The Captain's Letters

by Caylen McQueen

  “You look lovely.”

  “And that is false flattery,” she accused him.

  “How have you not slept in days? Your mother claimed she could not rouse you from bed.”

  “Lud, what else has she shared about me?” Cecily grumbled inaudibly, then turned to him and said, “There is a difference between sleeping and staying in bed all day, Mr. Rhodes. My body was lethargic, but my thoughts could not be silenced. I would lie in bed all night, sleepless, reading by candlelight.”

  “Apart from the sleeplessness, that sounds somewhat pleasant, actually.”

  “Oh, it is...” she agreed. “And if you do not mind, I will blame you for it, for you were the one who invaded my thoughts most often.”

  “Why waste a single thought on me, Miss Wolfe? After the way I've treated you, I'm sure I am not worth it.”

  “Perhaps not.” Cecily looked down at the flowers she held in her hand, and lightly caressed their smooth petals. “Unfortunately, my silly heart refuses to let go of its affection for you.”

  Though she was obviously sad, her words gave him hope. “Miss Wolfe... Cecily...” he began. “Give me another chance, a chance to prove how much I care for you. I am sure I don't deserve it, but I want you in my life.”

  “You want me in your life as... your friend?” she tested him.

  “As my friend, and more. I said there were many smart, pretty women in the world... but only one woman is the smartest and the prettiest. You.” Suddenly, Edward sprang from the bench and fell to his knees in front of her. “I want you in my life, Miss Wolfe. More than anything.”

  Cecily's eyes were as swollen as her mouth was agape. She had not expected him to be so forthright. “Why are you on your knees?” Her question was accompanied by a nervous chuckle. “Do you mean to propose?”

  “I do.”

  His answer made her jaw drop wider. After a few seconds of silence, she whispered, “Mr. Rhodes... are you serious?”

  “I am serious,” he said. “I am drawn to you, and have been since the moment I met you.” He hoped he would not live to regret his candor. The last time he proposed to a woman, it was to her mother, and he still had bad memories of that day. He never thought he would be so bold again, but Cecily was worth the risk. A part of him—a very small part—still thought it was strange to be so fond of Phoebe's daughter. But as he stared into Cecily's eyes, his feelings made perfect sense. She truly was the loveliest of women. “Will you make me the happiest man in the world, Cecily? Will you be my wife?”

  “Edward, this is... quite unexpected.”

  Her uncertain response made him shudder. “But you... care for me?” he asked.

  “I do.”

  “Above all others?”

  “I... do,” Cecily reluctantly admitted. She would not have been so heartsick if she did not care for him so much.

  “Then... will you marry me?” he asked again. “Please answer quickly, for I am a very old man, and my knees will ache if I remain on them for long.”

  “Old man!” Cecily repeated his words with a roll of her eyes. “You are hardly old.”

  “I am twice as old as you.”

  “I know.” Cecily boldly stroked his hair—which she had always loved. It was the color of cinnamon, as were his eyes. In truth, she loved everything about his face. “Perhaps that was part of your appeal?”

  “Was part of the appeal?” he asked with a pout.

  “Is part of your appeal!” Cecily corrected herself. “I care for you very much, Edward. I... I do believe I have fallen for you.”

  “That's good!” He was so relieved by her answer, he threw back his head and yelped excitedly. “That's very good indeed!”

  His reaction made her chuckle. “It is!”

  Edward rose from the ground, smacked a few blades of grass from his breeches, and joined her on the bench. “I sense your reluctance,” he told her. “So you needn't accept my proposal if you're not ready. I can wait.”

  “I am only afraid you might break my heart again. The last few days without you have been... truly terrible.”

  “Never!” he exclaimed. “I will never hurt you again!”

  “And... what if my father hates the idea of us marrying?” she asked. “What if he forbids it? Will you be so easily frightened away again? If so, I cannot take such a risk.”

  “Never,” Edward repeated. “I know I was wrong, Cecily. I am an unbelievably lucky man, to have your affection, and I will not risk losing it again, I swear.” He took her hand and kissed it. “I will fight for you, if I must.”

  “If what you say is true...” Cecily drew a deep breath and expelled it slowly. The moment made her so tense, she found it difficult to draw a breath. “I would happily be your wife.”

  “Honestly?” His eyes swelled adorably. “Truly?”

  “Yes.” His surprised reaction was so sweet, Cecily had to giggle. “Nothing would make me happier.”

  “Then how can I ever repay you for making me the happiest of men?” he asked.

  After a few seconds of careful contemplation, Cecily answered with a grin, “You could kiss me, I suppose.”

  Edward leaned toward her, perhaps a bit reluctantly, before gently brushing his lips against hers.

  He was happy to oblige.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  Dearest Miss Sutton,

  I cannot apologise enough for what I did, nor could I possibly make excuses for it. If you have suffered because of me, I could never fully express how deeply that saddens me. I care about you above all others, and to know that I am the one who caused your grief will forever make me grieve.

  What I did was wrong. Pretending to be my brother was a terrible mistake. It was the worst sort of deceit, and only now do I realise it. When I decided to write the letters, I believed it was the right choice. I believed I was helping. Only now do I see the error of my ways. In the end, I only succeeded in making a terrible mess of things.

  I can only guess the depth of my brother's affection for you, but I cannot imagine he cared for you more than me. For years, I have admired you, hoping for your happiness. The words in each letter were mine, not my brother's. I meant every word on every page. You are a truly wonderful woman, Marie Sutton. You are beautiful, and you don't even know it. You are abundantly charming, and yet humble. Your happiness ended thirty years ago, but it is a tragedy, for there is no one more deserving of happiness. If not with me, I truly believe you deserve happiness with someone. Any man, young or old, would be fortunate to have you as his wife.

  I want only one thing: you. I want to see your face, to bask in the warmth of your smile. I want to speak to you, to hear your voice, and to savor each word from your lips. I want nothing more than the infinite pleasure of your company, and now I fear I might never have it.

  I cannot fix what has already been done, I can only ask for your forgiveness. If not now, I hope you will one day agree to see me again. I hope you accept my apology, and I hope we might move forward as friends, if nothing else. In truth, I want much more than that, but I'm certain I shall never have what I want, not after what I have done.

  Many years ago, my feelings of friendship ripened into something much greater. I adore you, Marie. I would never ask you to love me as I love you, but know this:

  If I had you and nothing else, I would have everything.

  If I didn't have you and had everything else, I would have nothing.

  Sincerely,

  Julian Sedgeford

  When the first raindrop fell on the parchment, Marie quickly folded the letter and returned it to the pocket of her pelisse. Marie and her mare had been traveling to Julian's house at a grueling pace, but now that rain threatened them, she gradually increased their speed. Why did she possess such horrible luck? Each time she ventured out on horseback, rain was the inevitable outcome. By the time she reached his estate, she would be drenched and bedraggled yet again.

  Like every other letter she received, Marie had read it countless times. She very nea
rly memorized every word. Upon reading it, it was easy to identify him as the writer of every letter she received over the last several years. She had more time to consider his offense, and she desperately needed to speak to him.

  Buckets of rainfall were released onto her head as she continued to her destination. For a moment, she considered turning back and approaching him on a drier day, but it was not as if he hadn't already seen her at her worst. Her horse huffed in protest, but Marie journeyed onward.

  When she finally reached the modest estate of Julian Sedgeford, Marie was soaked to her very core. As soon as she dismounted, a groom took her horse, and she was welcomed into the house's foyer. Water liberally dripped from the hem of her dress, filling a puddle at her feet. A moment later, she was greeted by Julian himself, who looked simultaneously shocked and concerned by her arrival.

  “Oh dear...” His gaze involuntarily combed the length of her body, from her dripping hair to her sodden slippers. “Caught in the rain again?”

  “Yes...unfortunately so,” Marie answered with a sigh. She patted her pocket, where the letter was stored, and hoped her trek through the downpour had not destroyed it.

  “Let us make our way to a sitting room, shall we? Perhaps you should rest by a fire? I would not want you to catch cold.” As he spoke, he motioned for her to follow him out of the foyer.

  “It will take more than rain to make me ill, Julian,” she told him.

  “Oh, I'm certain that is true. Nevertheless, I cannot leave you dripping in the foyer.”

  When they entered the sitting room, one of Julian's servants lit a fire, and she was offered a blanket by a cherub-cheeked maid. She was offered tea, which she declined, but they insisted on bringing it anyway. As soon as Marie and Julian were seated in front of the fire, she turned to him and said, “Julian, I am here because I desperately needed to speak to you.”

  “Of course,” he said. “If you read my letter, you know I love to hear your voice.” Julian winced and shook his head. “Perhaps my words were a bit too revealing.”

  “Not at all!” she objected. “It was good to know what you think and how you feel.”

  “To be quite honest, Miss Sutton, I am somewhat afraid to consider the purpose of this visit,” he confessed. “If you have come to chide me, I am hardly surprised. I deserve a much greater punishment for what I did.”

  “If I punish you, then I must punish my sister's husband too, for you are both equally at fault. Joseph Morley was your willing accomplice, and do not try to defend him!” Marie exclaimed. “However... I will not punish you, Julian. In fact... I forgive you.”

  “You forgive me?” he skeptically repeated the words.

  “Indeed. Though it was cruel, I understand why you did it.” Her hands hovered above the fire as she spoke. “You believed you were helping me... and your brother.”

  “I did. You are right,” he agreed. “Furthermore, the letters were a way to express my feelings for you without... truly expressing my feelings for you.”

  “As I said, I forgive you for it. In fact... a part of me admires you for what you did.”

  “You... admire me?” Julian studied her face, which was bathed in firelight, and he thought she looked more handsome than ever.

  “Indeed. Perhaps it is odd, but... I do.” Marie glanced down at her hands, which fidgeted nervously in her lap. “You made a bold choice, and it was deceitful... but if I am being entirely honest, your letters did help me through a difficult time.”

  “Then I am relieved.” He exhaled deeply as he spoke. “And surprised. I thought you would never forgive me, let alone, appreciate me.”

  “Julian, I...” She swallowed so hard, Julian could see her throat leaping. “I've been so lonely for so long. I wish you had confessed your feelings long ago... because I am rather tired of being lonely.”

  “I share your sentiment, Marie. I've been lonely my entire life.”

  “Do you think, perhaps... perhaps, we...” As she struggled with her words, Marie stared into the crackling fire. “Perhaps we could be less lonely... together?”

  Julian had to summon a tremendous amount of restraint to stop himself from leaping from his chair and yelping victoriously. “Of course.”

  When Marie turned toward him, his gentle countenance put her at ease. His smile was as warm as the firelight that cradled her. “I want more than your friendship, Julian. I want a life better than the one I've had so far.”

  He reached for her hand. “Marie, if I could spend my life with you, I would have the best life. Even if I had to wait years for it to happen, it would be worth the wait. Do you... care for me?” Julian's head dipped between his shoulders as he asked the question.

  “Very much. More than you realize,” she confessed. “And when I realized it was your words I've been in love with for all these years, everything became clear to me. You and I... we should be together, Julian.”

  Julian leaned toward her hand and kissed it. “It should come as no surprise that I agree with you wholeheartedly. It is no exaggeration to say I have loved you for so long.”

  “Will you kiss me, Julian?” Marie leaned closer to his chair, as if offering up her lips to him. “Ever since our kiss in the stables, I... I have longed for another.”

  Julian rested his hand against her cheek, which was still moist from the rain, and he slowly bent his head toward her. When his lips captured hers, Marie audibly moaned. As their kiss deepened, Marie sprang from her chair and flew into his lap. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him as deeply as she could. If one kiss could make up for thirty years of missed kisses, she wanted it to be this one.

  When Marie's mouth finally withdrew from his, Julian was breathless. He coiled his arms around her, holding her on his lap. He kissed both of her cheeks, her nose, and her brow. He kissed her lips again and again, recklessly indulging in them.

  “To find happiness after so long, and at my age...” Marie whispered to him. “I never dreamed it was possible.”

  “Will I make you happy?” Julian's eyes filled with tears as he studied her face. “For I want nothing more than to make you happy. Always.”

  “You've been making me happy for years, Julian... only I did not realize it.” Marie cradled his face between her hands, and as she went in for another kiss, she said, “And you shall continue to make me happy for years beyond counting.”