Saviour

by Lesley Jones

  “How many times do I need to repeat myself? Would you, like to move, in here, with me?”

  Wow. Not what I was expecting. I'm lost for words, yes, it does happen, occasionally!

  CHAPTER NINE

  “Would you get me a drink please? It's a job and half getting up and down off these stools, they really weren't made with short people in mind” I'm waffling, talking complete nonsense as I try to compose myself. Gabe’s looking at me like I’m totally mad, he shakes his head slightly, he’s probably regretting more and more asking me to move in.

  “What would you like to drink?”

  “A glass of wine please”

  He goes to the fridge and pour’s my drink and gets himself another beer. When he returns to the bench he leans on one elbow in front of me, his hand under his chin. I'm unnerved by his closeness to me and he knows it. I can see the hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth as he watches me, my breathing getting heavier. I take a sip of my wine, there's barely enough room to tilt my glass the space between us is so small. His smile becomes more obvious as he awaits my response. I take a deep breath

  “I left my husband less than a week ago, I have no money, no job, I have a shit load of issues and a husband who will be rampaging through the streets looking for me, once he realises what I've done today and you want me to move in here with you?”

  He does the head tilt and blows out a sigh so big that it moves my hair as well as his own. “I’m fully aware of the facts Lauren, I know when you left your husband, and I know why you left him, I'm aware of your financial situation and your employment status. I'm beginning to realise that yes you are a bit of a mental case but is it any wonder, after what you've been through and just so you know, with regard to your husband, I don't give a flying fuck about him or what he does. But apart from all of that, what I fail to see is what any of this has to do with our living arrangements. We are two consenting adults, we enjoy each other’s company and find each other physically attractive, where is the issue?”

  “You make it sound very easy, like a list and I tick enough of the boxes, cold almost, no emotion involved and I don't understand, why me, why would you want me?”

  “Lauren” He lets out another huff after he says my name; I’m pissing him off, I’m pissing me off so I’m really not surprised.

  “You’re seriously starting to piss me off now”

  Told ya!

  “What do I need to say, how can I make you understand what I feel, there is nothing cold about us or me when your around and I assure you there are plenty of emotions involved, I've loved waking up with you these past few mornings, I've loved going to bed with you at night, I'm sorry if I've made the facts sound cold, I'm just stating ... Well, stating the facts. I don't want you to go off and live in that unit on your own, I want you to stay here with me, I want to keep you safe, away from Jason. I want you in my life; I want you to be a part of my life, tell me how to make this clearer and I’ll do it, I just want you, here, with me, all the time. I know it’s all happening a bit fast but so what, let’s just go with it, see where it takes us”

  I don’t really process half of what he’s just told me before I open my mouth and why I say what I do next is beyond me.

  “I will be safe, he's not a monster Gabe and in his own way, he does love me”

  Why am I defending my husband?

  “Lauren. Take a look at yourself, if he's not a monster, then why the fuck are you sitting here battered and bruised, why did you run out of your home last Friday, in the middle of the night with just the clothes on your back, why did we sneak into his house while he was out this morning to get your stuff. If he's not a monster, why the fuck are you still here, why haven't you gone back to him, fuck Lauren you need to give your head a wobble and get the fuck real. If you don't want to move in here with me, that's fine but do yourself a favour sweet heart and wake up to the fact, it’s not normal and it’s not right for a husband to hit his wife!”

  He's so angry and right in my face and I know that everything he has just said is right but it’s so hard for me to accept and admit this, because if I do, what does it say about me, my marriage and the way I've lived my life the last quarter of a century? He drains his bottle and goes to the fridge; he pulls out the wine and tops up my glass, then pulls a whisky tumbler off the shelf and a bottle of bourbon out of the cupboard and pours a lot more than the standard shot.

  Shit, whiskey in the day. This isn't good. I'm absolutely silent and can't even look at him. He lifts my chin so that I have no choice but to meet his eye. Just one finger, that's our only contact but it’s there, that tingle, that current and it hits me right between the legs, despite the drama, the tension and the conversation that's unfolding, this feeling, longing, need, whatever the fuck it is, is overriding it all and I have to close my eyes for a second to try and compose myself.

  “You feel it don't you, it's not just me; so why are you defending him and fighting me Lauren? I'm at a loss to work you out sometimes darl, I don't know what my role is here, do you have any feelings for me at all or am I just your protector for the next few weeks to save you from Jason? Let me know now and save me from myself please, because right now, right now I feel like I'm drowning. I want you Lauren, like I have never wanted any woman, I want you in every way, I really don't care about all the shit you have going on, I will take that too, as long as I have you. I miss you even when we're not in the same room, I miss your smile, your warmth, your humour, your smell and I don't want you to live anywhere other than with me”

  He draws breath but he's not finished yet, his eyes haven’t left mine, he closes them for a few seconds and says very quietly, “you do things to me Lauren, things that no woman has ever done, you do things to me here”

  And he points at his head,

  “And here” his stomach

  “You do amazing things to me down here” he smiles as he says this and points to his crutch and I smile, just a little bit, too.

  He takes my glass out of my hand and continues “but most of all, the biggest effect of all, is what you do to me here” he places my hand, palm down, flat, on his beating heart.

  “I've never felt things here, like this before, I thought I was passed all of that now, I thought it just wasn't ever going to happen for me, that I was too old for all of these feelings my mates had when we were still at school for their girls. I thought perhaps there was something wrong with me, that I was incapable of love, outside of my family. Everything I've come to believe about that emotion and me, you, you, have turned it right on its head and I don't know what to do. I really don’t, it scares me, I hate not being in control of how I feel, I hate not being in control of how you feel, I want you to feel what I do, I want you to feel for me what I feel for you, I have no fucking idea if I should be telling you all of this or not because I have no fucking idea how all of this relationship shit works, I probably sound like such a needy, whiney little bitch right now, fuck Lauren, I’m fucked, where you’re concerned, I’m totally fucked” He shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head.

  He's still holding my hand over his heart and it’s almost beating out of his chest. I blink and a tear rolls down my cheek, yes, again. His honesty does that to me, it floors me, he holds nothing back, and it’s one of the things I’m growing to love about him. Like, one of the things I’m growing to like about him, a lot!

  Unable to resist the closeness of those lips, I lean forward and kiss him. He holds his mouth against mine and takes in deep breaths, he tastes of beer and bourbon and Gabe, he tastes perfect, absolutely perfect. His hand is in my hair, as I whisper,

  “I’m scared”

  “Scared of what baby?”

  “I'm scared of what I feel for you, I'm scared of how quickly I'm feeling what I feel, what sort of person am I if I can come out of a twenty five year marriage and within five days of leaving my husband, have such strong feelings for another man, a man that I've known for such a short time?”

  I'm shaking m
y head as I speak because I still can't get a grip on it all, I can't believe all that has happened is real.

  “You’re over thinking things again Lauren, it is what it is, two people that have met and have an instant attraction, why can't we just go with that, fuck everyone else and fuck what they think or say about us, what happened to YOLO and all that? The timing is shit house I know, but better than if we had met and felt like this and you were still with Jason, but you’re not, you've left him, you’re now separated. We are doing nothing wrong”

  My head is spinning, a combination of today's events and admissions and day time wine drinking. Don't over think this, don't over think this, is all that’s going around in my head.

  “Let’s do it” I say with a shrug.

  “Let’s do it? What you'll move in here, stay here with me?”

  “Yes, Yes I'll move in here with you”

  And all he says is

  “Ha, fair dinkum?”

  I nod as he smiles, then kisses me, long and deep on the mouth and then kisses away my tears. This crying really has got to stop.

  “I won't let you down Lauren, I'm not him. Thank you for giving me a chance, feel free to tell me to shut the fuck up if I’m going on too much”

  I shake my head and laugh, “never, you keep telling me baby, it’s good for my ego”

  “Fuck Lauren, don’t be telling me that, I’ll be telling you how perfect you are from the second you wake, till you fall asleep at night”

  Now the tears really flow, he stands between my legs while I sit on the stool and holds me, our foreheads pushed together. My tears run and my nose drips.

  “My nose is all snotty”

  He laughs “Not sure if my feelings for you extend far enough to clean up your snot darl. And I actually can't believe you can admit to that but can't tell me what you want me to do to you in bed” I giggle like a school girl and look up at him but before I can speak my phone rings. He passes it to me, it's Jemma.

  “Hey Jem” I answer

  “Lauren what have you done? Jason has been here threatening all sorts and shouting blue murder, he says you broke into his house” I can tell from her voice, she’s almost crying.

  “Shit Jem are you okay, he didn't touch you or anything did he? For fucks sake”

  “No, no but he was spewing mad, he scared the crap out of me and the kids and he wouldn't believe you wasn't here and wouldn't leave until I let him in to check, I had to threaten him with the police to make him get out, what have you done that's pissed him off so much?” She asks

  “I let myself in with my key and collected all my stuff, I didn't take anything that wasn't mine and I left behind lots of things that are, he's just pissed off because I got in and out without having to have a massive show down with him”

  “Well just be warned, he's on the war path”

  “Thanks Jem and I am so sorry that you've been dragged into all this shit”

  “Lauren, you’re my friend and I love you, it's not a problem but please stay away from him, I've just seen a different side to Jay this arvo, a side that’s probably behind your reasons for leaving him and quite frankly, it makes me scared for you, please, please stay safe, call the police if he does happen to find you, you owe him no loyalty”

  She has an almost hysterical ring to her voice and I hate that she has had to face Jason’s angry persona, he usually only saves that for me, in private, he must be majorly pissed, my palms are sweaty, I switch my phone to loud speaker and set it down on the bench top.

  “I know I don’t, I will call the police if I have to, please don't worry, Gabe’s here if I have any problems. Thank you Jem, thank you for caring so much, I love you and I'm sorry that all of this shit has landed on your doorstep, I really am”

  “No worries chicky. We need to have a catch up so you can let me hear all the filthy details about you and Mr Bow Chicka Wow Wow. When are you moving into the unit? Jo told me you are staying at his till it’s ready. So, have you done the deed yet, fuck Lauren, what’s it like with someone else after all these years?”

  I am glowing crimson, Gabe can hear every word and is looking at me with his head tilted the way that he does and he has is sexy arsed, knicker exploding, clit tingling smile on his face and his eyes are giving me that laughing look. I take in a few deep breaths but I can’t wipe the smile off my face as all I can think as I answer is that he’s mine, might not be forever but for right now, he’s all fucking mine.

  “Yeah I am staying at Gabe’s, in fact, I’m not going to the unit now, I’m moving in here”

  “No way? Fuck Loza, you don’t mess about do you? Mind you, I wouldn’t say no if he asked me either”

  “Jemma, he’s right here and can hear every word you’re saying”

  “He can? Hey Gabe, when you wear her out, give me a shout would ya, I’m a much better root than she is”

  “Only because you’ve had a lot more practice, with a lot more men, than I have”

  “Yeah, you’re not wrong there, anyway, call me, love ya lots like jelly tots, bye, bye”

  She hangs up. Gabriel has downed his drink and is pouring another. I fire off a text to Jo and Lulu to let them know Jay is on the warpath and tell them not to hesitate in calling the police if he plays up. I get messages back instantly asking me if I'm okay, I assure them I am and turn to Gabe and shrug at the latest bit of drama in my life. Really, I should write a book. 'How NOT To Leave Your Husband' is the title that springs to mind. He doesn’t mention Jems teasing; he just gets straight on my case regarding Jason.

  “And you still think you'd be safe on your own, in that unit?”

  “You know what Gabe, that's really not helping; I can't believe he would frighten Jemma and the kids like that though, he must be really mad”

  “You’re not worried are you? There's no way he could know you’re here”

  “No, I'm not worried about him showing up here but I am worried about the fact you’re drinking bourbon on a Wednesday arvo”

  He gives me such a shy, sheepish smile, he looks so young, I can't help but grin stupidly at him.

  “What, what is it, why the drink, why the smile?”

  “I’m nervous and happy and celebrating”

  “Nervous, happy and celebrating, right, well that clears things up then” I frown and shake my head at him, waiting for an explanation.

  “I’m celebrating the fact you said yes, that you are going to move in here permanently, I’m celebra...” My phone rings and cuts him off, my stomach lurches as I see that it's Jason. Shit, I really don't want to speak to him but I know ignoring him will just make him more pissed off. I look across at Gabe standing on the other side of the bench top

  “It’s him”

  “Well answer it and tell him to get fucked”

  “Not helpful Gabe”

  I shake my head and let out a long breath.

  “Jason” I say into the phone.

  “You fucking bitch, I will fucking kill you next time I see you! Who the fuck do you think you are, coming in here when I'm at work and taking whatever the fuck you like, you cheeky cunt?”

  Well okay then, he’s definitely pissed off with me. I move the phone away from my ear, he's shouting so loud, it's actually painful. Wrong move, so the wrong move. Gabe takes the phone out of my hand and says into it, “listen you fucking dick head, I don't know who the fuck you think you are but stop calling Lauren and giving her shit, I'm fucking over all of your fucking bullshit, your nothing but a fucking wife beating bully and if you come near her again I will break your fucking skull”

  He presses End and hands the phone back to me, with a smile on his face, I stare at him with my mouth wide open.

  “What?” he shrugs, like he needs to ask. He takes a swig of his drink and shrugs again.

  “Do you not think you could have thrown in a few more fucks? Just to help get your point across”

  My facetious comment is completely lost on him. He’s smiling, but only with his mouth, his bl
ue eyes are steely grey again and his jaw tense, I can tell that he too is pissed off.

  “Fuck him Lauren, who the fuck does he think he is? I'm not having him call you up and give you that kind of shit. Tomorrow we will go and see my lawyer and get your divorce petition up and running and then we will go and get you a new phone”

  He really has no idea how angry he would have made Jason; I haven’t heard the last of this.

  And there it is, my phone ringing again and oh what a surprise, its Jay. I give Gabe a raised eyebrow 'this is your fault’ look as I pick up.

  “You’re fucking dead to me you fucking slut” That's all he says and hangs up. Oh well, I'll take that, I actually feel grateful that he just wants to insult me and not argue. I look at Gabe and shrug. “Well apparently, I’m a slut”

  “Yeah baby but you’re my slut”

  We burst into laughter!

  ~

  The next morning we are at the solicitors by 9am. It takes almost an hour to go through the divorce process and I fill in paperwork, there is basically nothing I can do other than declare that we are legally separated, he notes the separation and the fact that I now wish to be known as Lauren Day, not East; now I have to wait. Next I go to the bank and notify them of my new address and am promptly notified by the bank that all my cards have been cancelled and my name has been removed from mine and Jay’s joint accounts. Great! Bastard! And just to top it off, Gabe appears to be quite happy about all of this and insists that we go to his bank and get my name added to his account. No way, way too soon for that.

  Next we go off to get me a new phone. Why I need a new phone is beyond me but Gabe is insistent, he takes care of this and adds me onto his business account.

  I'm self-conscious walking along Main Street. Partly because of my now fading bruises on my cheek and under my eye but also in case I bump into anyone I know. Gabe’s holding my hand tightly and we are obviously a couple, if we do bump into anyone I know, they will unlikely be aware that I've left Jay, let alone that I'm now shacking up with Gabe

  “You wanna grab a coffee?” he asks