PIGGS - A Novel with Bonus Screenplay
Page 23
Ortega pulls his old car into the parking lot. Ortega is tired, and he rear-ends Cecil's Caddie. He gets out of the car and spots a couple of dozen bullet holes.
ORTEGA
Ay, gringos again...
Ortega walks carefully around the car. Looks in the back seat.
POV ORTEGA
Cat sits inside, looking straight ahead. His face is pale, and there's a hole in his head.
CAT
Hi, Ortega. It's me...
ORTEGA
I see it is you. You don't look too good, hombre.
CAT
Don't feel good...
Ortega leans in for a closer look. Lodged in the center of a crusty hole is the rear half of a bullet.
ORTEGA
Okay. This is the problem right here. You know, it is a surprise to me you are not totally dead.
Ortega shakes his head.
ORTEGA (CONT'D)
What is happening, Cat? What is going on here?
CAT
Hosa...hosa-piddle.
ORTEGA
What? Ah-- Hos-pit-al. Well, you are an asshole, Cat, but you are a human person like myself. We have this thing in common.
EXT/INT CADDIE
Ortega opens the front door, gets in the driver's seat. Looks at the dash. Turns back to Cat.
ORTEGA
I hate to ask, but we are nearly on empty. I do not believe I can move you to my car. You have any money, Cat?
CAT
Muuu--nee.
ORTEGA
This is what I am saying.
CAT
Muu-nee. Hosa-piddle.
ON CAT
Cat's face is filled with agony. He lifts a great paw, reaches up and digs enormous fingers into the siding of the door. Plastic rips, the door handle snaps, the panel bursts free.
Money pours all over Cat's lap, spills in a green avalanche onto the floor, out the door.
CAT
Hosa-piddle...muneee.
ORTEGA
Madre!
CAT
Hosa-piddle...
Ortega grins.
ORTEGA
Focking right. Hosa-pital it is.
Ortega quickly gets in the driver's seat. The car roars into action.
EXT. CAR
Cecil's Caddie takes off, burning rubber, throwing up dust---and money, money flying like leaves.
ORTEGA (O.S.)
Hang on back there, amigo!
LONG DISSOLVE: PASSAGE OF TIME
INT. PIGGS -NIGHT
ESTABLISHING SHOTS
The place is swinging, but Piggs has changed. The motif is now Cajun. Fake Spanish moss. Baby gators have replaced the piglets in the aquarium walls.
MOVING SHOT
CAMERA PULLS BACK as Jack comes at us through the crowd. He's still Jack, but he's a changed man---stylish hair, shiny, out-of-fashion tux and tie.
People greet him. Guys are signing baby gators. Maggie Thatch and Minnie Mouth FOLLOW him toward the front of the door. They are dressed in tacky, revealing "Southern Style" hostess outfits.
JACK
Billy, how are ya? Sluggo, where you been, man? Maggie, the beer guy, Mick, Slick--
(Jack snaps his fingers)
MAGGIE
Freddie...
JACK
Whatever. He don't want to deliver on time, get me somebody can. How hard is it, bring a load of beer.
MAGGIE
Got you, Jack.
JACK
Jesus, Minnie, the babe with no---
MINNIE
Boobs.
JACK
That's what they are. Coulda fooled me.
MINNIE
We are at the mercy of nature's little follies, Jack.
JACK
Put her on at Closing, everybody's swacked.
MAGGIE
Bye, have fun, Jack.
Jack goes out the front door. Big smiles on Maggie and Minnie fade. Jack has turned into a nag.
EXT – PIGGS – REVERSE ANGLE
The sign now reads WIGGS. Wrong letter size, of course. It's an Oriental-style W from WAN'S. Some of the neon pigs still work, but they jerk and sizzle erratically.
Jack turns, looks back, smiles.
POV JACK
A lot of smaller signs with pictures of strippers. One BIG SIGN with a topless dancer on it. In glitter it reads:
SHE'S HERE! JOANN SEBASTIAN BOXX
Jack turns, pauses on the curb, waiting. Rhino calls out.
RHINO
Hey, Jack!
Rhino appears,slaps him on the back. He's now dressed like a high-class Cajun chef. Behind him, the sign over the former Wan's reads AN'S. A sign below reads TEXAS CREOLE COOKIN'.
JACK
Rhino, man!
RHINO
Hey, sport. You are looking fine, boy. Biiig night, huh?
JACK
You gotta come, Rhino. You're not busting your balls, place isn't going to blow away.
RHINO
You ever watch a Jap cook Ett-too-fay? Christ.
(winks, nods down the road)
Go, boy!
JACK
Oh yeah.
Rhino laughs as big Lincoln pulls up into FRAME. There's a stuffed baby gator on the hood. Jack gets in the passenger side.
INT. CAR
JACK
Where you been, huh? I am standing out here.
LONG LEGS - That's all we can see; can't see her face. It's JOANN SEBASTIAN BOXX.
JOANN (O.S.)
Well I cannot drive naked, Jack. They don't allow that.
They drive off.
EXT. CAR
MOVING SHOT
JACK (O.S.)
You don't know till you try.
JOANN (O.S.)
Stop that, I'm driving.
They pass lines of moving cars.
JOANN (O.S.)
Jaaaack!
Car roars off into the night.
SOUND: They both laugh.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. THE BATTLE OF BRITUN FAMILY FUN PARK - NIGHT
ESTABLISHING SHOTS
CAMERA ROAMS over a packed parking lot, SWEEPS down over the park itself. This is not the dark, abandoned theme park we've seen before. It is blazing with lights; people are crowding to get in. CAMERA ROAMS past where a rusty sign hung before, to the enormous, flashing display that reads:
LOS BATTLE OF BRITUN FAMILIA FUN PARK.
And, under the sign, it reads:
OPENING NIGHT!
SERIES OF SHOTS
CAMERA SWEEPS OVER the park...the LOOPIN' STUKA RIDE...THE HOWLIN' HURRICANES....DOGFIGHTERS, the works.
ON ENTRY
Jack and JoAnn go through the gate without paying; everyone knows Jack.
INSIDE PARK
MOVING SHOT
We FOLLOW Jack and Joann past noise, crowd, rides. We still can't clearly see JoAnn's face. Jack calls out as he approaches a gathering.
GATHERING
And there's Ricky, looking grand in his Luftwaffe officer's uniform and cowboy boots, his arm around Gloria, who is about as pregnant as she can get. She's wearing a 1942 dress and a cute hat. Standing to the side is Gerrard, looking cool, his three guys, Leo, Frank and Willie Bee a few yards behind him.
RICKY
Hey, Jack. Guten Nacht, amigo!
JACK
Ricky! Hey, man!
(pause)
You are looking fine, Gloria. Really fine.
Jack pulls a rather wilted rose out of his jacket, hands it to her. Everyone hugs.
GLORIA
Thank you, Jack, that is so nice.
JACK
I don't think you've met our, ah-- new headliner. Everyone, this is--
JoAnn steps forward, her absolutely gorgeous face and body visible for the first time. She looks REMARKABLY LIKE ONE OF THE MOST FAMOUS STARLETS. Great casting.
JOANN
Hi, I'm JoAnn. JoAnn Sebastian Boxx?
GLORIA
JoAnn...
/> JOANN
Well, actually, that's my professional name.
RICKY
Senorita...
JOANN
Well, not senorita for long, I hope.
She holds up her ring finger, shows ring.
GLORIA
(polite smile)
Oh? How nice.
JoAnn speaks, but the noise of the nearby ROLLER COASTER nearly drowns out her voice.
JACK AND GERRARD
Jack has turned to speak to Gerrard.
JACK
It's real fine you could make it up here, sir. We'll look forward to seeing you over at the place.
GERRARD
Would not miss it, Jack. Rhino says you're doing fine. Speaks well of you.
JACK
--speak well of him, too. I mean, him and me go back.
Jack looks past Gerrard at his three guys, gives them a friendly wave.
THREE GUYS - They don't wave back.
BACK TO SCENE
GERRARD
Yes, indeed. Need some gators, anything? You just let me know.
JACK
I appreciate that.
GERRARD
Mr. Ambrose Junior sends his best. Says he might like to expand sometime. Lubbock, Fort Worth...
JACK
Yeah? No kidding?
Gerrard looks past Jack, his eyes on JoAnn
GERRARD
A lovely lady there.
JACK
Well, I think so. Crowd loves her too. Got a great act. Plays the piano, starts off with this terrific fugue...
GERRARD
One of my favorites.
Jack tries to speak but the roller coaster roars overhead.
CUT TO:
Gloria and JoAnn, as the noise fades away.
GLORIA
---I don't think I ever knew anyone from Salt Lake. It must be...lovely out there.
JOANN
It is. And it's not all that Mormon thing. You can have fun there too.
GLORIA
You like it okay? At Piggs?
JOANN
Wiggs.
GLORIA
Yes.
JOANN
It is so much nicer than Houston. I mean, honestly. It is the difference in night and day. You the one lives in a tree?
Gloria, not happy at the reference.
GLORIA
Actually, we have a townhouse in San Antone.
JOANN
How very nice.
GLORIA
I expect you like pie.
JOANN
Oh, yes.
GLORIA
Hot?
JOANN
Hot as you can get it, hon...
They turn, at laughter from Gerrard and Jack. Ricky has joined the two.
THE GUYS
RICKY
---I would not disagree, senor, but I would take the Redskins. I would give you the points, and take the Skins over the Cowboys any Sunday that they play.
GERRARD
What kind of points we talking here?
RICKY
That is depend upon the field. The home field or the road.
Gerrard's cool vanishes for a second.
GERRARD
You said any Sunday, man.
CUT TO:
Two kids on their bikes. It is the same two kids who harassed Cecil at the convenience store. Now they wear souvenir aviator caps. We can still hear some of the continuing conversation, but it is lost, for the most part, in the noise of the crowd and the ride.
CUT TO:
A wheeled cart, like a hotdog cart. Little awning. Sign says:
SCHNITZEL UND KIDNEY PIE
GRAPE AND CECIL
Grape is dressed in a TONTO-LIKE outfit. He still has a bad, swollen bump on his head where Ricky clubbed him in the woods.
GRAPE
Get 'em here, got you vee-ner snitz-el, got your quiche, got your pie..
The two bikers scream by and
CECIL
Here's Cecil, in a Lone Ranger-type outfit, a costume like a little kid would wear. He is clearly OUT OF IT as a result of his treatment by Gerrard, and whatever may have happened on his "visit" to Baton Rouge. He twitches a lot, whines, is confused by the bikers going by him.
CUT TO:
Jack, Gerrard and Ricky, JoAnn and Gloria, as Jack, Gerrard and JoAnn start taking their seats in the roller coaster, excited. JoAnn is in the middle.
ON CECIL
Cecil picks up items of food, starts throwing them at the kids. Grape holds him back.
CUT TO:
EXT. ROLLER COASTER
Each roller coaster car resembles a stubby WW II aircraft, like a kids' ride. The cars begin to climb. Ricky and Gloria wave.
CUT TO:
Grape restraining Cecil.
GRAPE
Jesus, settle down!
INT. ROLLER COASTER
It's climbing now, everyone's excited. Gerrard leans over, speaks to JoAnn.
GERRARD
You ever been to Baton Rouge, dear?
JOANN
No, I can't say that I have.
GERRARD
You would love it. And Baton Rouge would truly love you...
The roller coaster reaches the top and plunges down. Everyone screams.
FRONT VIEW
The three in their seats, as the coaster comes DOWN AT US FAST and Gerrard puts his hand on JoAnn's knee.
SCREAMING CROWD and FREEZE ON THAT SCENE.
GO TO BLACK.