Lead Me Home

by Stacy Hawkins Adams

  Marlene Givens turned into the parking lot just as Shiloh was locking the van. Shiloh stood by the vehicle and waited for Marlene to park so they could walk in together.

  “Well, good evening, First Lady!”

  Marlene, who was at least two decades older than Shiloh and recovering from knee replacement surgery, toddled over and kissed Shiloh on the cheek. She was one of the members who had genuinely embraced the Griffin family, and Shiloh loved her exuberant spirit, her energy, and her kind heart.

  “I was all prepared to come tipping in this evening and explain to you why I’m late, and it looks like we’ll be explaining together!”

  Marlene laughed, but Shiloh blushed. She should have been there to open the meeting with prayer and get things started, but because of that lengthy lecture from Mama, she was ten minutes late. The ladies would be murmuring about this for sure. Hopefully they had started with refreshments, instead of waiting until the end of the meeting.

  “I don’t have a good excuse,” Shiloh said and shook her head. “Pray for me, okay? How’s that knee?”

  “Better every day, praise the Lord! You know I’m picking at you. No one’s on time all the time. Life happens, right? Let’s get in here and see what we need to do.” She peered at Shiloh while they walked toward the church. “Everything alright? You seem distracted.”

  Shiloh hesitated. Pastor’s wife rule No. 1 was to never tell a member of the congregation your personal business. Whatever you said about yourself also went for your husband, and no matter how accurate the story started out, by the time it reached the hundredth member of the congregation, or wound its way through a community’s rumor mill, it had been altered a hundred times. Shiloh had honored this unspoken rule since marrying Randy, but this evening, she was desperate for a second opinion. Mama had shaken her confidence.

  “I’m fine, just considering whether to take on a long-term substitute teaching job.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes—Sherman Park High School in the city needs a temporary music teacher for eight weeks, and I’ve been asked to fill in. I’m just not sure how it will work with the family’s schedule, and I need to let the school know ASAP what I’m going to do.”

  Marlene held open the side door of the church so Shiloh could enter. “I understand,” Marlene said. “I’m sure God will lead you to the right decision. Just ask yourself how the opportunity came to you in the first place. If it was something you sought out, then maybe you do need to reflect and see if your priorities are in the right place. If it was something that just came your way, then that may be a sign that this was meant for you.”

  Shiloh squeezed her hand and nodded. “Thanks for that wisdom, Sister Marlene. Let’s get inside.”

  They walked at a comfortable pace toward the church’s educational wing and heard voices as they drew closer. Shiloh entered the Bible study classroom first, expecting to find the women socializing while they waited for her. Instead, they were seated with their Bibles open, reading along in unison with Jade, who sat near the center of the circle, guiding them through a passage in Romans.

  Shiloh wanted to shake herself. Surely she was imagining things. Not because the Bible study was moving forward without her; that was resourceful. But being led by Jade? The Jade, whose interests leaned more toward Michael Kors and Ralph Lauren than Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John? Clearly, there was a first time for everything.

  eight

  Maybe Shiloh was thrown off guard because she’d rarely seen Jade read aloud from the Bible, let alone guide other women through its passages. Or maybe it was the way Jade sat in the chair Shiloh usually occupied, looking so at ease and confident. Whatever the reason, Shiloh wasn’t thinking godly thoughts toward her spiritual sister right about now.

  Jade and the other women wrapped up the reading of the eighth chapter of Romans, then she looked up, and into Shiloh’s eyes.

  “Oh, hi, you made it.”

  Members of the group turned toward the door, and a few looked relieved when they saw Shiloh. She was embarrassed again.

  “Hello, everyone. I’m sorry I’m late this evening. Looks like Sister Jade has you on the right path. I’ll just sit here and listen.”

  Jade pointed to two seats just outside of the formal circle, behind two members of the group. Shiloh bit her tongue. If Jade had been coming on a regular basis, she’d know that Shiloh usually arranged the chairs so everyone could fit into the circle. Nevertheless, she followed Marlene and took a seat next to her in the back row.

  “Anyone want to expound on what we just read?” Jade’s eyes swept the circle.

  When Sister Adelaide raised her hand, Shiloh grew nervous. She was one of the eldest women in the church, and didn’t hide her feelings. Everyone—including Jade—knew how much Sister Adelaide disliked Jade and considered her flashy with no substance.

  “No, I don’t think so, Sister Jade,” Sister Adelaide said. “But thank you for warming us up this evening with devotions. Since First Lady Griffin is here, she can go ahead and teach us what she prepared for tonight.”

  The other women nodded in support of her suggestion, but Jade seemed defiant. Funny how they had twin feelings tonight, Shiloh mused. Why hadn’t Jade called to ask if Shiloh wanted or needed her to start the meeting? That might have defused the tension they were experiencing right now. Despite her feelings, Shiloh realized she needed to do the right thing.

  “No, we’re not going to interrupt one lesson to start a new one,” Shiloh said. “I’ll save what I have for next week, and I’ll do my best to show up on time. Go ahead, Jade. Where were you?”

  Now Jade seemed flustered. “Um, well, I was reading Romans, chapter eight. Does anyone want to share their thoughts on that passage? What does it mean when Paul writes that we are heirs of God and coheirs with Christ?”

  Jade’s wide eyes and quivering lip told Shiloh that for once, sister girl’s confidence was shaky. She clearly had expected Shiloh to take over the Bible study when she arrived; now Jade was stuck with actually having to teach.

  “What does it mean to you, Sister Jade?” Shiloh knew Marlene’s query was also a challenge.

  Jade squirmed and tucked her hair behind one ear. “Good question, Sister Marlene. Very good. Let me see … well, to me it means that because we can call God our Father, and because whatever we’re facing he’s there with us, everything is going to work out for us in the end. It means that as an heir to God’s kingdom, we really have nothing to fear, as long as we are trusting God and living in a way that pleases him. We want to run from the negative and uncomfortable things, but God may have placed us in that particularly tough season for a reason that only he truly knows. Sometimes the things that we think are going to harm us … sometimes those things come into our lives to strengthen our character, draw us closer to God, or in some other way shape us for the better.”

  Shiloh tried to conceal her surprise. Jade was actually making sense. The women settled down and seemed ready to connect with her, in spite of her perfect hair and nails, designer outfit, and flawless skin.

  Shiloh raised her hand. Jade hesitated, then nodded, giving her permission to speak.

  “Thanks for that insight, Sister Jade,” Shiloh said. “I’m wondering, how many of you can sit here and in two minutes name five things that you think are wrong with you?”

  “Inside or outside?”

  The ladies chuckled at Sister Benita’s question. “You decide,” Shiloh said.

  “I can name ten things, rather than five,” Benita said. “I’ll start with these: My thighs are too big, my hair is too short, my nose is rather prominent.”

  “Not that I agree with you, but great examples, Sister Benita,” Shiloh said, and everyone laughed. “Thanks for sharing. Now, I’m wondering if you, and any others, can name five things that are right with you, in two minutes?”

  Silence enveloped the room.

  “Come on, ladies,” Shiloh said. “See how we treat ourselves? I know some of you here realize how fabul
ous you are. This isn’t just about looks—it’s about your heart. That’s what that passage Sister Jade read means to me. I have to remind myself of that every now and then, and coming here tonight was perfect timing. All of us can lose confidence if we’re relying solely on ourselves to be that Proverbs 31 superwoman.”

  Members of the group had turned away from Jade and were giving their full attention to Shiloh. She looked up, into Jade’s eyes, and saw what resembled anger.

  “I just wanted to chime in,” Shiloh said, motioning for everyone to turn back to Jade. “You’ve got the floor again.”

  Jade cleared her throat and looked at her Bible. “No, you were doing fine, Sister Shiloh, just fine. I don’t have much more to add.”

  The ladies spent the next half hour sharing their personal experiences with trusting God, or with struggling to trust him. Jade did her best to facilitate their banter and answer their questions, and with each positive response from one of the ladies, Shiloh saw her sit a little straighter in her seat. Yet she couldn’t help but question Jade’s newfound interest in serving the women. Was Reverend Vic prepping for a Sunday morning pulpit takeover, similar to the one his wife had engineered tonight?

  Shiloh’s chest tightened at the thought, but in an instant she remembered who she was and where she was—a child of God and in his house. She had to let go of that worry, to focus on what mattered most. Right now, that was getting herself ready to lead a public high school band, and keeping her family together in the process.

  nine

  Just as she had the two previous weeks since Jade had commandeered Bible study, Shiloh made sure to leave home early tonight so she’d reach St. Stephens Baptist well before the ladies began arriving.

  For the third day in a row, she’d spent several hours at Sherman Park High, getting her classroom ready for the start of school next week, and she was weary. Training the week before had gone well, and she felt prepared to give these students what they needed. When she turned into the parking lot of the church and noted it was empty, she was tempted to lower her seat and take a five-minute power nap. Instead, Shiloh said a silent prayer for energy and patience, grabbed the shoulder bag that held her Bible, study worksheets, paper, and pens, and stepped out of the van.

  She hoped she didn’t look as raggedy as she felt, but if she did, she knew she couldn’t complain. Millions of women worked outside of the home every day, and she had merely organized a classroom and sat in on staff meetings with other Sherman Park teachers this week. It was time to admit the truth: she was a wimp who had been spoiled for nearly twenty years.

  She chuckled at her confession. She wasn’t sure why God sent her this teaching position in this particular season, but she was still excited about it, and she intended to learn whatever lessons he had in mind and hopefully use the experience for good in other ways down the road.

  Shiloh was entering the church when a beeping horn caught her attention. She paused and turned toward the sound. Jade waved as she whipped her SUV into a parking space next to Shiloh’s van.

  She leaned out of the driver’s side window before turning off the ignition. “Wait for me—I’ll walk in with you!”

  Shiloh roused a smile.

  Jade jumped out of the car and trotted toward Shiloh in her skinny jeans, a loose-fitting beige linen top, and bronze sandals. Shiloh grudgingly made another confession as she approached: If Beyoncé had a fraternal twin, it would be Jade.

  Why, Lord, why?

  Jade opened her arms and hugged Shiloh, who loosely reciprocated.

  “Thought I’d get here early again, in case you need my assistance,” Jade said. “You did well tonight, though—got here on time!”

  Shiloh had a ready retort, but decided to behave. “Where are Naima and Nicholas this evening?”

  “Hanging out with my mother. She’s visiting from California, and was happy to have some time alone with her grandbabies.”

  Shiloh and Jade stepped inside the church’s rear entrance hallway. Jade kept pace as Shiloh moved about the building, turning on lights throughout the education wing, in anticipation of men’s Bible study taking place, too.

  “No youths are coming tonight, right?” Jade asked.

  Shiloh shook her head. “They’ve moved their Bible study night to Tuesday, right before youth choir rehearsal.”

  Jade nodded, then paused as Shiloh turned on the last light on her route, in the room where their group would be meeting.

  “You know, I’ve been thinking,” Jade said. “Week before last went well, and I enjoyed leading the women in a discussion. It might be good if you and I co-facilitate the Wednesday night Bible study. That way, when you’re running behind, I can pitch in. Especially since I hear you’re going to be working now.”

  Shiloh, who had begun rearranging chairs, stopped and peered at Jade. “Who said I needed help?” What she really wanted to know was who had told Jade she’d be working? The only one she’d mentioned it to at church was Sister Marlene.

  Jade put a hand on her hip and leaned her head to one side. “You’re not being territorial over how God’s Word gets delivered, are you?”

  Score one for Jade. Shiloh didn’t have a ready response, and she knew she sounded defensive. The real issue was Jade inviting herself into this role. And her lack of grounding in the Bible, despite having been married to Vic for twelve years. Or maybe she did know the Bible well, but most people considered her an expert in hair and makeup, rather than prayer and meditation. She still hadn’t shared what had sparked her sudden interest in the Wednesday Bible study, and Shiloh continued to have questions about her sincerity.

  “I’m not being territorial, Jade,” Shiloh finally responded. “I just want what’s best for the women. Let’s talk to Pastor Randy about this later, okay?”

  Jade pursed her lips. Shiloh knew she was offended that Shiloh hadn’t suggested asking both of their husbands.

  “I’ll see what Vic has to say tonight,” Jade said softly. She moved past Shiloh to take one of the seats in the circle Shiloh had formed with the chairs.

  Shiloh felt small and petty for taking this stance, but she took the stewardship of God’s Word seriously. Participating in discussions was fine at every level, but if Jade wanted to help teach, she needed to show herself ready to study and ready to meditate on what she was reading, so she could discern God’s will and confidently lead the women through the lessons. Many of them were informal Bible scholars themselves; they came on Wednesday nights eager to learn more than the basics, to help them grow.

  Members of the Bible study began arriving minutes later, and Shiloh hustled to make a few extra copies of her worksheet when she saw she didn’t have quite enough. She returned to the classroom at exactly six-thirty and found the women sitting in silence. The change was so dramatic from the laughter and chatter that had filled the room minutes before, Shiloh wondered if someone had shared bad news.

  “Everyone okay?”

  She placed her worksheets on an empty chair in the circle. No one responded, but the women peered at her uncomfortably. “Well, good evening, ladies. I’m on time tonight, so why the funny stares?”

  Shiloh chuckled at her self-deprecation, but no one joined her.

  “They’re taking in our news,” Jade said and smiled. “I just informed them that as of tonight, you and I are co-leaders of this Bible study—the First Lady and Second Lady of St. Stephens Baptist. Awesome, isn’t it?”

  Shiloh took a step back. Had this grown woman come into this church and pulled a fast one? Mere minutes after they’d been discussing these roles?

  Shiloh’s eyes narrowed and her lips parted, but before her unedited thoughts tumbled out, someone coughed. She shifted her gaze from Jade to the other women and saw Marlene shake her head. That silent instruction brought Shiloh back to her senses. Regardless of how Jade behaved, she wouldn’t reciprocate. Shiloh surveyed the women’s expressions. Young adult, middle aged, older, they were all doing the same—peering at her, waiting for her
reaction. Shiloh was certain that a few, including Sister Adelaide, wanted her to declare Jade’s announcement inaccurate. Her only response wound up being a strained smile, and an arrow prayer—short, sweet, and to the point.

  This is all about you, Father. Keep me focused on that.

  Shiloh picked up the worksheets and gave a stack to each woman on the end of the semicircle, to take one and pass inward.

  “Ladies, let’s get your Bibles out, and after I start us off with prayer, my um … co-leader … Sister Jade, will lead us in reading tonight’s passages of Scripture. We are going to learn together and have a glorious time in the Lord, amen?”

  The women were slow to echo her, but they did.

  “Amen.”

  ten

  Shiloh was still so undone by Jade that ninety minutes later, she sat in her van and called Randy from the church parking lot.

  The men’s Bible study had wrapped up early tonight, and since the church janitor was there to lock up and make sure the women got off safely, Randy had gone home to check on the boys. Shiloh estimated he should be pulling into their driveway any second now. She waited until her last Bible study member drove away before calling him.

  Randy picked up on the third ring, and she heard the garage door lowering in the background. Before he could say hello, she spewed.

  “And then, Randy, she purposely dashed into the classroom ahead of me and announced her new role—seconds after we’d had a conversation about talking to our husbands about it. Girlfriend is sick!”

  “Calm down, Shi.”

  Randy’s tone angered her, but she also felt a twinge of shame. Had she really led the women through a study tonight about God’s grace while holding a grudge against a fellow pastor’s wife? Randy didn’t want to frustrate her more by calling her out, she surmised, and he didn’t have to. She was wrong, and she knew it.