Fallen

by Natasha Grace

  “How did you know?” she asked him in a small voice.

  He frowned. “Know what?”

  She swallowed visibly and lifted her chin. “About the cheating.”

  Luke froze. She wanted to talk about that now? He’d told her that years ago and she’d promptly called him a liar, which he’d deserved. Though he hadn’t lied, his intentions hadn’t been honorable, either. He’d wanted her for himself and, in a twisted moment, he’d thought that he’d finally get a chance with her if he just told her about Jason’s affairs.

  His gut tightened at the realization that she must’ve found something while going through Jason’s things. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what she was going through. To lose a husband then find out that he’d been cheating on her? She must be devastated.

  “Because he told me,” he finally said, knowing that there was no way out of it. He wished he could spare her the pain. No matter what he’d done, he’d never wanted to hurt her.

  His heart broke as Sam took in his words and nodded stiffly. She didn’t deserve this. She was such an amazing person, and to see her used like this was unconscionable. Luke wished he could take her in his arms and comfort her, but since it was a bad idea to go anywhere near her, he resisted.

  He wished he was stronger—to be the kind of friend that she needed, but he wasn’t. She twisted him inside in a way no other woman ever had and, frankly, he didn’t trust himself around her. He always wanted more when it came to her.

  He watched silently as she drifted to his couch and sat down, staring mutely at the floor. She looked so lost and small.

  “Did he…” She swallowed then raised her head to look at him. “Did he love her?”

  Luke groaned. She thought Jason had only been seeing one woman?

  And maybe he had been by then. Luke certainly wouldn’t know. Not wanting his friend to find out how he felt about Sam, Luke had always done his best not to comment or ask about the affairs.

  But it had killed him to watch Sam kiss Jason goodbye, knowing that she thought her husband was going to a meeting, when in reality, Jason had been going to meet other women. To then hear Jason bragging when he came back to the office had been too much. After one particularly bad day, Luke hadn’t been able to control himself from telling his friend exactly how he felt about the way he’d been treating Sam.

  Jason had chalked off Luke’s outburst to his having a sister and Luke hadn’t bothered correcting him. He’d known that he’d crossed the line. After that, Jason had never mentioned the conversation or his conquests to him again.

  “No, I don’t believe he did,” Luke murmured as he joined Sam on the couch. In some ways, Jason hadn’t cared about anyone but himself.

  Sam shook her head. “But three years…” Her eyes widened as she turned towards him. “There was more than one woman, wasn’t there?”

  Not knowing what else he could do, he nodded.

  “How many were there?”

  He ran a hand through his hair and shrugged. “I don’t know.” At one point, it had seemed like there’d been a new woman every week, but he was sure Jason must have cooled down in recent years since no one had come forward to make a quick buck after his death. Unless, they’d all been married…

  Tears filled Sam’s eyes before she looked away. “I feel so stupid,” she said, her voice breaking. “I mean, I should’ve known. He was barely at the office.”

  “I think that Jason was very good at pulling veils over all of us.” He would have never thought that Jason would go behind his back and overleverage their clients’ money, but he had. The fact that Luke’s trust in Jason was the reason he hadn’t caught it sooner just made the situation all the worse.

  “It’s so crazy. I mean, why did he even allow me to work in the office if he was going to cheat on me?”

  Luke hesitated, but since she’d come to him for answers, he told her the truth. “I think he wanted to keep an eye on you. He was, er…beginning to think that you were cheating on him.”

  It sounded ridiculous—even to Luke. All anyone had to do was look at Sam’s adoring eyes whenever Jason was in the room to know how she felt about her husband. She would have never cheated on him. Besides, she just wasn’t that kind of a person.

  Her eyes widened. “Me?”

  “You know how paranoia works.” Eventually, the cheater begins to think he’s being cheated on as well. “How did you find out?” he couldn’t help but ask. She hadn’t believed him then, so why did she believe it now?

  Sam looked down as she played with the hem of her green dress and he tried not to think about the fact that he was so close to her that he could see the the weave of her stockings, the translucent material making him itch to touch her—to run his hands over the legs he’d spent countless hours thinking about. Shame poured over him. She was hurting and here he was thinking about how smooth her legs would feel? Disgusted with himself, he clenched his hand and forced himself to look away.

  The silence in the room was deafening. He was beginning to think that she wasn’t going to answer his question when she spoke.

  “I wanted to feel closer to him, so I went through the bag of things the police retrieved from the car. His phone was filled with texts from Carla Williams.” She winced. “I think I even hugged her at the funeral.”

  Fuck. It was bad enough to be cheated on, but to be cheated on with someone she was probably friends with? It was unconscionable. How could Jason and this woman have done that to Sam?

  Luke wished he knew the words to make her feel better, but it had always been Jason that had been good with words—not him.

  “I’m sorry,” he finally said, and had never felt so inept in his life. He wanted to tell her that she was a strong and amazing woman, and that Jason had never deserved her, but he wasn’t sure how she would take it.

  “No. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you,” she said, her voice suddenly earnest as her head rose and her gaze met his. “It was just so much easier to believe that you were trying to get rid of me.” He winced at the memory of how badly he’d treated her when she’d first started working at the company. He hadn’t given her any reason to trust him. “It feels as if I’ve just wasted these past five years of my life,” she continued.

  “I wouldn’t say that. You turned out to be a pretty good analyst.”

  She groaned as she covered her face with her hand and he belatedly remembered that she hadn’t wanted to work at Harkin any more than he’d wanted her to initially. He’d questioned her ability to contribute to the team—she was an accountant by training, not an analyst—and hadn’t wanted Jason to get distracted by her.

  Instead, he’d been the one distracted.

  He never knew how she’d gotten so under his skin. He’d gone from resenting her presence at the office to admiring her work ethic. Eventually, he’d told himself that he should find a woman like her and the next thing he knew, he’d wanted Sam for himself.

  “It’s not a nightmare, is it?” she asked, her voice painfully soft as she turned towards him.

  He shook his head and wished there was something he could do to take away her pain, but this was just something that could only be healed with time.

  She sighed as she stood up. “I’m sorry for bothering you this late, but you were the only one I could talk to.”

  He frowned as a sudden realization occurred. “You didn’t drive here by yourself, did you?” he asked as he stood as well.

  “I did, but it’s okay. There was no traffic.”

  There was no traffic? Was she insane? She was in no condition to drive even if there were no cars. Terrifying thoughts of what could’ve happened to her filled his brain and he was grateful nothing bad had occurred. He’d just lost Jason. He wasn’t sure he could handle losing Sam as well. Even though he knew that she wasn’t for him, he needed her to be all right.

  He didn’t want to argue with her—especially not now—but at the same time, he wasn’t going to let her drive tonight. “Let me drive you home.
”

  “No. That’s fine. I’m going to stay in a hotel.”

  “Then I’ll drive you there.”

  “You don’t have to, but thank you for the offer. I really appreciate it.”

  “I’m not letting you drive tonight, Sam.” He’d never forgive himself if something happened to her.

  She laughed softly. “I never realized how much you looked out for people.” She sighed as she looked down for a moment before meeting his gaze again. “I’m sorry for calling you a liar all those years ago. You didn’t deserve that.”

  Guilt pricked his conscience at the knowledge that he hadn’t told her about Jason’s affairs out of the goodness of his heart. He’d wanted her for himself and didn’t deserve her forgiveness for his act of selfishness. But since there was no way of correcting her without revealing his feelings for her, he remained silent.

  She glanced at his door. “Is it okay if I stay here tonight? I—”

  “Of course,” he interrupted, grateful that she’d gotten the idea of driving out of her head.

  For the sake of his sanity and willpower, it probably wasn’t a good idea to have her so near, especially now that Jason’s secrets were no longer between them. But Luke knew that she’d be safe from him tonight. No matter what he wanted, he would give her the space she needed. And if the temptation to go to her became too much, he’d go to the office.

  Relief shone in her eyes. “Thanks. I really don’t feel like facing a lobby of people right now.”

  “I understand. I’ll show you the spare room.”

  * * *

  Had he even loved her? Had he ever?

  Sam groaned as she rolled onto her side. It had been an hour since she’d climbed into bed, and Jason still filled her thoughts. She had to stop. He obviously hadn’t cared for her—at least not enough to be faithful. So, why was she even wasting another second thinking about him?

  Because I love him.

  That’s why.

  She had to be eight kinds of stupid for loving that cheating bastard, but love didn’t just disappear because she’d discovered he’d been cheating. She wasn’t sure if it ever would.

  She sighed as she turned onto her back and stared at the darkened ceiling. Had their relationship been doomed from the start? She couldn’t help but remember all of the worries that had begun to bug her once she’d accepted his proposal. Things that she’d never thought about when they’d dated began to plague her. She was suddenly worried about whether or not she was good enough for him, if she could keep him happy, and about other women hitting on him. On top of being handsome and kind, he’d been rich and well–known as well. There were bound to be women who’d be after him regardless if he was taken or not.

  After driving herself crazy for weeks with those fears, she’d made the conscious decision to trust him. Any other way would’ve just been setting herself up for a life of misery, and she hadn’t wanted to let her insecurities get the best of her.

  And then this happened.

  Hell, even Luke had told her that Jason had been cheating on her and instead of believing him, she’d called him a liar. How could she have been so blind to her husband’s true nature? How could she not have seen what was right in front of her?

  Jason had never even bought lingerie for her.

  It was such a silly thing to fret about, but she couldn’t help herself. Over the years, she’d often bought lingerie to surprise him in bed, to keep the spark alive between them. And he’d never, not once, bought anything of the kind for her—his wife. Yet, he’d bought lingerie for Carla, and possibly others as well!

  Another wave of pain hit Sam. What was wrong with her that Jason hadn’t thought of her when he went to lingerie shops? Had he stopped being attracted to her? Was that why he’d sought out other women? Was she not sexy enough? Charming enough?

  What did Carla have that she didn’t?

  Her fists tightened as tears threatened to come out. She hated that he could make her feel less of a woman. She’d done nothing wrong except have bad taste in men. If he’d wanted out of the marriage, he should’ve asked for a divorce—not go behind her back. Instead, he’d chosen to cheat on her repeatedly. While she’d been at home, being the dutiful wife, he’d been out with anything that had legs!

  Was their lack of prenup why he hadn’t wanted to get a divorce?

  With his team of lawyers, Jason must’ve had at least one person recommend a prenup, but he’d never asked her to sign one. She’d thought a lack of one showed his dedication to her, but in hindsight, she guessed it was probably because he hadn’t wanted to do anything that could be seen as a lack of confidence. He’d hated being doubted.

  But he must’ve regretted not getting a prenup afterwards or why else would he continue to stay married to her when he clearly enjoyed the single life? Or had the fact that he’d been cheating excited him?

  She shook her head. After years of not understanding why some women tried to get as much as they could during divorce settlements, she suddenly understood. They were hurt and angry and wanted a way to lash back at the men who’d put them in this situation.

  The funny thing was that she wouldn’t even try to take him to the cleaners if he were alive right now. She’d wasted enough time on him as it was although she would’ve dearly enjoyed throwing a drink in his face. She could just imagine him worrying about staining one of his bespoke suits or Italian loafers. Or better yet, to watch his face as she scratched those cars he loved so much.

  But he’d even robbed her the satisfaction of doing that.

  She hated that she wouldn’t get even a tiny bit of revenge. It wasn’t fair that he’d cheated on her for who knows how many years and got away with it scot–free. Where was the justice in that?

  Her thoughts drifted to Luke. Though he’d never said it, Jason had always been jealous of Luke. Not only did the media cover Luke without him chasing them the way Jason had, but Luke’s returns at the company had always trumped Jason’s. It was probably one of the reasons Jason had focused more on charity work. It was the one arena where he wouldn’t have to compete with Luke. Luke would kill himself before he was caught rubbing elbows with the elite.

  How would Jason feel if she slept with the man he’d been so envious of?

  She could just imagine his face turning red at the thought of Luke one–upping him once again, and she smiled. Sure, Jason would never know about it, but it would feel so good to get this little bit of revenge—to get back at him somehow.

  No. She could not—would not—have a one–night stand with Luke. Before tonight, she’d been convinced he was a liar who hated her. Even if she could get over her embarrassment about believing the worst of him for so long, there was no way Luke would accept her advances. Just imagining how hard he’d laugh kept her exactly where she was.

  Still… Luke was a very good–looking man. She’d always thought so but had let her anger with him prevent her from admitting it, even to herself. Without that anger holding her back, she could appreciate his sexiness. He’d looked so deliciously rumpled and approachable on the couch tonight. She’d wanted to take comfort in his arms and let it buffer her against the truth that hammered at her. She imagined running her hands over that wide chest of his…

  Goodness. Could she really have sex with Luke? She imagined how his naked body would feel against hers and shivered at the thought.

  Yeah, she definitely could.

  Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as the idea began to take root. She’d never had a one–night stand before, but if anyone deserved it, it was her. And why shouldn’t she? She was single, and so was he.

  But it was Luke—Jason’s partner and the man she’d been angry at and cool towards for years. Would he have sex with her as some kind of revenge for the way she’d treated him? No, somehow, she knew instinctively that she could trust him, that she would be safe with him. She’d never seen him act out of revenge or wounded pride.

  And the fact that he never got serious about anyone wor
ked in her favor. He wouldn’t make this into something it wasn’t. It would just be sex.

  There was nothing holding her back.

  Giddy at the thought, she headed towards the living room, wearing only the shirt Luke had loaned her, and was surprised to see the lights still on. She didn’t stop to think. She’d only chicken out if she did, and she did not want to spend any more of the night thinking. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Luke standing behind the dining table as he read a report. She could do this.

  She started towards him. As if sensing her, he looked up. His eyes softened when he saw her. “Having trouble sleeping?”

  “I—” Remembering that she was supposed to be seducing him, she stopped. “You’re still working,” she said instead as she approached him. She shouldn’t be surprised, but she was. He already spent most of his waking hours at the office, and when he finally went home, he still worked? It was no wonder the company was as successful as it was. The man was a machine.

  His lips twisted as he looked at the papers in front of him. “Yeah. I’m just trying to figure something out.”

  Guilt that she was bothering him while he was obviously hard at work bit at her before she forced it away. It was three o’clock in the morning. He should be in bed—not working. Jason surely wouldn’t have been working right now if he’d been alive, and she suddenly realized how unfair Jason’s habits had been to Luke.

  “Well, you don’t have to finish this all tonight, do you?” she asked in what she hoped was a seductive voice as she placed a hand on his chest. His very hard chest. She felt heady at the thought. Without giving him a chance to answer, she wrapped an arm around him and kissed him before she lost the nerve. His lips were soft, and the fresh, clean smell of him was intoxicating. Wanting more, she brushed her tongue against his lips.