by Ellie Aiden
I told the three of them everything I had learned, everything that had happened, leaving out the fight with Luke, and my unreturned declaration of love. I want to tell Ash, I need to talk it out, but I’d rather it be between to two of us.
Ash knows me better than anyone, which is why I can tell she knows there’s more I’m not saying. I can clearly read the look on her face, I expect details later missy. And she’ll get them, just not right now.
When I told them about Rose, and what happened to her and her sister, everyone had talked at once. Chase yelling loud enough I was sure the Elders would hear on the other end of the Compound.
Cody had said what we were all thinking, if we knew for sure that Vater Henry knew nothing about the girls and the theft, we could just go to him. Tell him everything, and let him handle it, but while I don’t think he knows about the girls, I can’t see how he doesn’t know about the theft. Stealing from everyone outside these walls, like somehow we are more deserving. Just let everyone who doesn’t follow The Way starve to death. I can’t understand that mentality. The Churches whole purpose was to protect those very people, even if they didn’t follow The Way.
I wanted to tell both of my parents, but Chase and Ash both think that’s a terrible idea. Chase argued that even though my Father isn’t higher up, he is well known and well respected, and while we all agree he wouldn’t do anything to hurt any-one of us, he might do something rash. Like tell Vater Henry, or another Elder he thinks he can trust.
The conversation was ended just as the sun came up. Each of us realizing we can’t trust anyone, other than each other.
Laying in my bed today, the last day of the free pass Vater Henry granted me, I realize while now everyone is up to speed, we don’t even remotely have a plan. It’s just five days until my Placement Ceremony. In five days, I could be sold to another Compound and live through God knows what while there, then be cast out after I’m no longer useful. That would leave me half-way across the country, with no way to get back to my family, and if Ash is sent there too, what if one of us is cast out before the other?
The last few days were a roller coaster ride. Hell, the last month in general. I went from just having a bad feeling about the Churches practices, to knowing they are selling girls, had a child molester as an Elder, and a habit of stealing supplies from everyone outside these walls. Luke had even mentioned that last month, a group of Church members came to the fields outside of Bonham in the middle of the night, and stole eighteen bales of hay. I assume for the horses, but it wasn’t theirs to take, and they gave nothing in return.
Then, there’s Luke.
My thoughts are interrupted by Ash swinging open my bedroom door. She has a smile on her face, but I can tell its strained. Maybe she’s trying to cheer me up. Well, it won’t work. I have been in a funk for two days, and I have zero plans of changing my attitude. It’s my room and I’ll pout if I want to.
“Why are you still in your pajamas? It’s two in the afternoon!”
I give her a good eye-roll, make that a double eye-roll, and scoot over, so she can take a seat next to me. “I have nothing left to give.” I’m only half joking.
“Don’t be so dramatic. I’m not stupid, its obvious something happened between you and Luke, and since you aren’t bouncing off the walls to tell me, I’d guess it’s bad. But we have a lot to do, and only a little time to do it, and I have a plan. However, I’m not gonna tell you my awesome kick-ass plan until you tell me what happened with you and your man.”
“He isn’t my man, Ash. That’s part of the problem.”
Before I can go on, my bedroom door opens, Chase bursting in, and thirty seconds later, Cody joins us as well. Well, there went that. The sigh that escapes my lips is a little over the top, but ask me if I care.
Ash looks like she expected this, but I’m just annoyed. It must be written on my face, because Chase shrugs his shoulders, plopping down in the floor, pulling out his lunch. “What? I was told Team Panda Ninja was having a meeting.”
I try to stop it; I don’t want to laugh, but it’s impossible. A laugh bursts from my mouth, the force of it causing spit to fly in Ash’s face.
“Gross Anna. I did not need your bodily fluids on me today.”
Chase cocks his head and asks, “So just today? You would be okay with swapping bodily fluids with her any other day?” I can’t tell if he’s trying to be funny, or is seriously curious.
But Ash is not backing down. “Jealous?”
That gets a laugh out of everyone, and I admit I do feel a little better.
“Fine. Team meeting it is. But, we are not calling it Team Panda Ninja. That’s just stupid.” I shake my head at the ridiculousness of it.
“Oh really Anna?” Ash stares me down, and I know I’m about to get called out for all the Team nicknames I’ve been trying out. “I seem to recall, Team Unicorn Glitter, Team Praying Mantis, and Team Kitty Rainbow. And that’s just off the top of my head. You have no room to talk. I like the ninja idea,” she says with a wink in Chase’s direction. “Just not a fan of Panda’s.”
“Guys,” Cody says from his place leaning against my now closed door. “Can we focus? I have shift in thirty minutes, and right now, we all need to be on point. Anything we do out of the ordinary is gonna draw attention. It’s bad enough, Anna, that you have two boys in your room right now.” He pauses, thinking his next words through. “With that said, regardless of our Team name, we are a team, and Anna, you haven’t been right since you got back. What happened?”
I really don’t want to discuss this with the boys, but it’s clear we aren’t going to be able to move on until I do. “Fast version. Luke said he thought we were meant to be together…God this is embarrassing. Whatever, then he kissed me, then I told him I love him. Only, he didn’t say it back. The next day, he said he couldn’t, that he couldn’t feel that way about me, because I had to be in here, and him out there.” I suck in a sharp breath, and while I thought I might feel better getting it off my chest, I definitely do not.
Ash looks crest fallen, as if because my heart is broken, hers is as well, but Cody and Chase both seem confused. Boys. They just don’t get it.
Chase raises his hand. Yes, he legit raised his hand, like I’m the teacher, and need to call on him before he can speak. “Can I just say something here? Maybe I don’t get it, because I’m a boy, and since I wasn’t there it’s hard to say for sure but…he didn’t reject you, in fact, from a guy’s perspective, it’s the exact opposite. He didn’t say, I don’t love you. He said I can’t, because it will destroy me. What that says, is he’s trying to convince himself so he could let you come back. If I was to guess, it was probably the hardest thing he’s ever done in his life, and he’s most likely as miserable as you are right now. He can’t be here with you Anna, and you weren’t ready to stay with him, but I think the minute that changes, there won’t be anything that can keep the two of you apart.”
Ash nods her head and points. “What he said.”
I get that, I really do, but it doesn’t make this any easier. Plus, I keep telling myself, if he felt for me the way I feel about him, he would have made sure I knew it. What if we never see each other again?
“Alright Anna Bear, you and I will hash this out more after the boys leave, but for now, my master plan.” Rubbing her hands together like some evil genius, she continues, “in reality, it isn’t that complicated, and now I’ve probably built it up enough it’s gonna be a letdown.”
At the same time, Cody and I both yell, “Get on with it.” Which forces a giggle from Ash and I both.
“Alright fine! I have a question first. Are we all in agreement, that even if the Church wasn’t selling girls, even if they weren’t stealing food from everyone outside these walls, that we would still want to leave? There’s a lot of other weird shit here, and now that I know society isn’t a total Mad Max situation out there, I don’t want to be a part of it. All I keep thinking about is Chase and I having a daughter, and her having t
o declare her first period in front of a room full of men.”
Chase chokes, as he spits out the bite he was trying to swallow, his face is white as a ghost. “You want to have a kid…with me?
Ash seems to shrink into herself, her cheeks turning a precious shade. “Well, yeah. I mean if you do.” And before she can finish, Chase is up, crossing the room, before wrapping her in an embrace.
When they start making out, I can’t take it. “I’m excited for you guys, but can we get back on topic? And in answer to your question, yes, I at least, am in agreement.”
Cody nods his head as well, with the happy couple looking a little contrite, before Ash clears her throat, wipes her mouth, and continues. “Yeah, so if that’s the case then here’s the plan.”
***
Ash was right, the plan is pretty simple, and to anyone else looking on, probably makes us seem like amateurs. The four of us agree Vater Henry doesn’t know about the girls, but because we think he does know about the stealing, we can’t just lay it at his feet and hope for the best. Given that we are nearly positive he killed the Enforcer when he found out he was molesting girls, we are pretty confident, if we told him Elder Thompson and his buddies are selling girls, he wouldn’t stand for it. But he’s also the odd man out. Elder Thompson has at least five or six people in his group, if Vater Henry tried to stop them, could he? Or would they possibly over throw him, taking full control of the Church? And we know with that as a possibility, we don’t want to stick around to find out.
So the plan is, the night of my Placement, I tell Vater Henry what Elder Thompson and the others have done, what they are still doing. That way, it’s in front of all twelve Elders as well. I don’t think they’re all in on it, if they all find out at the same time, Elder Thompson might be outnumbered. Then, in the chaos we’re pretty sure will ensue, Ash, Chase, Cody, and I will slip away using the wall where Luke got in and out. We haven’t quite worked out the escape just yet, but we have two days now. We can make this work.
As for the stealing from the people situation, well that’s big picture stuff. Something we think we can better fight outside these walls. We know the ins and outs of the Church, the Compound. Which means we can help the gangs stop the Church from stealing from them, and even bigger picture, Vater Roger. Telling Vater Henry only stops our sect from selling girls. What about all the other Compounds? Not only do they need to be stopped, but Vater Roger needs to be destroyed. Like dead, destroyed. I feel like God will forgive murder in this situation, and if not, well I did what I thought was right. I’ll just have to live with the consequences.
Please God, forgive me.
Two more sleeps before all our best laid plans come to fruition. Two days until they possibly fall apart, and I end up in Vater Rogers clutches. And maybe only two days left with my parents. I don’t think I’ll ever see them again after the ceremony. I need to tell them goodbye, just in case, even though I won’t be able to explain. Even though I trust my parents, I can’t go against what Team Starfire Brigade decided. Hmm, that one might work. I’ll bring it up at our next Team meeting.
For now, I need to find my parents.
***
I find both my mother and father sitting on a concrete bench in the gardens, their heads bent close together whispering. First off, I don’t think I have ever seen my parents outside like this together, wth the exception of organized activities or events. Second, what are they whispering about?
As I approach, my father notices and discreetly shushes my mother.
“Anna, it’s getting late, is something wrong?” My father beckons me to sit as he stands. Such a gentleman.
“Nothing’s wrong. You just weren’t in your room. So, I thought I would come find you. Maybe we could have a family game night?”
The two exchange a look, suspicion written on their faces. Yeah, I suck at this. I’m gonna end up spilling the beans and possibly ruining everything.
“Actually Anna, that sounds like a wonderful idea.” My mother pats my hand lovingly, and the two of us stand.
Linking our arms, with my father just to her left, we stroll back through the gardens, toward the closest entrance into the kitchen. Stepping through the door, my mother greets the Hag, while me and my father remain silent. He, like me, have never liked that woman. And if my mother taught me anything, it was if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
Back in our family apartment, my father gets the playing cards down from the shelf in their closet, while my mother had stayed behind with the Hag to try to sweet talk her out of snacks and drinks. Carefully, I clear my Fathers work papers off the coffee table, making room for our long running game of Spades. A game of Spades that we have been keeping score on since my parents taught me how to play for my tenth birthday.
When Mother returns with some fresh fruit slices and orange juice, my father deals us in and we get started.
When my father takes his second turn of the game, he yells, “Go Fish.” Every. Single. Time. Dad jokes.
“So, Anna.” My mother starts. “What’s been going on with you?”
This is what we do. We rarely ever play Spades unless one of us, or more than one, needs to hash something out. We played when I was eleven, and Ash and I had our first real fight. We played when my father was reprimanded for being two minutes late for his shift, ruining an exemplary work history. We played after my ceremony at thirteen, where I had to announce becoming a woman. We even played when I got lashes for speaking out of turn in lessons last year. My mother always knows when something is wrong with me, but does she think this is about my Placement? Let’s hope I can be convincing enough that it is.
Shrugging my shoulders, I try to sounds nonchalant. “Eh, not much, maybe a little nervous about my Placement.” Awful, just awful. It’s a good thing I have zero desire to be an actress when I grow up, despite the fact that they don’t really exist anymore.
My father raises a questioning brow, and then tries to peek at my mother’s cards. I think he speaks up to draw attention from his cheating. “The Anna I know wouldn’t be afraid of that at all. The Anna I know would give ‘em hell.” I giggle, as he peaks over one more time, and my Mother catches him, swatting him away.
“Oh I intend to. I intend to give a whole lot of hell.”
Mother plays her next card, and then nods for me to take my turn. “We have no doubt that you will sweetie. And we want you to know we are behind you, one-hundred percent. We will always support you in everything you do.”
Wait, are we still talking about my Placement? Because it kind of seems like we are taking about something else.
My father takes his next turn, before slapping his cards face down on the table and yelling, “Gin.”
“You know we are playing Spades, right?” I ask, with another giggle.
The three of us continue taking our turns until an hour later when we’re all yawning, and my father is declared the winner of this session. Because he cheats, every time. And despite his incessant cheating, I’m still leading in the long time score. I will be the Champion.
After we put everything away and are ready to go to bed, I give each of them a hug and kiss, telling them I love them. I can’t remember the last time I took the time to do that. I should do it every single day. I really do love my parents, and if everything goes according to plan, I’m really gonna miss them.
I cried in my room that night. Trying so hard to remain silent. The last thing I want to do is scare them, or put them in danger. If things go south, I don’t need them knowing anything that could end with them going down with me. I may go down, but if I do, I’m going down in a blaze of glory.
CHAPTER 19 — SO MANY FREAKING WHAT IF’S
The day before your Placement Ceremony, its customary for each girl to have a private meeting with the Vater and the Mutter. It’s all very hush-hush, so I’m not sure what actually takes place in this meeting, although I have heard rumors. Even knowing that my Placement and spouse assignment won�
��t actually be completed, I find myself more nervous than I thought I would be, as I make my way through the halls to Vater Henry’s office. I pass Chase, and though we can’t speak to one another in public, he does give me a reassuring smile.
Team Ruby Sunshine, just trying it out, met this morning to wish me luck. Hugs were given all around, and I couldn’t help wishing Luke was there. In my mind, no matter how he feels, or what his justification is, he’s part of the team. I had a dream last night we were all sitting around a fire, tall fir trees surrounding us. Luke was there, along with Cody, Ash, and Chase. Everyone laughed and joked. I woke up with this warm feeling in my chest. I hope that happens someday.
When I make it to the bench outside of Vater Henry’s door, I take a seat and wait to be called in. I’m about five minutes early, but as soon as my butt touches the seat the door swings open, and Mutter Vera steps out.
She’s wearing a white dress, how very virtuous of her. Her hair is pinned in a simple bun at the base of her neck, as is required by anyone past child bearing age. I’m not sure what is with the Churches obsession with hair. Girls must wear two braids on either side of their face any time they are outside of their private room. Once a girl marries, they are considered a Mother, and therefore required to wear one braid down their back. Then if they are deemed unable to have children whether because of a medical issue or due to age, its signified by a bun at the nape of the neck. Whoever thought to use a person’s hair to signify their status as a woman, is an asshole, and I guarantee it was a man.
The Mutter has a perfect plastic smile plastered to her face as she nods for me to enter. Once I step through the threshold, I see Vater Henry once again perched on the corner of his desk. I’ve noticed he does that when he wants to keep thing casual, relaxed, but the minute things get serious, he’s seated behind his desk in a position of authority.
