by Lisa Heaton
“Having a secret lover?”
He is not my lover.”
“He loves you. You love him. What else might I call him?”
She turned from him and looked at the fire. “I suppose you are right.”
Colin knelt before her. “If you’re doing this to run from me, don’t. You will only get hurt.”
She tried to stand, but he held her in her seat. “I’m here as your friend, not a jealous husband.” He took hold of her chin and forced her to look at him. “Stolen moments will never satisfy this kind of love. It will never be enough. You will need more of him. He will need more than you are able to give.” He paused, understanding the weight of his own words. “This will destroy you eventually. I care too much for you not to warn you.”
She only nodded as tears formed in her eyes. “I feel lost and alone here. I see him only occasionally. I ramble around aimlessly in this palace, just waiting until the next time I might hear him say my name or whisper that he loves me. And then moments later it’s all over and the waiting begins again.”
Colin looked away.
She reached for his face and stroked his cheek. “You came to me as a friend. I’m just telling you this as my friend. Colin, I’m hurting and I’m lonely.” Tears were pouring down her cheeks. “I’m pregnant by a man who refuses to love me and unable to be with the one who does. I go to sleep alone and wake alone and my entire life ahead of me will be lived out alone. That’s my burden, and nights like tonight, it feels much too heavy to bear.”
Colin wiped her tears away. “Then I will help you bear your burden.” With tender affection, he drew her into his arms. “I’ll find a way.”
***
The following morning Elias was requested to appear for the king. While standing, waiting for the king to conclude his prior business, Elias could only wonder at the summons. He had watched the king’s face often enough to see his displeasure. This was likely the moment that his relationship with Isabel would come to an end and the king would dismiss or dismember him – no telling which.
“Commander, thank you for coming.”
To his surprise, the king allowed others to remain. “How may I be of service to you, Your Majesty?”
“Now that the queen is expecting, I find that I’m more than usually concerned with her wellbeing. She likes to ride out to the lake, but since I have asked that she not ride in her condition, I would like for you to accompany her when she walks there. She could stumble and fall and need a steady hand. Also, anytime she is off the palace grounds, such as when she goes to Deslan to check on the progress of the town and cottage, I want you by her side.”
Colin looked at him, his eyes narrowing. “There is no one I can trust her with more than you. Just as I would, I know that you would give your life for her if it was required of you.”
“No harm will ever come to your queen while in my care.” Elias sighed, his words stinging his own heart. “You can trust me, Your Majesty.”
“I believe that, Commander, and because I do trust you, the fact that you will be in her presence alone does not concern me. You have always proven yourself loyal.”
“As I always will be found to be.”
Elias found Isabel sitting on her favorite bench in the garden. From afar he had watched her there most days. There was rarely a moment that he didn’t know her whereabouts.
“Good morning, Isabel.”
Startled, Isabel looked up and around them. “You can’t be here with no one nearby. If he sees you –”
Elias held his hand up. “The king has sent me.”
“He has?” she said as he sat next to her.
“It seems he is more concerned about your safety than normal,” he arched his eyebrows, “with your condition, of course. So he has asked that I accompany you as you walk or when you go to Deslan or anywhere else that you may need to go.”
When she stared up at him wide-eyed, he chuckled. “So where is it you want to go first?”
Without hesitation, she said, “To the sea.”
“Then we shall go to the sea, my queen. I will have a carriage made ready.”
Her nod prompted him to stand. “I will be waiting when you are ready.”
“An open carriage if you will.”
“I wouldn’t consider anything else. I know my precious cargo’s fondness for the sunshine.”
The hour’s ride flew by so that it seemed no time had passed at all. Soldiers accompanied them behind and before, leaving them a small degree of privacy. They talked and laughed. For the first time in weeks, Elias was pleased to see Isabel acted more like herself again rather than a wounded bride. She made merciless fun of him as she had from the beginning, and of course he gave it right back to her.
Often, right in the middle of a conversation, Elias would stop mid-sentence and remind Isabel how much he loved her. He couldn’t help himself. He treasured this time with her and would allow not one minute of it to go unappreciated. At those times when he said he loved her, she often teared up as she said the same. This day was the finest he had known since they had arrived in Kidian. For the briefest time, she felt like his own.
When they arrived in Deslan, Isabel was eager for Elias to see all the progress that had been made over the past months. Near the bakery, she asked him to stop long enough to go inside.
“I don’t know that stopping is the best idea.”
From the moment they had entered the town, Elias noticed there was an obvious stir due to the queen’s arrival.
“Of course it is. I love the people here, and they love me. I have to stop. I always stop.”
Elias agreed reluctantly and halted the carriage near the bakery. Like any of the townspeople might do, Isabel walked right into the bakery and greeted the woman by name.
“Margaret, it smells like heaven in here.”
Rattled by the queen’s arrival, Margaret stammered and tried to smooth her disheveled auburn hair. “Queen Isabel, so happy to have you here.”
“How could I possibly pass through and not stop? Your pastries rival the palace chefs’.” She lowered her voice a bit. “Though I will deny saying that in front of them.” She shook her head and made a tisking noise. “Temperamental bunch, they are.”
Glowing at the queen’s compliment, Margaret reached into the case for a small cake. “I have your favorite, strawberry.”
“I will take it with me and eat it by the sea. Do you have another for my chaperone?”
“Of course, Your Majesty.” Margaret wrapped both in paper.
“Do you have apple tarts?”
“Not at the moment. I will make them for you.”
“That’s perfect. A dozen if it’s no trouble.”
“Oh, no, Queen Isabel. I am happy to.”
“We will travel to the sea and check on the progress of the cottage. On our way back through, I will stop in.”
Elias watched the exchange between the two women, his heart glowing with pride over his queen. Isabel spoke to a commoner as if they were long lost friends. If he hadn’t loved her before entering that bakery, he would as they walked out.
The pair sat together in the sand and enjoyed their cakes, careful not to sit too close. Neither minded since all that mattered was that they were together.
“I thought you were pulling her leg,” Elias said as he finished the last bite of his cake. “That was better than anything I’ve had in the palace.”
“Not pulling her leg at all. Just as soon as the cottage is ready and as often as I can come here to stay, I will only have Margaret supply my baked goods.”
She sighed a long and heavy sigh as she looked around and out to sea. “I love it here. If I could live here full time, I would.”
“I suppose it doesn’t surprise me that you would give up a palace for a cottage by the sea.”
Isabel turned and said, “I would give it all up for you.”
He leaned in as much as he dared. “And I would walk away from this kingdom for you. I should have stolen
you away before you wed.”
For a moment neither said anything at all. Finally, Elias asked, “Why would the king allow this?”
“Partially to ease his guilt, I think.”
“And?”
“Because he knows I’m lost without you.”
Elias looked out at the water and then back at Isabel. “If I were able, I would wrap my arms around you and hold you while you look out at the sea.”
“If I were able, I would let you.”
***
Colin sat on his throne listening to complaints, this time from a pair of landowners in a property line dispute. The moment his wife entered, he never heard another word spoken. Her cheeks were pink from the sunshine, and she seemed to glow all over.
“Leave us,” Colin said, his voice echoing around the room, and the room emptied.
Isabel moved up the steps and sat on her throne. A smile formed on Colin’s face at having his wife by his side again. “Was your day less lonely?”
“My day has been perfect.” She paused for a moment. “Thank you for what you’ve done.”
“I will give you anything that causes your happiness.”
She grinned. “And I will give you something to cause your happiness.” She handed him the bundle.
When Colin untied the string and the paper fell open exposing apple tarts, he looked up at her. “This is better than happiness.”
“I licked two, but you’ll never know which.”
Surprised that she would bring up a reminder of an intimate time, he looked back down at his tarts, hoping to get the image of their first kiss out of his mind.
She reached over and took one of the pastries. “I really only brought you eleven.”
“I will share half with you if you like.”
“Maybe not half since I had a strawberry cake earlier.”
“I want those as well next time.”
“Then you will have them.”
Colin ate his first tart in bewilderment, hardly able to believe she would do something as personal as this. Over the past weeks she had been so distant from him that he wondered if their relationship was damaged beyond repair. After that last morning he didn’t blame her.
“This means more to me than you know,” Colin said.
“Your tarts?”
“Yes, my tarts.”
“What you gave me today means more than you will ever know.”
“Isabel?”
When he paused for so long, she finally asked, “What?”
“Please be my friend again. I’ve been lost without you.”
She exhaled at his words. “I was always your friend, Colin. I was getting confused and needed time.” She looked away from him.
Colin reached for her chin and turned her to face. “That was my fault. Please forgive me. From my jealousy to how I was with you that night, the things I said…” He paused and shook his head at his own vacillating. “I can imagine how clouded I have made this for you. You were right. I was feeling things that terrified me.” He blinked long and hard. “I know you don’t understand my promise to Melody – some days I don’t either. All I know is that I am bound by it, unable to get past it. You must believe me when I tell you, as we fell asleep that night, my truest intention was of staying until you woke. Please don’t think I misled you on purpose.”
“I don’t think that.”
He leaned in closer. “More than anything, I don’t want to ever hurt you again. I know you were lonely because of me. That’s why I have given the commander watch over you. It’s not simply easing my guilty conscience – not a guilty gift. It is my way of lessening your pain. I hope this makes a difference in your life.”
“It has made a difference already. Consider your tarts my peace offering. Friendship restored.”
Chapter 20
At the moment Sybil was standing on the porch, hands on her hips, waiting while Eric cleaned himself up at the well. He had arrived home from work bloody again, something that had happened all too often. Even though he wouldn’t look at her as he had approached the house, she could see this beating was worse than usual.
In the beginning, for the life of her, she could hardly imagine how a man his size could be bested. It wasn’t until the third time that she noticed his hands; they weren’t scraped, assuring her he never landed a blow in defense of himself. Those first few times, admittedly, she was glad it happened and felt he deserved it, but not anymore.
He never told her about the men who did this to him or why, but there was no need for explanation. On those few occasions when she had accompanied him into town, insults were hurled his way, and once even a young man she recognized approached them in a menacing way. At that point, because she was with him, Eric pressed his hand against the man’s chest and loomed over him in an intimidating way. The man seemed surprised by Eric’s threatening behavior and backed away.
This gentle giant of hers was allowing himself to be assaulted as penance for what he had done to her. He was an easy man to figure. Since knowing him these past three months, finding he was tender and caring, his reasons for not fighting back were evident to her. In some way he was trying to pay a higher price than what had been given, believing this life he had with her was no punishment at all. He once said as much.
Early on, due to her embarrassment and his, they agreed not to attend church those first few Sundays. After the first month they tried, only to be turned away at the door. Eric wasn’t welcome there, so Sybil left with him. That was the tipping point for him, being rejected by God. Later that night, Sybil tried to assure him that it was man’s rejection and not God’s, but Eric said he didn’t blame God for disowning him.
That night was the first and surest crack in the wall she had built against her husband. His brokenness over being cast away from church was something that she never got over. Since the afternoon when he was first beaten, when he had held her and cried and begged for her forgiveness, he had never cried in her presence again until the day they returned from the church. Even now the memory of that Sunday caused her to despise men of God who were so cruel and unforgiving.
When Eric appeared from around the back of the house, she simply stood watching him. He forced a weak smile. The moment he reached the top of the steps where she was standing, she took hold of his right hand and found it unscathed.
“You have to fight back.”
“I won’t.”
She held his hand in hers. “What will become of me if they kill you?”
He looked away. “Then you will be free of the vows you never meant.”
Without another word he went into the house and to their bedroom.
Sybil looked down at her flat stomach, to where their child was once cradled, the child she had prayed into the grave. Since she had lost the baby, Eric was a different man, even more shattered than before. Not much longer would he be able to stand under the strain of it all. He was breaking.
After a month together, the loss began. One day, not long after Eric had left for work, she had doubled over in unbearable pain. By the time she reached the shop where Eric worked, she felt blood flooding down her legs, so much that she fainted from weakness the moment she walked through the carpenter’s door. She barely roused while Eric was carrying her to the infirmary where the physician tended to her.
Because she had lost so much blood, the physician insisted that she stay overnight for her safety. Not for one minute did Eric leave her side. His words were sensitive and kind as he prayed over her that she would recover.
Even now she could hear his words when they arrived home the following day.
***
“I will leave you here now if that is what you want,” Eric said without looking at her.
“And go where? How would I manage?”
“I will send money back – all that I can make. I will see to it that you never want for anything.” When she said nothing, he said, “You should be free of me. You deserve better.”
“I will never be f
ree of you since I vowed before God.” She said no more and went to bed.
***
At the time she was thankful to have lost the baby, the one thing she had prayed for most. Now, after these months with her husband, the memory of the loss of their child and living under the weight of the fact that she had prayed him away was becoming her undoing. Guilt over her callousness toward an innocent life stayed ever on her mind. Add to that the agony of knowing that Eric was suffering abuse he could prevent, and Sybil was just as shattered in heart as was her husband. Together, they were a miserable pair.
Sybil went inside and to the bedroom where she found Eric sitting on the side of the bed, elbows resting on his knees and hands covering his face. He had yet to put on a fresh shirt, so this was a rare moment to see his broad back shirtless.
When she sat, he never turned to look at her, so she placed her hand on his bare skin, something she had never done. His skin was warm to the touch and she noticed how firm and muscular he was. She smiled to herself at what a fine-looking man he was.
“I didn’t mean my vows then, but I mean them now.” When he turned to look at her, she smiled at him. “I truly mean them now.”
“You do?”
“With all my heart. There is no other man I would ever choose to call my husband. Only you.”
Eric sat up and took Sybil into his arms.
“Look at me, Eric.” When he did, she reached up and stroked his cheek. “I vow before God to love you always and to honor you and cherish you.”
He grasped her by the arms and looked at her, his eyes filling with tears. “You love me?”
“I didn’t choose to love you as you did me, but because of the man you are you’ve left me no choice.”
Eric rested his forehead on Sybil’s. “I love you so much – more than I ever dreamed I could love.” He smiled as he traced his thumb along her lower lip. “You know what’s customary after saying your vows?”
“A kiss?”
“Yes, a kiss.”
He leaned in and kissed her, their first kiss as a married couple. Sybil remembered the feel of his lips upon hers and now welcomed them.
