Sandover Beach Memories

by Emma St Clair

  “Maybe. I’m not really worried about it. More intrigued. I’m sure it’s something like an emotional attachment thing. I’ll let you know how it goes.”

  Rachel was quiet for a few seconds. Jenna steeled herself for what would come next.

  “Jenna, I really think you should talk to Jackson.”

  “I know you do.”

  “Will you—”

  “Nope. Talk to you later, Rach.”

  After Jenna hung up the phone, she walked out onto the back deck. It was nearing dusk, almost time to leave to meet the owner of her new rental. She leaned her elbows on the wooden rail and sighed, looking out over the acres of woods behind the house. This house held so many memories, ones that she felt so sad to leave behind when she signed the closing papers and locked up for the last time. But the one that hit her right in the gut and the one she hated to leave behind took place just a few weeks before when she danced with Jackson Wells.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Jenna drove to the cottage around dusk. It was beginning to turn the slightest bit of pink toward the west. Normally, a gorgeous On Island sunset would have lifted her mood, but tonight she felt a slurry of unwanted emotions in her belly. She felt sour from her conversation with Rachel, which had riled up all her feelings and regrets about Jackson. Then there were the nerves about meeting the owner of her new place.

  The listing agent hadn’t even told her if it was a man or woman. What if this was some kind of creepy guy? She had mace on her keychain, just in case. But she couldn’t imagine any agent who would agree to something like that in a contract without trusting the person. Still—why all the mystery?

  As she pulled up in front of the cottage, the first thing she noticed was the twinkling strands of lights strung up over the deck. And then the reason for the mystery became immediately clear. Her heart began to speed up.

  Jackson’s Jeep was parked underneath the house.

  She pulled in behind it and turned off the engine. The breeze lifted her hair from the back of her neck through the open car windows. She could hear the ocean faintly and her own heartbeat in her ears. Jackson was here?

  Of course. Jackson’s family owned properties all over the island under Wells Development. She hadn’t seen the name on any part of the contract, but he was a smart businessman. It wouldn’t be too difficult with as much money and property as he owned.

  Her mouth felt dry and her fingertips tingled. Why was he here?

  She had a few ideas—one big one, but Jenna didn’t want to hope.

  Over the past few years, she had stopped trusting in hope. What she could count on was pain. And then more pain. Sliding back down into the pit when you had clawed your way almost to the top. That’s what she knew.

  So, as she climbed the stairs to the porch, Jenna tempered the bright gleam of hope—but what if?—with more realistic thoughts. Maybe Jackson just wanted to clear the air. They would have an awkwardly polite conversation and he would leave. Or perhaps he didn’t know who was renting the place. With so many properties in his family’s company, he might not know. Possible, but not likely.

  The lights over the deck looked enchanting. Romantic, even. They twinkled and waved slightly over the picnic table, which was set for two. There were blue and white placemats, cloth napkins with blue crabs on them, and a vase of white roses. Jenna tried to swallow down the lump in her throat.

  Music filtered to her ears from inside the house. Jenna took a deep breath and knocked at the door.

  “Come in!”

  Jackson’s voice sent nerves flying through her body. Jenna walked inside, her hands trembling on the knob. He grinned at her from the kitchen, where he was stirring something on the stove. It smelled of garlic and something else she couldn’t identify. Just the sight of his handsome face made her stomach clench.

  Jenna tried to keep her expression neutral as she sat on a stool at the kitchen island. Jackson had shaved. Lately he had grown somewhat of a beard. Jenna had tried not to like it, but truthfully, he looked great no matter what. His current look, with the barest of five o’clock shadows, was her favorite though. She wanted to feel the scratch of it against her palm or against her lips.

  “Jenna. I’m so glad you’re here.”

  He was acting like nothing had been standing between them. How was she supposed to respond?

  I’m glad I’m here too. I’d love to have your babies.

  Sorry for making you think I cheated on you. Whoops!

  Can we start over? But also take up where we left off? Because I really like kissing you …

  None of the above. Jenna shook her head, as though that would clear her thoughts. She chose to completely ignore what lay between them, just as he was. A smile lifted the corner of her mouth. “I thought you said you only grilled?”

  He laughed. “That’s the first thing you’re going to ask? Okay. Let’s go with that. Maybe I picked up a new hobby this past month. I would pour you a glass of water, but I might burn the garlic. No one wants that.”

  “Burnt garlic is the worst,” Jenna said. “I’m glad you have your priorities straight. I’ll get the waters.”

  Jenna found the glasses and got water and ice from the fridge, aware the whole time of how close she stood to Jackson in the modest kitchen. When she had seen him over the last few weeks, it had been from much more of a distance. Enough that she could keep her cool. Now, forced to be alone and close with him, her whole body seemed to vibrate with the longing to fold herself in his arms. She set a glass next to him on the counter and he smiled.

  Sitting down again on the stool, she watched his hands as he stirred chicken and vegetables. She couldn’t explain the feelings that coursed through her. Too many of them, too intense and tangled. The most surprising of them all was relief. The tension that had been between them, the stiff awkwardness, was gone. At least for now. The conversation was easy, not forced.

  “Dinner will be ready in five. I hope you’re hungry.”

  Her stomach made an unflattering sound and she giggled. “Guess I can’t say no.” He gave her another amazing smile that sent a thrill through her. “Can I ask—why the surprise?”

  His smile faded and he looked back down at the pan in front of him. “If I had warned you, would you still have come?”

  Jenna knew that she would have wanted to say no, but everything in her was drawn to this man. Even if that made her feel desperate. “Yes. No? Probably.”

  He smiled. “Understandable. I wasn’t sure if you would, so I made sure.”

  “By making me sign a contract?” She gave him a dirty look.

  He chuckled. “Not the most romantic way I’ve ever asked someone on a date. But very effective.”

  Her heart flip flopped in her chest: a date. He gave her a sideways glance as he plated up steaming fresh pasta, chicken, and vegetables. He sprinkled fresh cheese on top of each plate.

  “I’ve got the table set on the porch,” he said.

  “I saw. It’s lovely.”

  Jenna hopped down from the stool and followed him out with their waters. When they were seated outside at the picnic table, Jenna felt suddenly shy. Jackson didn’t seem to have the same issue. Without hesitation, he took her hand. “Mind if I say grace?”

  “Go ahead.” She closed her eyes. The feel of his hand on hers had her thinking about anything but prayer. They were warm and his skin soft, but his grip was firm and sure. She felt safe with him. But she had felt safe before. Tears pricked behind her closed eyes as Jackson began to pray.

  “Lord, thank you for the sometimes strange ways that you work. How you take broken things and fix them. Even broken people. Thank you for friendship and for more than friendship. Amen.”

  He squeezed her hand before letting go. Jenna felt breathless and teary. Sitting here with him felt like too much. Clearly, whatever feelings had been developing between them hadn’t gone away. For her, they had gained strength, like a hurricane hovering over the water before making landfall. Jenna wanted this, b
ut she wasn’t used to getting what she wanted.

  “Are you okay, Monroe?”

  Hearing his nickname for her almost pushed Jenna over the edge. A shuddery breath escaped her. “I’m fine, I guess, just … surprised.”

  “I hope it’s a good surprise.”

  “It is.” She stopped all the other questions on her lips and picked up her fork instead, thankful for the food for distraction.

  Everything was delicious. Maybe the best thing she’d eaten in months. After a few minutes of eating, punctuated only by the sounds of forks hitting plates and birds calling as they made their way back to roost, Jackson set his fork down and leaned forward, elbows on the table. His eyes crinkled a little with a smile as they fixed on her.

  “What?” Jenna wiped her mouth, just in case there was something on her face.

  “Hm?”

  “You’re staring.”

  “So, what if I am?” His mouth lifted on one side, a flirty look.

  “You’re making it kind of hard to eat. And the food is excellent, so I’d really like to eat.”

  “Did you know this cottage is where I grew up?”

  She blinked at his words. “Really?” She hadn’t ever known where he lived, which was a little surprising given the size of Sandover. But then, she’d never been close with him back then.

  “Yep. The back bedroom on the kitchen side was mine. I still remember sneaking out past my parents’ room and where the creaky spots in the floor are. Well—were. The renovation fixed that.”

  The thought of living in his childhood home overwhelmed her. She had loved the house when she saw it but felt even more drawn to it now. “The renovation is amazing. I’m really impressed.”

  “Thank you. I was happy with how it turned out.” He pushed his plate forward and leaned back in his chair, watching her. “This is also the house where I fell for a girl that I couldn’t have. First, because she was with another guy—one who definitely didn’t deserve her—and then because I didn’t deserve her. But I kept her picture in a book next to my bed in that very room. It seems only fitting that she’ll be sleeping right across the hall now.”

  Jenna felt her cheeks flush. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “That I liked you or that this was my house?”

  “Both, I guess.”

  “Fear. Both times, it was fear. But I’m working on that,” he said. “Maybe tricking you into dinner wasn’t the bravest move, but I figured I’d be all kinds of fearless once I had you sitting here.”

  Jenna was still processing. “The price of the house—I knew it was too low! You and Mercer were in on this together.”

  Jackson grinned. “Guilty as charged. Also, for the record, I’m shocked you thought we were together. I would never have done that to you.” His voice softened to hold a tenderness that made Jenna’s heart flip.

  “I’m sorry that I even thought it. I should have known. I think after everything that’s happened, I sort of expect to be cheated on or left for someone else. Then Steve said you were looking at houses—”

  Jackson held up a hand. “I’m sure he intentionally planted doubt to mess with you and with me. He did see us together looking at houses. Mercer helped me look for the perfect place—for you. When I realized this was the place, she helped me decorate with things we both thought you would like. I had some ideas, but home décor is not my strong suit. I wanted you to walk in the door and feel like you were coming home.”

  “That’s exactly how I felt,” she said, her voice sounding breathless. She played with her napkin. “You did all this for me?”

  “I did. It’s not nearly enough, but it’s a start.”

  Her chest felt like it was going to combust. No one had ever done something so thoughtful for her. Not ever.

  Jenna gripped the edge of the wooden table. “Jackson. I can’t do this.” His face fell. Sucking in a breath and trying to gather her own bravery, she reached across the table for his hand. His head jolted up in surprise. “What I mean is that I can’t have this kind of conversation without talking about what happened between us. It’s too weird. I don’t know how you feel, not really, or what you’re thinking. We left things on bad terms and then just …”

  “Pretended?” She nodded. He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. “I owe you an apology. Several, really. I should have done this weeks ago. You know how I am with apologies. I was … scared.”

  Me too, she thought. She bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from speaking. She wanted him to finish, needing to hear these words.

  “I’ve had issues with Steve for a long time, all the way since high school. When you mentioned his name and that he had kissed you …” Jackson’s hand clenched hers almost to the point of being painful. His eyes were focused somewhere in the distance. She squeezed his hand gently. He sighed out a breath and released the death grip. “I just snapped. You made it sound like there was something between the two of you.”

  “There wasn’t, but I know how I made it sound. I was overwhelmed and not thinking how the words came out.”

  “Mercer explained everything. She said that you didn’t want her to say anything, but I had asked her directly what she knew. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  This was the same question that Rachel had asked and that she had asked herself. “I think I was scared too. And hurt. I felt so guilty when I realized Steve and Anna were still together. Even though I didn’t want him to kiss me and I didn’t kiss him back, I felt like the other woman. My husband had so many other women. To be put in that position, willingly or not, felt horrible.”

  “And then I attacked you for it.” Jenna couldn’t look at him. He squeezed her hand gently. “Will you take a walk with me, Monroe?”

  Jenna nodded. Jackson didn’t let go of her hand as they went down the stairs and to the quiet street. The walk to the beach was pleasant, especially with Jackson squeezing her fingers. There was still much to say, but somehow the quiet between them felt comfortable. He didn’t speak again until they had crossed over the wooden steps to the sand.

  They shed their shoes by the steps and walked close to the water’s edge. The night had a bite to it with the breeze. They had been holding hands palm to palm, but as they turned south, he laced his fingers through hers.

  Jenna felt his touch from her hands to her hairline, an electric tingle that sent her skin humming.

  After a few minutes, Jackson said, “Can we sit? I want to tell you how I feel and I’m not sure I can do it while walking.”

  They sat in the sand in the small rise just above the reach of the surf. He looked down at their interlaced fingers as he spoke.

  “That day, I lost it. In a way I hadn’t in years. I started driving out to the marina, intending to find Steve. Thankfully Beau saw me driving like a maniac and stopped me. I was so angry that I ended up punching Beau.”

  Jenna gasped. “You punched Beau?”

  “Not one of my finer moments. Beau engaged me, instigating me on purpose. He thought it would keep me from going to the marina. It did, but it also meant he got a black eye. Not something I’m proud of.”

  “He’s a good friend.”

  “The best. He knows me well and knows about my anger problem. I’ve seen someone in the past about it and just started again.” Jackson sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. Jenna could sense his shame as it flowed off him in waves. She squeezed his fingers and he continued.

  “If Beau hadn’t gotten to me, I don’t know if I could have stopped at one punch with Steve. That doesn’t make what I did okay, but I’m glad Beau did what he did.”

  Jenna studied Jackson’s profile. His face looked beautiful in the light from the half-moon. It was hard to imagine him punching anyone, but she could remember the way his face had looked that day, etched with anger.

  “I’m sorry that I pulled away from you, Jenna. I was ashamed of what I did and what I said. I kept thinking that you wouldn’t want to be with a guy like me who had an anger problem. Ha
s an anger problem. I’m a broken mess.”

  “Jackson—”

  He interrupted her, turning to look full at her and cupping her face in his hand. “Jenna, I’m broken. I am. But if you still want me, I’m yours.”

  His eyes searched her face, waiting for a response. Jenna wanted nothing more than to close the distance between them and kiss him. But she couldn’t without saying some things first. She didn’t want to leave any doubt in his mind of how she felt.

  “Jax, we’re all a little broken. I know that I am. I come with a laundry list of issues. The first of which is feeling like I’m going to be abandoned. When you left that day—” He opened his mouth like he was going to apologize again. She quickly pressed a finger to his lips. She could read the pain in his eyes. “When you left, I curled around myself. I didn’t want to get hurt again. Especially not by you. I feel … very strongly about you. That terrified me. Falling for someone has historically always ended with me hurt and alone.”

  “I’m so sorry I hurt you.” He spoke around her finger. She dropped her hand and joined it with his.

  “I’m sorry that I hurt you too. Even though I didn’t mean to. It was my fault you went off like that. I should have explained.”

  “I doubt I would have heard you. I was too angry.”

  For a moment they simply sat, hands clasped together and the ocean crashing behind them. Jenna felt a peace that she hadn’t in a long time. “We both messed up. So … what now?”

  Jackson untangled the fingers of one hand from hers and brushed the hair back from her cheek. She wanted to lean into his touch but kept herself still, waiting. He could still break her heart, right now. If he said that he didn’t feel strongly toward her. If he said he just wanted to be friends.

  “I think I pushed you too fast before. I’ve liked you for so long. Getting to really know you made me like you even more. You went through a lot this year and even before and I should have slowed down. I just couldn’t resist you. I thought maybe we could start again and I could take things slow. But I don’t think that’s going to work.”