“Noooo, I want my Unca Banin! Unca Banin wooved me, and he needs me! I want my Unca Banin to come home, pweeze, Mommy…call him and tell him to come home, An Andler needs my Unca Banin!” she wailed,
“Oh, Chandler…I’m so sorry, I…let me take her in the nursery and get her down for her nap. Come on, my Ava, let’s go in the babies’ room,” she whispered to her as she clutched her little body close. Ava continued to wail when they stepped out into the foyer. I lay perfectly still, afraid to move, afraid to look at Everett. Several more moments passed and I took a deep breath, held it, and then let it out slowly.
“Bebe, are you all right?” Everett whispered. He slid down on the bed beside me and put his arms around me. I just nodded and curled up against him, willing myself to sleep.
Chapter Eight
I woke with a new determination. I had some of the firsts behind me. The first time I had to say it out loud. Banton was never coming home. I was alone again. He was gone. I lay for an hour or more staring at the ceiling, amazed at the calm that had come over me. I’d prayed long and hard during the night, praying as I’d heard my mother do when she’d lost my grandmother. I’d heard her pray for the strength to believe through him, all things are possible. I’d heard her pray for the peace that passes all understanding. I found the family bible Aunt Chloe had loaned me, and as I opened it, the old, yellowed, tattered pages fell open to the book of Matthew. Circled in pencil was a single passage --”I am with you always.”
I felt calm for the first time since Banton had left that day in May. I sat for hours flipping through their family history…all of the trials, the grief, the celebrations outlined in the passages. After I’d absorbed all she had tried to convey to me, there was nothing more I could ask for, than to ask for strength and his guidance in helping me to bring the babies into the world.
After I’d accepted my resolve, I decided I needed to act. The first thing I had to do was to mend my relationship with Mrs. Elaine and Mr. Matt. After I’d showered and dressed for the day, I sat back down on the bed and dialed Mrs. Elaine’s cell. She answered on the second ring.
“Chandler, sweetheart…is that you?”
“Yes, Mrs. Elaine. How are you?” I asked in the cheeriest voice I could manage.
“I’m doing well. How are you? What does the doctor say?” she asked anxiously.
“The babies are doing fine. I’m still on course, but I’m still supposed to take things easy, so I’m staying pretty close to home and resting most of the time.”
“Oh, I’m so glad to hear it. Banton’s father and I would love to come and visit you, if that would be all right?” she asked, her voice shaking with emotion.
“Of course, you are both more than welcome. Mrs. Elaine, I just called to ask your forgiveness about before…when I was so difficult about Banton’s service,” I almost whispered into the phone. “I know it was hard for you, and my reaction couldn’t have been easy,” I continued.
“Shh, I’ll hear no more, now. You have nothing to be sorry for. We just stayed away, not wanting to upset you any further. Our only concern is for you and the babies right now.”
“Please tell Mr. Matt for me and give him my love,” I finished, beginning to choke up.
“I will, sweetheart. You know you are our daughter too,” she whispered into the phone as I nodded silently. “I’ll call you back soon when I find out from Matt when we can visit. Please take care and call us if you need us,” she finished.
“I will, I promise. Goodbye,” I replied.
Hanging the phone up, I stared at it in my hand for several minutes until I sensed movement in the room. I glanced up and found Everett studying me from the doorway.
“I’m so proud of you, darlin’. And now I have a wonderful surprise for you,” Everett announced, rounding the foot of the bed to sit down beside me.
“What surprise?”
“You have a visitor, Bebe. Brie would like to see you. Are you up for it?” he asked gently, squeezing my hand. I’d never spoken to Everett about what had transpired between John and me, but I knew he’d guessed at least part of it. He certainly knew my emotions were raw where Banton was concerned, and he sensed I was a bit jealous of John and Brie’s reunion.
I took a deep breath. I was determined I would not be that person.
“Oh, yes…please. I want to see her,” I assured him. He nodded, and then rose and left the room. Several moments later, there was a soft knock on my bedroom door.
“Yes, it’s open,” I called out.
“Chandler…hey.” Brie called out in her new, raspier, sexier voice. “How are you feeling?” “I’m good, I just tire out quickly,” I replied. “How are you doing? I’ve been wondering about the two of you. Everett says you’ve had quite the reunion,” I smiled at her as she grinned and dropped down on the foot of the bed.
“Oh…yes, you could say that,” she said sheepishly, studying her hands. As she glanced back up at me, I realized she was blushing.
“Brie! I didn’t know vampires could blush!” I teased. “Then everything is going well?”
Brie nodded. “Better than I could have imagined. I still have trouble, sometimes. But John has the patience of a saint. He is so sensitive to my feelings and at the first sign that I might be weak he always knows what to do. He’s been wonderful.”
I watched her carefully trace patterns on the bedspread with her finger. She paused, and then looked back at me with a careful expression.
“Chandler, he needs to come and see you. He has been absolutely tortured, knowing he hurt you terribly with his reaction about me. He feels guilty now, and I really let him have it. I told him I was the one who wanted you and Everett to keep quiet until I was sure about my control. After he’d calmed down, we talked, and he admitted to me part of his anger was due to his confusion over his feelings,” she paused, and then whispered “about you.”
“Me? What about me?” I asked slowly. When her eyes met mine once more it dawned on me. John had told her about what had almost happened between us.
My eyes began to water as I thought about his kiss. I’d put the entire thing out of my mind. It was too painful to deal with added to all of the raw emotions since I’d accepted Banton’s death.
“Oh, Brie…I’m sorry,” I breathed out. “I’m sorry for what happened that night, and I’m sorry it still bothers John. He shouldn’t be tortured about it. He just missed you, and I knew that. He misses Banton, and we both felt lonely. That’s all it was. His anger over my keeping you a secret was understandable. I even expected it, I think. Please tell him it’s all right, and I miss him. I wish he would come and see me,” I finished as I tried to hold myself together. My insides ached with a raw emptiness I’d become accustomed to whenever I thought about my loneliness.
“Oh, Chandler. You are a better friend than either one of us deserve,” she exclaimed, leaning up to embrace me. I held her tightly for several moments and the babies chose that moment to kick and roll.
“Wow, the babies are getting big, huh? I can’t believe you can feel them like that,” she said, placing her hand on my tummy.
“Um, yeah, it’s getting to the point I can’t rest or anything. They seem to always be moving.”
Brie’s smile faded as she raised her eyes back to mine. She seemed to be changing the subject with her expression.
“What can we do for you? I’m so sorry, John told me the Navy has called off their search and closed the files.”
I just nodded at her. “Oh, Brie, there’s nothing anyone can do. Just promise me you two will be around when the babies get here,” I said as I sighed. I took a deep breath. I had to make the ache go away until she was gone and I could cry in private.
“So tell me, what have the two of you been doing? Have you crossed all your hurdles yet?” I asked with a twinkle in my eye.
“Well, we stayed together at the safe house for a couple of days, and then John took me home. I’ve been staying in until yesterday. I finally got my courage up an
d went to see my parents…to let them know I was alive.”
“How did that go?”
She sighed. “It was really hard. I had my story all arranged, how I’d been held hostage, and how they’d finally released me with the help of the SEALs. They don’t believe all of it and suspect I’m holding back. And then there is the problem with my eyes being a different color…” she began.
“How did you explain them?” I asked.
“I told them they’d been damaged in the attack, and I’d had to have surgery, and special lenses. They’re skeptical, but they’ve accepted my explanations for now. They’re still extremely hostile to John, and I told them if they continue, I won’t have anything else to do with them. My mother backed off immediately. But they both still seem angry with me…I’m not sure why.”
“Brie, I’m sure they will come around. Just give them time. They’ve been through so much,” I assured her. “So what about you and John? Are you intimate yet?”
“Well, yes, I can’t believe it. I put him off as long as I could. We’d been together for three or four nights. He just held me and assured me he could handle anything. Whenever he’d kiss me passionately, or things would heat up…” she trailed off as she watched me.
I grinned at her. “Go on, you know I’m dying to know,” I said.
“I would stop him and tell him I couldn’t handle it. Then a couple of nights ago, he woke in the middle of the night. We sleep together like we always did, and I doze, but you know Aldon don’t ever really sleep. It’s more like sort of a trance.”
“Yes, I know a little, with Everett staying with me all the time,” I replied.
“John began kissing me slowly and then started to caress me, and before I knew it, we were undressing. I steeled myself against feeling anything. I couldn’t let myself go. I was so afraid of losing control of my eyes, of the fangs,” she almost whispered as she watched me.
“So, what did you do?”
“I decided I could give in to him without letting myself go, so I didn’t stop him.”
“And how did that go?”
“I was fine, until he…he was determined to get me to respond! He was so passionate, and the things he did to me! And when our bodies started to move together I lost control. I couldn’t stand it, not letting myself feel anything. And it happened,” she breathed out as she watched my reaction.
“What happened?” I asked innocently.
“I was so lost into his touch. It had been so long, and we both reached that certain point at the same time…and well, the orgasm, it was so intense I couldn’t control it, and I bit him,” Brie whispered.
“You what? How did you…I mean, did you have trouble stopping?” I asked carefully, not wanting to upset her.
“No, I realized immediately, and I stopped myself. It’s different than feeding, or drinking for thirst. I was horrified I lost control with him, and I was so afraid he would be repulsed by me, but Chandler,” she paused and looked up at me.
“What?”
“He told me it was all right. I kept waiting for him to get sick or something, to fight my venom, but he never did. He acted like it was nothing. The next night, he wanted to be intimate again, and I stopped him.”
“Did he get upset?” I asked.
“No, he kept urging me to try again. He’s so…so passionate. The things he does to me,” she paused as she blushed once again. “So we tried again. But this time he pulled me to his neck, wanting me to bite him.”
“What?” I whispered. “You’re kidding.”
“He said it’s a part of me, and he can handle it, and…well, he admitted it’s really a turn on.”
“Okay, we just crossed the ‘too much information’ line.” I held my hands up in horror.
Brie giggled, and then she had me giggling. “Sorry. I just can’t believe he does not only so understand about my new baser instincts, but he’s actually encouraging them! Chandler, that’s the hottest sex we’ve ever had,” she admitted.
“Brie, that’s great. Now you have crossed this hurdle, I know there isn’t anything you two can’t do together. I’m really happy for you,” I told her as I held her hand. I could feel her relief and her complete joy flowing through her like a tidal wave. It was almost more than my nerves could handle, being such a complete opposite of what I was feeling at the moment. It took every ounce of strength I possessed to sit quietly and encourage her.
I could tell she sensed my struggle. She sat quietly for several minutes, just holding my hand and watching me.
“Chandler, I’m sorry. I’m sure a conversation about our love life is the last thing you need. You are my best friend. There isn’t anyone else who I can talk to. You have been so good to me, and I would have never been able to get through the transformation without you and Everett. I owe you so much,” she whispered as she raised her hand to my cheek.
I raised my eyes back to hers, such a beautiful deep emerald green, brimming with emotion.
“Just be happy and love John with all your heart. Believe me, when the babies come, you’ll pay me back with interest. I’ll need your help…and if they turn out to be fully transformed, we’ll all have our hands full. I’ll be calling in those favors,” I joked as I squeezed her hand.
Rising to leave, Brie turned and placed a kiss on my cheek, lingering there. “I feel your sadness, and the hollow ache in your heart, Chandler. I’m so sorry, please let us know if you need anything,”
I just nodded at her. There was nothing they could do for me.
After Brie left, I let the ache take over and sobbed into my pillow until exhaustion finally brought the numbing sleep that was my only refuge.
* * *
There is a time in everyone’s sorrow when they reach the point they don’t want to grieve anymore. I wanted to feel for someone else. My emotions were all-consuming. I’d been working on my research and notes for the book on my house when I remembered the diary Aunt Chloe had given to me. After searching through my closet I finally found the box I’d stored it in. Checking out my window and finding Aunt Sue and Constance on the patio, I settled back down on my bed with my computer and notes scattered about. I opened the diary and had to study the first few pages slowly. Mrs. Johnson’s handwriting proved to be artful and full of flourishes, but not legible. After a bit I finally got the hang of deciphering it, sort of like developing an ear for an accent. The diary seemed to begin sometime around the time of Marie-Claire’s engagement.
May 1, 1860 Today Mrs. Montalba stopped by for a fitting for dear Marie’s dress. To my distress, we seem at odds about every detail regarding her nuptials, from the ceremony to the reception party, the guest list and the dress. Her father is over-indulgent as usual, and especially so since his hand has been in this courtship from the beginning. I pray this union will be a happy one for our dear girl, and love will follow this alliance her father has made with this family of good standing. I fear it is more to mend his own stormy reputation than to make our daughter happy…
I skipped forward a few pages.
June 25th, 1860 Talk of war dominated the entire day, and I fear spoiled the mood for my dear Marie Clair and her wedding. The DeLee family was represented by one Aunt, who seemed detached from the whole affair. Frederick made quite a show of gifting our daughter and her betrothed with a fair piece of the vast amount of property we have accumulated these past years, and is to have a beautiful new house built on the property just adjacent to town.
March 30th, 1861 My dear Marie-Claire’s house is complete! Much grander than our own, it has a beautiful parlor and dining room for entertaining as well as servants quarters across the back and in the attic. There are three large bedrooms up the grand staircase I hope are overflowing with grandchildren soon. Hiriam is away much of the time, and this war will surely put their plans on hold for a family. Marie’s mood is much improved of late, and now she is mistress of her own home, seems much more willing to meet me on friendly terms and not to see me as a rival for her father’s a
ffections. I believe my dear daughter has grown up at last.
April 16th, 1862 The Judge and I are finding life here in Savannah quite tedious. News of the war and battles fought ever near drive us north to stay with family here in Georgia. Marie’s letters are a comfort, but she still refuses to leave. She has abandoned her large home for a time, choosing to stay at a small house in the country. I have sent my beloved Elois to stay with her and the widow Bondreaux, to be of some company to them, and to help Marie through this pregnancy I fear is in jeopardy. The union between Marie and her father’s business partner has been a strained and stormy one. I just hope the time apart and distance this conflict has imposed upon their young relationship might help in some part…
October 20th, 1863 These dark days since we lost our beautiful daughter find me in a deep despair I cannot share with my husband. I find solace in writing my feelings on paper; he finds comfort in the bottle. I fear he will find death in his spirits, and I believe that is his wish, his drinking has become such a burden. I cannot find fault, if I were turned to such, would I do the same? I find myself wishing for a sleep deep enough I will never wake, so I can be with my precious Marie-Claire and her sweet babies forever as I am when I dream. I see them, happy and giggling, singing the childhood songs taught by me to their mother, their beautiful dark tresses falling down their little backs much like their mother’s did at their age. My dreams are the only place free of pain, free of longing. I’m not lonely in my dreams.
I paused, and placed the opened book across my swollen abdomen. Her description of grief sent chills up my spine. It was as if I’d written it. Over one hundred and fifty years separated us, but we shared a secret, an ache in our hearts. I lay back into the pillows and stared at the ceiling. Some of Banton’s last words to me came back hauntingly.
“You know that place between sleep and awake…the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll always be waiting,”
Southern Spirits Page 13
