Dreamless

by Josephine Angelini

  “Come on,” he said to encourage her. “Back to work.”

  Helen didn’t want to work anymore, but she knew Matt was right. Time was short. They all knew that Helen would have to go to bed eventually, and it seemed like she needed everything at once . . . fight skills, plans on how to deal with Ares, theories about what he was doing down there. She needed everyone to come together and figure certain things out for her or it would never get done. Still, Helen felt responsible, like she should be the one to handle this.

  A voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like Hector’s reminded her that delegating was one of the most important skills a general needed to learn.

  Since when am I a general? she thought ruefully. At that moment, Helen would have given just about anything to be able to call Hector and ask him for his advice, or text Orion and joke around. And Lucas . . . here Helen stopped. There were a thousand things she needed Lucas for, none of which she would ever get. Why couldn’t she just have them in her life? Why was everything so complicated?

  “Focus!” Ariadne barked.

  Matt saw an advantage and shot in, sweeping Helen off her feet. Her back slammed down on the mat, and Helen stared up at the naked bulb over the cage, thinking about where she had gone astray. In one bright flash, she enumerated all the missteps that had led her to this place.

  First: Hector—she knew it was her fault that he was an Outcast. She should have stopped him from killing Creon. But because she had been too afraid of the Shadowmaster’s darkness, Hector had been forced to kill her enemy for her. Now Hector was banished.

  Second: Orion—he had resisted the Furies when he could have easily killed her. In payment she had stabbed him in the chest. Now it was starting to look like she had lost him. The thought hurt so deeply, she gasped and shied away from it.

  Last: Lucas. Always Lucas.

  Just thinking his name seemed to halt Helen’s spinning thoughts. No other thought dared come after. For one brief moment of lucidity, there was nothing but his name, clearing a bright path through her crowded mind.

  “Lennie? Are you okay?” Matt asked nervously. Helen realized that she was still on her back, thinking.

  “Peachy,” she said, dabbing at the fat lip he had just given her. She looked at Matt standing over her with his fists still up and ready. “You know what, Matt? You’re becoming quite a badass.”

  Matt rolled his eyes and walked away with a disgusted look on his face, like he thought Helen was teasing him. But she wasn’t. He’d put on some muscle the last few weeks, and he stood like a fighter now instead of a golfer. If Helen squinted and forgot that it was Matt she was looking at, he looked almost tough. And kind of hot, she had to admit, even though it grossed her out to think of Matt as anything but a brother.

  “Are you going to get up, or are you done?” Claire shouted cheerfully at Helen’s prone form.

  “Yeah, I think I’m done,” Helen said to the ceiling.

  “Good, ’cuz you’ve got a bunch of texts from Orion,” Claire said, unabashedly reading through them. “Wow, he seems really upset. What happened?”

  Claire didn’t get a chance to finish the question. Helen flew out of the cage and snatched her phone away.

  Orion had left her about half a dozen texts. They started out funny, like he wanted to diffuse the situation, and then they got increasingly more serious. The second-to-last text he sent her said, We can get past this, can’t we?

  And ten minutes after that he had sent, I guess last night was a deal breaker.

  “What happened last night?” Claire asked, reading over Helen’s shoulder. “Did you two . . . ?” She broke off when she saw Helen’s eyes flare with anger.

  “What? What do you want to ask, Gig?” Helen said, mostly to hide her embarrassment. Helen didn’t want to talk about how Orion had touched her, not even with Claire. It was private, but more important, it might turn them against Orion.

  They all knew the rules surrounding the Truce. They wouldn’t want her to see Orion again if they thought she was too attached to him. But attached or not, Helen didn’t know if she could continue in the Underworld without him. She needed him. She just hoped, for all their sakes, that she didn’t need him too much.

  “Claire didn’t mean anything, Helen,” Matt said calmly. “We’re just concerned. It’s obvious from your reaction to his text that you two have grown close.”

  “You know what? I’m sick of all the little looks I get every time Orion texts me,” Helen said defensively. “Of course we’re getting close! He and I are going through hell together. Actual hell, get it? And last night was bad—really bad. After what I did, I didn’t know if I’d ever hear from him again.”

  “What happened?” Matt asked calmly when he heard Helen’s voice break with emotion. She regained control and continued.

  Helen told them all about Cerberus, the mysterious person that had caused a distraction, and how she and Orion had run for their lives for the portal. Then, in a dark monotone, she described how they had seen the Furies.

  “He was resisting them, but I guess I wasn’t strong enough,” she admitted. “I looked him in the eye and stabbed him with his own knife. And I did it slowly.”

  While I was kissing him, Helen added in her mind but would never say aloud.

  Everyone stared at Helen in utter shock. Guilty tears sprang up in her eyes and she brushed them away angrily, wishing she could as easily brush away the image of Orion’s face. He had looked so surprised and hurt. And it was because she had betrayed him.

  “Yeah, I know. I’m a horrible person. Now will you all give me a sec to text him back?”

  The three of them tried to tell Helen that they didn’t think any less of her, that it wasn’t her fault that she had attacked Orion, but Helen turned her back on them and focused on her phone. She needed to reconnect with Orion much more than she needed to have her guilt assuaged by her well-meaning friends.

  I’m so sorry, Helen wrote. Please, please, please, forgive me?

  She waited. Nothing came back. She started scrolling through the other texts he had left, and from what she read, she didn’t think he seemed angry, but maybe he’d had some time to think about what had happened and changed his mind. She might never see him again. In desperation, she sent a flurry of texts:

  If you don’t forgive me, I swear I’ll never sleep again.

  Orion? At least answer me.

  Please talk to me.

  Helen stared at her screen after each text, waiting for a response, but none came. After a few minutes of dead air, she sat down on the floor, utterly exhausted. Her whole body was hot and shaky, and her head felt like someone with massive hands had grabbed her by the face.

  “Still nothing from Orion?” Ariadne asked. Helen shook her head and rubbed her eyes. How long had she been staring at the screen? Looking around, Helen noticed that Jason and Cassandra had joined them in the practice room. She rubbed her face and shivered, suddenly very cold.

  “We need you to tell us about this distraction you mentioned; the one that sidetracked Cerberus,” Cassandra said.

  “We didn’t see who it was,” Helen answered. “But I’ll tell you, whoever it was can really yodel.”

  “It just seems impossible,” Cassandra said doubtfully.

  “Maybe it was one of those harpies?” Jason offered gently.

  “It wasn’t a harpy, Jason. It was a person’s voice, a living person who risked being eaten by a very large, three-headed wolf to help us. I know, it sounds crazy—but Orion heard it, too. It wasn’t an illusion.”

  I’m no illusion, either, Beauty. I’m waiting for you.

  Helen sat up straighter, her head cocked to the side, trying to locate the source of the voice. It was obvious no one else had heard it.

  “Will you come with us to the library, Helen?” The way Cassandra asked made it seem almost like an order. “Jason and I want to talk to you.”

  Jason nodded curtly at Ariadne as he passed her. His lips were pinched tight in
annoyance. Helen noticed that he didn’t even look at Claire or Matt; he just walked by them coldly. Glancing back over her shoulder, Helen saw Claire staring at Jason as he walked away from her. She looked like she wanted to either call out to him or start crying. Helen could tell something had happened between the three of them, and she had a feeling it had something to do with how openly Ariadne was training Matt now.

  They went upstairs to the library. Through the large glass doors that overlooked the ocean, Helen could see that it was dusk. Another day was dying, but to Helen it was just a change of light.

  She looked out at the pewter horizon as it turned darker then lighter and darker again, shifting in bands from sea to sky, and thought how similar the gradient hues of gray were to her experience of day and night. Everything looked like a blah blend of black and white.

  She’d have to go to sleep soon. Even if Orion refused to see her again, eventually Helen knew she would close her eyes and go back there. Alone.

  “Helen?” Cassandra sounded worried.

  Helen realized that her mind had wandered off again and wondered how long she had been staring out the window.

  “You wanted to talk to me?” she asked, trying to sound normal. Her nose was stuffed up and starting to run again. Jason and Cassandra looked at each other, like they hadn’t decided who was going to speak first.

  “We were wondering how you were feeling,” Cassandra finally said.

  “I’ve felt better.” Helen looked between the two of them, sensing something fishy.

  “Would you like me to check you out?” Jason said tentatively. “I may be able to help.”

  “That’s great, but unless you can take a nap for me, I don’t think there’s much you can do.”

  “Why don’t you let him try?” Cassandra asked a bit too sweetly.

  “Okay, what’s going on?” Helen said in a no-nonsense way. Again, they shared a conspiratorial look. “Hey. I’m sitting right here. I can see you two looking at each other, you know.”

  “Fine. I want Jason to check you over because we want to know if descending has caused any damage to your brain.” Cassandra had clearly had enough of being polite.

  “What she means is that we’ve noticed you seem distracted, and your health has been failing,” Jason soothed.

  “Enough, Jason. She wants us to be blunt, so I will be, even if you’re too squeamish.” Cassandra’s imperious gesture made her seem like a woman decades older than she was. “Scions are susceptible to only one kind of illness, Helen. Mental illness. Demigods don’t get the flu or the sniffles. They go mad.”

  “Or you can just come right out and say it, Cass. Just like we planned on not doing,” Jason said, rolling his eyes in frustration. “Helen, we’re not saying that you’re crazy. . . .”

  “No, but you think I’m getting there. Don’t you?” Helen and Cassandra traded stares, each measuring the other.

  Cassandra had changed. Whatever was left of that lovable little girl that Helen once met was either gone or buried so deep Helen didn’t think she’d ever see her again. Helen had to admit she wasn’t a fan of the woman who was replacing Lucas’s little sister. In fact, she thought this new Cassandra was kind of a bitch, and she was moments away from saying so.

  “What we need to know is if you are capable of finishing what you started in the Underworld,” Cassandra continued, undaunted by Helen’s challenging look.

  “And if I said no, what would you do? What can anyone do?” Helen said with a shrug. “The prophecy said that I’m the only one that can get rid of the Furies and every night I descend whether I want to or not. So what difference does it make if I can handle it or not?”

  “Honestly? None. But it does change how we view the information you bring us,” Jason said reasonably. “We’re trying to believe that what you told us about your descent last night is true, but . . .”

  “You have got to be kidding me!”

  “You said you saw a god—a god who has been imprisoned on Olympus for thousands of years! Then, you said that there was another living person in the Underworld with you and Orion, someone who appeared out of nowhere and miraculously saved your lives,” Cassandra said with a raised voice. “How did this other person get down there?”

  “I don’t know! Look, I even doubted that was real for a second there, but I wasn’t the only one who saw all of this, okay? Ask Orion. He’ll tell you exactly the same thing.”

  “Who’s to say that your delusions aren’t affecting Orion’s experience of the Underworld, as well as your own?” Cassandra shouted at Helen. “You are the Descender, not him! You’ve told us many times that if you go to bed feeling miserable, you end up in a miserable place. And if you go to bed hearing voices that aren’t there, what then?”

  “How do you know I’m hearing voices?” Helen whispered. Jason looked at her sympathetically, like everyone else could see something that Helen couldn’t.

  “All we’re saying is that you seem to be able to control the landscape of the Underworld to some extent. You have to consider the possibility that you might be able to create entire experiences.”

  Helen shook her head fearfully, unable to accept what they were saying. If they were right, then what was real? She couldn’t allow herself to give in to this insidious thought. She needed to believe in some things, or she might as well give up. And she couldn’t give up, even if she wanted to. Too many people were counting on her. People like Hector and Orion. People she loved very much.

  “Cass, you’re the Oracle,” Helen said, grasping at straws. “Why can’t you just look into my future and tell me if I’m going insane?”

  “I can’t see you,” Cassandra said a bit more loudly than was necessary. She made a choked sound in the back of her throat and started pacing around. “I can’t see you and I’ve never been able to see Orion. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because the two of you only meet in the Underworld, and I can only see the future of this universe, or maybe . . .”

  “What?” Helen challenged. “You started this conversation, Cassandra. You’d better finish it.”

  “Maybe you and Orion go insane and don’t have coherent futures that I can read,” Cassandra said tiredly, glancing uncertainly over at Jason, who was glaring back, warning her with his eyes.

  “No.” Helen stood up. She felt a pressure inside her head give way and her nose start to run again. “I hear what you’re saying, but you’re wrong. I’m being pushed to my limit, and I know that it’s taking a lot out of me, but I’m not going crazy.”

  Jason sighed and dropped his head into his hands like he was as weary and as fed up as Helen. A sudden burst of energy overcame him. He took three fast strides over to his father’s desk and pulled a handful of tissues out of the box that was resting on top.

  “Here,” he said in an intense voice as he gestured to Helen’s face with the tissues.

  Helen raised a searching hand and touched her nose. When she pulled her hand back it was covered in blood.

  “Scions don’t get spontaneous nosebleeds.” Cassandra’s expression was unreadable. “Jason and I think this problem is much worse than anyone else is willing to admit.”

  Helen cleaned herself off as best as she could and looked first at Cassandra, then at Jason. Neither of them would meet her eyes.

  “Jason,” Helen said, a note of pleading creeping in on her otherwise frustrated tone. “Just spit it out. How much worse?”

  “We think you’re dying,” he replied quietly. “We don’t know exactly why, and because of that, we have no idea how to help you.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  Matt wrapped a towel around his waist and sat down on the wooden bench outside the boys’ showers in the downstairs torture chamber, or as the Delos family liked to call it, the “exercise” room. Hanging out with demigods was not easy, but he couldn’t just stick his head in the sand and pretend that the world was a safe and predictable place anymore. Matt’s whole life, his whole future, had changed the second he hit Lucas with his
car less than a month ago.

  He looked at his right hand and grimaced. He was pretty sure his knuckles weren’t supposed to be this big, or this purple. He tried to ignore them. The last time he had told Ariadne that he’d broken something she’d fixed it, and then she turned a terrifying shade of gray. Matt didn’t ever want to see Ariadne like that again, especially not for his sake.

  Matt just needed a minute to relax in the residual steam of his shower, and then he’d go over to the little freezer in the corner and put some ice on his hand. It’d be fine, and if it wasn’t—well, he was left-handed, anyway. His phone rang and he winced as he reached for it, clutching his side.

  “Yeah?” he answered distractedly as he walked to the mirror. There was a large red welt rising up on his ribs. Great, he thought. Now I’ll have something black and blue on the upper half of my body to match that lovely bone bruise on my shin.

  “Hey, man.”

  “Zach?” Matt hissed. Immediately forgetting his aches and pains, he spun around and made sure that Jason or Lucas hadn’t walked in. “What the hell!”

  “I know, I know. I just need—”

  “Don’t ask me for a favor,” Matt warned. “I’ve done enough of those for you over the years already.”

  “I’m not asking for a favor, I only want to . . . Can’t you at least meet up with me?” Zach sounded desperate. “You know, to talk? I just want to talk to you!”

  “I don’t know, man.” Matt sighed with true regret. “We’re sort of past that point. I mean, we’ve chosen our sides, right? After you ratted out Hector, every single member of the Delos family is looking for a reason to kick your ass. Just stay away, all right?”

  “All right,” Zach said so softly Matt could barely hear him. His voice shook, like he was scared witless. “I just needed a friend.”

  “Zach . . .” Matt began to say, but the line went dead. He didn’t call Zach back.

  R u in bed?

  Helen almost dropped her phone when she saw that the text was from Orion, which would have been really bad, considering she was hundreds of feet in the air and he had no other way to contact her. Recovering from the nearly disastrous fumble, she hovered in midair and told herself to calm down as she typed a reply.