by Lisa Heaton
Eric wiped his face with the back of his arm. “I’m sorry I’ve ruined your fine meal.”
“It’s not ruined. Just eat.” Her tone was soft and reassuring.
Chapter 18
Two weeks had passed since Colin spent that first night with Isabel, and from then on he did each time he came to her room. Nothing was ever said about it, no acknowledgement by either of them. He just did it. Not once had he been there when she awoke, but he at least allowed himself to fall asleep there in her bed. Because she was so pleased by this new development, even Elias’s return from Artilan had little effect on her.
Colin had insisted that he be present during the meeting where Elias reported how the trip went. All the while, Colin was watching them both, so Isabel was careful to look at Elias with the mildest of interest. Elias seemed to pick up on her distance from him since he did the same. They each spoke to one another only as required of them.
Now that they entertained less, Isabel found she had little opportunity to see Elias at all, something that further drew her thoughts away from him. She and Colin spent so much time together that he was what most consumed her thoughts and energy.
Isabel found she was out of sorts as she was getting ready. At the end of the day, just before they each went to their rooms to dress for supper, Colin had grinned and warned her to rest since he planned to keep her up all night. She did try to rest for a short time, but the excitement over being with him later kept her mind whirling.
“Stay still.” Fina was trying to get Isabel’s hair to stay in place, but her queen was fidgety.
“I am still.”
“Getting you dressed tonight is nearly impossible. I can’t imagine that going to supper naked will do well with the king.”
Isabel couldn’t keep herself from laughing at that. “Oh, I have no doubt he would do well.”
Fina blushed at Isabel’s statement.
“Soon, you will be a married woman and make inappropriate comments such as that.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“The statements or being married?”
“Either.” Fina slipped a pin in Isabel’s thick hair. “Phillip’s parents aren’t pleased.”
“I can’t imagine that will matter to Phillip. I’ve seen how he adores you.”
“It doesn’t matter to him, but it does to me. It’s not right for him to marry against his family’s wishes.”
Isabel didn’t have to ask why his parents weren’t pleased. They didn’t think Fina was good enough for Phillip. That would change soon since Colin had invited the couple for supper at his table and planned to speak well of Fina.
***
“I would rather be reading a book.” Colin admitted as he leaned in and whispered to his wife as they ate. Many nights they sat together in the library and read. No merriment or music was better than their nights alone.
“I agree.” She batted her eyes at him. “That or staying up late and doing who-knows-what.”
“I will cancel the dance right this minute to do who-knows-what with you.”
Isabel leaned in. “You can’t cancel. We have hundreds of guests already in the great hall, most waiting to see you.”
“Someone once told me that since I am king, I can make decisions like that.”
“If you cancel, we can read first and then who-knows-what after.”
“Don’t tempt me.”
“I’m tempted to tempt you.”
She placed her hand on his. “Don’t forget.” She glanced over at Phillip’s father.
“I won’t.”
Colin surveyed the couple to Isabel’s right. Fina sat next to Isabel with Phillip in the next seat. Across the table from them were Phillip’s parents. Both, Colin noticed, were quieter than most, understandable since being at the king’s table was a new experience for them and an undeserved honor. The wife seemed most in awe as she looked around the room more than feeding her plump face. The father, a land owner of little wealth, ate enough for them both.
To the father, Colin said, “I am pleased that you were able to attend at the last minute. It has been my intention to have you join us. Now, especially since we will nearly be family, I think it is time to get better acquainted.”
Iris perked up at the king’s comment and nudged Walden’s arm.
“Nearly family, sir?” Walden said.
Colin was amused by the expressions on Fina’s and Phillip’s faces.
Colin said, “I foresee a wedding in the near future. It seems to be moving in that direction. Since Fina is family to us, I will consider you family as well.”
Fina swallowed hard and glanced at Isabel.
Colin smiled as he looked at the parents and then at Phillip. “I’m sorry, Phillip, if I’ve misspoken.”
Phillip was beaming at the king and even more so as he looked over at a blushing Fina.
“You haven’t misspoken at all, Your Majesty. We haven’t made it official, but that is my hope, that this spectacular woman will agree to be my wife.”
Colin had done all he needed to do and now watched as the family began to discuss the couple’s future. The mother was suddenly a doting mother-in-law-to-be toward a gleaming Fina.
Isabel reached for Colin’s hand. “Well done.”
“I asked myself how you would manage the situation – and did that.”
“I’m glad you are learning from the master.” She then turned and joined in the conversation with the others.
Colin watched his wife more than he was able to eat. There was nothing about her that he didn’t find absolutely perfect, a fact that once had frightened him. Now, he found comfort in how deeply he had come to care for her. No matter how he had fought his feelings, over the past few weeks, he found himself helpless to maintain distance any longer. More and more he was becoming hers – a feeling not so terrifying after all.
The thought of Elias caused a scowl to form on his face. He felt it himself, lines deepening on his forehead and a frown drawing his lips downward. Elias was still so evidently in love with Isabel that Colin found he was tempted to reassign him elsewhere. More than once a day the thought crossed his mind. For Isabel’s sake, however, because she cared so much for the commander, he wouldn’t. Still, anytime they were in a room together, Colin found that he could do nothing but watch the two to see if looks were exchanged. Isabel rarely looked at the commander, but the commander looked at his queen more now than in the early days. His love for her hadn’t faded one bit. Colin hoped, based on her indifferent demeanor, that Isabel’s had.
***
Hour after dreadful hour passed as Isabel danced with and greeted her guests. Due to the sheer number of people in the room, to keep her eyes on Colin wasn’t easy. When they did make eye contact, however, knowing looks were exchanged, a promise of the night to come. Both were just as eager for the night to end.
At one point Isabel stopped and looked at Colin. A smile tugged at her lips as she watched him talking to an ambassador, both impassioned by the topic at hand. Her heart beat clear up into her throat at the way he waved his arms in defense of whatever his positon was.
She realized in that moment, it was happening: Against everything she knew to be wise, she was coming to love her husband. Over the past weeks, even with his barrier collapsing before her very eyes, she had fought against loving him. Still, no matter how far they had come, his assurance to never love her stayed fresh in her mind. Early on, those times she believed him to be drawing nearer, she had been sorely mistaken. What if that was the case now?
Even as that thought occurred, Elias was suddenly in her line of vision, staring at her. For the first time in weeks, she held his gaze. Unsure of the feelings his expression conveyed, what she did know was that his love for her was evident, more so than she had ever seen him display. There was something more. It wasn’t desire there beneath the surface; it was devotion, heartfelt and painful devotion. Her heart broke for him to the point that it took her breath away.
When he began to stride toward her, weaving through bodies as if desperate to speak to her, she stood frozen. Just at that moment, though, Colin grabbed hold of her arm and dragged her toward the ambassador to introduce her formally.
After the introduction, as much as she tried, Isabel couldn’t keep her mind on the conversation at hand.
“If you will excuse me.” But even before she could turn away, Colin had hold of her arm again. “I would like you to stay.”
Isabel only nodded up at him, baffled by his insistence that she stay. Soon enough, he made an excuse for them to leave and led her from the room.
Walking up the stairs together, she finally said, “What’s the matter with you tonight?”
Any other time she would believe that he was eager to be alone. That wasn’t the case tonight. He seemed annoyed.
“We will talk when we’re alone.”
They reached her room and once inside he bolted the door.
She had barely taken a step when he spun her around to face him. “Are you seeing him behind my back?”
“Elias?”
“Yes, of course Elias.”
“No. Why would you think that?”
“I saw you two tonight, the way you looked at one another.”
“It was nothing.”
“Your expression wasn’t nothing. Neither was his.”
“I promise you. We aren’t seeing each other at all.”
Colin paced a moment and then went and sat by the fire. “I should have never agreed to allow you to see him at all. That was a mistake – a stupid mistake.”
“I’m not seeing him.”
Isabel moved to sit beside him. “Colin, look at me.”
He did and sighed. “I want to believe you.” Colin shook his head. “When you first looked at him, your expression was innocent enough, but within seconds I could see a melting away of your resolve. I know you’re only keeping him at a distance for his own good, but what I was reminded of tonight is that you would be with him if you could.”
Unsure of what to make of the undercurrent of emotions stirring beneath Colin’s exterior, Isabel sat without speaking. He was more jealous than he had ever been, yet another clue of his feelings for her. She glanced down and saw that his hands were trembling. Was he that angry?
Colin’s breath was coming in rapid bursts. “I just can’t imagine you giving yourself to him.”
He looked at her for a long quiet moment until he finally lowered his head and kissed her bare shoulder, trailing kisses upward along her neck and to her ear. He hovered there by her ear.
“If you allow him to touch you, I will present his hands to you at his funeral. Have I made myself clear?” When she nodded her understanding, he said, “I will never allow him to take this part of you from me.”
“Never, I promise you.” Isabel moved in to kiss him, hoping to settle his doubts over her faithfulness.
In an effort to further settle his suspicions, she said, “I need to tell you.”
Colin moved his hands to her face and held her near. “Tell me what?”
More than a little fearful of what her revelation might mean, she said, “My symptoms have begun. We are certainly having a baby.”
“Nothing has ever made me happier than those words.” He chuckled. “I’m sorry. I’ve acted a fool tonight.”
“You have every right to act a fool. I’m your wife. Forgive me for giving you reason to ever doubt me.”
The way he made love to her that night was unlike any night before. His whispers stole her heart as countless times he told her, “I am lost in you. I am so lost in you.” Even beyond those words his every touch and every tender word confirmed his deepening affection for her. For the first time since knowing him, she felt safe to love.
When he finally came to rest beside her, she turned to face him. “Stay with me until the morning. I want to see your barely tolerable face when I wake.”
He smiled and caressed her shoulder. “I will be here to see your beautiful face, Isabel.”
***
Colin woke with a start and bolted upright, drenched in sweat and gasping for breath. Even wide awake, each time he blinked he saw the sight again, Melody’s and their child’s graves all grown up and covered in weeds. From the depths of the earth she had called to him, “Promise me,” her voice echoing still in his mind like a heartbeat and that familiar sense of darkness enveloping him.
He looked around, reminding himself it was only a dream. The sun was barely dawning, just enough to cast sufficient light that he could make out Isabel’s form there next to him.
His breathing was finally becoming steady, but his heart was burning within and he knew he had to escape before she woke. The words promise me drowned out even his own assurance to Isabel that he would be there when she awoke. Somehow, he would explain it later.
“You’re leaving already?” Isabel rolled over, blinking in sleepy confusion.
“I should go. I have something I must do.” He sat for a second more, the darkness suffocating him to the point that he was struggling again to breathe. “I can’t do this anymore.”
She sat up and drew her knees to her chin. “I should have never asked you to stay until morning.”
“No, all of this. I can’t keep doing this.”
“What are you saying?” When he didn’t answer or turn to face her, his meaning dawned on her. “You’re not coming back.” It wasn’t a question, rather an expression of her understanding.
“No. Now that your symptoms have begun, I think it’s best that I don’t.”
“Is that why you said those tender things last night, to soften the blow of what you would tell me this morning?”
“No, of course not. I’m not coming back because I meant those things. I am about to pass through a door I will never find my way out of. I can’t go to that place with you, Isabel.”
The look of devastation in her eyes prompted him to reach for her. “Please don’t be angry with me. I never intended…”
Isabel slapped Colin’s hand away and leaped from the bed. She paced back and forth until she eventually stopped right in front of him.
“Of course I’m angry. How did you think I would react to this?” she shouted. “After your jealousy last night and…” She began pacing again, shaking her head, whispering to herself what a fool she was.
“Isabel, I’ve always been honest with you. I can’t love you.”
“That’s not true.” She stomped her foot. “You feel something and that terrifies you. You can love, but Melody wouldn’t approve. Isn’t that right, bound by her twisted promise?”
She glared at him. “You know what, Colin? You are just as twisted as her. The moment you discovered that I love another, you became jealous and intentionally tried to entrench yourself deeper into my life. Only to what, leave me until our child is born? So after that, if it’s a girl, I suppose I’ll need to be on my back again and again until we have your boy. Well, that’s fine with me. It’s my purpose!” she screamed so loudly that he jumped. “At least now you admit it, too.”
She lowered her voice and pointed toward the door. “Just go.”
When he stood and moved toward her, she took a step away from him. “I don’t need you to love me.”
He understood her meaning full well but could hardly form the words to ask. “So you will go to him now?”
“I know of no other way to survive you. You’ve given me no choice.”
“You have a choice.” His words were deliberately soft, knowing she was reacting out of her pain. What he was doing was truly unforgiveable.
“As do you.”
He turned to go, then stopped. This was all because he cared too much, not too little. His deepening feelings for her did terrify him.
His hesitation only angered her. “Later today, remember that there’s no guilty gift costly enough to repair the damage caused by reminding your pregnant wife that you will never love her. After something so heartless,” she lowered her voice to n
early a whisper. “nothing would do.”
Colin staggered at the weight and truth of her words. This woman was carrying his child, yet he was crushing her with his retreat.
“Go back now to your tomb and sleep with the dead. It’s what she demands of you.”
Colin reached the door and just stood there, unable to lift the latch. Life was in this room.
Isabel walked over to him and rested her head on his back. For a few seconds she only stood there. “Don’t come back. This is too much for either of us to endure again.”
“I agree. I’m so sorry.”
“I will tell Elias tomorrow about the pregnancy. I ask that you wait until then to announce it to the court and kingdom.”
“I will do as you wish if he is what you want?”
“Of course he’s what I want. He is my thousand blessings.” She paused. “You, Colin, are my one sorrow.”
Unable to respond, he lifted the latch and moved through the door.
Without going to his own room, Colin instead made the familiar trek out to the graveyard. While not as overgrown as in his dream, the graves of his forgotten family did indeed have weeds growing that would never have happened before. Over the years he had been too intentional and visited too often for weeds to take over.
Colin stooped first before his little girl’s grave and began to pluck weed after weed, feeling guilty for having neglected her. Now, with another child on the way, he could see how easily a never-born baby could be forgotten.
Next, before Melody’s grave he did the same. This time, however, his heart was filled with an entirely different emotion than guilt. He found only bitterness when he thought of her demand and his promise. Because he had taken her life, she had taken his. She had known exactly what she was doing when she made him promise. This curse over him was her precise intention.
***
Within the hour, Isabel was entering the chapel doors and making her way toward the towering cross. She was glad to see the room was empty, that she had the freedom to cast her accusation. When tears began to stream down her cheeks, she whispered, “Why have You given me to this man, only to destroy me?”
