I took a deep breath. Well two could play this game. I smiled back sweetly at Matthew, easing his nerves. “I’m sorry Matthew, I’m just real tired. I’ve been waiting here all day. You see I can’t wait to join you and everyone else, only I have to wait for Doc to remove my cast. He’s been real busy, I’m not sure when he’ll be able to get to me.”
Matthew smiled back at me excitedly. “I’ll go get him right away. He’s not busy now.” He ran off before Seth had a chance to even make an attempt at stopping him.
Once the boy was clear of the room, I smiled at Seth with a look that said it all. He clapped his hands together a couple of times and even took a bow. “Wow that was good. I must admit I didn’t think you had that in you.”
“You don’t know me or what I’m capable of. It would be best to keep that in mind when you try to manipulate me.”
“I’ve never underestimated you. You may not believe me, but I can see you. Even through that mask you put on. I saw you earlier when it started to crack.” My cheeks flushed, remembering my breakdown. “One day I’m going to get you to take it off.” He left before I could even think of what to say in response.
He didn’t understand that the mask was all I had to protect myself from getting too close to them. I needed it. It was already going to hurt leaving Matthew behind. And as much as Seth irked me the wrong way, most of the time, I was going to miss him too.
When Doc arrived, he was followed by Matthew who was wearing the biggest grin I’d seen yet on that little face. Doc was smiling too, probably because he realized that I’d one upped Seth at his own game. He didn’t say anything to me as he sawed through my old cast.
The moment it was off I instantly rushed to scratch the skin that I’d been dying to scratch for over a month. The little stick I’d been given was never quite good enough. I should have been embarrassed by the unsightly amount of hair that had grown while my leg had been smothered by plaster, but I didn’t care. It was so nice to be free. I didn’t even mind how heavy the walking cast was or the slight discomfort I felt at finally putting pressure on my right ankle for the first time in forever.
Matthew was right there when I wobbled offering his support, though I was sure if I’d actually started to fall over, I would have taken down him with me. I only hoped that adjusting to the walking cast wouldn’t take as long as the crutches had.
With the assistance of Doc and Matthew, I eventually made it to the main common room where the celebration was in full swing. All the beds, which had previously been moved to surround the heaters in the centre of the room, were now pushed back against the wall to make room for a buffet table. I had no idea where all the food had come from, but judging by Nina’s sour expression, I was guessing the precious stores. There were bowls filled with canned fruit, Old bags of long expired chips, soda, jerky, plates full of brownies, cookies, and other treats and best of all at the very end were at least a dozen bottles of wine.
I hadn’t had much experience with alcohol in my life. From my limited knowledge, I knew that most alcohol smelled funny and tasted a lot like cough syrup. On the upside it helped you forget the crap you wanted to forget and tonight that was what I wanted to do. So I moved straight past the food and right to a tall bottle of red wine. Cletus was there pouring out the beverage. He handed me a whisky glass and filled it a quarter of the way. When I didn’t pull my glass away Cletus just laughed as he poured a little more, and then a little more until the glass was practically filled to the brim.
“Think that will be enough there?” he asked me.
“It’s a start.” He laughed a hearty laugh as I passed by, sipping at the liquid while I attempted to prevent it from spilling over. Matthew was still by my side. I tried to encourage him to go hang out with Ginger but he wasn’t budging, that was until Jane shot a dirty look in our direction. Apparently, my emotional meltdown hadn’t been enough to soften her. She still didn’t want me anywhere near the boy. He sulked back over towards her and I gave a pitiful shoulder shrug. The truth was I was grateful to be free from my shadow. Tonight I just wanted to mope off to a corner and be left alone.
Of course Clara wasn’t going to let that happen. She pulled a cushion up beside me as she sat down with her own glass of wine, it was only half full, but I had a feeling she’d been sipping at it for a while. “Long time no see buddddddy, how’s it going?” she slurred. Okay maybe it was her second or third cup of wine. Her giddiness was going to get old real fast.
“Tired,” I replied trying to give her the hint that I wanted to be left alone. She either didn’t get it or chose to ignore me. Knowing her it was probably the latter.
“Ginger and I were put in charge of the party prep, what do you think?”
“Looks very festive.” I took a long hard swig of my drink. Yep definitely getting the cough syrup effect. Hopefully, the wooziness would kick in soon.
“Oh come on, it’s better than that. Now this is how I contribute to the group. You should have seen me wrestling with Nina for the liquor. She didn’t want to give that stuff up. She kept going on and on about us needing to be sober and alert like we were in eminent danger.”
I stopped drinking. “Why? Did something go wrong?”
“Nothing the guys couldn’t handle. They had a few stragglers try to break free but they blocked off the exits beneath the building by pouring cement. The only thing was they didn’t exactly let it harden for long enough and so when they blew the building, a couple of infected tried to claw through the cement to the surface.”
I stared at her horrified. That wasn’t just some small glitch and I couldn’t believe that Seth would say everything had gone great with the plan. That sounded like a major faux pas to me. The rage I’d been feeling started to bubble up in me once again. I should have been there. There weren’t supposed to be any survivors.
“Whoa chill,” Clara said trying to calm me. “You look like you’re about to blow a gasket, whatever that is. Wes and Kyle took care of the ones that surfaced. They’re all dead.”
How could they actually be sure of that? Suddenly I saw this party through Nina’s eyes. It was stupid and dangerous. If there were survivors, then we needed to be prepared for them. We should be waiting upstairs with our guns poised and ready. We needed snipers on the roof. I looked around for Nina but saw that she was nowhere to be seen. I chugged the rest of my drink, placed my glass on the floor and then heaved myself up off the floor. I almost fell right over thankfully Clara was there to help stabilize me.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“To find Seth.” She just rolled her eyes and went back to her drink. The rest of the group were busy drinking, eating, and laughing. Ginger was preparing some games she had planned for the evening. One of them apparently involved a large screen T.V and sound system. I couldn’t even imagine what game would require that. Even if the hive next door was completely eliminated, making a lot of noise at night was a dangerous thing. This party was loud enough without music. Looking around at everyone so relaxed, I couldn’t help but feel like I was the only sane person in an insane asylum. Didn’t they get this wasn’t the time for celebrating? We needed to be on alert.
It took me awhile to find Seth. When I did, I found him laughing away with Ginger’s uncle Austin. The moment Austin caught sight of the look on my face he bolted, leaving Seth to my mercy.
“Okay what did I do now?” Seth said with both irritation and a touch of humour.
“So the plan was a success? No problems came up? Nothing that maybe you should have mentioned?” He grumbled as he put his bottle of beer down beside his seat. He gave a reproachful look over my shoulder. I could only guess it was aimed at Clara. Clara was probably too drunk to notice.
“We’re not discussing this here. Come with me,” he said leading me out of the main room and down the hallway to the conference room. I rolled my eyes but followed along anyways. My cast thumping against the floor of the dark empty hallway gave off a creepy echoing thud. It only put me
more on edge. If I wasn’t so freaked out, I would have wanted another glass of wine.
The noise of the party was completely blocked out the moment he closed the door. Seth flipped on one of the battery powered lamps they kept on the desk in the room. It only half lit the room, only adding to my unease. The moment I realized where we were my cheeks flushed. It took all my effort to try and push out the memory of his lips on mine. They had felt so soft, so sweet. My whole body felt a jolt of electricity. I gave myself a shake pushing myself back into reality. This wasn’t the time to be thinking about kissing.
“You don’t think this,” I said pointing back in the direction of the party, “is reckless? We shouldn’t be partying. We should be waiting and watching.”
“Let me guess. Clara let her loose lips fly and over dramatized the situation. It was nothing. It was two rogue infected that managed to pull through the cement sludge and Wes and Kyle were right on them. Not only did we kill them but we also burned the bodies. There are no survivors. So please stop worrying and just relax already,” he said putting his hand on my shoulder.
I shook his hand off, as I ran my hands through my hair practically pulling out a few strands as my fingers made their way through. “I can’t relax and if it was nothing then why is Nina so upset?”
“Because she worries about everything. And if it makes you feel any safer, she and Doc went to the roof to keep an eye out for trouble.” He instantly regretted saying those words.
I shook my head into my hands. “If Doc was willing to go with Nina, then even he recognizes the potential danger.” I started heading back towards the door. I don’t know what my plan was. Maybe I was going to tell the others or maybe just Jane. Try to find some rational person to get on my side, to shut the ridiculous celebration down. But before I could make it three steps I nearly toppled right over. Seth of course was right there to catch me. As I looked up at him trying to focus on his image, I had the satisfaction of realizing that the alcohol had finally kicked in. Maybe this was the way to go. After all, there was that old saying, ‘Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.’ Maybe it was just better that way.
Seth helped me over to one of the chairs in the room. The satisfactory smile on his face, was enough to kill my buzz. I pouted at him. “Maybe another glass of wine might change your mind.”
“I don’t think so,” I replied crossing my arms.
“Listen, the only reason Doc is even up there is because he’s got a thing for Nina.” He laughed at the sight of my mouth hanging open so wide it nearly hit the floor. “I don’t get it either,” he chuckled again. “But then he thinks the same thing about me…” It was his turn for his cheeks to flame to life. The awkwardness was back. “Listen I know you’re worried, but there’s nothing to worry about. You should just relax and enjoy yourself.”
“Maybe I could if it was just about me. It’s not like I care what happens to myself. But Matthew…”
“You care about him. I can see that. And you know that I care about him too. He’s practically a little brother to me. So you should know I would never put him in danger.”
“Not knowingly I replied.” Seth pulled up a chair in front of me and sat down with a sigh.
“What can I possibly do or say to change your mind?” He asked exasperated.
“About the party?” I asked. “I don’t know. Maybe another glass of wine might do the trick.”
“Not the party,” he replied sadly. “About you not caring whether you live or die. We care. Don’t you get it? You’ve already made your mark on our lives. If you die it will devastate us, especially Matthew.”
I stared off trying to force back the tears. Of course I didn’t want to hurt Matthew, or Clara as annoying as she could be. And then there was sweet old Frank, who’d become a welcome confident. And I knew despite all my efforts to avoid feeling anything for him, I didn’t want to hurt Seth either. I still didn’t know what it even was I felt for him, but it was stronger than it ever should have gotten.
“You’re not alone,” he said. “You may not believe me, but I’ve been where you’ve been. I’ve lost everything. And no I didn’t have to kill my brother, but I did have to watch him die.” I looked out of the corner of my eye unwilling to let him know that I was feeling anything about his speech. I saw the pain in his eyes, the tears that fell freely. “I understand your loss, your pain. I was where you were, searching for a reason to stay alive. It took time, but I found it.”
“You can’t understand me,” I cried letting the tears fall. Maybe it was the wine, but I couldn’t hold them back no matter how hard I tried. “You don’t understand because you didn’t live my life. It’s not about not having a reason to live, it’s about not having to fight anymore.” I looked into his ocean blue eyes. And then for some reason I told him, what I’d never told another living soul, not even Molly though she’d been there at the time with ears too little to understand.
“When the plague first broke out my dad severed all ties with outsiders. He’d slowly been doing it for a while because of the war. But when the plague began, he took it to a whole other level. Any friends we once had we pushed out. We kept to ourselves because he said it was safest. But there was something there in his eyes that made me realize that even he didn’t believe being safe was possible anymore.
“I don’t remember how long it had been since the plague hit, maybe a few months. But all radio transmissions had ceased and as far as we could tell much of the population was either dead or transformed.
“That night my sister and I had been complaining about how hungry we were. Our food stores were really low and our greenhouse was barely producing anything and our dad had come home with nothing despite spending at least ten hours hunting, or trying to hunt. My dad thought we were asleep but we were still awake and our room was right beside our parents’ and we heard every word. My dad told my mom that he thought it was best if we just all committed suicide. He told her we weren’t strong enough for this world. That it would literally eat us alive. He said it was kinder for us to go out peacefully.”
Seth was staring at me in shock. Whether it was because of my story or because I was simply actually revealing something truthful about myself, I couldn’t tell. He didn’t interrupt me and I wanted to tell the story so I kept on talking.
“That night I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking that our dad was going to come into our room and shoot us in the head, or maybe stab us. I kept envisioning all sorts of scenarios. Molly was snoring peacefully beside me; she was only six and didn’t really understand what was going on.
“My mom had talked him down that night. Said he needed to give us time to adjust. I made up my mind that night that I was going to prove our dad wrong. I was going to be strong so that we could live, both Molly and me. I’d be strong enough for both of us. The next morning, I asked my dad to teach me how to hunt. I told him I needed to learn so I could help protect our family. My dad was shocked but happy. My mother wore a very different expression. She saw me and knew that I’d heard every word. She promised me later that day, when our father was away, that she would never let him take our lives. But I didn’t believe she could stop him if he thought I was weak.
“So I learned. I learned how to hunt. I learned how to defend my family. I defended our home against would be robbers. I helped set up traps to protect us just in case the infected wondered near our home. And I stopped whining and crying because it was childish and most of all it showed a weakness that I couldn’t afford.
“So no matter what happened I didn’t cry. I didn’t cry when my dad came home infected and tried to turn us all. I didn’t cry when I saw his teeth sink into my mother’s neck. I didn’t cry when I shot him in the head. And when my mother told me that Molly was now my responsibility and that I had to put her first, defend her with my own life, I didn’t cry. And as my sister sobbed in the truck beside me as we drove away I didn’t cry, not even when we heard the bullet that ended our mother’s life.
“The l
ast six years of my life I’ve had to exhibit absolute control. I’ve always had to be on guard to protect Molly. And when I let that guard down, I failed her. She died. It was my fault and yes guilt has weighed in heavily to my decision. But that’s not ultimately the reason why I want to die. I want to die because I’m tired. I’m tired of holding it together, of fighting, of pretending that there can be a happy ending. There is no hope, no future, and I don’t have to pretend that there is anymore. So it’s actually kind of freeing in a way.”
By the time I’d run out of words to say my mouth was dry and I was desperately wishing I had that second glass of wine. Seth continued to stare at me, unable to think of what to say. I didn’t blame him. I’d given him a lot to digest. So I decided it was best if I just left him to his thoughts. But when I went to stand up, he stopped me.
He reached out and gently grabbed my arm. “I let you say what you needed to say. Now I’m going to ask that you do the same courtesy for me. Okay?” I nodded as I wiped a tear from my eye. It didn’t matter what he said. There was nothing that could change my mind. I was sure of it. But if it was going to make him feel better, than who was I to deny him the right to try.
“You were right. I didn’t understand. What you had to do to survive…no child should have to go through that. You gave up your childhood to protect yourself and your little sister. You’ve sacrificed a lot. I don’t blame you for being tired or feeling hopeless.
“But it’s not hopeless. The whole purpose of the attack on the hive was to put into effect our plan to search for a cure.” I tried to open my mouth to tell him that was pointless but he stood up, placing his finger over my lips to stop me. “I’m not done. You got your turn. Now it’s mine.” I almost smiled.
“The doctor was part of a team that worked with the early infection. Yes, he was only an emergency physician, but he worked closely with the experts from the CDC and he’s adamant that he has the knowledge necessary to continue the search for a cure or at the least, an immunization program to prevent the transformation. I believe him. Doc is not one to boast about his own abilities. He wouldn’t say it if he didn’t believe it was true. You say there’s no future. But I think there is and what if you give up now when in a few months we could have the answer? Please,” he said getting down on his knees and placing his hands in mine. It reminded me an awful lot of when Alex had proposed to me. It should have made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t move.
Seeking Daylight Page 15
