“John, I…I can’t do this. I…”
“Chandler…” he breathed my name softly.
I pulled away and took his hands from my face, holding them with my own.
“John, you know I love you. We’ve been through a lot together. But this, it would be wrong… for all the wrong reasons. We’re both grieving for the people we’ve loved most in our lives. I believe you want this, and it would be so easy to give in to these feelings. But I won’t do that to you,” I whispered, searching his eyes. “I would have to know we were together because we wanted each other, and not because you’re my link to Banton. And John, I truly think that is part of the reason you want this. I’m your link to Brie,” I smiled at him through my tears. “Believe me, soon, very soon, you would regret this.”
“I’d never regret this. And I meant it, when I said I love you, and you won’t raise these babies alone. I want to be there for you, every step of the way, if you will let me.” He reached up and cupped my cheek in his hand.
“John, I have to tell you something. Everett asked me not to, but I think it’s time.” I switched on the lamp beside the bed, and pushed up, pulling an extra pillow from across the bed and propping it behind me.
Could I do this? I knew if I told him, there would be no going back. I was forcing Brie back into our world, whether she was ready or not. But the need to ease our pain was fierce. There was nothing I could do about my own pain, but I could do something about John’s. For one brief moment, the thought flashed through my mind that I was making the decision to tell him about Brie so I wouldn’t be tempted to give in to my own feelings for John. I couldn’t go there, so I took a deep breath.
“You have to promise me you will keep an open mind, and you have to promise you won’t judge me or Everett from keeping this from you. But I think it’s time I forced the issue.” My emotions got the better of me, and the tears streamed down my face. I was about to give him the news I couldn’t even wish someone could give me.
“What is it? I could never be mad at you,” he assured me as he leaned his arm across my legs and placed his hand over mine.
“That awful night in New Orleans, the night Brie was taken…” I began. A dark shadow came across John’s face, and the tortured look returned to his eyes. He looked back up into my eyes, and urged, “Go on.”
“The Aldon…John, the Aldon intercepted the Orcos who took her. They took her body, and John…her heart was still beating,” I breathed out, almost in a whisper.
“What?” He stared at me, incredulous, the meaning of my words barely sinking in. “What are you saying?”
“Everett came to me about a week afterward. I was grieving, like you, and he was afraid I was going to lose the babies. He told me in confidence the Aldon had Brie, and she had transformed into one of them…into an Orco,” I revealed as I studied the expressions that crossed his face.
“Brie…Brie’s alive?” he asked me in a whisper.
“Everett made me promise not to tell you, until they knew for sure she could be rehabilitated. You remember what Dr. Lane said about his wife? About how he had to destroy her himself, that she couldn’t overcome the transition?”
“Are you saying Brie’s become one of those Orcos?” he asked, horror apparent on his face.
“She had a horrible time, John. At one point, Everett didn’t think she was going to make it. He didn’t want to tell you and then have to take her so far away. He was afraid it would be worse than thinking she was dead. So they had to keep her existence a secret.”
“Where is she? Chandler, I have to see her, I have to help her! My God, she’s alive! Brie’s alive!” he cried out as he shook my shoulders.
“Yes, John. And I’m convinced she’s going to be fine. She’s finally turned the corner, and I’ve been with her myself. They were giving her more time to work through some other issues. She is so unsure of herself, and she still refuses to let everyone know she’s alive. But John, her love for you is what has pulled her through this far. She and Everett and the other Aldon holding her, they still don’t think she is ready to see you…to see her parents. But I think it’s time for you to make that decision and force her.” I smiled at him through my tears; the relief on his face was overwhelming. I knew at that moment I’d done the right thing by telling him. As he processed this new revelation, his brows creased and the unthinkable happened. He turned on me.
“Brie…Oh, God…why? Damn you, Chandler…Damn you! How could you keep this from me?! Knowing I wanted to die, too.” he shouted at me. “My Brie…I could have been helping her! She’s been going through this hell, alone! How could you? And how dare Everett! How could both of you, let me think, and all the time…”
I shut my eyes. My greatest fear was this reaction to the news. I couldn’t blame him. And at that moment, a hole more jagged than the one already there tore open in my heart. I opened my eyes, and all I could see on his face was his fury and contempt for me.
He stood up, and his angry strides echoed in the house long after the front door slammed downstairs. I lay back down in the bed and pulled the covers up over me. It hurt so badly…his reaction to my silence over the past few months. And then the most selfish thought of all pushed forward. I’d just lost my last link to Banton. The hole in my chest burned like someone had tossed a lit match into it.
But I had to be happy for him, and for Brie. I shut my eyes tightly against my tears. I just hoped he could forgive me and Everett for what we’d had to do.
After a few hours of attempting to sleep, I finally gave up and rose to get dressed. I realized for the first time I was alone in my house, no one watching over me. I didn’t care. I felt empty inside. It was after five in the morning, and the sun would be up in an hour or so anyway. After I’d showered and dressed, I went downstairs with Beau close on my heels. Playing with my cell phone in my hands, I finally decided I’d better call and warn Everett about the storm headed his way.
“Bebe, what are you doing up so early? Is everything all right?”
“Actually no, that is why I’m calling,” I sighed, and then continued. “Ev, I had to tell John about Brie last night. I’m sure he’s probably headed over there soon.”
Everett chuckled on the other end. “Bebe, did you really think he would wait until sunrise? He showed up here in the wee hours this morning and demanded I take him to Brie. I have to say, that moment was one sight it was worth living one hundred and fifty years to see. They’ve already had their happy reunion, she is in full control, and they’re spending a little quality time together. And she assured him most of our silence was due to her wishes, and she gave him one hell of a hard time about how he reacted to your involvement in the secret. I’m supposing you will hear from him real soon.”
“Oh, I’m so glad.” The tears began to pour again.
“Bebe, I’m headed that way. I’ll be there in five minutes. Just hang on.”
I turned my cell off and curled up in a ball on the sofa. I was so angry. I was ashamed of myself. I was actually mad at John and Brie. They were having the reunion I would never have with Banton. I hated myself for having those thoughts, and it made me sob even harder. The raw emotions John had uncovered last night were still so fresh. I ran over the scene in my head, when he’d kissed me, how I’d responded to him, to his touch…and couldn’t even begin to imagine how awkward everything would be between us from now on.
My chest ached anew. I was so confused about how my feelings for John had changed. As I lay on the couch in the early morning light, I realized he would have been a crutch. I missed Banton, and I was just reaching for those emotions John had stirred up. About ten minutes had passed when I heard Everett’s light steps cross the front porch, and his key in the lock on the front door. Okay, Andie, it’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself. I wiped the tears from my eyes and sat up on the sofa.
“Bebe, are you okay?” Everett hurried across to where I was still seated on the sofa.
“Yeah, I’m fine, Ev. Or I wil
l be. I’ve just decided it’s time to join the world of the living.” I smiled and steeled myself against emotion. It was time to be strong, to get past all of this grief and wallowing. It was time to get ready for my babies.
“Well, all right then. What shall we do today?” Everett smiled at me, my savior once again. He instinctively knew I needed to move on, and we didn’t need to talk about John and Brie. We busied ourselves with plans about the nursery and plans for shopping for more maternity clothes. He pointed out to me everything I’d been wearing was getting a little stretched, and I knew shopping was the one thing we shared that lifted both our spirits.
“All right, one shop, Bebe, and then the tea room! Home for an early nap, and then you, me, Constance and Mrs. Sue and the big screen! I’ve got some old black and white Katherine Hepburne and Spencer Tracy movies we’ve just got to watch tonight!” Everett gushed. I tried as hard as I could to get excited about our little “girls day out.”
We spent the morning at our favorite boutique with Everett wearing the sales girls out as usual. After he’d loaded his car down with our purchases, we walked together down to the tea room for lunch.
“Bebe, you’ve hardly touched your salad. I know the babies are growing, and getting what they need, but I’m worried about you. I swear you’ve lost weight since you got pregnant! What am I going to do with you?” he exclaimed.
“I’m sorry, I’m just not hungry,” I replied, placing my fork across my plate.
“Well, will you a least split a piece of southern pecan pie with me?”
“Now sugar, you know I will,” I replied in my best southern drawl. “But I’m not sharin’. Please, would you bring us each a piece, with ice cream?” I asked the waiter as he paused at our table.
“Certainly, Ma’am,” the young waiter replied, picking our dishes up. He looked at me for a moment and then blushed. Everett smiled at me over his wine glass.
“That’s so cruel, Bebe,” Everett said, his eyes sparkling.
“What?”
“Don’t play innocent with me, Scarlett. You just sent that poor boy into convulsions in the kitchen.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Ev. Look at me, I’m eleven months pregnant!”
“You have no idea the effect you have on men, do you?” Ev asked. He batted his eyelashes at me comically.
I tried to suppress my giggle and failed miserably.
“Now, that’s my sweet Bebe. Your smile just warms my heart,” he said as he grinned at me and covered my hand with his.
After we’d cleaned the pie and every last crumb up, Everett escorted me home. As we turned the corner on our street, I spotted a new Lexus SUV parked in my driveway.
“How beautiful…wonder who it belongs to, Bebe? Were you expecting company?”
“Just Aunt Sue and Constance. Their cars are already here.”
Before I could get my door open, Everett was around the car and at my side to help me in the house. “Just leave those packages in the back. I’ll bring them in and lay them out later,” he instructed as I heard the front door open.
“An Andler! Aba’s here!” Ava Grace ran down the front steps and across the lawn to us. I knelt down to hug her.
“Ava…where on earth did you come from? Oh, Ava Grace, I’ve missed you so much!” I hugged her to me. It felt like such a long time since I’d held her.
“Come, sweet Ava, let’s get Aunt Chandler in the house where she can rest,” Everett urged as Ava chattered away at us. I raised my eyes when we reached the front porch. Claudia met us at the door with tears in her eyes.
“I just had to come and see you. I’ve missed you so. I hope it’s all right, maybe I should have called,” she said, fighting her tears.
“Of course it’s all right! I’m so glad you’ve come. I’ve really missed you!” I exclaimed as I embraced her. We held each other for several moments just inside the foyer to the house. I pulled away first and smiled at her through my own teary eyes.
“So, I guess that beautiful new car outside is yours?” I grinned at her as she nodded.
“Yes, an early birthday present from Will. He surprised me with it last weekend. He left on a business trip this morning, so I thought maybe Ava Grace and I might come and visit you for a couple of days?”
“I’d love it!” I exclaimed, pulling Ava in close to me again.
“Where are Aunt Sue and Constance?” I asked. Everett maneuvered around us, placing some of the packages from the car down in the foyer.
“Oh, they’re out back on the patio. Constance is catching a little sun, and your Aunt Sue is watering for you.” Claudia informed us as she hugged me again.
“Bebe, let’s get you upstairs. You really aren’t supposed to be on your feet like you’ve been today,” Everett suggested.
“Oh, don’t let us keep you up. Come upstairs, and we’ll get you comfortable so we can visit. It’s Ava’s naptime anyway, so we’ll see if we can get her down.
“Can Aba sweep wif An Andler in Unca Banin’s bed?” Ava asked innocently. I teared again at the mention of Banton’s name and thought get a hold of yourself, Andie. You have to be able to say his name without crying.
“Of course, Doodle-Bug. That’s your spot!” I pulled her along with me up the stairs with Everett and Claudia close behind.
After we were all settled, Everett lounged on the window seat with the latest Nicholas Sparks, and Ava Grace, Claudia and I piled in my bed with my mother’s softest afghans thrown over us. Claudia and I caught up on all the family gossip.
“…and Mrs. Elaine and Mr. Matt, how are they?” I asked her.
“They’re fine. Mother and Daddy both still have moments when they struggle, but they’re doing amazingly well. They miss you, though, Chandler.”
“I know. I miss them too. I need to call them; it’s just hard for me. I need to apologize to them for everything,” I whispered over Ava’s head as she played with her doll.
“Oh, sweetie, you have nothing to apologize for. We have all dealt with this thing in different ways, and I’ll not have anyone question yours. We are the ones who need to apologize. I feel like we have abandoned you and left you alone in this.” She placed her hand over across mine and left it there. We lay there in silence for several moments, watching Ava as she played.
“How is Julia holding up?” I asked her.
She shook her head slowly. “Not good. She is grieving so hard for Banton, they were so close. And then there’s Ben. No one anticipated how hard she would take his death. I think she was more serious about him than any of us suspected. His family lives way up north, and they had a service immediately. There was no way Julia could go, so she hasn’t had any closure.”
“Oh, Claudia, I’m so sorry. What are your Momma and Daddy doing to help her?” I asked.
“She spent a week at a hospital in N’awlins. They did some grief counseling. Momma and Daddy brought her home yesterday, and talked her into going back to college this fall. She’s enrolled in Tulane, and she’s resigned to going. I think it will help her once the semester starts.
“So how are you and Will adjusting to life in N’awlins?” I asked.
“Man, you’ve got that accent down, darlin’,” Claudia quipped. “You say ‘N’awlins’ like a true Coon-Ass!”
Everett chuckled as he turned a page in his book.
“We’re settled in, and we love our house. I want you to come and stay a while after the babies come. I have a suite of rooms that will be perfect for you, and I’m looking for some baby furniture to put in there for you to use. It’s right across the hallway from Ava’s bedroom. She’ll love having the babies there,” she said as her eyes sparkled.
“I’d love it. I can’t wait!” I assured her.
“An Andler?” Ava asked.
“What, Doodle-Bug?”
“Are my babies in your tummy?” she asked as Claudia smiled at me.
“Yes, sweet girl, they are, but they are going to come out real soon to meet you! They’re going to love you
so much! You’ll be their cousin, did you know that? Cousin Ava Grace!”
“I know,” she exclaimed proudly. “An Andler, where is Unca Banin?” Ava asked, taking me by surprise. I looked up at Claudia, and there were large tears threatening to slide down her cheeks.
I took a deep breath. I knew she would ask, but I still wasn’t sure how I was going to answer her. I hadn’t had much time to think about it since I’d accepted his death.
“Well, Doodle-Bug, Uncle Banton had to leave us to go and fight with the SEALs. There was an accident and Uncle Banton…” I shut my eyes, dreading the pain I knew would come with the words. I hadn’t said the words out loud to anyone but John.
“But where is Unca Banin? Is he coming home?” she asked innocently.
“No, Sweetie, Uncle Banton …Uncle Banton went to be with Jesus. Uncle Banton went to live in heaven. He loves us very, very much, but he can’t come back,” I whispered to her as the tears welled up. Everett silently shut his book, and crossed the room to sit down on the edge of the bed beside me. I felt him touch my shoulder, and I reached up to put my hand over his.
“Is Unca Banin wif Miser Jackson?” Ava asked, gazing up at me.
“Yes, I think he is.”
I took a deep breath, and then let it out, trying to get my tears under control. Glancing back up at Claudia, I realized she was having the same problem, the tears rolling down her cheeks. She took a deep breath as well, and smiled when she said, “Ava, remember…we talked about this. Uncle Banton is in heaven, where your Mommy Jess had to go. They are where Jesus can take care of them, and we’ll all see them again, someday. Now it’s time for you to snuggle down here, and take a little nap.” She patted Ava on the leg and pulled her down between us.
Several moments passed as I wiped the tears from under my eyes and stilled the ache that had begun again in my chest. Everett remained still beside me, sensing my longing and staying near. A strange sound broke the silence and then began to grow as I realized it was coming from Ava.
Southern Spirits Page 12
