Seeking Daylight

by Becky Poirier

  He smiled at me. “I didn’t think you were actually paying attention to that conversation. You looked so eager to leave.” I shook my head. I had been eager to escape the awkward conversation he’d started, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t hanging on to every word he said.

  “Craig was driving Billy to his assigned military base. He’d just turned eighteen and decided to sign up right away. Jack wanted to go to see his brother off. I think he knew that the reality was, that he might never see him again. The war had gotten pretty brutal by that point.”

  “Do you ever wonder if they might still be out there? Do you think about looking for them?”

  He smiled at me again. “I think you owe me at least ten questions by now.” I blushed. His intention with the game was to get to know me better and that wasn’t exactly how it was playing out. “The answer to your questions is yes to both. But I don’t know where to begin looking. It would be much easier for them to find me and I think if they were still alive, they would have tried by now.”

  “This is a big world. Maybe they have tried, and you just haven’t given them good enough breadcrumbs to follow.”

  “Breadcrumbs?”

  “From the Hansel and Gretel story.”

  “I’m afraid I don’t know that one.”

  “Well that’s just sad.” Who didn’t know the story of Hansel and Gretel? Fairy tales had been a staple in my household.

  “I didn’t have much time for reading growing up like you did,” he replied. I immediately felt guilty. He’d survived war, his father died because of some lunatics, all the while I was growing up safely on my family’s farm. Tears started welling up in my eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean for it to come out like that,” he quickly apologized.

  “It’s okay,” I said trying to shake it off. I wiped a tear away. “I think I’m done with this game.” I pulled myself up off the floor and headed to the shelf. I rummaged through what was available to eat, though I wasn’t the least bit hungry now. It was more just a way to escape the moment with him. I was so used to being able to just take off when an uncomfortable moment arose. But now there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

  Seth placed his hand on mine. It felt so warm compared to my ice-cold fingers. “I keep doing this, saying stupid things. Please forgive me.”

  “My dad would say it was just me being too sensitive.” I pulled out a mint flavoured protein bar and sat back down on the edge of the bed. Seth sat down beside me. I could feel his eyes on me. I wanted to run so badly. What I really needed was space. The only place to escape to, was the bathroom and I really didn’t want to spend any more time in there than I had to.

  “I know you said no family questions, but can I please ask you just one. It will make up for the ten you owe me.”

  “Don’t ask me about Molly,” I said looking deeply into his blue eyes.

  “Not until you’re ready,” he promised. “I was actually wondering about your dad. You said that he talked about ending your life in order to save you from the world. You said you had to toughen up to make sure that he believed you were strong enough, so that you and your sister could live. Do you ever wonder who you’d be if you were allowed to just really feel and not always force yourself to ignore your feelings?”

  It was strange that Seth would ask me that. I’d actually been thinking about that a lot lately. And there were times when I was with Seth, that I wanted to be that girl who wasn’t afraid to feel, to live for the now, to embrace the present. But I didn’t know how to be her. “When I’m with you,” I finally answered, “I think about it. I don’t want to shut you out, but I…”

  “Don’t know how to let me in,” he finished my sentence for me. I nodded. He wrapped his arm around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder. The protein bar lay unwrapped on my lap. “You’ve already started. And I’m not just talking about the physical, though I really am enjoying that.” I rolled my eyes at him again. “I see you trying. And you may think it’s not enough, but it is. The rest will come in time.”

  “What if we don’t have more time?” I asked.

  “I promise you we will.” He sounded so sure of himself. Even more sure than Alex had when he’d said pretty much the same thing to me. He’d been sure and he was wrong. I’d trusted Alex and it hadn’t worked out. Seth was even more convincing. I wanted to believe again. I wanted to believe we had a future, one where we could be happy and safe. A future where Seth and I could have something real.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  With the game at an end and there being nothing to do we decided to rest up in hopes that the storm would clear by the afternoon and we could make an attempt at reaching the clinic before nightfall. Seth hated being cut off from the others, even more than I did. He’d been their leader for so long and he needed to be with them, every bit as much as they needed him. Being completely cut off was causing him so much anxiety, that I was more afraid of him losing it in this confined space than I was.

  We hadn’t really intended on actually falling asleep. I’d slept really well the night before and despite the emotional exhaustion my body was very much awake. Seth needed the sleep, but I was afraid that his mind wouldn’t allow him rest. But with my head on his chest and the gentle rhythm of each other’s breathing it was only natural that we drifted off.

  Unlike the night before I wasn’t so lucky to avoid the vivid dreams. Maybe it was seeing those eyes on the screen that triggered the nightmares again. They never started out bad. They were always almost happy, but even in the beginning of them I kept waiting for the bad part, which always came.

  This dream was no different. I found myself back at my family’s farm. It looked every bit as peaceful as I remembered. There was a gentle breeze blowing through the grass as I approached the porch. The screen door was propped open like my dad liked it. He always said it was the only way to get proper airflow. My mother hated it when he did that because it naturally let in the bugs. My mother was a tough woman. She could skin and gut a carcass, but when it came to bugs all bets were off.

  The hardwood floor by the door creaked as I stepped into the house. It had been doing that as long as I could remember. That sound normally brought me comfort, but not today. The sound felt hollow, making me feel empty inside. And it wasn’t until I turned around to see if I was being followed, that I realized why I felt that way. The floor was supposed to make a double creak like it always did when Molly trailed behind me.

  Suddenly I wanted to be as far away from my old home as possible, but I couldn’t make my body turn around. It kept pressing forward into the muggy house. Sweat was pouring off of me as I searched what I was sure would be an empty house. In the back of my mind I thought maybe I might be forced to find my parents’ lifeless bodies, but then the silence was broken by the sound of a soft conversation coming from the dining room.

  I walked as quietly as I could, trying to eaves drop on whatever conversation was going on, but I couldn’t make out any of the words. While keeping myself hidden, I peeked around the doorway to the dining room. My parents were sitting at the table and they weren’t alone. On either side of them sat both Seth and Alex. Alex looked just like he had before he was bitten. His hair black, long and hung by his shoulders. His brown eyes looked just as intense and full of life as I remembered. Seth was sitting across from him with a confident expression on his face, that I didn’t quite understand.

  I listened as my dad practically interrogated them. Actually, there was nothing practical about it. That was exactly what he was doing. I would have expected, to go along with his line of questioning, that he would have brought in a couple hot lamps to hang over Seth and Alex.

  My mother sat calmly across from my father, studying the responses of my two would be suitors. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable about the whole situation. I shouldn’t be listening in to this conversation. I knew I should just turn around and leave, but I couldn’t make myself walk away. A part of me was very curious as to how Alex and Seth would respond unde
r my father’s pressure.

  “What makes you think you would be better suited for my daughter than Alex?” My father asked Seth. He looked him up and down not the least bit impressed. “You look kind of scrawny. Alex on the other hand looks like he could protect my daughter.”

  I wanted to jump in and defend Seth and tell my dad that not only was it none of his business, but that his looks were quite deceiving. For all Alex’s brawn, he hadn’t been that effective a leader. Seth was a real leader. People relied on him. But I stood silent watching the scenario play out.

  My mom turned ever so slightly looking my way as she gave me a small smile. It was a look she’d given me many times before. It told me that she had a plan, one that was very different from my father’s.

  “Honestly, sir I don’t really think your daughter needs protecting. She’s done well so far on her own,” Seth responded.

  My father snorted in an almost laugh. But it wasn’t out of humour it was out of disgust. “If she was so great at protecting, then Molly would still be alive,” my father retorted. My heart sunk in my chest. And that was when my sister decided it was time to become a part of this dream. She materialized at the far end of the room. She was standing by the window barely visible. The last time she’d shown up in one of my dreams she’d appeared a little washed out, but this was so much worse. She was fading fast. The knot in my stomach grew seeing her like that. She was looking at me sadly as the sunlight shone through her. The guilt came rushing back. I remembered how she’d looked at me the last time we were together, how she’d begged me to end her suffering. I couldn’t help but think of Doc’s experiment. If I had ignored her, maybe he could have helped her.

  Alex came to my defense before Seth could mount a rebuttal. “That’s my fault sir. I should have told her my plan. She would have made it to the panic room if I’d only communicated. Molly’s death is on my head.” Alex looked just as sad as I felt. Molly was standing right in his sightline, but he acted like he couldn’t see her. Everyone in the room ignored her. It took me a moment to realize that they couldn’t see her at all. She was here for me and separate from the dream. She didn’t feel connected to it at all. It was like she was just outside it, more as an observer than a participant.

  “John we’re getting off topic. We should be focused on the present, not the past,” my mother reminded him. “Seth,” she said with her usual warm smile, “why do you want to be with our daughter?”

  “Because she makes me feel whole again and I think that I’m doing that for her too. I didn’t know that it was possible to actually find love in this world. I hoped it was, but when I met her, I knew it was true. The first moment I laid eyes on her, I knew I would love her. She has a strength I’ve never seen before.”

  My mother smiled happily at him. “And you Alex. Why do you want to be with Paige?”

  Alex stumbled trying to find the words. I could see he was having a very difficult time not only coming up with a response; but coordinating his thoughts in general. He looked at me with this panicked look on his face. And it happened like that. One moment the dream was almost normal and then the next everything got screwed up. The sunlight suddenly vanished from the room, leaving Molly’s ghostly figure barely illuminated in the dark. She stood there trying to say something, but her words had no sound.

  I looked back at the table. Seth and my mother were both backing away slowly towards the doorway where I stood. Both my father and Alex were hunched over gripping the table with their claws. My heart raced in my chest as Seth bumped into me slowly placing his hand in mine. “Don’t make any sudden moves,” he whispered.

  Both my dad and Alex suddenly looked up in our direction. They had the same matching blood red eyes. My dad looked much the same as he normally did, except for his eyes and the look of rage on his face. Alex on the other hand looked more beast-like than human. Saliva was dripping from his fangs. Without warning Alex leapt towards me. He tossed Seth aside like he was nothing more than a rag doll. My father ripped my mother from my side. His fangs were in her neck before I could even react. I wanted to scream, but no air came out of my mouth. Molly was still staring at me looking sad and hopeless.

  Alex brushed one of his claws slowly down the side of my face towards my neck. Something cool and wet ran down the line he’d traced with his claw. I knew it was blood, but I couldn’t think clearly enough to care. His eyes were burning into mine and the way his claw was digging into my neck was making it hard to breathe. “He can’t have you,” he snarled. “You’re mine and if I have to turn you to make that happen, then so be it.” He bore his fangs and I felt them prick into my neck.

  I woke up in a cold sweat still lying on Seth’s sleeping body. My whole body shook uncontrollably. My right hand clutched at my angel locket so tightly, that the chain dug into my throat cutting off my air. Slowly I released it trying to be as still and calm as I could be. I didn’t want to wake Seth. He’d only have questions and we’d already played that game and I didn’t like it.

  I would have thought my nightmare would have woken him up long before me. But he was still fast asleep. Slowly I inched my way off his body. If he was still sleeping it was because he needed to, and I didn’t want to take that from him.

  Before I fell asleep, I’d felt tired, but not exhausted. Now I just felt drained. With Seth by my side, I thought for sure I would be safe from the nightmares but apparently; I wasn’t so lucky. I reached up to rub my eyes, only to realize that they were wet. I wiped the moisture away as I softly maneuvered myself off the bed. Seth mumbled something and rolled over onto his stomach. I breathed a sigh of relief that he was still asleep. It was better for me to have a chance to compose myself before he woke. He needed to know I could hold it together. We needed to get back to the others. I didn’t want him thinking I was distracted.

  Quietly I closed the bathroom door and turned on the lamp. I splashed some of the water we’d placed in the sink on my face. “Get it together,” I whispered to my reflection. The girl staring back at me looked drained, sad, and pathetic. She was weak. I was half tempted to throw my fist through the mirror to make her go away, but I knew that would definitely wake Seth.

  I gripped the sink tightly trying to fight the image of Alex. “It’s not real,” I tried to tell myself. Alex wouldn’t do that to me. He let me go. When he asked Seth to kill him, he was letting me go and pretty much giving Seth permission to be with me. The dream Alex was just that, a dream. So why did it disturb me so much?

  I was so busy wallowing in my misery, that I nearly missed the small red light that lit up on the computer pad. Seth had put it back in the bathroom, so we wouldn’t be tempted to keep peeking and risk draining the battery. The light only flashed for a moment and had I not been looking out of the corner of my eye at that exact moment I would have missed it. I pulled the device towards myself and tried to remember what Seth had pressed before to make it work. The light blinked again as I fumbled with the buttons in the barely lit room. Then the screen burst to life. It wasn’t like before. There was only one image on the screen now. It was the office outside the panic room.

  At first, I didn’t see anything and after staring at the blank black and white screen for a moment, I got bored. I was just about ready to turn the thing back off when something brushed past the camera lens. It was dark, fury and fast. I breathed out in frustration. The damn beasts were still here. Clearly the storm hadn’t blown over yet. With the afternoon already half over, that meant Seth and I would be stuck here for another night. I used to love this room and now it felt like a torture chamber.

  I had no desire to watch the beasts running around foolishly trying to find their way in. I had just put my thumb over the switch to shut the device off when the beast rushed the camera again. This time it came at it head on with something in its mouth. I stared at the screen trying to figure out what it had, and what it was doing. At first, I thought it had found a rat or something and was just playing with its dinner. But as I stared harder the creat
ure slowly backed away from the camera. What was in its mouth was much larger than a rat. It was white and soft and had a dress on it. It wasn’t until I saw the little bracelet hung around the thing’s neck, that I knew what it was.

  I dropped the computer pad on the ground not caring if I broke it. The rage that rushed me, was more than anything I’d ever experienced in my life. I didn’t think I just acted on impulse as I tore the bedroom door open, threw myself at the panic room door and began fumbling with the lock. Thankfully, Seth woke just in time to stop my total act of lunacy.

  He yanked me away from the door, all the while I kept trying to crawl out of his grasp and reach the door. He woke up a lot faster than I normally did. He wasn’t anywhere as exhausted as I was, so what fight I put up was completely futile. “What the hell are you doing?” he asked me as I continued to struggle with him.

  “Let me go!” I screamed, trying to break free of his grasp. He was stronger than he looked. He held me so tightly I thought he might actually break a rib or two.

  “Stop, Paige. Just stop and talk to me.”

  “They need to die,” I screamed. “I’m going to kill them all.” The more I fought Seth, the more exhausted I became. I don’t know how long we struggled like that, but eventually the rage in me shifted. Without warning, all the anger fled my body as I sobbed uncontrollably. “Please, I need to get it back. She needs it back.”

  Seth was staring at me completely confused. I’d stopped fighting his grip, but he wasn’t taking any chances. “Talk to me Paige. What do you need to get back and who do you need to give it to?”

  “They stole it. She needs it back.” I was barely making sense to myself, so I could hardly blame Seth for the way he was looking at me. I gave up and collapsed back into his arms. His grip changed from one of restraint to one of comfort as he pulled me into his chest. I couldn’t stop crying and I no longer cared that he saw me this way.

  A loud thud sounded against the panic room door, followed by another, then screeching. The frustration of the infected was enough to snap me back into reality. I almost did exactly what they wanted. “They took it to lour me out,” I said coming back to my senses. “What I almost…”