Cajun Kiss of Death

by Ellen Byron

  “Mom joined this group, Free Mom Hugs,” Charli said. “They give out hugs to queer people and act as stand-in moms at weddings for people who’ve been disowned by their families.”

  Nola popped up to sitting. “Your mom signed on for that? Your mom?”

  Charli nodded. “She wants me to go shopping with her for the grooms’ mother’s dress. I gotta say, when Mom commits, she is all in.”

  “What does your dad think?”

  “Birth or step?” Charli shared a mother with QJ, but retired police chief Rufus Durand was her birth father. “Step loves everything she does. Birth is so busy with his other kiddles that he’s just relieved I’m out of the house and freeing up a bedroom.”

  Rufus and wife Sandy’s marriage had proved fruitful—extremely so. They now had five children ranging in age from nineteen to nine. Their journey hadn’t been without bumps, even the occasional separation. But Sandy had somehow convinced her old-fashioned, macho husband to try couples counseling. To the surprise of all—especially Rufus—he reveled in pouring out his soul, particularly to someone who was paid to listen and not argue with him. He even took up journaling and writing the occasional poem, to the consternation of those he foisted his musings upon. Wife Sandy was happy to attend local poetry slams with “the new Ru.”

  Nola’s phone pinged a text. “It’s my dad. We’re doing a video chat with Xander in a few minutes. He wants to say good-bye.”

  She stood up, and the others followed suit. QJ grabbed her largest suitcase. “I’ll bring this one down for you.” He went to pull it and almost fell backward. “Man, this is heavy. What do you have in here?”

  “All my art supplies and art books.”

  QJ, who intended on following in his father’s footsteps and take over the family law practice, released a dramatic sigh. “I had to fall in love with an artist.”

  The friends trooped down the stairs, past the B and B’s parterre garden into the manor house. Immediate family and friends were huddled in front of a large computer screen. Tug and Ninette, Nola’s grandparents, in their eighties, claimed a front-row seat, next to great-grand-mère Charlotte, wheelchair bound at age 104 but as amazingly sharp as ever. Next to her sat her roommate, Helene Brevelle, the town voodoo priestess. Helene had moved in with Gran when Gran’s second husband Lee Bertrand shuffled off his mortal coil ten years prior, collapsing on the dance floor of a local lounge. “He died with his dancing shoes on,” Gran said. “A respectable Cajun passing.”

  “Chère, over here.” Maggie motioned for Nola to join her and Bo. The years had been generous to the couple. Faces might be lined and hair flecked with gray, but they maintained their health, energy, and passion for each other and for life.

  The screen fluttered, and then Xander appeared before them. At twenty-eight, he didn’t look much different than he had at eight. He still wore wire-rim glasses and a serious expression on his boyish face. “Hey, y’all. Can you see me?”

  “Yes,” the viewers answered in one voice.

  “How are things in Silicon Valley, son?” Bo asked. Xander, also a gifted artist, had combined his talents with computer science and become a hugely successful web designer in the Bay Area.

  “Good. In another ten years, Ess and I may have enough money to buy a house,” said Xander with a wry smile.

  A beautiful, flaxen-haired young woman appeared on-screen. Xander had fallen in love with Esme when the two were seven years old and never considered dating anyone else. He’d waited while Esme went through a string of boyfriends before accepting that yes, it was possible that the love of your life was the shy boy once seated next to you in a second-grade classroom. They’d married two years earlier.

  Esme waved to everyone. “Hey there! Miss y’all.”

  “Miss you too, chère.” Maggie bit her lip to keep from tearing up. Nola put an arm around her mother’s waist and hugged her.

  “I’m so sorry we can’t fly out for your show,” Esme said. “Or see you off to Paris, Nola honey. Just come back ready to be an aunt.” She repositioned herself, exposing a pregnancy in its eighth month.

  “Will do,” Nola said. “I can’t wait to go shopping for baby presents in France. I bet they’re très joli.”

  “Please tell me you know more French than that,” her stepbrother Xander teased.

  “Tais-toi,” she joked back. “Which means, shut up.”

  “We’ve got a surprise guest for you,” Esme said.

  She leaned to the side and another young woman peered over her shoulder—Bella, Xander’s adopted sister. The delighted viewers gasped. The UCLA student waved and laughed as their greetings overlapped each other. “Hey, everyone. Made the trip up from SoCal for a dose of fam and NorCal.” Grinning, she pointed a finger. “I see that blank look on your face, Tug, sir. Let me translate. I drove up from Southern California for some quality time with my big brother and sister-in-law in Northern California.”

  The blank look that had been coloring Tug’s face cleared. “Ah. Thank you.”

  “The older gen here doesn’t speak West Coast,” Nola said, casting an affectionate glance at her grandparents.

  Bo tapped his watch, a self-winding relic from the 2020s. “It’s time. We need to get going.” Bo waved to his son. “Stay well, you two.”

  “Love you,” Maggie said, blowing a kiss to the screen. Can’t wait to meet Baby Durand.”

  The California-based couple signed off amid a hail of good-byes and kisses being blown their way. The screen faded to black. The room devolved into a sea of hugs, happy tears, and emotional send-offs for Maggie, Bo, and Nola. QJ and Bo then packed the back of the family’s SUV with luggage. QJ kissed his girlfriend. “Je t’aime,” he whispered to her.

  “Je t’aime aussi,” she whispered back.

  Maggie, Bo, and Nola loaded themselves into the car and pulled out of the family parking area. They followed the side road to the River Road, where Bo made a left. Nola twisted in her seat and craned her neck to look back at the family homestead. Tears welled up and she choked them back. “I wish you could hug a house.”

  Maggie, equally emotional, reached back and patted her daughter’s leg. “It will be there when you get back, chère. Crozat’s not going anywhere.”

  Nola caught a final glimpse of the majestic home’s iconic thirty-two white columns before the car turned left, heading southeast to the Louis Armstrong International Airport and the next adventures in her family’s lives.

  “Yes,” she said. “Crozat will always be there … for however long forever lasts.”

  Recipes

  Maggie’s Beer Bread

  I love this recipe—it’s so easy and delicious! When my friends and I used to make it, we called it One-Two-Three Bread because it basically requires only three ingredients … plus a little butter.

  Ingredients

  3 cups self-rising flour (or regular flour plus 3 teaspoons baking powder and 1 teaspoon salt)

  ¼ cup white sugar

  12-ounce bottle or can of beer

  ¼ cup melted butter

  Instructions

  Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

  Grease a loaf pan and set aside.

  Mix the dry ingredients together well to combine them. Pour the beer into the dry ingredients and mix well to combine.

  Transfer the batter to the loaf pan. Pour the melted butter over the top of the batter to cover it as much as possible. (You can always add a little more melted butter if you need it.)

  Bake for approximately one hour.

  Serves about eight—or one, if you eat the whole loaf yourself!

  Cajun Country Mystery Cocktail Created by mixologist D. Max Maxey

  I’m lucky to have a friend who’s a renowned mixologist: D. Max Maxey. I asked him if he would create a cocktail inspired by my Cajun Country Mystery series, and he was more than happy to oblige. Here’s the delicious drink he invented.

  Ingredients

  1 ounce Bacardi 8 rum

  1 ounce Smith & Cro
ss rum

  ½ ounce Dolin sweet vermouth

  ½ ounce Pierre Ferrand dry curaçao

  ½ ounce Suze aperitif

  1 light bar spoon absinthe

  Luxardo cherries

  Instructions

  Build the drink by adding each ingredient to an old-fashioned glass.

  Add block ice if you have it. Otherwise, use regular ice.

  Stir to mix flavors and control the dilution.

  Garnish with a Luxardo cherry.

  Serves one.

  Baked Catfish Po’ boy With Quick Remoulade Sauce

  Po’ boys are a staple of Louisiana cuisine, as is catfish. You can make the remoulade sauce first or make it while the fish is cooking. You can even make it the night before and refrigerate it. This is a quick version of the unique Louisiana condiment. You’ll find a made-from-scratch recipe for remoulade sauce in A Cajun Christmas Killing.

  Ingredients

  3 teaspoons oil

  1½ pounds catfish filets

  1 cup cornmeal

  1 teaspoon dried thyme

  1 teaspoon Creole seasoning

  ½ teaspoon garlic powder

  ½ teaspoon onion

  1 teaspoon paprika

  ¼ to ½ teaspoon black pepper

  ½ teaspoon salt

  1 egg

  ½ cup milk

  Hot sauce (optional)

  1 large baguette or 4 hero rolls

  Lettuce, pieces or shredded

  Sliced tomatoes

  Quick Remoulade Sauce (see recipe below)

  Instructions

  Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Use the oil to grease a 13 × 9–inch glass baking dish.

  Rinse and dry the catfish filets. Cut into serving-size pieces (approximately 4 × 2 inches).

  Combine the dry ingredients in a shallow bowl.

  Mix the egg and milk together. If you want to add hot sauce to the liquid, add a teaspoon to a tablespoon, depending on how spicy you like your catfish.

  Dip the catfish into the liquid, then dredge in the cornmeal mixture. (If you find you’re running low on the breading, you can always mix up a second batch and save what you don’t use for another day.)

  Bake for approximately fifteen minutes or until cooked through and golden brown, turning once during cooking. Turn off the oven, remove the fish, and set aside.

  Either split the rolls down the middle or cut the baguette into four pieces and split each quarter down the middle. (Eating a po’ boy can be a messy business. You can always pull out some of the bread dough to make more room for the other ingredients.)

  Place two slabs of catfish in each roll or baguette section, then add the tomatoes and lettuce. Top the sandwich ingredients with as much Quick Remoulade Sauce as you’d like.

  Serves four.

  Quick Remoulade Sauce

  Ingredients

  1 cup mayonnaise, regular or low-fat

  3 tablespoons Creole or brown mustard

  1 tablespoon lemon juice

  1 teaspoon Tabasco or your favorite hot sauce (you can add more if you like your sauce spicy)

  ½ teaspoon minced garlic

  ¼ teaspoon black pepper

  ¼ cup pickle relish, dill or sweet

  1 teaspoon paprika

  ½ teaspoon Creole seasoning

  Instructions

  Mix together all ingredients until well combined.

  Makes approximately one-plus cups.

  Gooey Pineapple Pecan Cake

  This cake is super sweet—and super tasty! If you prefer a less sweet version, simply skip the topping and just make the cake. Since it requires only three ingredients, it’s very easy. You can always add a scoop of vanilla ice cream or dollop of whipped cream.

  Ingredients

  Cake

  1 box yellow cake mix

  1 can crushed pineapple (don’t drain; use with juice)

  1 cup chopped pecans

  Topping

  2 large eggs

  8-ounce package regular or low-fat cream cheese, softened

  1 tablespoon rum or rum flavor

  1 pound (16 ounces) powdered sugar

  Instructions

  Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

  Combine the cake mix and pineapple in a large bowl, stirring until well blended. Add the cup of pecans and mix well to incorporate.

  Transfer the batter into a 13 × 9–inch baking pan, spreading so it covers the whole pan.

  Beat the eggs with the cream cheese until well blended. Add the rum flavoring, then the powdered sugar one cup at a time, making sure to mix the ingredients together at medium speed before adding the next cup.

  Pour the mixture over the cake layer, making the sure the cake layer is entirely covered.

  Bake at 325 degrees for forty minutes or until set. Cool and cut into squares. Note: If you’re skipping the topping and making only the cake, bake at 350 degrees for approximately twenty-five to thirty-five minutes until firm to the touch.

  Serves sixteen to twenty-four, depending on serving size.

  Calas (Rice Balls or Fritters)

  Calas, usually a breakfast dish, are like beignets made with rice. They have an interesting history. In the nineteenth century, Creole street vendors known as “Calas women” sold them hot from baskets or bowls they carried on their heads. Calas fell out of favor in the twentieth century, almost disappearing entirely until chefs and food preservationists rediscovered the treat and restored it to menus.

  Ninette’s secret ingredient? Substituting brown sugar for white. It is her opinion—and mine—that brown sugar adds a special extra something to a recipe.

  Ingredients

  Vegetable oil for frying

  2 cups white rice, medium or long grain, cooked and cooled

  6 tablespoons flour

  ¼ cup brown sugar

  2 teaspoons baking powder

  ¼ teaspoon salt

  ¼ teaspoon nutmeg

  2 large eggs

  ¼ teaspoon vanilla extract

  Confectioner’s sugar

  Instructions

  In a fryer or deep pot (I use a deep, round Dutch oven), pour oil to at least 3 inches in depth. Heat to 360 degrees.

  In a large bowl, combine the rice, flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and nutmeg. Stir well, breaking up any brown sugar clumps to make sure it’s well incorporated.

  In a small bowl, beat the eggs together with the vanilla.

  Pour the liquid egg mixture into the rice mixture and mix together well. (It’s best to keep the mixture cool so that it doesn’t separate when dropped into the oil. I cool my rice in the refrigerator before making the recipe.)

  Drop into the hot oil in heaping tablespoonfuls or serving spoonfuls. When the calas have reached a nice, rich brown on one side, use a metal slotted spoon to flip them over if they haven’t flipped on their own. When a calas is completely brown (approximately five minutes), remove it from the oil and drain on paper towels.

  Sprinkle the calas with powdered sugar and serve hot. You can also serve with a side of cane syrup for dunking.

  Makes approximately twelve calas.

  Butter Beans and River Shrimp By Mrs. J. F. Guglielmo

  My friend David J. Hubbell has deep Louisiana roots. He can trace his ancestors back to the 1720s and the settling of the “German Coast,” now known as the River Parishes. Here he shares a “lost” recipe for a delicious dish unique to the River Parishes. You can find a video explaining the history of the recipe on David’s “David J. Hubbell” YouTube channel, under the title “Butter Beans and Shrimp—River Parish Recipes—Lost & Found—Season 1 Episode 2.” David’s YouTube channel is a treasure trove of Cajun and Creole recipes. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

  David tells me that this recipe, courtesy of Mrs. J. F. Guglielmo, was published in Ms. Tommy C. Simmons’s series of articles titled In Baton Rouge Kitchens in The State Times Advocate (now known as The Advocate) on Thursday, February 8, 1979.

  Ingredients

  3
tablespoons shortening

  2 tablespoons flour

  2 cups butter beans (also known as baby lima beans)

  1 medium onion, chopped

  1 small tomato, chopped

  1 stalk of celery, chopped

  1 small pod of garlic

  3 tablespoons green onions

  3 tablespoons parsley

  2 cups shrimp (substitute regular saltwater shrimp, since river shrimp are hard to find)

  Water

  Parsley

  Salt and red pepper (cayenne)

  Instructions

  In a small saucepan, brown the shortening and flour to make a roux.

  Add butter beans and onion. Simmer.

  Add tomato, celery, and garlic, simmering between each addition. Add shrimp and cook a little until grease starts to separate a little. Add green onions and enough water to cover by about 1½ inches.

  Stir frequently to make sure it doesn’t burn. Simmer for about 1½ hours.

  At the end, add parsley and season with salt and red pepper.

  Serve over rice with any meat entrée.

  Serves four to six as a main dish, six to eight as a side dish.

  The recipe for Jambalaya appears in Body on the Bayou.

  The recipe for Étouffée appears in Fatal Cajun Festival.

  The recipes for Muffuletta Frittata and Shrimp Remoulade appear in A Cajun Christmas Killing.

  The recipe for Sugar High Pie appears in Murder in the Bayou Boneyard.

  Lagniappe

  For many years, the only way to cross the Mississippi River in Louisiana north of New Orleans was by ferry. During my college years at Tulane University, I have a vivid memory of making the crossing on the Luling-Destrehan ferry with my parents during one of their visits. The river’s current is fierce and the river busy with commerce. I recall being nervous during the entire brief trip. Sadly, that fear was not unfounded. The Luling-Destrehan ferry route is responsible for the deadliest ferry disaster in our nation’s history. On October 20, 1976, the George Prince Ferry was struck by a Norwegian tanker headed upriver. Seventy-eight people perished.