A Thousand Blessings - Book One (Blessings Series 1)

by Lisa Heaton

  Colin was at a loss. Everything she said was true with the exception that she was selfish like Melody. He sighed, trying to give it ample thought.

  “How did he react when you told him he could at least hold your hand you?”

  She said nothing.

  “You did tell him?”

  “No. I couldn’t.”

  “So, this has been on your mind since before us yesterday?”

  “Maybe not all of this but some.”

  “What will you do now? Tell him it’s over?”

  A tear slid down her cheek, so she turned her head and wiped it way. “It will devastate him.”

  He touched her tearstained face. “May I tell you something as a friend?”

  “Yes.”

  “Now remember, this is me, your friend, not some jealous husband.” When she nodded, he went on. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I’ve seen that look before, soul-crushing love. You have tremendous power over him. For both of your sakes, be careful how you wield that power.”

  “I don’t know what to do.”

  “You have a difficult decision ahead of you. And just so you know, the fact that you are even considering this proves your selflessness. She would have never thought so far beyond herself.”

  “What she’s done to you is a terrible thing, Colin. I can’t imagine she would want this life for you.”

  “It’s more than the fact that she made me promise. I took her life from her. It seems only right that she takes mine.”

  “You didn’t take her life.”

  “I did. I told you I forced the child on her against her wishes.”

  “But she knew when she married you that a child would be required of her.” Isabel paused. “Was she an opportunist as your father said?”

  When he looked away, Isabel said, “Melody was nearly twenty-one years old, and you’ve said the most beautiful girl in the kingdom. Did she love a seventeen-year-old young man, or did she want a prince? I don’t doubt that she loved you eventually.” She grinned at him. “How could she not? But your infatuation with her was an opportune time for her to catch a prince.

  “I knew when I married you that a child was required of me. She knew that, too. Still, she set out to marry you. You had every right to expect a child and no way of knowing it would cause her death. Just because her mother died that way wouldn’t lead anyone to believe that Melody would suffer the same fate. Women die often in childbirth.”

  “Don’t say that.” He reached for her stomach. “You will be safe.” Of all the things she had said, only the thought of losing her mattered. Much of what she had said, he had already considered before. Truth spoken aloud, however, penetrated his heart more than his own suppositions over Melody had.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve said too much.” She leaned in a little. “Those were merely words of wisdom from a friend – not a jealous wife.”

  He leaned in too. “May I tell you something?”

  “You may.”

  “There is no woman in all the world that I would rather have as my wife. You are an exceptional woman, Isabel.” He chuckled. “You know, the first description I ever heard of you from Simon was that you would make an exceptional queen.”

  Isabel blinked long and hard. “May I tell you something, something not so good?”

  “You may.”

  “Once, while we were here, I told Elias I would leave all of this for him. It’s not true now.” She looked out at the water. “Honestly, I don’t think it was true even then.” She looked down and placed her hand on her stomach. “I would never leave you.”

  He pulled her to him and draped his arm over her shoulder. “That’s a good thing since I would never allow you to leave.”

  He leaned down, kissed her cheek, and then hovered near, brushing his lips along her skin. “I want you always. I want to come to you tonight and tomorrow night and the next. But I feel, until you come to a decision about Elias, it’s better that I stay away. You need clarity that won’t likely come if I’m in the way.”

  She nodded in agreement.

  After a few minutes, feeling more disturbed by their conversation than pleased, Colin leaned back so that he could look at his wife. “We better head back. My tarts aren’t going to eat themselves.”

  Chapter 23

  Already regretting that he had agreed to go, Elias was just now reaching Heath. Over the past days’ ride, he had wished that he would have sent someone else to check in on Eric and Sybil. If not for settling Isabel’s mind over her young couple, he would have never agreed to leave her.

  Over the past months since they had been able to spend time together alone, Elias had found himself so completely absorbed in Isabel that he felt incomplete when they were apart. He couldn’t count the number of times he had walked the palace grounds and went to where her window was above. Just being near was all that mattered to him.

  Since leaving, he had been unsettled. There was a feeling he just couldn’t shake. They were running out of time together. While it was something they never discussed, they both knew that life would be entirely different once the baby came. They would no longer have the freedom to ride to the sea or even take a walk to the lake. Elias had spent hour after hour trying not to think of what the birth of the king’s child would mean for them. It would be a joyous occasion for the kingdom, but for Elias, it would decimate his world. If a few days travel caused this level of anguish, what would it be like when she spent weeks away from him?

  It was nearing dark when he arrived at Eric and Sybil’s place. Lights shone through the front windows, and he feared he would be catching them at suppertime. His small company of men had stopped off in Heath, so Elias was alone. If this was a bad time to visit, he would come back in the morning. His hope, though, was to talk to the couple and get back on the road home.

  He rapped on the door and waited. When Eric opened the door and broke out into a broad smile, Elias couldn’t help but smile in return. This wasn’t the look of an unhappy man.

  “Commander!” Sybil said. “Please come in. We are just having a bit of supper. I’ll make you a plate.”

  “Don’t go to any bother.”

  Elias watched her as she stood, noticing that she was thinner than when he last saw her. He looked and listened, thinking he would hear the gurgle of a baby at any time.

  “You might as well save your breath, Commander. She will make you eat.”

  “Is there a babe around here sleeping? I thought I would arrive before you had him.” The moment the question came out, he regretted it. The stricken look on both of their faces said it all. “I’m so sorry.”

  Sybil was near the table when the commander had asked the question, so Eric reached for her and circled his arm around her with tender care. He said, “We lost our son.”

  Elias watched the pair in utter disbelief. Certainly, he was saddened to hear of the tragedy, but what he discovered in that moment was that this couple had fallen deeply in love. The way Eric held Sybil near and even touched her stomach as he spoke caused a lump to form in Elias’s throat. This was one of the most poignant moments he had ever witnessed. Sybil’s actions were unexpected and pitiful as she leaned into Eric while he comforted her. They lost the child that neither had wanted, and here they were grieving it nonetheless.

  “I am truly sorry for your loss.”

  For a moment there was a strain in the air. Elias noted how Sybil tried to pretend she was well when she clearly wasn’t. He ate a few bites of his food, wishing he could think of something more to say.

  Once she was seated again, Sybil said, “Your arrival is perfect timing, Commander. Please don’t think us ungrateful, but we must move from here. This town isn’t a place where we can build a future together. Someday we will have other children, so we need to be where no one knows our beginning. Already we have faced the consequences of that here. We aren’t allowed to attend church.”

  “I’m not allowed,” Eric said. “She could.”

  “And I wouldn�
�t dare go without you.” She turned back to the commander. “Eric has been assaulted repeatedly. We need to move from here.”

  Elias leaned back in his chair and chuckled. “And I have the perfect new home for you.”

  Within the hour Elias was already on his way back home to Isabel. He couldn’t have planned it all out any better. With the revitalization going on in Deslan, Eric would have work for ages to come. The couple would have a new beginning, and best of all, the queen would get to meet them. Along the ride he tried to envision the excitement on Isabel’s face when she heard that they would be behind him soon.

  There was something about the moment that struck Elias as holy, as if he was seeing God in action. He needed that in this season of his life. Over the past months, he had felt far from God, farther than he could ever recall as a grown man. Always his faith had been significant to him. No doubt he was to blame. Never once had he been able to justify his feelings for another man’s wife. Even when he tried to convince himself that loving her was acceptable since the king refused, Elias knew that was no excuse. The fact was, he loved Isabel more than he wanted to be near to God, a truth he couldn’t deny to himself or God.

  What he had discovered since knowing Isabel was this: he had no way of undoing the damage done, the loss of his heart to her. Knowing what that would mean, that loving her would always leave him on the perimeter of Isabel’s life for all of their lives, Elias was settled on and accepting of that. Loving her was his thousand blessings, and living without her was his one sorrow. No matter the pain of it, he would endure for her sake. Always, he would keep his promise of never-ending love for her.

  ***

  The days before Elias would return home, Isabel kept her distance from Colin. She had to in order to begin to untangle her thoughts.

  Her love for Elias was undefinable. His sacrificial and unconditional love for her had carried her through when she was certain she would crumble. It was a heart connection, a cord woven within them both from the moment she had set out on her journey to become an unloved wife. There had been times, especially early on, when she had convinced herself that Elias was given to her by God for just that purpose. Now, however, Isabel lived under such heavy conviction that she couldn’t even try to pretend that God had any hand in Elias’s interruption in their marriage.

  Isabel reached for her red coverlet and hugged it to her chest. Her journey to meet her king was never supposed to be what it was. She should have been preparing her heart to wed. Instead, from the moment she knew of Colin’s love for another, she had summoned up some imaginary world where she could retreat to live out her most painful moments. Both she and Elias were delusional and now it was too late to dismantle that faraway world of love.

  Earlier that morning she had walked to the chapel, but once there found she couldn’t go in. There were answers in that place that she didn’t want to hear. Each and every time she had stepped foot within the doors of the old stone building, whispers sounded from the towering cross. Even though she couldn’t fully make out the words, they pierced her heart so dreadfully that she knew they were calling her to sacrifice what meant most to her.

  Even the word sacrifice conjured up images of a bloody tearing of her inner being, something Isabel was certain she had no strength to withstand. There was a saying that continually echoed in her mind, a hint of what was to come: It’s not about giving up; it’s about giving in. She didn’t know what it meant and didn’t want to.

  Isabel sat in front of the low burning fire and draped Elias’s blanket over her legs. On and off she had cried. After so many hours of this, she wondered if she would ever stop. Just when she was certain there could be no more tears, the image of Elias’s face, of the wounded expression it would hold if she ever told him it was over, came to mind and caused another round of sobbing.

  “Please don’t ask me to give him up.” Her words were barely audible as she dropped to her knees there before Jesus.

  Speaking to God was rare these days, but even as the words passed her lips, she knew His answer already. She was called to give up Elias. Unwilling to listen, she shook her head, stood, and went to climb in bed. With her head buried beneath the covers, she whispered, “I can’t do as You ask.”

  ***

  In all the time he had known her, Elias had never seen Isabel so quiet. Now, sitting together beneath the overcast sky, she was a different woman from the one he had left behind. She sat with her cape wrapped snuggly around her, warding off the cold wind, gazing out into the water.

  “You must talk to me. Whatever is burdening you, share it with me. I will carry your load.”

  She smiled up at him. “I have no doubt you would if that were possible.”

  “Has he hurt you?”

  Soon after arriving back at the palace, Elias heard that the king had spent a night with the queen while he was in Heath. The guard who relayed the information thought it good news and had no way of knowing its impact on him.

  “I can honestly say, no. Colin has been nothing but kind and understanding.”

  “Understanding of what?”

  “My feelings for you. I have ridden an emotional wave in your absence.”

  “I have, too. Without you, I have nothing. I knew it from the moment I mounted my horse.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “It’s the truth. Even a few days apart from you was nearly my undoing.”

  Tears sprang to Isabel’s eyes. She looked away.

  In his longing to touch her hand, he at least allowed his pinky finger to touch hers. Any moment of contact with her, even the smallest touch of her skin, caused him to sigh in surprising satisfaction.

  Isabel looked down at his hand and looked away again. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “That we can’t have more. This isn’t fair to you.”

  Elias chuckled. “I have all I need as long as I have your heart.” He patted his breast pocket.

  They talked of Eric and Sybil for the next few minutes, and he could see Isabel’s relief in hearing that the couple had fallen in love.

  Elias had a good idea. “If the weather cooperates, tomorrow, we can ride to Deslan and prepare for their arrival. We will locate a place for them to stay for the time being. Until we find –”

  “You will have to go without me. I will be at court with the king tomorrow. I want you to make the arrangements. Talk to Margaret. She will be able to help you find a temporary home for them. Tell her they are my friends.”

  His expression fell. Her reluctance to go with him confirmed what he had sensed from the moment they had left the palace. There was something amiss with Isabel. Everything within him warned that he was about to lose her.

  ***

  Since Colin had the tremendous responsibility of making decisions that affected people’s lives, he could understand Isabel’s relief that her young couple had fared so well.

  At supper together, a rare night for them to be alone, Colin and Isabel had been chatting about Isabel’s plans for Eric and Sybil in Deslan. He had arranged this night alone with her so that he could spend time with her without interruptions. Since their trip to Deslan, she had been distant from him, something that had affected him more than he anticipated. When he had suggested that he not come to her while she made a decision over Elias, he hadn’t meant that they shouldn’t spend time together at all. It seemed distance was what she needed, so he had given her that time.

  He rested his fork on his plate. “I am pleased, for your sake, that they will relocate here.”

  “These past months, I’ve feared for her. All I could wonder was if she was loved.” She sighed. “Now, knowing all is well, I feel so relieved. I’m sorry about their baby, but to know they are clinging to one another assures me they will make it through even the worst of times.”

  Colin looked away. While she hadn’t meant to convey her own situation, she did precisely. Her fear over Sybil being unloved was merely an expression of her own heart and circums
tance.

  Isabel said, “I hope they find happiness by the sea. I can’t imagine they won’t.”

  Colin nodded, but he wasn’t thinking at all of Eric and Sybil. Instead, he wondered about Isabel and her decision about the commander. For him, it was what he continually thought of when he wasn’t recalling her words about Melody. Since all that she had said was true, he could only reconsider his promise. In this moment while looking at Isabel, he knew that breaking his promise to Melody was inevitable. How could he not love this wife of his?

  Chapter 24

  “I have no choice. I know that.”

  Isabel sat in the front row there in the chapel where her sacrifice would be required of her. From early on she had known this would come, the day when she would tell Elias that they could no longer be together. Once she understood how cruel and selfish she had been all along, the decision became an easy one. It would be the implementation that would require strength that she didn’t possess.

  “You’ve been saying, Lord, it’s not about giving up but giving in. I’m giving in to You today. I can do that only if You enable me. Otherwise, I will fail You and him. For his sake, I will follow You.”

  Fina found Isabel in the chapel and took a seat next her. “I’m sorry this is so difficult for you.”

  “If I had only listened to you all along.”

  “Don’t. That helps nothing. We will get you through this.”

  “We?”

  “Yes, we. I am with you. It may not make your task ahead any easier, but I will be praying for your strength.”

  “Elias and I need to be alone, but I can’t imagine the walk back together afterward. Will you and Phillip meet me by the lake so that I’m not without accompaniment? That will allow Elias time alone before coming back.”

  “We will be there.”

  ***

  Since Isabel had talked so little during the walk, Elias knew to brace himself. From the moment she met him in the garden, he had seen the look of resolve in her eyes. Too, with Fina and Phillip trailing not so subtly behind them, he suspected Isabel had asked them to accompany her back to the palace. Wise thinking on her part.