The Hope of Azure Springs

by Rachel Fordham

  “Now who is the mysterious one?”

  “All right. I told her she wasn’t right for me. That I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t kind. I thought she would be angry, but maybe she is taking it to heart.”

  Em looked off into the distance. “She is changing. I believe she really is. Perhaps she will be a good match for you. She is beautiful.”

  “Naw, she’s not for me. But she will make someone happy someday. Let’s talk about the trip.”

  And they did.

  Sixteen

  You can do this. She took a huge gulp of air but still she felt like she was suffocating. You can do this.

  Before she was ready to face it, she saw it up ahead. The platform. No matter how many times she told herself it was just a platform, that it was different this time, her heart refused to listen. Against her will it beat faster. Then her legs stopped and she stood rooted to the ground. Eyes focused on the benches, the worn boards.

  Remembering.

  Swept away by images of her younger self, her hand grasping Lucy’s.

  “It’ll be all right,” she had said as she gripped her sister’s hand even tighter. Then she’d bent down and touched her sister’s cheek. “We’re going to ride a train and go to a beautiful place. We’ll live on a farm with animals and plenty to eat. We’ll have blankets on our beds, and someday I’ll buy you a doll.”

  “I’m afraid,” Lucy had said. A tear trickled down her face. “What if we get lost?”

  “Look at the tracks. The train stays on those. It knows exactly where it is going. Don’t worry. I’ll be right there beside you.”

  “Everyone file onto the train,” an aid worker had hollered.

  Obediently the children had pressed together as they crowded onto the train. Lucy’s hand had slipped from hers as Em pushed her way through the other children.

  And then there Lucy had been—at the edge of the crowd. Tears streaking down her face.

  “You said you wouldn’t leave me,” Lucy had said.

  Em’s own tears had come then. “I’m sorry, Lucy.”

  Em hadn’t let the little girl from her sight again, not until Beckford. And now here she stood again on a platform. Again making her way toward the train.

  “I can’t,” she said as she stared ahead. “I just can’t. I’m sorry. I thought I could, but I cannot.”

  Caleb regarded her without speaking.

  Em wanted him to understand. “I want to go and help you. Is there no other way we can get there?”

  “Well, we could ride on Amos, but that would take us too long. I already wired that we would be there for the trial. I think this is the only way.” Caleb stepped closer to her. “I’ll stay by you. You won’t be alone.”

  “It was so long ago. And yet standing here looking at the platform, it feels so fresh. I’m a child again and unwanted and afraid. I can almost feel Lucy’s hand in my own, slipping from my grasp.”

  “This time will be different.” He put a hand on her arm. “I won’t leave you.”

  “I believe you. It’s not that. It’s just that—that was the worst time of my life. When they took Lucy, I ached so deeply. Caleb, it was worse than hunger, worse than nights in the cold. It was like dying. And now I’m afraid—I’m not strong enough.”

  “But you are closer to her now than you have been before. This train ride will not tear you from her. It will take you closer to her.” Caleb’s voice was soothing.

  “I don’t want to feel that pain again. I’m finally living. I finally have people I care about.”

  “Em.” He brushed his hand against her cheek. “Look at me, Em.”

  Slowly she turned her head toward him.

  “Em, I’ll be here. We won’t dwell on the painful thoughts. When we’re together, we can remember the good times. Let’s talk about happy Lucy memories as we travel. We can look out the window and watch for good climbing trees. You won’t feel like you did before. Not on this train ride. I won’t let you.” Caleb reached a hand to her. “Trust me. You don’t have to do this alone.”

  Em stood a little taller and took a long, slow breath. Then, pursing her lips together, she grasped his hand and nodded.

  “We’ll do it,” he said, pressing his fingers tightly around her small hand. “We’ll do it together.”

  Holding his hand, she felt less like an unwanted child. Drawing from his strength, she stepped onto the platform. One hurdle behind her. When the train arrived, he put a hand on her back and whispered, “Won’t Mae and Milly be jealous? Another train ride, and this time you get to ride with a prince.”

  Em boarded the train thinking of her beloved little friends. A happy thought.

  Once on board Caleb led them to a seat and promptly opened a window, letting in fresh air. Em marveled at the cushioned seats and wide aisles. This train was different from the train she had ridden as a child. Then she had spent the long hours crowded onto makeshift seats, shoulder to shoulder with other children. So snug sleep had been nearly impossible.

  Caleb reached into his bag, dug around, and then pulled out three books. Em eyed him suspiciously. “What have you brought with you?”

  He flashed his handsome smile. “I brought this one to practice your reading. We can’t miss our lessons just because we’re traveling. This one here,” he said, holding a second, thicker book, “is so I can learn a princess fairy tale for the girls. I promised them one and can’t let them down. You have them expecting happily-ever-after stories. And I aim to tell them a princess story so fine that they will stop telling me how much better your stories are than mine!”

  “Always competing.”

  Picking up the final book from his stack, he said, “And this one is for me to read to you when you need to forget you’re on a train.”

  Em reached out and took it from his hands. She studied the writing on the cover. Slowly she sounded out the gold embossed letters. The first word was Jane. He helped her with the second word, Eyre. Jane Eyre.

  Caleb shrugged. “I’ve never read it, but my mother had it in her collection and picked it up often.”

  “Can we read it now?” Em asked.

  “The train isn’t even moving.”

  Em shrugged. “But I am ready to forget I am on the train. Please.”

  “You are as bad as Mae and Milly.” Caleb laughed as he opened the book and started reading. Em sank deep into the seat, rested her back against the thick cushion, closed her eyes, and listened. Caleb’s voice was smooth as he read and, without even having to try to escape, Em felt as though she were lost on the moors in England. She could see it all in her head. The grand old houses, the shameful school. She didn’t feel like she was on a train at all. Only when he stopped reading did she remember.

  “Why have you stopped?” Em sat up straight.

  “I know the princes in your stories can do anything, but I, unfortunately, cannot. If I read one more page, I fear my voice will be completely gone.”

  Em sighed. “If only I could read better, then we would be able to find out what becomes of dear Jane. Do you think she will have to stay at that cold, awful school forever?”

  “I hope not. That wouldn’t make for a very good story. We’ll have to pick it up again later.” He put the book down and reached for the reader. “It’s your turn. You keep practicing and you’ll be able to read Jane Eyre on the return trip.”

  Looking out the window, she avoided his gaze. He set the book on her lap.

  When she did read, she stumbled over words. Caleb placed a hand on hers. “Reading took me years to master. You’ll be a scholar in no time. Tripping over the words is part of the journey.”

  “I’m twenty. I should think it was high time I learned to read. I long for the day I read as you do.” She moved the book closer to her face, only to have it pushed away.

  “You’re twenty now? When was your birthday?”

  “I don’t know. I know my ma always told me I was a year older sometime around the beginning of summer. Since that has passe
d, I figure I’m a year older.”

  “I knew something was different about you.” He brushed a strand of hair from her face. “You’re practically an old maid.” He laughed but stopped when she did not laugh with him.

  She slumped back in her seat and said, “Someday I may be. I probably will be.”

  “Unlikely.”

  “I won’t think about that now. Today I feel younger than I have in a long time.”

  Caleb picked up the book of fairy tales. “Since you are such a young thing, you will not mind me reading you a fairy tale.”

  “I thought your voice was in jeopardy.”

  “It seems to have returned.”

  Em made herself comfortable in the seat, eager to hear another story—something fanciful that would distract her and help pass the time. His arm came around her. She inched away but then stopped herself. He was offering her comfort. It was a gift. She let her head rest against his shoulder as he read the story of Hansel and Gretel. When he finished, he started in on another and then another. Soon Em was asleep and dreaming of a future that did not include becoming an old maid.

  The afternoon continued much the same way. They talked of many things, the conversation easy and natural. Then they read.

  “I’m surprised you know so many of these stories already,” Caleb said when she again recognized a tale.

  “When I rode the train as a child, we passed the time by telling stories. There are so many details I have forgotten, but the stories seem to have sealed themselves up tight in my mind and heart. That train ride was not like this one—the stories were the only escape. Lucy loved them too. I’m so anxious to see her.”

  Caleb swallowed hard. “I’m sorry it will take longer to earn the money for Beckford. I could buy your ticket.”

  “No. As kind as your offer is, I will not take any more charity. I’ll find a way to get there. I know I will. This train is headed east. I have thought of finding work in a town along the way. My ticket would not cost as much then.”

  “Is that what you wish to do?”

  Shaking her head, she spoke quickly. “I don’t know. I’m not sure. I want to see her so badly. I have to see her.” She looked out the window at the green hills. “Yes. It’s what I want to do. It’s what I must do. Only I want to see everyone in Azure Springs too. I want things I cannot have, but Lucy needs me.”

  “What of Mae and Milly? The Howells would be heartbroken to not get to say goodbye.”

  “I left a note with Abigail. I told her to read it to the girls if I did not return with you. I’m sure it is full of errors, but I hope it’s clear enough. You will tell them why I couldn’t come back, won’t you? I love them so. Can you help them understand? You will tell them, yes?” Em quickly wiped a tear from her cheek. “I made a promise to my mother. I told her I would take care of Lucy.” She felt the emotion becoming stronger in her voice. “I promised her, and now Lucy is all I have. All these years it’s what I worked for. It’s what I lived for.”

  He brushed away another tear and then let his hand rest on her cheek. “I know. We all know you must go to Beckford. It’s only—Azure Springs will not be the same without you. We’ll miss you.”

  Leaning against his hand, she said, “No one has ever missed me.”

  “Those two girls will. I know that.”

  Em looked away, unable to meet his eyes. Her heart ached in her chest. Oh, how she would miss Milly and Mae. In truth, she would miss more than them. She would miss Margaret, the Howells, even Eliza. The brook she and Caleb had stomped in and the tree they had climbed. The jail where he had finally taught her letters and the mirror in which she had seen her face clearly for the first time. She would miss so many things. Mostly she would miss Caleb. The very thought of never seeing him seemed like a burden too heavy to carry.

  “I’ll miss them too,” she said. Then she sat in silence as the train chugged along the track. Her back to him, she pretended to sleep.

  “Em, wake up. This is our stop.” It was late in the evening when they arrived in Brigley. Caleb gently shook her shoulder. For hours he’d watched her sleep, wondering what life would be like when she was no longer in Azure Springs. Would life be as fun without her to laugh with? Read with? Learn with?

  “I didn’t mean to sleep.” Em rubbed her eyes.

  “It’s late. I’m glad you got some rest.” He started gathering their belongings. “The telegram said two rooms were reserved for us at the Spright Hotel. I’ve seen it before—it’s not a far walk.”

  Em picked up her small carpetbag and followed him off the train. Brigley was much bigger than Azure Springs. Even in the dim evening light the ornate courthouse was easy to spot. Stone columns stood as sentinels all along its front. They passed a library, two millineries, a dry goods store, and three saloons. Neither Caleb nor Em expressed any interest in exploring the town. Traveling had a way of wearing a body out.

  Caleb opened the door of the hotel and they were greeted by hard marble floors and a crystal chandelier. A young man stood behind a counter. “Can I help you?”

  “Yes, there should be two rooms reserved for us. Caleb Reynolds is the name.” The boy looked at a registry book before him.

  “Yes, sir. Two rooms. I’ll take you if you’re ready.”

  They followed the boy up the curved stairway to the second floor. “Right this way, please.”

  Around a corner, the boy stopped at the first room. Caleb motioned for Em to go on in. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he said before leaving her.

  “Good night, Caleb.” She stepped through the doorway, out of his sight.

  Across the hall was his room. He opened the door and surveyed a sturdy bed, a wardrobe, and other amenities. He hoped Em’s room was as nice. Judging by the grandeur of the hotel, it likely was. Such a difference from the barn she’d lived in. He wanted her to always have a warm bed and plenty to eat. Would anyone make sure that happened for her if she didn’t return to Azure Springs? Without the Howells, where would she stay?

  In the dark of night he lay in bed struggling to sleep. His thoughts repeatedly went to Em, no matter how hard he tried to think of other things. After finally pulling himself from the soft bed, he knelt on the floor and offered a plea that someone would watch out for her. That she would have food to eat and a roof over her head. More than just food and shelter—that wasn’t enough. His stomach twisted in knots as he thought of the dull look she’d had in her eyes when they’d first met. Let her live, not just survive, he prayed.

  Stretching her arms above her, Em opened her eyes. Sun poured through the heavy, leaded window and danced gracefully across the room. Judging by the position of the sun, it was early morning. Allowing herself the luxury of waking slowly in a room all her own, she lay in bed content and rejuvenated. The sun rose higher, its rays now entering through an upper pane. Then she got out of bed and readied herself for the day. Caleb had not told her what time to meet him. She dressed hurriedly, afraid of keeping him waiting. She tiptoed across the hall and tapped on his door. Then stepping away from it, she wondered if she should turn back. What would he think of her coming to his room?

  Frozen in her spot, she waited. She was about to flee when the door opened. Caleb was dressed, but his hair was a mess and he looked as if he’d been sleeping only moments before.

  “Good morning to you, Em. You’re a fine sight,” he said, then covered his mouth as he yawned. “Did your stomach wake you?”

  “No, it was the beautiful sunshine. The room was so pleasant compared with the constant jostling of the train. But now that you mention it, my stomach is ready to be filled.” She looked down the hall, again uncertain how to behave. “Shall I eat alone or are you going to join me?”

  “Of course I’ll join you. We two are traveling companions. Let me go and wash some sleep from my face. I’ll meet you in the lobby.”

  “Very well. I’ll see you in a moment.” With that she practically skipped down the staircase. He wanted to dine with her!

&nb
sp; When he joined her at the bottom of the stairs moments later, she still felt like smiling. He offered his arm and the pair walked to the dining room. All through breakfast she smiled, pretending in her mind that Caleb Reynolds was more than her traveling companion.

  “You must tell me what it is that is making you smile without stopping,” Caleb said as he forked his breakfast ham. “That last bite I was sure would fall right out. You smiled while chewing. Tell me your secret.”

  “There’s no secret. I can’t put it into words. I just woke this morning and felt like it was a good day. Aren’t I allowed to be happy? Do you ever feel that way when you wake—that life is good?”

  “Usually I wake and start thinking of everything I need to do. But maybe if I spend more time with you, I’ll wake up grinning from ear to ear. You did get me to jump in the brook and climb trees. Who knows what’s possible.”

  “Ah, the brook and the trees.” Putting her napkin on the table, she eyed him. “I think it’s time for another wager. I need a victory. Today could be my day.”

  “Just needing one won’t get you one. What do you have in mind?” Caleb asked, his eyes already sparkling. It was the same look she had seen before when they had competed.

  “I’m not certain. What time do we have to be at the courthouse?”

  “Not until two.” He pulled out a pocket watch. “It’s only half past seven. Looks like we have a few hours to cause some mischief.”

  “We’ve already climbed trees and shot guns. I lost both of those, although I don’t think the rules were in my favor. Let’s head outside of town,” Em said, already starting for the door.

  Caleb set his napkin on the table and followed. “It won’t take any convincing to get me away from town. Come on, end the suspense. What do you have in mind?”

  “I’m still thinking. I’ll let you know when I know.”

  “Fair enough.”

  Slowly they made their way through the town. Occasionally they remarked about the size of the town or stopped and peered in a window to comment on the goods they saw.

  “Azure Springs needs a library,” Em said, looking longingly at the shelves of books she saw through one window. “Someday I am going to read my way through everything I can get my hands on.”