Saviour

by Lesley Jones

  “Oh…sorry, yeah, food, Gabe will bring something over in about half hour...not sure what he's bringing though .... Jo will you try and do something with my hair before he gets here? I feel like a tramp and the blood is starting to smell”

  She runs me a bath and washes my hair for me, we talk girl talk and I tell her how much I like Gabe but I know that it’s too soon to even be considering a new relationship. Jo is very much a live for the moment type of girl, something I have always admired about her, she has a man’s attitude to sex and she doesn’t give a fuck what others think.

  “Who says it’s too soon, if you want it and it feels right, then go for it, he obviously has the hots for you, don’t hold back just because you’re worried about what others will think…Seize the day Lauren…what’s the worst that could happen? It doesn’t work out, so, move on; I bet he is a blinding fuck, that experience alone has got to make it worth taking a chance”

  I sit in contemplative silence as she uses a jug to carefully wash my hair, trying her best to avoid the glued area of my scalp. The water turns pink and looking at it makes us both cry

  “I am sorry I didn’t tell you and the girls what was going on, I really am, I just, I actually don’t know what I was thinking, I have no excuses”

  “No worries Darl, no worries at all…just don’t ever make the same mistake again and try and remember, we are here for you, no matter what”

  She kisses my cheek and we both start when there's a knock at the door. Jo goes and lets Gabe in, while I wash my self, she comes back and helps me out of the bath and helps me dry off. I pull on the new hoodie and trackies that she bought for me earlier today, run a comb through my hair and feel the best that I have in the last few days. The smell of Chinese food makes my belly grumble as I walk into the kitchen and catch my breath at the sight of him. He's standing at the bench; he’s obviously just showered as his hair is wet. He still hasn’t shaved and I love the way the stubble looks around his chin. He is wearing a light blue shirt with rolled up sleeves, its unbuttoned to just below where his nipples probably are and I would really like to put my hand inside and stroke his chest hair, a pair of lose jeans and just a pair of thongs on his feet, men in jeans and thongs just do things to me, especially this man. He’s pouring wine into a glass, his eyes lock onto mine as I enter the room, he looks, worried? But as he looks me up and down he starts to smile,

  “Hey” he says with a gorgeous grin on his face.

  “Hey yourself”

  “You look a lot better than earlier”

  “Yeah I tried my best to look worse but just couldn't compete with that freshly beaten housewife look”

  “That’s so not funny Lauren” he scolds

  “Oh come on, cut me some slack, if I don't laugh at all of this I will end up in the corner, rocking and banging my head against the wall”

  I smile. I am Genuinely pleased to see him, especially when he gives me a kiss and I get to smell him too. My insides liquefy as I breathe him in deeply and he seems to be doing the same to me as he presses his face into my hair.

  “God you smell lovely, you just tubbed?” I ask

  “Thanks, so do you. Yeah I’ve just showered, I met Zac at the back beach, and we had a surf”

  God, I would of paid good money to see that and Jo is obviously thinking the same as she is making rude gestures behind his back and I try not to smile.

  We sit and eat, talk and laugh and unlike a love sick teen, I dive in for seconds.

  “So you were hungry then?” he says

  “Apparently, why who said I wasn’t?” I look across at Jo. Who instantly looks away

  “Have you two been talking about me?” I look between the pair of them

  “I just mentioned to Gabe that you didn’t have much of an appetite that’s all; don’t get your knickers in a knot”

  “My knickers aren’t in a knot, because I’m not wearing any; actually I don’t have any knickers if you must know…” I smile at her.

  Gabriel has his fork half raised to his mouth and is watching us. I’m not entirely sure what the expression on his face means. He puts down his fork and takes a long swig from his beer.

  “Why do you have no underwear?” He asks me with such a serious face, I struggle not to giggle. “Because, I wasn’t wearing any on the night I left Jay, the only clothes I have are my sleep shorts, vest, a cardi and my Uggs that I was wearing at the time, apart from these trackies and hoodie Jo bought me today, I own nothing so hence…no undies” What’s the big deal. Is this really what we need to be discussing at the dinner table, my lack of under garments?

  “Can we talk about something else please? The foods good Gabe, great choice….already you know exactly what I like”. I smile my sweetest smile at him, knowing there's a double meaning behind what I've said but I say it so innocently that I think I've pulled it off.

  “Not yet I don’t, but I am aiming to find out soon…very soon I hope”

  He winks and says it very quietly but I hear him, I look across at Jo, who's watching us with her eyebrows raised, she obviously heard him too.

  “You know what? I'm gonna take my wine, have a quick shower, and go to bed. Monday tomorrow and I've got an early start in the morning, lock up when you’re done and don't keep me awake with your antics... I need my beauty sleep. Thanks for the food Gabe. Will I see you in the morning?”

  “Erm, best ask the Princess here” He looks at me “It’s up to you; stay if you wanna stay” I say, as casually as I can, all the while thinking. Stay, please, please stay.

  “Would you like me to stay?”

  “Yes, I would like you to stay”

  “Then I will stay and Jo, I promise to use the ball gag if she starts screaming too loud”

  I physically shudder at the image that evokes…ball gag, whips, ropes…..Mmmmm, ironic really, the thrill that runs through me as I think of being tied up and whipped by Gabe, when I’ve just left my husband, in part because of his violence towards me, what a fine line there is between pleasure and pain. Isn’t there a song about that?

  We say our good nights to Jo. Luckily her bedroom is at the other end of the house to the kitchen and the bedroom I'm in, so we won't disturb her. We move to the sofa, where it takes me awhile to get comfy and I find my best spot between Gabe’s legs, funnily enough! My back against his chest and our legs along the sofa. We spend the next hour doing a sort of question and answer on each other’s lives. I seem to be giving more answers than receiving but I do learn that he has two brothers and one sister; he is the youngest boy, his sister the baby of the family. His mum died when he was just four, hence the cryptic remark he made about not learning much from his mum… and his dad remarried to a woman just six years older than me and he doesn't seem to think too highly of her. In fact, I can actually feel his body tense when the subject comes up. He doesn’t divulge the reasons behind his feelings for his step mum and I don’t pry. His family have money, made mainly through property investments, development and construction. I will have to ask Jo tomorrow how big the family empire is. He took over the running of the family construction business with his older brothers when his dad retired three years ago. His sister is the secretary or something at the company. He was married when he was twenty two and has a thirteen year old daughter called Ava. The marriage only lasted a few months. His mum was of Italian descent and he speaks fluent Italian. WOW, can’t wait to hear that in all its glory, “Fuck Me” in Italian probably sounds so much better than… Well, “Fuck Me” in English. I will have to Google it. His dad is of English descent but they were both born in Australia. When I start to fidget and yawn, he orders me to bed. I only have the T-shirt Jo has left on the bed to sleep in, my shorts are in the wash. I go into the bathroom to put it on and luckily it is long enough to cover my modesty but still, perhaps I should sleep in my trackies, yes, that’s what I will do. I clean my teeth and head back out to the bedroom and go to climb into bed. Gabriel has no such inhibitions and has stripped down to his jock
s as I walk over to the bed. He jumps in first, giving me just a glimpse of his beautiful body.

  “Aren’t you going to be hot like that?” He asks with a smile. He knows full well I have no drawers to wear.

  “Well yes, I probably will, but as you well know, I am knickerless underneath so I really have no choice”

  “There’s always a choice Lauren, take off your trackies, I promise not to peek, or touch. Okay, actually, I won’t go as far as to promise but I will try not to”

  He winks at me. Oh fuck, I don’t care about my jocks, I don’t care about anything much, I pull off my trackies and pull my T-shirt down to cover my bits and slide into bed. He pulls me tight in beside him, I lay in the crook of his arm, my head on his chest, my arm across his belly and without a second thought my leg slides over his and I realise instantly there is contact, my T shirt has ridden up and my naked pubic bone is pushed against the side of his hip. I am both embarrassed and aroused. Arousal, I think, winning out on the sensation front, to the point where I actually feel dizzy and light headed because of it and unconsciously close my eyes .and as exhausted as I am by the past few days events, all thoughts of sleep leave my mind as Gabriel brushes his fingers all the way down from under my arm, down over my waist and hip and around the cheek of my bum, pulling me against him tighter.

  “Lauren?”

  I swallow a couple of times, like that is going to help clear my head.

  “Lauren, fuck, I want you so badly baby, I really do but I don’t want you to feel like you need to do anything, you’re under no pressure here, I am happy just to lie here like this, as much as its killing me”

  He kisses my forehead, having him this close, breathing in his smell, feeling his flesh on mine is just divine but I’m not ready for anything else, not today, I want him, badly, but I want it to be right and I definitely don’t want it to be in Jo’s spare bed, I don’t think I even answer him, I must lose the battle against exhaustion and simply fall asleep.

  ~

  I jump as the bedroom door is kicked open and as I struggle to open my eyes I see Jason standing over me, I call out to Gabe but he's in such a deep sleep he doesn't hear me. Jason grabs me by my hair and pulls me out of the bed and along the floor. I swing my arms and try to hit him. He’s dragging me towards the door and I just know that once he gets me out of that room, away from Gabe, it will be game over for me; I don’t remember being more terrified in all of my life, I reach out and try to grab on to anything available, just to slow down what I know is inevitably coming to me but I refuse to give in, I won’t go quietly, I kick out with my legs and grab on with my hands, clawing at the sheets, the doona, anything and I try my hardest to call out to Gabriel but I just can't seem to make a sound, other than this strange choking noise as I try to gasp for air, I’m terrified, because I just know what’s coming. I become aware of my name being called over and over and my eyes open. Gabe is leaning over me, kissing my face and telling me to shush, I can hear myself sobbing. My first instinct is to claw and lash out at him but he’s too strong for me and he just pins my arms down on the bed.

  “Baby, baby, shush it’s okay, it’s okay you’re safe, it's just a bad dream, it's just me and you bubby, your safe”

  “He was here, he kicked the door open and he pulled me by my hair” I sob “I called and called out to you but you didn’t wake up and he was dragging me to the door, he, I think he wants to kill me, he was here Gabe”

  “Lauren, it was a dream, just a dream, he’s not here and if he does ever come near you, I promise, I swear to God, I will fucking kill him”

  I get my breathing under control and gradually stop sobbing, he kisses my head through my hair and strokes his fingers gently up and down my spine and my arms.

  “I’m so sorry” I whisper.

  “It’s okay, you just scared the shit out of me, you okay? You sounded terrified”

  “Yeah, yeah, think I'm okay now I know you’re here, I’m sorry” I feel like such an idiot now that I’ve calmed down a bit, he must think that I am a complete and utter nut job.

  “I will always be here Lauren; I won’t let him hurt you again, ever” He rains more kisses down onto my head and into my hair, which I find immensely soothing. We both settle down but it takes me a while to get back off to sleep.

  CHAPTER SIX

  When I wake up in the morning, Gabe's not here and the house is empty. There's a note from Jo on the dining table telling me to make myself at home and help myself to anything to eat. Didn't we establish last night that she has no food in the house? But there's nothing from Gabe. I pick up my phone and there are a few missed calls, voice mails and texts, one of which is from Gabriel. I open it

  “Morning gorgeous, sry I wasn't there when u woke, I had 2 get into work early this morning. Hope u slept better the rest of the nite... U certainly snored well :-) I will give u a call later as there's sumthing I wanna discus. Have a good day, rest & eat!!!That's an order .Ciao x

  Something to discuss? Shit what does that mean and I was snoring? Bollocks, I know that I snore, god he must be wondering what he's getting himself into. A wrinkly old lady, with a saggy belly, who snores like a drunken wharfie, was probably not part of his life plan!

  I find a box of cornflakes in the pantry, add some ice cold milk and sugar and tuck in. Yum, I’d forgotten how good this old favourite tasted. I put on the TV and channel surf through the day time viewing options. Nothing grabs me so I put on a music channel but all of the songs are reminding me of my predicament and set me to thinking and over thinking. Have I fucked up? Do I really want to leave Jay? I do love him, you can't wipe away 26 years of feelings and I wouldn't want to, he's been my best friend for most of my life, he's the father of my children and I will probably love him till the day I die. But I'm no longer in love with him, of that I am sure, I dread him coming home in the evening in case he's in a bad mood, my heart races when he's around through fear not passion or arousal as used to be the case, so for these reasons alone we need to part. And now, on top of all of this, he has all but admitted that he has cheated on me. I don’t know the details, I know I've told him I want a divorce but I really haven't thought that far ahead yet. If he makes an effort to change, would I go back to him? I really don't know the answer to that. Then there's Gabriel, .if I was writing a book and had to write in a love interest, he would fit the role perfectly. If you could design a man to order, he is what mine would look like. Tall, tanned, muscular but not too much. Beautiful blue eyes and hair that has a mind of its own, he has a square jaw and that cute little dimple or cleft or whatever it’s called, right in the middle of his chin. But that's just looks. There’s so much more to him than that handsome face and hot body, I've only known him three days, but he's gone out of his way to show me nothing but kindness. He’s laid his cards on the table and told me he's interested in a relationship. But, do I want or need a relationship right now? Shouldn't I be spending this time getting my head straight and working out what I'm going to do with my life, if, as it would seem now, that my marriage is truly over? And what is it Gabe wants to talk about? Us, is there such a thing as ‘us’ yet? Why do I feel nervous, why am I worried that he might want to end things, when really, things haven't even begun. Or have they? He does have an effect on me. Is that just his good looks and charm or do we really have a connection? There has definitely been a spark since that very first touch but is that enough to base a relationship on? Does he really want a relationship? He told me that first night he doesn’t do relationships. My head is swimming with all of these thoughts. I go and fetch a pillow from the bedroom and head back to the sofa and pull a fleecy throw over me. I play a game on my phone, look at my Facebook, and decide just for the time being, I will deactivate my account. Jason doesn’t use Facebook but even so, I don’t want anyone posting anything on there about Gabe and run the chance of Jay finding out, I flick the TV back on and find an old, old film to watch. Gas Light, staring Ingrid Bergman, a favourite of mine. The next thing I'm aware of i
s my phone vibrating next to me. It stops and I wake myself up.

  “Shit” I mumble to myself, picking up my phone I realise that I've slept for four hours. Mending bones and healing bruises is exhausting work! The call is from Gabriel and he promptly calls back,

  “Hey” I answer on a yawn.

  “You okay, where were you, I've called twice?”

  “Yeah, I'm fine; I was sleeping and the phones on silent”

  I smile as I speak. Aw he was worried. “I was gonna call round, you need anything?”

  “Well, there's still no food here, I've had cornflakes today because that's all I could find but I really fancy steak”

  “Steak?”

  “Yeah, steak” What’s wrong with steak, I wonder? “I'll give you the money for it”

  “Lauren, I'm not worried about the money, it just seems a strange request, from a girl, I thought you might say, Macas or chocolate. Girlie food”

  “Well yeah and some chocolate please but I'm not a girl, I'm a woman, I grew out of burgers years ago, girls eat burgers. Women eat steak and my taste is firmly with steak, why is it a strange request, don't you eat steak?”

  “Lauren I'm Australian. Of course I eat steak and I don't know why it was strange. I’m glad you like steak and I’m glad you’re a woman, not a girl. And I’m glad you’re my woman. I'm glad you like real food and I am glad you like meat” And I can hear the smile in his voice. He obviously picked up on all the innuendo in our conversation

  “And if its steak you fancy baby, I will pick some up and then head over, with all the meat you could possibly manage. Ciao, see ya after”

  I am speechless. I am HIS woman and he is GLAD of the fact. My skin is tingling, my heart is pounding in my throat, I feel like a fifteen year old, I have never experienced, lust, want, desire, need like this in my life, he has such an effect on me and that was just a telephone conversation, fuck, I feel so light headed. I’m his woman, I soooo fucking am!!! And that Italian. Wow, that’s taken on a whole new meaning now that I know he speaks it fluently, fuck that’s just, so, fucking mind-blowingly sexy, I can’t wait to hear that in all its full blown glory! He really is too perfect, there has to be a catch, has to be!