A Thousand Blessings - Book One (Blessings Series 1)

by Lisa Heaton

  No matter what Isabel believed about her responsibility in the destruction of their marriage, from the very first moment Colin was to blame. His fear of letting go of his old life in order to grasp the new was that first falling rock, not Elias himself.

  The sin was his. He was called of God to love his wife, yet he refused, even having the vow removed from their wedding ceremony. Still, he could see the look of disappointment on Isabel’s face that day. He had vowed to honor his wife, and that very night he had left her wounded and alone after taking her innocence. It was never about keeping a promise. It was pure rebellion against the God who had saved him.

  Because of that, due to the consequences of his actions, they were paying a high price. Now, Colin would wait for Isabel to come back to him. Deep within, he knew it was only a matter of time.

  So lost in thought, he didn’t notice Isabel approach until she came to stand beside him. When he realized she was holding her red blanket, he looked at her, about to ask what she was doing there. Then she took a step toward the fire, as if she was about to toss in the blanket. That’s when he understood. All the times he had covered her with the blanket, it was her reminder of Elias.

  He took hold of her arm, not wanting her any closer to the blazing flames. “Did he give that to you?”

  “No.”

  “But it reminds you of him?”

  “Yes.”

  Colin took the blanket from her and stepped close enough to toss it onto the fire. The sense of satisfaction he felt as he watched the red fabric go up in flames was nearly as great as watching his own curse be destroyed. Still, even as the blanket disappeared and became nothing more than ash, he knew this wasn’t yet the end. She had agreed to allow the man to love her from afar. No matter her reasoning or how responsible she felt, that had to be stopped.

  Still gazing into the fire, Colin said, “Give him up, or I will take him away.”

  He spun around to face her. “I have to know where your heart is. I can’t keep wondering. I won’t go on as we are.” He took her face in his hands. “What is this power he has over you?”

  “It’s not that.”

  “Then what? Why won’t you simply tell him to walk away?” He searched her eyes.

  “It’s the power I have over him. I did this to him. I can’t hurt him again. You didn’t see what it did to him before.”

  “Tell me. Do you love him?”

  “In the beginning I was infatuated; I admit that. Maybe it was even the beginning stages of love. Not so long later, especially as I began to struggle with caring more for you, I realized that I didn’t love him the way he loves me. I care so much what becomes of him.” She began to cry. “All along I was using him and didn’t realize it until it was too late.”

  His relief over her words was nearly staggering and caused him to feel lightheaded. To know her heart wasn’t with Elias changed everything. Still, to know she was allowing the man to continue on in his declared affection kept her bound in some way, if for no other reason than due to guilt, something he well understood.

  “I won’t allow him even the smallest part of you. You once said he put the pieces back together when I shattered you. It’s all too clear that he has kept a piece for himself, and I won’t stand for another man owning even the smallest part of you.” Colin’s tone grew sharper. “Give him up, or I will take him away.”

  “Elias is loyal to you and your kingdom. He never intentionally came between us. His only intention was to…”

  Even as she searched her mind for the right word, Colin finished her thought. “Help you survive me?”

  “Yes. That was all in the beginning. Now he just hurts, and I’m to blame. I brought him into this, so I beg you not to hurt him or take away his command because of what I allowed.”

  Due to the anguish in her eyes and how tender her heart was toward the man who had loved her in his place, Colin knew he would have to be the one to end it for her.

  He sighed. “I will carefully and considerately resolve this, remembering that he helped you to survive me and held the pieces together every time I hurt you. But I will not allow him even the smallest piece. Have I made myself clear? Not even the smallest piece.”

  He stared into her big, fear-filled eyes as she nodded her understanding.

  “Isabel, I am fighting for you with all I have in me. Help me win this fight.”

  Tears began to pour down her cheeks at his words. “Thank you for fighting for us. Please never stop.”

  When he drew her into his arms, he felt it still, some level of resistance. Whatever her struggle, Colin was determined to win her over.

  Colin waited for the commander. He had taken the afternoon to think and pray over what he would say to the man who loved his wife. This wasn’t easy. No matter Elias’s motives throughout the process, it was wrong of him to pursue Isabel, especially in such a vulnerable state.

  At times he had felt somewhat grateful to Elias for how well he had cared for Isabel when he himself had treated her so horribly, but now, as a man who loved his wife, he found himself feeling less understanding and more threatened, no matter Isabel’s reassurances.

  Elias was now taking a seat in the same chair he had when originally asked to travel to Moneia to escort Isabel to Kidian – no accident on Colin’s part.

  “Your Majesty,” Elias said and nodded.

  Colin was direct. “I’m asking you to stand down.”

  His eyes grew wide, but he hardly looked surprised. “From my command, sir?”

  Colin shook his head. “No, from your promise to love my wife in my place.”

  Elias held the king’s gaze. “It’s not as easy as that.”

  Because he had given his word to Isabel, Colin remained calmer than the situation demanded. “I’m fighting for my family, Elias, for my wife. I need you to release her so that she can be fully mine.”

  Elias jumped to his feet and turned from the king. “Sir,” he spoke with his back to the king. “I have had no interaction with the queen just as she has directed me. I am no hindrance to your marriage.” After a long pause, he said, “Your wife loves you. It’s evident in the way she looks at you.”

  “You are a hindrance whether you realize it or not. There is a part of her that can’t seem to get past your heartbreak. She feels responsible, and as long as she knows you are loving her from afar, I fear she will never be able to forgive herself. She is tormented by your love. I know that can’t be what you want for her.”

  Colin felt a wave of compassion sweep over him in view of Elias’s countenance; he was truly as broken as Isabel suggested. Colin placed his hand on Elias’s shoulder.

  “She loves you too much to know you’re hurting and it not affect her. Give her her freedom, Elias. For her sake, set her free. I have genuinely come to love her and will do better than I’ve done in the past. There is no more need to love her in my place. I’m asking you to give our marriage a chance.”

  Elias stood, staring straight ahead without any reaction at all.

  “If you can’t stand down,” Colin took a step back from Elias. “Then I will be forced to relieve you of your command. It isn’t what I want, but I can’t allow you to hurt my wife. I won’t.”

  “May I have time to think this through, sir?”

  Colin nodded. “I will meet you back here in twenty-four hours.” Colin left Elias to gather himself.

  ***

  After nursing William the final time before bedtime, Isabel still sat staring at the bed there in the nursery, tempted to crawl in it. She knew that wasn’t what the Lord asked of her. The nights she had slept away from Colin, she had been convicted of her intentional separation from him. Now, after their encounter that morning, she knew she must go back. He was willing to meet her more than halfway. She had to be prepared to take a few steps back to him, no matter how broken her heart.

  Because it wasn’t yet time that they could be intimate, that wasn’t the issue. At the moment she wasn’t even sure what her fear was. She
pondered long and hard and determined that she feared he would find her lacking compared to Eliza. Isabel had always been confident, especially where Colin’s desire for her was concerned, but since William’s birth, she felt anything but attractive.

  Once William entered the world at just shy of six pounds, she found that all her baby weight was actual apple tart weight. She had overindulged for the latter part of her pregnancy. Now she regretted it. Everything that was once taut was now jiggly, a fact that caused her to cry every time she changed clothes. If not for Eliza, she might not think as much about it. But because Eliza’s words and lovely face and figure stayed ever in the forefront of her mind, Isabel felt out-gunned.

  ***

  Colin was just drifting off to sleep when he heard the door open. He peeked one eye open and found his wife walking toward the bed. He smiled with new hope. Without saying a word, he lifted the blanket when she climbed in, and he drew her near.

  After a moment of holding her, he whispered, “That wasn’t so long a wait.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Are you back for good?”

  “I’m trying.”

  “This is a good start.” He kissed her on the cheek. “We will never work this out apart.”

  Soon enough his wife was dozing next to him, a feeling that Colin reveled in. This was what it was supposed to be all along. When regret entered his thoughts over all he had done wrong so far, he pushed those thoughts aside and chose instead to focus on the good that was happening before his very eyes.

  That morning, when Isabel had come to him on her own to burn her reminder of Elias, Colin knew it was a tremendous sign of her willingness to move forward. He would have never known that blanket was special to her for Elias’s sake, so her offering it up showed the integrity of her heart.

  Colin thought of Elias and their time together that afternoon. He had intentionally never mentioned it to Isabel since he had no way of knowing what the commander’s decision would be. If he had a preference, he would rather the commander step down. Colin would be glad to assign him to any post in any region of the kingdom. To have him remain would always put a strain on his marriage and on his wife. Because he had given his word to Isabel that he would handle the matter considerately, he had come to conclude that allowing Elias to choose rather than sending him away was the best approach. Whatever the commander decided, Colin was firm in his resolution that all ties between the two be severed.

  ***

  Elias paced still, late into the hours of the night. The awareness that Isabel was tormented by his love gave him such reason for sorrow that often he would take a break from his pacing and sit with his face buried in his hands. This was all too much. Shame over his own selfishness was overwhelming. Once he had told her that his love would never fail her. It had.

  That dreadful night, the fact that he had endangered her as he had gave him such cause for remorse that he considered resigning his post at once and leaving Kidian altogether. He should have done so the following day. After his disloyalty, he didn’t deserve a king so fair as to give him the choice. More still, he didn’t deserve the love of a woman such as Isabel, even if her love was merely lingering affection from one who had once feared a life without it.

  The dilemma he faced had him confounded. In order to remain at the palace, he knew he would have to renounce his love for Isabel, something outright impossible. How could he simply choose not to love her? How could he ever agree to that? True enough, it wasn’t a matter of breaking his promise to love Isabel in the king’s place. The king loved her without question, so that promise became void as of the king’s change of heart. But there were other promises to consider.

  Chapter 29

  Colin had begrudgingly agreed to Elias’s one request that he be able to meet with Isabel privately and tell her his decision. The two men had talked at length over Elias’s future and come to an agreement that suited both as much as was possible – considering. Since both had the same ultimate desire, Isabel’s best interest, to allow give and take on both sides was required. Now, after his meeting with Elias, Colin was only partially at ease since Isabel’s time with Elias was yet to come.

  The fact that she said her love for Elias was never what he had believed it to be gave him a sense of relief. He believed her deep down. If it weren’t for this feeling of distance between them, the place where she seemed hurt, he wouldn’t worry at all. Still he recounted the night before she gave birth, trying to determine its cause. He replayed the night many times, and nothing unique came to mind other than Elias’s presence. While they had both been pulled in different directions for much of the evening, at nearly every turn, they sought each other out and smiled at one another from across the room. To him it had been sweet and playful, and he had anticipated the time when they would go up together and spend time alone.

  This uncertainty was driving him mad, so much so that he often considered demanding that she be more open with him. Each time he began to speak such words, he found himself unable to. Something inside of him reminded him that all she had asked for was a little time. After all he had put her through over the past months, he could at least allow her that.

  ***

  “No touching.” Colin’s tone was stern, but his eyes held such vulnerability that Isabel had to reach up and give him a peck on the lips for reassurance.

  She tried not to smile. “Absolutely none.” Not that the moment was amusing, but his attitude was sweet and caused her to feel warm and happy that they were making such strides together.

  Isabel allowed Colin to give her a hand up as she mounted her horse. Once she was situated, she looked down at him. “I won’t be long.”

  “No. Don’t be long.” He took hold of her horse and prevented her from leaving. “Tell me again.”

  “I care for him, but I’m not in love with him.”

  Colin stepped aside and watched her trot away.

  Isabel rode with anxious anticipation over her time with Elias. Since Colin had agreed to allow Elias to talk to her, he wouldn’t give her details of their earlier conversation, only that they had come to an agreement. She had no idea what to expect, so she tended to think the worst. The last time they had met here in their secluded spot, Elias had offered to drop to his knees if she would relent. That one moment had stayed so engrained in her memory that it still brought tears to her eyes.

  She tried her best to prepare her heart. No matter Elias’s state during or after, she would maintain her resolve. Her absolute priority was her husband and her marriage. Never again would Elias be a concern for Colin.

  ***

  When Isabel dismounted without his help, Elias bowed, his heart pounding. “Queen Isabel.”

  He had rarely seen her as she was today, with no adornment and wearing a day dress rather than formal attire. This was similar to the weeks they had traveled together for Kidian. This was the real her.

  “Commander.” She nodded at him politely, smiling all the while.

  “You are looking well. My congratulations are in order. You have a healthy son.”

  “Thank you, Elias.”

  Her voice was soft as she spoke, and the kind look in her eyes gave him reason to relax. This was his Isabel, his closest friend and confidant.

  He wondered. “Can we be the real us and not these formal strangers?”

  “Of course.” She smiled up at him. “We are far from strangers.”

  “Good. All this pretense is a strain.”

  “No pretense necessary.”

  “Your delivery was horrific. I’ve heard more details than I think I wanted to know.” He bowed his head. “I have never prayed the way I did that day. On my knees I cried out.”

  “Thank you for your prayers. They were heard.”

  “The king was by your side.”

  “He was.”

  “I’ve always known he would find his way.”

  “Have you?”

  Elias nodded. “How could he not love you?”

&nb
sp; Isabel looked away.

  “Because he does now, I know what that means for me.” When his voice quivered a bit, he could only hope she hadn’t noticed.

  “You are released from your promise?”

  “From at least one.”

  “Are there others?”

  “At least two more that I can recall.” He took a step toward her. “Would you like to walk as we talk?”

  “That would be nice.”

  “I once promised you that I would never leave you. Another time I promised on my life that you would always have my heart – two promises. I’ve come to understand that I must break one or the other to allow you your freedom.”

  “And you’ve decided?” She stopped and gave him her full attention.

  “Both.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “Where will you go?”

  “Deslan. Because of the vast improvements and ever-growing commerce that is taking place, the king has decided to create an outpost there. I will oversee its construction. With cottages going in for the nobility, Deslan will change dramatically as time goes on, so the presence of the king’s military is warranted.”

  “Did he say you must go?”

  “No. That was my choice. He was gracious enough to offer me the position. He has also appointed me as governor over Deslan.”

  “Governor? What a tremendous honor!”

  “As for my other promise.” He held out his hand. “I must ask you for my heart back. You now possess the heart of the king. You’ll never sleep with two beating hearts beneath your pillow.”

  She smiled at that and made a show of placing his heart back in his hand. “Make sure to be wiser when you give this away next time.”

  He grinned at this dear woman. “I can imagine no more deserving woman. I’ve learned much about love and sacrifice from you, qualities that I will someday share with another, I hope.”

  “That’s what I want for you, to love another.”

  “In time, Isabel, in time.”