asked, "Paige?"

  A sob escaped her and she quickly wiped at her threatening tears. She nodded slowly.

  "Yes. I..."

  He again took her hands and squeezed encouragement. She couldn't believe it, he was trying to give her strength.

  "She...she ran into her husband from two or three years ago."

  He squeezed almost enough to hurt her and she saw his eyes more full of life then she had seen in years. She was torn. Without question, hearing this was likely ripping him apart inside and yet it was also pulling him out. And she needed him to fight.

  "I don't know the details, but he ran into her and somehow he has convinced her to go with him. It definitely was not something Cameron was prepared for. He's losing it. I don't know what he is intending to do, but it is not good. However, I am partially grateful. We need to move things up. I want to use this situation as a diversion."

  He squeezed again. "P..paige, help Paige."

  She shook her head.

  "We can't. I wouldn't know where or how to begin. Besides, right now we need to focus on us. This might be the best opportunity we ever get. The only one we ever get."

  "Help, Paige," he said again. It was still barely a whisper, but she could feel the force behind his words.

  "Still so damn stubborn," she said and he managed a smile. She melted inside and nodded.

  "Fine. We, you hear me? We will try to help Paige if we can, but I will need your help."

  He squeezed an affirmative.

  "Are you sure you want to do this?" She knew the answer, but felt the need to ask.

  He returned yet another affirmative squeeze.

  "Okay then" she said as she reached into her purse. "You need to hold it together. If it hurts you can't show it. If it...when it works, you need to keep up appearances. Cameron gets the tiniest bit suspicious and who knows how he might react."

  She watched as he patted his right leg.

  "Exactly," she said, relieved and amazed to see just how much he understood.

  She looked around slowly and when she was as certain as she could be that no one could see her, she pulled the small syringe from her purse. She quickly uncapped the needle and jammed the syringe through his pants and into his leg, depressing the plunger. A moment later the needle was recapped and the now empty syringe back in her purse.

  She watched as his leg twitched for a moment. She prayed that would be the worst of the side effects, but didn't believe it was possible that they could be that lucky.

  "How are we doing?"

  The sound of the approaching voice made Julie's heart skip a beat and she nearly screamed. Not far down the path, Sarah was working her way toward them.

  Jason squeezed Julie's hands once again and he repeated, "Help, Paige." He fell silent as the footsteps from behind came to a stop.

  "I was starting to think you'd run away," Sarah said.

  "Sorry?"

  "You've been out here nearly an hour."

  Julie looked at her watch and saw it was true.

  "I guess we lost track of time," she said, not willing to look Sarah in the eye.

  "I didn't mean to interrupt. I was just worried."

  Julie could tell she meant it. Sarah had been watching over Jason for years and while at work, it was rare for her to be very far away from him. That was true of almost every resident and their caregiver, but even more so for some.

  "I can leave you if..."

  "
No, Sarah. Actually your timing is perfect. As much as I hate to, I have to get going. You'll make sure he gets back in okay?"

  It was a meaningless question. Of course she would get him back to the house okay, it was her job. But Sarah understood all the unspoken meaning behind her words and nodded. She would look after him.

  Julie leaned forward and kissed Jason on the cheek. "You behave yourself now," she admonished. She sat there looking at him, but he didn't meet her eyes this time. He was staring off in the distance, his eyes focused on nothing at all. She wasn't sure what that meant and a sudden rush of fear filled her. What had she just done? Try as she might, she couldn't stop a tear or two from rolling down her cheeks.

  "I'll look after him, Julie. I promise," Sarah said, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

  Julie shocked Sarah by grabbing her in a tight hug.

  "Thank you," was all she could manage before she dashed away down the path.

  Sarah was overwhelmed and found herself wiping at a tear or two herself. She came around and knelt down in front of Jason.

  "That's a keeper you got there," she said. "She loves you very much."

  And Sarah knew her words were true. There was no question how much Ms. Murphy loved Jason. However, looking at him now, staring off blankly into the distance, she once again couldn't deny that part of her wished she would stop her visits. She could already tell, like he seemed to do after each of her visits, Jason was retreating further into himself.

  CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

  Paige woke to find Nathan looking down at her. She had her arms wrapped around his right arm and had been using his shoulder as a pillow. He smiled at her and she returned it. She untangled herself from him and was surprised to find she was a little sad when she did.

  "Good morning," he said.

  She looked around the cabin, sunlight was streaming in through the windows.

  "Morning? What time is it?"

  Nathan let out a short laugh. "I honestly have no clue. I am not sure what time zone my watch is set to anymore. I think we are supposed to land around ten or so local time. Now when the heck I will adjust to local time, that is anyones guess."

  Paige shook her head and laughed as well. She got up from her seat and moved out into the aisle to stretch. She had thought that the flight was only supposed to be three or four hours. She didn't feel as if she had slept very long and yet waking next to Nathan, she actually felt somewhat rested. She still felt butterflies swirling in her stomach and believed that if she spent any real time thinking about what they were doing then the tremors might return, but for now she decided to live in the moment and enjoy it.

  "It looks good," Nathan said, looking at her.

  Paige looked around the cabin before turning back to Nathan, a puzzled expression on her face.

  He reached up and tapped his chest and then pointed at her. Paige looked down and noticed the cross dangling on the chain. She blushed and covered it with a hand.

  "I...it fell out of your pocket back in...umm"

  He smiled and laughed again.

  "It's okay, Paige. I bought it for you. To be honest, I have to say I had completely forgotten about it. I think it looks great on you. I am glad you like it."

  "I really do. It's beautiful and I love it. Thank you."

  "But it is not quite right, is it?"

  She was quiet a moment, then looked down at it and a frown appeared.

  "Sorry, Paige. I know you said you hate me doing that."

  She touched the cross and her smile returned.

  "Believe it or not, part of me had completely forgotten the craziness of this entire situation until you said that."

  "Then let me say again, I am really sorry."

  She nodded and then sat back down, taking the aisle seat.

  "I guess it is okay. I mean I guess we need to deal with this situation as upfront and honestly as we can." She was quiet for a minute before saying, "And you are right. It's not quite right, but it is lovely. Thank you."

  Nathan nodded, but turned, looked out the window and silently cursed himself.

  "I guess I need to...I don't know, lighten up about it a bit. I mean if we intend to figure it all out then we are going to have to discuss it, right?"

  Again Nathan nodded. "Yeah, but I could have waited for you to be up longer than two minutes before throwing it in your face."

  Paige reached over and patted him on the arm. "I admit that is not my preferred way to be woken up."

  "I know," Nathan said and instantly regretted it when he saw her shiver at his response. He silently cursed himself again before asking, "So do you want to talk about it?"

  Paige sat in silence for several minutes. He waited, unwilling to push any further. She turned to say something when a ding sounded in the cabin and the pilot came on the intercom and announced that they would be starting their descent into Providence shortly.

  "Well I guess I was saved by the bell," Paige said.

  "Okay, but we are still going to have to address it."

  "I know," she said, looking away. "How about we make a decision then. I really do not want to discuss it now and I think you agree. I would also not like to discuss it while we are driving. Can we maybe get settled a bit first? Then I promise, we can start trying to talk about it."

  Nathan understood what she was saying. She would be willing to start discussing it, but was making no promises how far they would get. There were so many questions that needed to be asked and answered. So many things to be uncovered and she wasn't sure how well she would handle the search for those answers. Nathan wasn't sure how well he would either, but they both knew they would have to at least start the process.

  "Okay, I can agree with that. We will have to make a few stops anyway. I am definitely going to have to pick up some more clothes and stuff."

  "Isn't there anyone you need to check in with? I mean this trip was rather unexpected for you."

  "No, I don't imagine people are expecting to hear from me. Ever since...well ever since, I haven't kept up with many people. Hell, I have actually alienated almost everyone I know. Most of the business is on autopilot and what isn't is being handled by our partner Toby Richards."

  "Your partner, Toby Richards," Paige corrected.

  "Sorry."

  "He won't be worried about you?"

  Nathan was silent for a minute. Part of him wanted to say that didn't they just agree not to discuss this, but he realized discussing his current life wasn't the same as discussing their past. Her past.

  "No. Well maybe a little. Toby is a good guy and has been a great friend. However, he knows how hard things have been for me. How much..." Nathan stopped and shook his head, dismissing what he had intended to say. "Let's just say that he wouldn't be surprised by me dropping off the radar for a little while. It certainly wouldn't be the first time."

  "No other family?"

  Nathan was quiet for a minute. "It's so odd. I feel like this is stuff you should know. Stuff you knew so well and yet..."

  "I'm sorry I..."

  "No, its okay, really. Just feels surreal, but then so much of this does, doesn't it? I guess we only got so far the other night. As I told you before, I was an only child. I lost both my parents just after high school. Drunk driver. It really messed me up. I ended up going to live briefly with an uncle I never knew I had. He was my mom's brother. He was much older than my mom. I don't know what or even if their were problems between them. Though I expect there were, since I didn't learn he even existed until the day I was told I would be going to live with him. I was with him for less than a year before leaving for college. I am not sure we said more then a couple dozen words to each other."

  Paige frowned. She regretted asking and wanted to let him know he didn't have to explain any more.

  "What little I learned of him was actually after the fact, while cleaning out his house after he died. It was during the summer before my junior year of college. Heart attack. He had at one time been married with two daughter
s. Drunk driver again. I think perhaps that is why he agreed to take me in and why...well why we never bonded I guess. I was a reminder of his own loss. Maybe I am reading too much into it, but that is how I felt at the time. I don't want you to get the impression that he was mean or anything. Anyway, he left everything to me. At the time I didn't know what that entailed. It turned out that besides his home, he owned a sporting good store."

  Nathan was silent for a moment and then let out a little chuckle.

  "To think all that time I was there, I never had a clue what it was that he did. He would leave every morning for work and come back later. I never once asked him what it was he did."

  "You were coping with the loss of your parents."

  "Yeah, maybe. I think part of it was that I didn't want to know. Didn't want to know his business, didn't want to know him. I think I was afraid of getting to know him. And not just him, anyone really. I shut myself up. I can definitely see that now. I was afraid of losing anyone else. If you don't let anyone in then they can't leave you. Can't hurt you."

  "Toby was the first person who made it back in and that was simply because he was too damn stubborn. He was my roommate at college. Computer nerd and business wiz all in one. Not to mention a bit of a party animal. I owe everything I have today to him."

  Paige smiled. She could tell that it pained him a bit to talk about it, but it was also therapeutic.

  "What the heck did I know about running a store? Not to mention I was still in college. Of course I was majoring in screwing around. I switched majors so many times, I don't even remember what I was studying when I left school."

  "You didn't finish?"

  Nathan shook his head. "Toby was there for me after my uncle died. I tried to push him away, but like I said he was stubborn. I didn't know what to do with the store and the warehouse full of equipment. Toby on the other hand came up with a plan. He had me close down the physical store and we went virtual. To this day I still don't understand all the moves he made, but before long we had contracts with schools and playgrounds, you name it. Success was handed to me. I should have been happy. Maybe I was, a little."