The Relationship Coach

by Sylvia McDaniel

  Ty’s forehead wrinkled. “And we’re going to do what?”

  “We’re going to expose relationship coaches as frauds. And we’re starting with Lacey Morgan,” Reed said. After meeting the charming charlatan, Ms. Morgan, his reluctance had changed into excitement, especially since Graham had promised to give Reed free rein on the next film.

  “Does Ms. Morgan know you’re about to take her down?”

  Reed smiled, feeling like the big bad wolf about to take down Little Red Riding Hood. “I’m meeting with her next week.”

  “Do you think she’ll agree to let us film her? Not many people want to watch their business butchered on the big screen.”

  Reed laughed, unable to keep the excitement of showing Ms. Morgan for the crook she was out of his voice. “I’m pitching it as a film to highlight the services relationship coaches provide. How they are helping couples find each other in a world where discovering the right person can be difficult.”

  Motivation flowed through his veins like a fine wine, making him drunk with anticipation.

  “And after we film her, you’ll add in the testaments about how relationship coaches harm people…how there are no regulations or specifications…how anyone can do this.” Ty nodded.

  “Bingo. And believe me, this chick will rock the film. She is one hot babe.”

  “Man, you and I both know your relationship with Blair would never have lasted,” Ty said, stating the obvious.

  “True. But Ms. Morgan’s seminar also ended Graham’s relationship. And he’s pissed.”

  Ty shook his head. “Great! Not one, but two rejected males. For the good of men everywhere, this woman’s going down!”

  Graham Turner, owner of Graham Productions, was not someone you wanted to provoke into putting a target on your back. The Twelve Steps of Dating had ended at step one for him. And he’d been madder than a kamikaze wasp. His sting was lightening fast on target, and brutal!

  “You think? And we have Blair to thank for leading me to Lacey Morgan-relationship expert, who thinks choosing the right person is all it takes to have a solid relationship.”

  “Hot women and dating,” Ty said with a smile. “It could only be better if they were wearing a bikini.”

  A little charm should convince Lacey to sign a release form.

  Suddenly eager to get started, Reed took a deep breath to quell the rapid beating of his heart. They couldn’t begin soon enough to exposé this woman.

  “I think we need to drink to our next documentary Lacey Morgan. Relationship coach.”

  Chapter Two

  The next morning, Lacey stood in front of her favorite restaurant, waiting for her sister, Kerri. The wind blew Lacey’s hair into her face, and she shoved the long blonde strands behind her ear.

  At seven-thirty sharp, a phone call had shattered her dreams and roused her from bed. Kerri had insisted Lacey meet her for lunch. Lacey had agreed with the hope of spending the rest of the weekend alone with Dean after she picked him up this afternoon.

  Now, she stood tapping her foot impatiently as she waited outside the door of their favorite salad bar. After a busy week spent indoors, the warm May sun caressed her face like a lover’s hand.

  She glanced across the parking lot and watched her mother hurrying towards her. At fifty-five years of age, Brenda Morgan-Spencer still appeared a knockout with bottle blonde-hair and a trim figure. Doing yoga kept her slim, and she’d always been an eccentric dresser, preferring the more outlandish styles that looked like leftovers from the sixties.

  Kerri hadn’t mentioned their mother joining them for lunch. Unease tickled like a spider creeping along Lacey’s spine.

  “Hi, Mom,” Lacey said, as her mother reached her. She gave her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. “I didn’t know you were coming. Kerri called and said it was urgent I meet her here for lunch. Do you know what this is about?”

  “She told me the same thing. She didn’t sound upset.”

  “She already knows what medical school she’s attending,” Lacey said. “Something else must be going on.”

  “Yes.” Her mother frowned in that I-don’t-understand-you- girls-way. “She spent sixteen years of her life in school. I don’t know why she’s going for another eight of medical school. I keep wishing one of you girls will get married and give me grandbabies.”

  Inwardly, Lacey’s female parts shuddered, and went into hiding. Being the oldest, she’d heard this rant so many times that the word babies made her body go into lock down.

  “I’m sure whatever Kerri has to say must be important or she wouldn’t have called so early this morning,” Lacey responded, changing the subject away from babies.

  “Two grown children and neither of them married,” her mother lamented. “Maybe my next husband will have grandbabies.” She stopped and gave Lacey a questioning glance. “Is that something I can put on my profile? Can I ask for a man with grandchildren?”

  Lacey bit her lip to keep her jaw from gaping open like the Grand Canyon. She stared at her mother for a moment and then pretended ignorance. “Your profile?”

  Fortunately, her mother spotted Kerri.

  “Oh, look! There she is,” she said ignoring Lacey’s question. “She looks happy. Maybe it’s more good news.”

  Lacey watched as Kerri’s long blonde hair swayed against her lean body as she jogged toward them. Her appearance was more of a high school girl than someone about to enter medical school.

  “Hi, ya’ll,” her sister drawled, giving them each a hug. “Let’s get a table.”

  Inside, the waiter sat them at their favorite corner booth away from the main crowd. After they placed their drink order, Lacey and her mother turned expectantly to Kerri.

  “What’s the news that couldn’t wait?” Lacey asked. “You’re valedictorian?”

  Kerri lifted her left hand. A dazzling rock graced her ring finger.

  Lacey sat there starring at the diamond, her lungs no longer seeking air, her blood no longer flowing, her body no longer feeling.

  Their mother squealed in excitement, while Lacey resisted the urge to plug her ears with her fingers as her body shuddered, her eyes blinded by the sparkling gem.

  “My baby girl is getting married,” Brenda gushed.

  Their mother leaped to her feet, threw her arms around Kerri and yanked her sister close. Shock held Lacey prisoner, keeping her butt super glued to the chair.

  Lacey sat like a rock in a disconnected haze, her chest tighter than if she were held in a wrestler’s grip. After a moment only the murmur of voices and the clink of dishes and muted voices echoed around them as her mother and sister turned and sent her scathing glances.

  “Lacey?” her mother asked. “Aren’t you happy for your sister?”

  In two weeks, her sister would graduate from college, but the required dedication to medical school dictated Kerri was too young to rush into an institution they had sworn they would never get divorced from.

  “Of course, I am. I’m just stunned. You were going to wait until you were out of medical school,” she said trying to snap out of this daze that held her in its grip.

  As children, they’d made a blood oath they would not live the life of their mother and have multiple marriages. Together, they had suffered the agonies of one step-father after another, step-brothers and sisters, people who were families one moment and enemies the next. They’d made a solemn oath to marry only once.

  Kerri blushed, and her blue eyes danced with happiness. “We don’t want to wait. I’m still going to medical school, but I can’t imagine my life without Matt. He’s perfect for me and he makes me very happy.”

  “How long have you guys dated? You just started mentioning him to me,” Lacey said. Worry settled in her stomach like a stone plunging to the bottom of the pond.

  Kerri smiled and patted her sister on the hand. “Four months. Long enough for me to know we belong together.”

  Her mother nodded, silently siding with Kerri. “Yes, I’ve always known
with each of my husband’s that he was perfect for me.”

  Lacey spewed the water she’d just sipped from her glass onto the table. Picking up her napkin she quickly wiped the water away. “If they were so perfect, why did three of your marriages end in divorce?”

  Her mother’s face glowered with disapproval. “They were perfect at the time. I can’t help it if two cheated and one loved the bottle more than me. My poor Billy and Sam died. When you find true love, it’s obvious. You might look a little harder for the emotion.”

  Lacey’s whole body tensed, and she reminded her mother of an important fact. “I have a boyfriend.”

  “Yes, I know. You’ve had him now for a year, and that’s the problem. I see a boy friend, not a lover. There are no sparks flying between you, and I don’t see a ring on your left hand.”

  “That’s not fair!” Lacey said, her voice rising above the clink of dishes.

  Kerri drew the conversation back to her. “Excuse me. This is my engagement announcement.”

  “I’m sorry, Kerri,” Lacey said. “I just wasn’t expecting you to reveal you were engaged today.”

  Her sister pleaded, “Try to act a little more excited.”

  “Do you remember that blood oath we promised as kids?” Lacey gazed at her sister, willing her to remember the challenges of their youth. The reasons why they’d sworn to marry only once.

  “Yes,” her sister said, not looking at their mother.

  “What oath?” Brenda demanded.

  They ignored her.

  “Do you love him enough to spend the rest of your life with just him?” Lacey asked, needing to hear her sister say the words.

  “Yes, I believe I do. Lacey, he takes care of me. He’s thoughtful and kind. He’s everything I’ve wanted in a man and because of him, I strive to be a better person.”

  A heartfelt sigh escaped Lacey and she realized at this time, it would be futile to try to talk sense into her sister.

  “Will someone please tell me what oath you two are talking about?” her mother repeated, her voice rising in agitation.

  Her sister shook her head to warn Lacey to refrain.

  But oh no, Lacey couldn’t hold back. She persevered to be honest and upfront with her mother. Forging ahead toward the edge of the maternal cliff, she took the plunge.

  “When you were on husband number three, Billy, I believe, Kerri and I made a pact that we would only marry once, so our kids would never experience step-families.” Lacey figured in less than thirty seconds a volcanic eruption would explode from her mother’s mouth.

  “You just couldn’t keep quiet, could you,” her sister said softly to Lacey.

  Their mother’s face flamed a scarlet color, and Lacey knew she’d just ruined her sister’s engagement lunch. When would she learn to keep her mouth shut?

  “Tell me how you kids had it so bad?” her mother demanded, her voice shrill over the clank of dishes.

  Kerri shook her head. “We made the pact the night that Billy’s kids smeared dog poop all over the clean clothes in our drawers. Remember that little incident?”

  A frown flitted across her mother’s tense face, and she sighed with an air of acceptance. “His kids were little monsters,” she said. She straightened her shoulders into a rigid motherly stance. “That was years ago, Lacey, and if Kerri is happy and thinks that Matt is the one for her, she should embrace this moment. You’re the one who is almost thirty and hasn’t even had a great love affair that I know of.”

  “Dean and I are perfectly happy,” Lacey said softly, trying to downplay her mother’s response. Who needed great love affairs? She preferred honesty and stability, neither of which she’d witnessed in her mother’s relationships.

  Her mother rolled her eyes in that insolent way of hers that made Lacey crazy.

  “Except Dean’s about as interesting as cardboard, and if he’s anything like that in bed, then no wonder you’re still single.”

  “Mother!” Lacey said her voice indignant. “Just because I don’t jump into relationships like I change my underwear does not make me a bad person.”

  Her mother’s chest swelled like a Thanksgiving turkey. “I want you to know that I do not choose the men I fall in love with. There is a burst of instantaneous attraction that leads me to marriage. It’s called passion. You should try it sometime.”

  “I’m a relationship coach. I help people like you make conscious decisions about dating the right person and finding the right mate, instead of being led by their emotions or impulse.”

  Who needed great love affairs? You needed honesty and stability, none of which she’d witnessed as a child in her mother’s relationships.

  “You can’t pick and choose who you’re going to fall in love with,” her mother replied hastily.

  “Then you have no need for my matchmaking services.”

  Her mother opened her mouth to respond, when Kerri snapped her fingers.

  “Excuse me!” her sister said, her voice rising. “Would anyone care to know how he proposed to me or about our future plans?”

  Lacey and her mother sent each other one last glare before they pivoted to Kerri.

  “Sorry, honey. How did he propose?” her mother asked calmly.

  Lacey went through her mental process of deep, slow breaths, exhaling her anger. Good breaths in, ugliness out. It would do no good to fight with her mother. This argument was an ongoing one, and no matter what, this issue never got resolved.

  Kerri’s eyes misted, and she glanced at her ring. “Yesterday, after my final exam, he picked me up from school. We went out to the lake and sat enjoying the spring sunshine. Suddenly, a jet boat came by bearing a banner that said, ‘Marry me, Kerri, Matt.’” She wiped her eyes. “I sat there stunned, until they came around a second time honking their horn. Then I lunged for Matt and said ‘yes. Oh God, yes.’”

  “Oh, honey, how romantic,” her mother said, her voice once again that soothing, sweet, give you diabetes, make you want to grit your teeth tone.

  “He’s a great guy, Lacey. I love him.”

  Lacey smiled and wondered when she could get Kerri alone to try to talk her out of this insanity.

  Lacey glanced at her mother and her sister. Yes, she wanted a great love, but she never wanted to inflict her children with multiple marriages. And her family seemed to be cursed with this affliction.

  ***

  Lacey dropped by the office to find her hardworking friend toiling away on a Saturday. She slumped in a chair across from Amanda, defeated.

  “My baby sister is engaged,” Lacey announced, shaking her head. Anxiety squeezed her heart, and wrung it out like the spin cycle on the washer.

  Amanda looked up from her computer monitor. “Do you like the guy?”

  “He’s okay. I’ve met him a couple of times and he seems nice enough. It’s just they have so much to do before they’re ready for marriage. Graduation, medical school, her internship, not to mention all the hours she’ll be studying or working.” She paused, the situation so unexpected, she still found it hard to believe. “Kerri says Matt will support them while she goes to school, but just graduating, he’ll be lucky to make forty thousand a year.”

  Kerri had a promising future as a doctor. She didn’t need marriage at this important juncture in her life.

  “What does Matt do?”

  “Accountant. He’s studying for his CPA license and hopes to do corporate tax accounting.” Lacey couldn’t stop thinking this was a mistake. A mistake they’d both lived through before.

  “There has to be some money in that.”

  “But not right away,” Lacey said. She wanted to somehow stop or at least postpone this wedding. “Kerri should stay focused and finish medical school. And I had to listen to all this crap from my mother that Matt and Kerri are destined to be together.”

  Memories of her childhood flooded her, a new step-father, moving, changing schools, the fights, the drama. “She had the nerve to tell me that Morgan women need men who bring out
passion in them. I have never heard so much nonsense in my life.” Tears stung behind her lids and she refused to let them fall. “And she wonders why I became a relationship coach. So, other small children will not have to watch their parents marry time and again and have enough step-brothers and sisters to form a baseball team.”

  Amanda laughed a nervous kind of twitter. “It’s also what makes you good at your job. I’m sure you learned about human behavior from all those siblings.” She shrugged. “Besides, passion is not a bad thing.”

  “At the right time, with the right man-when you’re ready. Your life should not be ruled by men, emotions, passion, sex, or hormones. I’ve preached to my sister, telling her to set her goals in life and go for them.” She sighed, the sound weighted with sadness, loud in the small office. “You’re more qualified than my sister to get married right now. Your life is settled, but she’s still on the journey to becoming a doctor.”

  “It will work out Lacey. You know how engagements often end before the wedding.”

  “Yeah I know.” Amanda was right. She knew that, but she loved Kerri, and didn’t want to see her sister hurt.

  “Yet, I envy your sister. She’s found a man she is willing to marry. I just can’t seem to find the right man,” Amanda confessed.

  “You said things were going well with Jason.” Lacey was surprised that her friend seemed to have doubts. Had she been so wrapped up in her own drama not to notice her friend’s relationship had hit the skids?

  “The guy meets all my criteria. We’ve been dating for three months. We’ve had sex. Everything seems perfect,” Amanda said, yet there was something in her voice that wasn’t quite convincing.

  “Then why did you say that?”

  Her shoulders moved up in a quick shrug. “I don’t know. I guess I’m afraid,” Amanda admitted. “Sometimes I don’t think he’s as into me as I would like.”

  “Keep your focus on the goals you’ve set, and if Jason’s the right one, you’ll soon know. When it’s time, he’ll propose,” Lacey advised, worried about her friend’s doubts.