Flip This Zombie

by Jesse Petersen

“That looks good, now tie him off,” Dave called from above as we swept the rope around the zombie a final time.

  By now he was squirming like an angry caterpillar forced into a cocoon. He still snapped at us through the rope, black sludge pouring from his gray lips as he gnawed at the netting.

  I took the other side of the rope from The Kid and started to work on knotting the ends together, but I didn’t make much progress before he let out a sigh and snatched them away from me.

  “Jeez, lady,” he said as he gave me a ‘You-Are-A-Stupid-Adult’ look. “Learn to tie a knot, why don’t you?”

  I watched as he crossed and recrossed the rope a few times and finally came out with the tightest, most complicated knot I’d ever seen.

  “Where did you learn to do that?” I asked, sort of stunned into grudging respect as I tugged at the knot and it didn’t give even a fraction.

  He shrugged. “I was in Boy Scouts before—”

  He cut himself off and turned away. It was one of the few times I saw The Kid really look like he felt anything bad about the apocalypse. Like all of us, he had a coping mechanism for forgetting life Before Zombies. The little reminder of a Boy Scout knot made him more like a kid again to me. I almost felt sorry for him.

  Almost.

  “Hey,” I said softly. “I’m going to put the sack over his head. Do you think you could use one of those super knots to tie it off around his neck, too?”

  He nodded and when he looked at me again any regret or childlike heartbreak I’d seen in his face was gone. Jaded Kid was back.

  “Whatever.”

  I stifled a smile as I returned to the back of the van and grabbed a burlap sack. It would hold a zombie head like it had so many times before… only this time it would be one attached to a body.

  When I returned to the netted infected I looked at him. There wasn’t an obvious way to get the sack over his face now that I considered it. The net drew shut above him, which meant you couldn’t really pull something over top of his rotting skull. There was no choice to it, I was going to have to free his head.

  I withdrew my knife from the sheath at my thigh and carefully cut one or two of the net’s ropes. I didn’t want to do too much in case we wanted to use this netting method again, but just enough to give the zombie space to push his head out. It didn’t take long before he realized he could do just that. Straining against the binds, he shoved his head through the spot and resumed biting in my general direction. His teeth, grey from rot and stained from sludge, snapped as they gnashed together, grinding with the anticipation of devouring human flesh and blood.

  “Sarah!” Dave called from above. “What the hell, you’re cutting up the net?”

  I shrugged. “I need to get to him. I’ll repair it later. Now can you lower him a bit more?”

  Dave muttered something from above but the zombie dropped a little lower just as I’d asked. Now his shaking, twisting head was even with my chest and he stared at my tits. Before the outbreak, I’d had guys do this too, but for this guy they were more of a meal than a toy, no matter how cute I knew I looked in my black tank top with the little hint of lace from the bra peeking out beneath it. I ignored his snarls as I lined up the sack and then yanked it over his head.

  And now I knew what riding a bull felt like. The zombie started to jerk, turning toward me, straining against the burlap until I could see his angry face outlined against the tight fabric.

  “Robbie?” I said with effort as I rolled and rocked along with the creature’s jerking motions. Eight seconds, right? Well, I’m sure I beat that and then some, but will they make a movie starring me? Hmph.

  The Kid rushed forward and wrapped the rope around the zombie’s neck.

  “Pull tight,” I suggested as he started to tie off the rope that now caused the skin around the infected’s neck to bulge. “It’s not like you can kill him.”

  The Kid chuckled and finished his knot. As soon as he was done and I’d let go, Dave released his hold on the rope and the zombie slid down to the ground with a loud, cracking thud. We all winced even though you couldn’t exactly feel sorry for the thing. Even if you broke all his bones, he’d still drag himself along to eat you.

  Plenty of people had gotten turned by broken and busted-up infected friends and family members. After a while you sort of got immune to their injuries, mainly because they never stopped coming for you until you took their heads.

  “Well,” I sighed as Dave came back down from the awning for the third time. He was getting so comfortable at doing it, I wondered if he even noticed the height thing anymore. “That was some good teamwork. Now, thanks a lot, Kid, but we—”

  “No, no, no,” The Kid interrupted as he stomped toward me with his little fists raised in a fighting stance. A pretty good one, too. He was future UFC material with that form. “No way are you fucking me out of my pay.”

  “Hey!” I snapped. “Language.”

  He shot me a look that could have killed. “Screw you, lady. You owe me a third of whatever you get plus ammo.”

  “And we’re going to give you that, Robbie,” Dave said, his tone so much more adult and soothing than mine.

  Funny, I used to get so pissed because I felt like Dave was stuck in adolescence, but now… well, he wasn’t that guy on the couch playing video games instead of getting a job anymore.

  I dropped my own tone to match his, hoping, I guess, to impress him a little. “Seriously, Kid. We’re not going to fuck you over. We’re more than happy to give you supplies equal to thirty percent of what we’re paid for this job and the ammo right now and you can be on your way.”

  The Kid folded his arms. “Oh yeah, right. Like I’m going to just believe that whatever you give me is thirty percent. No way. I’m coming with you to wherever you’re going and I’m watching you get your payment. Then we’ll decide together what thirty percent amounts to.”

  I gave Dave a side glance. I’m sure that would really impress Dr. Barnes… Kevin… when we revealed that we had not only brought in another person on our scheme, but that he wasn’t even in puberty yet. I hated to think of his reaction.

  “I don’t know,” Dave said with a shake of his head. “That may not go over. This is sort of top-secret stuff.”

  The Kid snorted. “Okay, Mr. and Mrs. CIA. If it was so secret, you never should have let me help you in the first place.”

  I opened my mouth to point out, once again, that we hadn’t invited him to help us do anything, but he kept talking.

  “But you did, so a deal is a deal. I’m going with you.”

  I glared at the boy, then waved David over to the side for a confab. “What do we do?” I whispered. “He can’t come to the warehouse.”

  Dave shot him a look over my shoulder. “I think there’s not much choice. I mean, you can’t really blame him for doubting our intentions. And he did help us out.”

  “Barnes is going to think we’re a bunch of idiots,” I moaned.

  Dave rolled his eyes. “I’m sure your boyfriend will get over it.”

  “Haha,” I sneered as he turned away and faced The Kid again.

  “Okay, look, you can come with us.” Dave hesitated. “But when we get close to where we’re going, we’ll have to blindfold you so you can’t see.”

  The Kid’s brow wrinkled and there was a moment of nervous hesitation on his face that made him look as young as his years. Then he shook it off.

  “Okay, I guess. But if you go all Catholic Priest on me, I’ll cut your hands off.”

  Dave stared at him. “Gross. On both accounts. Trust me, I’ve no interest in going anything on you. I just want to make sure you’re not going to interfere and cause trouble with our contact. If you come, you keep your mouth shut, got it?” Dave asked in a stern and sort of fatherly tone.

  The Kid stared at him for a long moment where I swear he actually looked a little impressed. So was I, truth be told. Then he nodded. “Okay.”

  “Now let’s load this fucker up and get going. Tha
nks to all our noise those ones on the outskirts are getting too close for comfort and I’m just not in the mood for a showdown,” Dave said as he grabbed for our captured zombie’s feet and motioned me to take the shoulder area to toss him in the back of the van.

  Strive for more. More zombies, more fighting, more profit…

  It took us a while to get rolling and then there was all the drama of blindfolding Robbie to deal with, too. The Kid was such a whiner, you’d think we were burning his eyes out with acid, not gently wrapping them with an old necktie Dave had in the van. I don’t know why he had one. It wasn’t like we were going out on job interviews or to a fancy restaurant any time soon.

  Anyway, by the time we actually got back to the warehouse it was almost dark.

  Dark was bad. Always. We had to hurry.

  Dave killed the engine and we sat there for a minute, looking up at the ramshackle building that hid so much.

  With a heavy breath that told me how little he was looking forward to this, he reached back and tugged The Kid’s blindfold down around his neck.

  “We’re here,” he said.

  The Kid blinked a few times and then leaned forward from his place crouched on the back floor next to our writhing captive. He looked out the front windshield and wrinkled his nose in contempt.

  “You should have gotten paid up front. This is a dump.”

  “Looks can be deceiving,” Dave said as he got out and started around to the back of the van to pull our quarry out for delivery.

  I grinned as I opened my own door. “Yeah. I mean, you look like a nice little boy at first glance. But we all know that’s bullshit.”

  The Kid stuck his tongue out as I got out. When I reached the back of the van he had gotten himself behind our zombie and was helping push as Dave hauled him out.

  I jumped into the fray. With a lot of grunting and swearing, we managed to finally lift the writhing body from the back. I had its shoulders and Dave the kicking, flailing feet. The thing was dead weight, but dead weight that kept fighting and growling. I would not be sorry to see it go.

  I looked up at the building as I shifted my part of the load. “Think he’s watching?”

  Dave nodded. “Hell yeah. He’s probably on his way up to—”

  Before he could finish, the broken door opened and Barnes rushed out much like he had the day before. Only this time there were no readied weapons or threats. This time he had a grin on his surprisingly handsome geeky face and he clapped his hands together as he approached us.

  “That’s it, isn’t it?” he gushed as he looked at the moving bundle of rope and burlap in our arms. “It’s perfect. Just beautiful.”

  I sniffed as I looked at our bundle. It was oozing. Apparently Kevin had some fucked-up ideals when it came to beauty.

  “Come, come inside,” he encouraged us as he backed toward the warehouse. “Bring it here.”

  We followed him into the building, our arms heavy with our squirming bundle and with The Kid a few steps behind us. Kevin was so wrapped up in our gift for him that he didn’t even seem to notice we had an extra crew member. That is, until we reached the hidden elevator shaft. After Kevin had hit the button opening the floor, only then did he look back and his broad smile fell.

  “What is that?” he asked, his nostrils flaring as he pointed across the empty expanse toward The Kid.

  I chuckled. “He claims to be a child.”

  Dave shot me a dirty look as we shifted the load. The zombie started to moan and groan louder and louder and he had to almost shout as he explained, “This is Robbie. He… um… helped us while we were working on capturing the zombie.”

  “You needed assistance from a child?” Kevin asked with an arched brow. He kept his gaze firmly on David, almost as if he put the majority of the blame on him.

  “I’m not a child, I’m almost twelve,” The Kid snapped. Both Dave and I shot him a “shut-the-hell-up” glare like my mom used to give me in church about a hundred years ago.

  I wished I could step closer to Kevin, but with the zombie in our arms, it wasn’t possible. Instead, I shifted the load (my shoulders were starting to fucking kill me).

  “The Kid sort of inserted himself into the issue. We didn’t invite him,” I explained. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter, does it? We got the zombie.”

  “You did, indeed,” Kevin said with a broad smile for me.

  I heard Dave’s soft but highly irritated sigh beside me. “Look, asshat, this thing is really getting heavy. If you don’t mind…”

  He nudged his head toward the elevator.

  Kevin jerked, almost as if no one had ever called him a name before. But I guess if you were a highly educated doctor who spent his time doing research under an abandoned warehouse… maybe no one had. At least not since high school.

  “O-of course,” he said as he stepped back and let us—all of us, including The Kid—onto the lift panel.

  We rode down in an awkward silence. Dave and I kept shifting as our zombie jerked in our arms, The Kid was sulking about being called a child, and Barnes was just staring at our captive in pure rapture.

  In fact, the only noise as we moved from the red to the green to the bright white lights were the groaning whines of our little zombie friend. And even they were getting softer.

  The doors dinged open and into the bright light of the sterile hallways we moved. Of course, The Kid hadn’t ever been here before, so I couldn’t help but shoot a quick look behind at him to see his reaction.

  Even he couldn’t be jaded about this. He was still standing in the elevator shaft, his eyes wide as saucers as he stared at the hallway. I smiled. He looked like an eleven-year-old at that moment, only instead of being impressed by a toy store, it was light and cleanliness that blew his mind.

  “Follow me,” Kevin said as he moved down the hallway.

  After a few awkward turns, he unlocked one of the little lab rooms where the shades were drawn so you couldn’t see inside. Barnes motioned us past him, flattening against the wall as we passed so the zombie wouldn’t touch him.

  There was a table in the middle of the room with restraints across it. Dave shot me a quick glance as we set the thrashing zombie down on it. I ignored it.

  “Want us to strap him down?” I asked as I turned back to the doctor.

  He shook his head. “No, no. I’ll set him up myself.”

  He motioned us from the room and shut the door behind us. I heard the lock click back into place.

  “Most excellent work, Sarah. You have impressed me beyond measure, and trust me I had extremely high hopes for you,” Kevin began, reaching out to take my hand.

  When he saw it was covered in blood and sludge from our little zombie friend, he hesitated and instead slid his fingers up to my bare bicep. He squeezed gently there, his fingers surprisingly soft. I guess I was used to rough hands like Dave’s.

  I stared at the hand on my arm for a moment and then smiled.

  “Well, it was truly a team effort,” I said as I looked at Dave. He was also staring at Kevin’s hand on my bare arm. “Right, honey?”

  He continued to stare a moment longer and then grunted. “Go Team,” he muttered, the sarcasm dripping from his tone like poison. “So we’d like to get paid, thanks.”

  Kevin flinched and I did, too. It seemed so gauche to talk about payment when the doctor was busy congratulating us. Or congratulating me, anyway, since Dave hardly seemed to register with him unless he was annoyed. But the discomfort cleared from his face instantly and he released my arm as he turned toward Dave.

  “Of course. Please feel free to use the shower facilities at your leisure. And I have put a store of additional weaponry and ammunition on a wheeled cart near the elevator. I think you’ll find them more than satisfactory compensation.” His smile returned to me. “And Sarah, I hung some new clothing for you in the bathroom stall behind the door. I hope that isn’t too forward.”

  Dave sucked in a sharp breath but before he could answer the question directe
d toward me, I jumped in front of him. “Well, thank you, Dr. Barnes—”

  He shot me a look and I smiled.

  “Kevin,” I corrected myself, swiftly, even as I reached back and patted Dave’s hand since I could feel his temper bubbling silently. “I’ll certainly take whatever you found for me, but I’m happy to bring my own fresh clothes in.”

  “Of course.” Kevin looked sheepish as he shoved his glasses up his nose nervously. “I overstepped, and I apologize. Next time—”

  “Wait,” Dave interrupted, shaking off my hand which was still patting him and coming around to stand next to me. “Next time? What the fuck do you mean, next time?”

  Kevin stared at Dave for a long moment and then he shook his head. “I’m afraid I don’t understand the question.”

  Dave clenched his fists and his voice strained through obviously clenched teeth. “You said you wanted a Goddamned zombie to run your little experiments on. So we brought you a Goddamned zombie. That’s it. That was the deal. So what the hell do you mean fucking next time?”

  Kevin looked at me, then Dave, then back at me. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear. I thought you understood. I’ll need far more than one specimen to do a truly useful test of my curative serum. There are variables to be dealt with and overcome. The more zombies you can bring me, the better.”

  My insides clenched as Dave stared at the doctor.

  “Getting one was almost suicide,” Dave said. His voice was quiet now but that didn’t mean he wasn’t angry. In fact, Quiet Dave was an infinitely more Dangerous Dave. “And now you want more?”

  “That’s stupid,” The Kid agreed from behind us and all of us jumped.

  He’d been so quiet since we reached the lab, I think we’d all forgotten about him (it didn’t happen often, I assure you). Now I shot him another church glare. He wasn’t making the situation better by encouraging Dave’s anger and resistance to what Kevin wanted from us.

  I grabbed Dave’s arm and held tight. Reluctantly he stopped glowering at Kevin and turned his gaze toward me. I smiled as best I could.

  “We’re trying to save the world, babe. Even if it means one zombie at a time, right?”