The Relationship Coach

by Sylvia McDaniel

  “Then what happened, Mom? You can’t tell me you accepted their flaws and thought being with them would make your life easier?”

  “We all have flaws. Marriage is difficult.” With a shake of her head, Brenda sighed and gazed at Lacey, like she was explaining life to a small child. “I want you and Kerri to find a man who brings such happiness to you that, no matter what, you love him and want to be with him.”

  Brenda was such a romantic, and while Lacey liked the sentiment, it could lead one down a path of disaster. Her mother had taken them down this particular avenue many times, and Lacey no longer wanted to live that way. If she were going to give her heart to a man, then she insisted on a surefooted path that held no major hurdles in the way.

  Even a hurdle like a credit report.

  The thought stunned her for a moment, and she quickly pushed that revelation out of the way. “I want that experience, Mother, but I want to make sure there are no hidden obstacles standing in my way. I want to know everything about the guy and to be certain we are in complete agreement on how to achieve our goals. I want to know we are compatible, that we agree on the important things in life. That we share the same values, and then, we’ll fall in love.”

  “It doesn’t happen that way, Lacey. I know you sell this fantasy of finding the perfect mate, but love finds you. You can’t match people up and expect it to happen.”

  Lacey felt her insides twist into a knot. “Are you telling me you don’t believe in my matchmaking service?”

  “No, I’m telling you that you can do all the arranging you want, but unless chemistry exists between the two of you, it’s just not going to happen,” Brenda said softly.

  “It did with me and Dean,” Lacey responded, gripping the chair, resisting the urge to grab another cookie. This conversation needed something sweet, yet her hips didn’t.

  Her mother frowned. “I don’t see it.”

  “What do you mean you don’t see it?”

  She shrugged. “There’s no passion. There’s no chemistry between the two of you. You’re like two old friends who kiss.”

  “Mother!” Lacey said, as her whole body tensed. Anger drove through her faster than a race car. “For your information, Dean has asked me to move in with him. We’re apartment hunting.”

  Brenda raised her brows. “You’re going to move in with him without the benefit of a ring? You’re just going to give the milk away for free and expect nothing in return?”

  Aargh, there was that God awful saying that made a woman into a milk cow. Sorry, she didn’t have udders, and she wasn’t squirting milk. “That’s ridiculous. We’re splitting the costs and trying to make sure this will work before we say ‘I do.’”

  “You have the nerve to criticize your sister for getting married? At least a ring is on her finger if something were to happen to Matt or if there are any unplanned pregnancies.”

  Lacey wanted to scream birth control and condoms kept accidental pregnancies from happening. “And she could be on the same path as you, with multiple marriages in her future,” she responded, immediately wishing she could retrieve the words. The tight rein she held on her emotions around her family loosened, and her tongue took on a life of its own.

  “Lacey Danielle! At least, I had love with each one of my marriages, even if they didn’t last.”

  Lacey knew when her mother used her middle name, she was furious.

  Her mother took a deep breath, her voice restrained. “Dean does not love you. He’s using you, but you’re too blind to his perfectness.”

  Lacey threw up her arms. “Explain to me, just how is Dean using me?”

  Brenda stood and started to pace the room. “He’s all about his career, and you’re just another peg on the ladder of success and prestige.” She stopped in front of Lacey. “You’re the one who is on the path to multiple marriages because you don’t have a clue what falling in love feels like.”

  Shocked at how confused her mother seemed about love, Lacey sat there unable to move. “Today, a successful career is valued and very important to a man and a woman. How can I be on the path to multiple marriages, when I’m so careful about who I choose? It doesn’t make sense, Mother.”

  Shaking her head, Brenda said, “I don’t know how to help you see the mistake you’re making.” She sank down onto the couch beside Lacey. “I’m not faulting you for being cautious. But without chemistry between the two of you, real love can’t exist, and your relationship with the perfect man will end in divorce court.”

  Lacey picked up her purse. She’d heard enough. “I don’t understand why you’re happy for Kerri, and you can’t be happy for me.”

  “Because Kerri and Matt have chemistry oozing from them. Love radiates from their glances at one another. Yes, they’ve chosen a tough road, but they want to be together because they love each other.” Brenda took a deep breath. “With or without you, this wedding is going to happen. But you and Dean,” she paused to raise her hands in the air, “there’s no chemistry. I see two people determined to have hot shot careers and obtain all the material possessions those fancy jobs provide. One day, you’ll wake up and realize how cold everything feels.”

  Hot shot careers! Fancy jobs? Really? An inferno raged through Lacey’s body, sizzling from her spine to her toes, leaving an acrid, bitter taste that made her nauseous. Lacey had to get out of here. Her mother challenged everything Lacey believed about relationships. Yet, Brenda couldn’t be right because the woman had four failed marriages to prove she knew squat about finding stable, secure love.

  “Tell Kerri I’ll call her next week about the wedding. I’ll do my part and help out.”

  Brenda watched as Lacey walked to the door. “Lacey, I wouldn’t say these things if I didn’t love you.”

  How did you tell your mother she didn’t know what in the hell she was talking about? You didn’t; you just walked away. “Bye, Mom.” Lacey closed the door behind her.

  Was she the only sane member in this family who wasn’t blinded by this incessant need for love? Why not find a relationship and make sure it was the best thing to do, instead of acting on primal urges?

  ***

  Two days later, Lacey tried to ignore the camera and focused on the clients sitting in her office. The couple were having serious conflict issues, and she didn’t have much hope for them.

  “David, when you began this relationship with Jennifer, what were your expectations?” Lacey asked.

  Twenty-nine-year-old auto mechanic David sat slumped in the chair across from her. He glanced over at the young woman who sat with a Kleenex in her hand.

  “I was looking for someone to have fun and hang out with.”

  Lacey nodded. “Fair enough. Jennifer, what were you looking for when you met David?”

  “At that time, I wanted the same thing-someone to have fun with. But we’ve been dating for three years. I’m twenty-eight years old, and I need something more permanent,” she said, dabbing at her eyes.

  “I understand, but right now let’s concentrate on what brought the two of you together. David, does Jennifer provide the things you wanted when you first searched for a relationship?” Lacey asked.

  David shrugged. “Yeah, most of the time.”

  “Jennifer, does David give what you were searching for when you first met? Are you happy with him?”

  She nodded. “Yes.”

  Lacey frowned and glanced down at her notes. She wasn’t getting to the problem. What was holding David back from committing to Jennifer or did he never intend to ask her to marry him? “How long did you know each other before you moved in together?”

  “We dated six months, and when my lease was up, it seemed the right time to move in together,” Jennifer responded.

  “Now you’ve lived together for two years,” Lacey asked.

  David nodded. “Yeah.”

  Lacey leaned in toward David, who sat rigid, trying to appear nonchalant. The man kept a tight rein on his emotions, not letting you see them. “David,
what are your goals for the future with Jennifer? Do you ever plan on marrying her and having children?”

  David shifted uneasily in his chair. “I don’t know. Marriage just seems so permanent, so final.”

  “Fair enough,” Lacey said. “Did you ever discuss marriage and children before you and Jennifer moved in together?”

  “I don’t remember,” he said, glancing away.

  Jennifer shot forward in her chair. “You know we did. I would never have moved in with you if I’d known you didn’t intend to ask me to marry you. You told me you wanted to wait six months, and then we’d talk.”

  After Jennifer’s outburst, a tense silence permeated the room as Lacey looked from Jennifer to David. “Did you say this, David?”

  He swallowed, his Adam’s apple moving up and down as he took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Yeah, I said it.”

  Lacey sat back and considered the kid. David wasn’t a bad man; he just had reservations. But Jennifer had waited for over two years for him to propose. How could Lacey help this couple decide if they were meant to be together or separate?

  “Do you want to marry Jennifer?” she asked.

  In the quiet room, Jennifer began to snivel.

  “If you don’t want to marry her, I’m sure she would rather learn now than wake up one day and realize you’re never going to propose.”

  Twisting his hands, he glanced over at Jennifer. “It’s not that simple. I like living with Jennifer. I like being with her. Why can’t things just go on the way they are?”

  “Because Jennifer wants a husband and eventually children. Why should she give up her dreams because you aren’t willing to commit to her?” Lacey asked quietly.

  This problem she’d seen before. Men, and sometimes even women, just wanted to hang onto what they had and not take that next step. She wondered about Dean. Would she be faced with a similar situation in years to come? Dean told her they were engaged, yet she had no ring.

  “Marriage scares the hell out of me,” David admitted.

  “Okay. How are you going to overcome that fear?” Lacey asked, hoping they were finally going to get somewhere.

  “I don’t know,” David said, looking like he wanted to jump up and run.

  “Do you need more time? She’s given you two years already. Do you think she’s been fair to you? Do you think you could spend the rest of your life with her?”

  He glanced down at the floor and then back at Lacey. “Jennifer’s been okay; though, lately she nags me. I guess I’m not certain I want to spend the rest of my life with Jennifer.”

  Soft sobs came from the woman, but Lacey kept her attention focused on David. “When are you going to know, David?”

  “Oh, Jenny, don’t cry. You know I love you.”

  She dabbed her eyes. “Just not enough to make me your wife and have your children.”

  “I’m not sure. That’s all.”

  Lacey glanced at her watch. “We’re running out of time. I have homework for both of you. David, I’m not convinced you want to end this relationship. Your homework is to sit down and make a list of how your life will be different without Jennifer. I also want you to make a list of the things you like about your life with Jennifer. I want you to compare the two lists, and then, I want you to make a third list for me. I want you to write down all the reasons you don’t want to marry. Next week, we’re going to spend some time looking at your lists. I know this assignment is going to be tough, so dig deep.”

  David nodded.

  “If you don’t do these lists, then I think that is a clear indication you aren’t serious about overcoming your reluctance to marry Jennifer.”

  He nodded again and glanced over at Jennifer. “What’s her homework?”

  Lacey smiled and turned to Jennifer. “I want you to write out a contract. In this contract, I want you to tell David that effective such-and-such date, you will be moving out and getting on with your life. It’s time to make a decision for both of you. I’d also like you to make a list of what you like about your life with David. I want the two of you to understand what you have and decide if you’re willing to let it go.”

  She gazed at both of them. “Any questions on the homework this week?”

  They shook their heads.

  “Okay, you’ve got a lot of work to do before our next session. Have a great week, and I’ll see you at the same time next week.”

  “Thanks, Lacey,” Jennifer said, and they rose and walked out the door.

  Lacey sat back, exhausted. This couple frustrated her with their lack of focus and goals. Two years had passed, and David still didn’t know if he wanted to spend forever with Jennifer? Time to commit or say goodbye.

  Reed sat down in front of her. “You look tired.”

  “They drain me. I don’t have a good feeling about them. David’s holding back, and I can’t seem to get through to him. I think he’s going to be one of those people who won’t realize what he’s lost until Jennifer’s gone.”

  Why he refused to commit to Jennifer was baffling. Eventually, she’d get tired and leave.

  “You don’t think they’ll make it?” Reed asked.

  “I think if Jennifer stays, she’ll regret it because I don’t think David will ever commit to her,” Lacey said, sadness overwhelming her. She hated it when one of her couples failed. Especially this couple who had met each other through her matchmaking service, but now seemed stuck.

  “What’s wrong with a man not committing?”

  “Nothing, as long as he’s up front about how he has no intention of ever asking her to marry him. Don’t hold a wedding ring out like a carrot, saying ‘in time, this is yours,’ and never commit. Two years of Jennifer’s life have passed, while she’s been invested in a relationship that’s stuck. If her life goals are to have children and create a family, then that’s not fair to her. You know, if we all just communicated a little better, our lives would be so much easier.”

  Reed frowned as if he were trying to make sense of what she was saying.

  “You think its better that David tells Jennifer he’s willing to marry her, even though he’s uncertain?”

  Lacey tensed. “Absolutely not. That’s a divorce waiting to happen. The real problem is the reasons why he’s not willing to commit. Is David being honest about his fear or is he resisting change in their relationship?”

  The whirr of the camera reminded her they were still filming; though, she felt like Reed and her were having a private discussion. It seemed as if she were answering a personal question from him.

  “You think fear is keeping him from making a commitment to Jennifer?”

  Lacey thought about her response, trying to determine how much to say on camera. “A lot of people fear change. Change to the relationship, change in their living arrangements, even change in the woman’s body…i.e. pregnancy.” She took a deep breath.

  By Dean not asking her to marry him and giving her an engagement ring, did this mean he was afraid to marry her?

  “I think David needs to decide whether or not he is willing to go to the next step with Jennifer or be prepared to experience the changes his indecision will bring him. If he loves Jennifer the way he says he does, then he’ll marry her and continue to work on their relationship.”

  ***

  Reed made the motion to cut the camera. For a moment, he could only reflect about what she’d said. Hadn’t his own life experienced a change, not because of his indecision, but because of his unwillingness to go further in the relationship?

  Maybe he’d been unwilling to walk down the aisle, but that didn’t mean he’d wanted to end the relationship with Blair. She’d wanted a ring on her finger, pronto, and there had been no denying her. Still, he hadn’t loved her.

  “Shouldn’t Jennifer just wait?” he blurted out, knowing they were no longer on the camera, but still curious. “Why such a rush to get married? It seems that’s all that women want.”

  Lacey, who had turned away, swirled around to fac
e him. “Instead of getting married and having the children Jennifer wants, she should give up her dreams and continue on as if her goals are meaningless and let time slip by? The relationship would rock on, until she woke up and realized she was fifty and her opportunity for the family she wanted was gone. How do you think she’d feel about David then?”

  Reed squirmed. “Well, couldn’t it continue on for another year?”

  “She’s already given him almost three years of her life. How much more time does he need? David’s either in the relationship for good or he’s not. It’s decision time. Fish or cut bait!”

  Reed recoiled, searching inward, wondering what she would have thought of his situation with Blair, but unwilling to confide in her. “What would you tell a couple who have been together six months, and she wants to get married already?”

  Lacey shrugged. “Each couple is different. Unique. They have to work through issues before they’re ready to walk down the aisle. Some couples do it much sooner than they should.”

  Reed realized he agreed with her, and yet, he didn’t want to concur with her. He wanted to continue to dislike what Lacey did, but watching her work with couples, seeing how she helped people realize their own bad choices hurt them, was beginning to get to him.

  Nevertheless, he wanted to continue to believe what she did was evil, charging outrageous fees to vulnerable people who believed this crap.

  He wanted to hate Lacey for causing the break-up with Blair; though, he realized he hadn’t loved her, and he really only missed the sex she’d provided. Which made him cringe at the selfish man he’d become. What if he’d hurt someone the way David was hurting Jennifer?

  Lacey had touched some deeply buried issues from long ago that he’d refused to talk about for years. That one fatal relationship that had closed his mind off to forever. Sure, he’d mentioned he was dumped for a red Corvette, but could Mary have known that neither one of them had been ready for marriage? Could Mary have been the wiser one by taking the out given to her by her father?