Tightrope

by Maddie Wade

  “You’re right, it doesn’t matter what Hunter thinks of me. It’s about our child and if he wants to be part of their life.”

  “And Dean?” she questions.

  “You’re right about that too. I need to ask him to move out or I’ll move out myself. The living together as friends’ thing may have worked before, but it won’t now. I’ll talk to him.”

  “Do you want me to be there with you when you do?”

  I shake my head. “No, I can do it, I just need to find the right time. Now, what do I say to Hunter?”

  “Well, first things first, let’s Google him,” she says, and I can’t resist. I need to know everything about him.

  An hour later, I know a little bit more about my baby daddy. He is beyond rich. He is as gorgeous in pictures as real life. He dates beautiful supermodels and has never had a steady girlfriend. But then, I wasn’t exactly a shining example of a relationship expert, so maybe we could figure this out.

  “Well, I tell you what Lex, this baby is going to be gorgeous with your genes and his.”

  I look at the picture on the screen, he is looking straight at the camera, his body side on. A gorgeous Tom Ford tux that has obviously been made for him fitted to his magnificent body. His eyes are piercing and at first glance cold, but I know they were full of heat when they looked at me. I just hope the next time I see him they don’t look at me with hate.

  If he does react badly, well then, fuck him. My baby and I will be fine. It will be his loss, not mine, but I really hope he doesn’t feel that way.

  “So, what is the plan?” Cherry asks.

  I play with the long necklace that hangs between my breasts. I sit there for a second wondering how to respond, I need to email him but don’t know what to say. “I guess I suck it up and email him,” I say with a smile, because I’m scared, but I’m also extremely relieved. Something about having contact with him soothes me.

  Later that night I sit cross-legged on my bed, laptop open, with the composed email idling. I declined Dean’s invitation for dinner and instead taken a sandwich to my room. I would deal with this first and then confront Dean about our living arrangements.

  I have been sitting here, trying to think how to start this email. Did I just come out with it and tell him? Or should I ease into it? I feel like I should ease into it, so I chickened out.

  Dear Hunter,

  I was surprised and happy to get your letter. Our night together has been on my mind a lot and I’m glad for the opportunity to talk to you.

  Wow the UK sounds like fun, I would love to visit there one day. If you go to the Palace don’t forget to take a selfie with the guards ☺

  So, in the spirit of our first night together would you like to play ten questions? We can ask one each back and forth? I’m going to assume you said yes, (I know. I know assuming makes an ass out of you and me).

  Do you believe in fate?

  Remember it must be your first reaction.

  Lexi (Blue)

  xoxo

  My finger hovered over the send button as I re-read what I had written. This could be one of the most important emails I ever send. With a breath, I hit send and it disappears into the ether.

  Well, let’s see what happens now. I feel a tiny flutter in my lower abdomen and my breath catches, it is so light that I think I’m imaging it until I feel it again. My baby is moving, the feeling is the strangest and most magical thing I have ever felt.

  I put my hand on my tummy in awe, it feels like little tiny bubbles popping. “Hey baby, are you saying you approve of Momma’s email to Daddy? Well I hope you do, he doesn’t know about you yet, but I will tell him soon.” I should feel like a total dweeb talking to my child, but I don’t at all, I feel a connection like nothing else before and a fierce love.

  Taking my headphones, I plug into my laptop and pull up my favorite playlist. Turning it low, I place it over my tiny bump and play my baby some music. I feel lonely for second as I sit and stare at my screen and know there is nobody I can share this momentous moment with. My parents are away, Cherry is on a date, and Dean is out of the question.

  Just as I’m about to turn the computer off and divulge in some serious chocolate therapy an email pings back.

  Dear sexy Lexi,

  Original right? Sorry, couldn’t resist. I can’t tell you how happy I am to get your email. It is one in the morning in London and freezing. My hotel is not far from the Palace, so I will go and get a picture with the guards, might even see if her Maj is in and up for a coffee.

  I love your game of ten questions.

  Do I believe in fate?

  The quick answer is yes, I do. If something is meant to be, it will find a way to happen.

  Do you?

  Cold in London.

  Hunter.

  P.S Is your hair still blue?

  xoxo

  My face split into a grin at his reply, eagerly I type back.

  Dear Hunter,

  Sexy Lexi—I’ve not heard that before—much.

  Yes, I do believe in fate. Sometimes the chances of things happening are so slim that they are almost impossible and yet they do. Maybe you could argue that takes away free will, but I disagree. Fate is our destination, how we get there is our free will.

  Yes, my hair is still blue and in fact, bluer than when we met, it is now blue all over.

  Tell me about London, or better yet tell me about you.

  Snuggled in my bed.

  Lexi

  xoxo

  I sit back after hitting send and wait for a bit, but nothing comes back. I realize as it’s so late in the UK now, he has probably gone to sleep. I can’t help the grin that is etched on my face. We are talking, and it’s fun and exciting and terrifying, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

  I ignore the fact that I have some pretty life-altering news to share with him and just enjoy the euphoria of the evening. Despite feeling tired, I’m wired, so I venture downstairs for some ice-cream, careful to avoid making any noise and waking Dean.

  I don’t want to run into him and kill my happy mood. This thought just serves to remind me that I need to get my house in order and ask him to move out. Creeping back upstairs with a huge bowl of vanilla covered with caramel sauce, I sit on the bed and eat the ice-cream while surfing the internet for baby paraphernalia.

  Later, as I fall asleep, I think about fate and how it has brought me to this moment. For the first time in years, I’m content and excited to see what she has in store for me.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lexi

  I threw my jacket on the chair in the kitchen as I quickly grabbed a smoothie, a large bag of Cheetos and headed upstairs. I nearly make it to my room, when Dean walks out of the bathroom. I jump a foot when he says my name, spilling some of the cheesy goodness on the floor.

  “Jesus Christ, Dean you scared the crap out of me!”

  He frowns at my swearing, but doesn’t mention it, which I’m pleased about as I’m not in the mood for one of his lectures. “Well, I thought it was time I took the room up here, now I’m managing without the sticks.”

  Needless to say, I haven’t spoken to him about moving out. I keep telling myself it’s because I’m busy. But really, I’m behaving like a wimp. “Oh, okay.”

  He notices the lack of enthusiasm in my voice and for a second, I think he is going to say something, but he doesn’t, I watch as his jaw clenches and I know he is angry, for a split-second fear flutters in my stomach at the look in his eyes but then it’s gone. He smiles, and I relax, feeling silly that I was scared of Dean.

  “Well, I’ll let you get on with whatever it is you do up here these days.” He is making a question sound like a statement, in the hope that I will fill in the blanks, which I have no intention of doing.

  “Are you around on Sunday afternoon? I want to discuss something with you.”

  He leans against the door jam, his hands in his pockets and I notice for the first time he is starting to build his muscles bac
k up to what they were before illness ravaged his physique. He looks healthy, you would hardly know him from the man he was six months ago. “Is something wrong?”

  “No, I just want to talk to you,” I’m not going to tell him now, I have an email waiting and I’m desperate to read it.

  “Yeah, okay, I can be in.”

  I nod and offer a polite smile. “Great, we’ll talk then.” I slip into my room and ease the door closed, he is still standing on the landing watching me, and I try not to let it affect me. He does that a lot lately—watches me. I told Cherry about it and her response was to end it now.

  I listen at the door for him to go downstairs and after a few minutes, he does. A relieved sigh escapes me, I’m glad that I have set a day for our ‘Come to Jesus’ talk. It needs to happen, I won’t go on like this anymore.

  I rub my tummy, as my baby wriggles around, tiny little flutters making me smile and reassuring me that all is well in there.

  “Come on baby, time to talk to Daddy.” Sitting down on the bed I open the laptop and log into my emails, there it is sitting in my inbox.

  I click on it and eagerly start to read.

  Sexy Lexi,

  Today has been a drag, I have been in meetings all day. Hour after hour listening to suits talk about projections and logistics, I kept zoning out on them, which made everything take longer. It didn’t help that all I could think about was talking to you.

  You are on my mind all the time. It’s nice to think of you walking around Mariemont, though because knowing it, I can imagine you there; somehow it suits you. My mother even knows your shop, apparently, she bought a painting from you last year.

  I’m in my hotel listening to the playlist you sent me, wondering what you are up to and eating dinner for one. I think I will go out to eat tomorrow just to break up the monotony.

  In answer to your question, yes, I do want a family one day, just not yet. My sister has Mellie and that is enough for a bit. She is gorgeous, I love her, but that kid is hard work and I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility just yet. When I do, I want four though, three boys and one girl so that they can help me scare off potential boyfriends.

  Do you want kids? I can imagine you pregnant, I bet you’d be hot.

  I wish I could see you and hear your voice, can we Skype?

  Hunter

  xoxo

  I lean back thinking on the words he’d written that are etched on my brain. He isn’t ready yet. Well, unfortunately, he has no choice. We are having a baby and whether he likes it or not, he is going to have to step up or step away.

  We have emailed every day in the last few weeks, our conversations allowing us to get to know each other better. I know he loves his family, he loves Greek food and hates oysters. He has Greek heritage like me, but his is further up the family tree than mine. He played football for the Crimson Tides at the University of Alabama where he did his undergraduate degree before going to study Business at Harvard. I had teased him about the southern twang he had picked up, so he played it up even more, adding loads of Southern phrases to our emails, which I loved, but really, I wanted to hear his voice again. It is amazing to think he’s set to take over his family’s multi-billion-dollar empire this year.

  So, basically, he is the biggest catch of the century and that scares the shit out of me. I don’t want what we have developing to be seen as a woman out to trap the billionaire. I had no idea who he was when we met. I actually wish he was a regular guy. The crazy part is, I forget all the money he has, the fame, all I see is a man who gets me, who makes me laugh, makes me feel alive. I can feel my cheeks aching from the amount I have smiled over the last few weeks.

  I have told him about the shop, how I work with my crazy best friend. That I love Greek Tapas and hate coconut. I hate sports, but love riding a bike.

  He knows a hundred things about me except the two most important, I’m technically married, and I’m pregnant with his child.

  I can’t forget how he made me feel when he touched me either, every caress, every thrust as he held me against the door is imprinted in my memory. I burn for him, the thought of his hands on me making my body tingle and my nipples harden. I ache to feel him again, to touch his hard body, night after night, waking with a need for him that I can’t deny, don’t want to deny.

  Fear and guilt grip me as I study the image of the grainy scan picture I have uploaded. I did it last weekend but haven’t sent it yet. I bite my nail as I think what to do next. I have my scan in a few weeks and would really love him to be there for it if he wants to be.

  My time is running out, I need to grow a pair and tell him tonight. Leaning forward I start to write.

  Hunter,

  Sounds like a truly boring day. I drew some designs for pool room for a client and sourced some interesting pieces for the shop which I’m excited about. So, I guess my day was much better than yours. In between that I thought of you, I find myself watching my emails for your replies, it makes me feel like a giddy teenager.

  It’s strange because I wouldn’t admit that to your face. Why do people play games like that and avoid honest emotion? With that said I would love to Skype. Let me know and I will add you. Before you do though let me know. I want to send you something first.

  I think what I send you will answer your question about whether I want children a lot better than any words.

  Lexi

  xoxo

  I know that my words will have given him a big clue, but I don’t want to shock him when he Skypes me. My bump is still small, but it is there. I thought being tall would hide it, but this baby is spreading its wings and my belly with it.

  I watch the email closely knowing that at this time of night he is online and will reply quickly. I’m not disappointed, I go to open his reply when I hear a noise outside my room. I cock my ear and listen, but the sound doesn’t come again, it must be Dean walking by to use the bathroom. I hear the shower go on and let out a breath.

  I’m a bit jumpy lately, strange things keep happening, I'm sure its baby brain making me forgetful, but I keep losing things or leaving them in strange places. Yesterday, I found my wedding and engagement rings on the side, beside my jewelry box. I must have left them there when I put my silver bracelets on before I went to work. Problem is, I don’t remember taking them out, but I guess I must have.

  Glancing back to my laptop I hover the cursor over the open button. My life is about to get even more complicated than ever, yet despite knowing that I still feel a frisson of excitement shoot through me. It is now or never.

  Lexi,

  Yes, here is my number, add me now and we can talk face to face, I so want to see your beautiful face again.

  Number 555-145-8835

  Um, I wonder what you are sending me. Is it a naughty picture? Please say yes.

  How will it answer the question I wonder, don’t leave me in suspense send it and then call me!

  Hunter

  xoxo

  I take a deep breath at his reply. I guess it’s now or never.

  Chapter Twenty

  Lexi

  Before I can lose my nerve, I upload the picture of our baby and hit send. I give it a minute and then call him on Skype. My heart is literally in my mouth as I wait for him to answer. I place my hands in my lap as I sit cross-legged on my bed, I feel like a tight ball of coiled energy waiting to pop with excitement and fear.

  When he answers I catch my breath at the delicious sight in front of me, he is wearing jeans and a white tee, his hair is wet from a recent shower. He is simply divine, my mouth waters just looking at him.

  “Lexi! God, you're more beautiful than I remember.” I blush at his words, a smile splitting my face.

  “Thank you. You are looking pretty handsome yourself.” I laugh at his embarrassed look. This man has it all, confidence in spades but he is still so normal. He can’t see what the fuss is about and has said so in his emails. He got his genes from his parents so really, they should get the credit according to
him.

  “Did you get the picture I sent you?”

  “No, hang on I was in the shower, I will look now.” He grins as he concentrates on moving the mouse around. It’s cute and makes me want to run my finger along the dimple in his cheek, but I’m far too scared of his reaction to grin back now. No, not scared. Apprehensive is a better word.

  Despite hardly knowing him, this man does not scare me at all. I know Dean said he could be a complete nutter, but he is wrong. Hunter is a good man, a kind man, I feel that to my bones. He may be shocked but that’s to be expected.

  He frowns as he looks at the picture, tilting his head to try and figure it out. I know the instant he does because his eyes snap to mine. “Is that a sonogram picture?”

  I nod. “Yes, it is it’s a picture of my baby, well our baby,” I finish and wait for his reaction.

  “A baby? Are you sure?”

  I laugh then. “Yes, of course, I’m sure.”

  “But we were together, what? Nearly five months ago? Shouldn’t you be showing or something?” he asked the look of complete confusion on his face endearing.

  “I am,” I said as I stood so he could get a look at my bump.

  “Wow!” I watched him push his fingers through his hair, making it stand on end, it made him look younger, almost boyish.

  “I know it’s a shock. Believe me, it was a shock to me too.”

  “Yeah, you could say that. It makes your question about if I wanted kids makes sense though. I just I don’t know what to say. It’s definitely mine?”

  I tried not to be insulted by his question, but let’s be honest, it was a fair one, he hardly knew me really. “Yes, the baby is yours. There has been nobody else for a few years.” I needed to explain things, tell him about Dean. “My estranged husband and I haven’t had sex for years.”

  His face darkened with anger as he looked at me through the camera. “You’re married?” Anger tinged his question which was said with calm control. Too much control.