Carnage

by Lesley Jones

  “I have three big brothers, it didn’t protect me from you, besides, if we have a little girl that grows up and meets a boy like you, then she’ll be very lucky.”

  “I don’t want a boy like me sniffing around my thirteen year old daughter G, I will kill him, I swear, I will kill him.”

  I laugh at the way he’s getting so angry at a hypothetical situation and I’m squirming inside at the thought of him being an overprotective Dad to our daughter; I smile down at him some more.

  “I will make sure she’s clued up and knows how to handle a boy like you, if one should come along, besides, if they love each other like we do, does it matter?”

  “No, I suppose not but if he puts his hands on her. Let’s just not talk about it G, it pisses me off, I don’t know how your brothers haven’t killed me yet, especially Lennon.”

  Lennon and Jimmie were still going strong but it was still a secret from both sets of parents, we had told so many lies over the last year so that we could spend alone time with our boyfriends that it would take someone from the Krypton Factor to work out the truth from the lies. My tummy grumbles loudly and Sean bursts into laughter as his ear is on my belly and he must have heard it.

  “Let’s eat; we need to get ready for the gig soon.”

  The boys were playing at the local pub tonight; it was their regular gig if they didn’t get another booking. This was the weekend before Valentine’s Day, and had been booked in as a ticket only night and had been sold out for a couple of weeks. We eat a bowl of sugar puffs each; take a shower, which leads to our first ever shower sex experience before getting dressed and jumping into Sean’s new Ford Escort XR3I that my Dad had got hold of for a really good price when he passed his test a couple of months back. I love it and feel like a princess when we drive about in it. The pub is only a ten minute drive but we arrive late and Lennon’s not happy, Marley even less so but then that’s nothing new, everything seems to piss Marley off these days, I never realised how much he liked Jimmie and he’s had a hard time dealing with her and Lennon being together, we used to be so close but he’s so moody and withdrawn lately that we hardly ever speak.

  “You’re late Maca, there are people here already, we sound checked without you. We need to be tight tonight. We’ve had a lot of interest from the demo tape and about four labels have asked where we’re playing over the next few weeks so any one of them could have a rep in the crowd.”

  I grin up at Sean with excitement; he squeezes my hand in response.

  “You’ll be fine babe; you know the set inside out right?” I nod with encouragement as I speak but he looks worried.

  “We changed it a bit for tonight, a few ballads because of it being Valentines and a few of our new songs, I’ll be alright.” He says with a shrug. He’s so confident once he’s on stage, people would never believe how much he doubts himself before he gets up there.

  “He fucking better be,” Marley mumbles from beside me. “And you behave your fuckin’ self, Haley’s out there.”

  Great, just what I need, why don’t that bitch just give up, I wonder? I roll my eyes at Marley and hold three fingers up. “Scouts honour, I’ll behave, unless she puts her hands on him.”

  “G!”

  “George!”

  “Georgia!”

  Sean, Marley and Lennon all say at the same time. “Okay, I’m joking.”

  I hold my hands up. “I’ll wait till the next gig before I knock the bitch out.”

  The boys are just not getting my humour tonight, Jimmie is, she just laughs and shakes her head at me, she’s the only one that actually gets that I’m deadly serious. I’ve had nearly two years of that slut hanging around my boyfriend, she must be eighteen by now, you’d think she would have grown up a bit and gone and got her own boyfriend. The boys all help themselves to a beer from the tray that Billy has just come in with. My taste has matured of late, I now prefer a Southern Comfort and lemonade to a cider or a beer and Billy doesn’t disappoint. Despite only being fifteen, I have no trouble getting into pubs or being served at the bar, clubs are a bit harder but Sean usually wangles it for me. Jimmie never has a problem, she looks at least twenty and I’m so jealous. The boys head out to the stage, except Sean, the rest of the band know we have a little routine, they just don’t know what it is, and in all honesty I don’t think my brothers want to.

  As the little back room empties, Sean takes a swig of his beer, I chew on the inside of my lip as I watch him. “Show us ya tits G,” he gestures toward my chest as he speaks.

  “You’ve been looking at them for the best part of the day, are you not bored with them?” I say as I pull my top up.

  “Never, ever.” He bites each of my nipples, then pulls my bra and my T-shirt back down and it’s that gesture that makes my insides turn to mush, I love this boy so much, so, so much.

  “Come and dance next to the stage so I can watch you move, don’t cause any trouble with Haley and don’t drink too much, I love you babe.” He pulls me in for a hard kiss on the mouth; I knock back my drink as he grabs my hand and pulls me out to the pub with him.

  The place is packed and hands reach out from everywhere as Sean walks through the crowd with one arm loosely slung over my shoulder. He stops continuously and shakes hands, high fives and fist bumps his fans but he never lets go of me and I notice how much tighter he pulls me in to him when any of the hands are female that reach out for him. He smiles and nods but that’s all of the attention he gives them and my heart swells with the pride I feel at being his girlfriend but I still hate it and I have to fight my desire to slap each and every one of them around their over made up faces. Some of these women must be at least thirty; shouldn’t they be at home with their kids or watching Dynasty or something? By the time we reach the stage, I probably have as much adrenalin running through me as Sean does.

  He kisses my temple. “Be good, I love you,” he whispers before he turns to jump up on stage leaving me with Jimmie and Lennon.

  “Woohoo, looking hot Maca!” Jimmie and I turn and stare at Haley the whore. Sean has his back to her and takes no notice.

  “George,” I hear Len warn from over my shoulder.

  I turn and glare at him, “What? I haven’t done anything.”

  He shakes his head at me. The boys kick off with a version of Queens ‘Crazy little thing called love’ Sean goes all out rocker Billy, curling his lip and swivelling his hips and the crowd goes wild, especially the women. I’ve never heard the boys sing this song and as good as the performance is, I’m not thrilled.

  “Good evening Brentwood and good evening all you lovers out there, are you ready to rock out with us tonight?”

  Sean looks out across the crowd as he shouts out his welcome in that husky voice of his; there are about two hundred people in the crowd and he manages to get some kind of response from all of them. “This is a new one of ours,” he says as the boys start playing ‘Hopeless’ one of the new songs they wrote and recorded for the demo tape. The crowd goes mad. I have no idea how some of them are singing it word for word already, the boys put together a compilation tape when they were in the studio, it contains of all their new stuff and a few covers thrown in, they’ve been selling them after their shows for the last three weeks. These people must be listening to them continuously to know the words and love the songs like they already do. Over the next hour the boys play a mixture of their new songs and songs from the sixties, seventies and eighties and the crowd are loving every moment, and so are the band. Sean lets them know they’re taking a thirty minute break and is about to jump down from the stage when he spots Haley standing waiting for him. I fold my arms across my chest and stand and watch what he’s going to do, instead of jumping down from the middle of the stage and talking to the crowd like he normally does, he moves over to the left and jumps down straight into my arms. I wrap them around his neck and give him a sweaty kiss.

  “Brilliant babe, you were fuckin’ brilliant.”

  He has the biggest smile on his
face as someone passes him a beer, he holds my hand while we head into the back room so that he can change his t-shirt, as we walk in, Lennon is shouting at Marley who is already smoking a joint. Len doesn’t have a problem with the joint, it’s the fact that Marls is smoking now, in the middle of the set and not at the end of the show.

  Jimmie and I grab our drinks as Len says, “Girls, can you wait outside please, I need to chat to the boys.”

  Sean kisses my hair as I pull away from him. We’ve never been asked to leave before so I’m figuring Len is really pissed off with Marley and is going to give him a bollocking. I’m more than happy to leave, whatever Len is going to say, I hope it works. Marley seems to be permanently stoned these days and when he’s not stoned, he’s sleeping, he’s been missing practice, work and school and my Mum and Dad aren’t happy with him and have threatened to take his car away from him, whatever it takes, I just want my brother back.

  Jimmie and I head back out to the pub and join Billy and Tom’s girlfriends at their table near the stage. Cheryl and Linda are okay but they are both eighteen and don’t really have too much to say to Jimmie and me, I know that people talk about us and wonder what Lennon and Sean are doing with a couple of fifteen year olds but they have no idea how it is with us, they don’t know our history or the futures we already have planned out, we stand awkwardly and drink our drinks until the boys come back out and join us; for the last ten minutes of their break, drinks are sent over and hands are shook. Marley eventually cheers up when a pretty little dark haired girl comes over and chats to him; they slow things down a bit with the second half of their set and do a few more love songs, then unexpectedly, the boys set about rearranging the stage and a piano is pushed forward, Marley and Billy sit down on stools with their acoustic guitars either side of Tom at the drums.

  Sean sits down at the piano and adjusts the mic, the whole place falls silent. “Okay people, this song, this is a bit different for us but it’s something we’ve been working on and tonight I especially wanted to be able to sing it for my girl. Gia, this is for you, I love ya babe.”

  Fucking hell, he’s never dedicated a song to me before, he’s sung songs and stared right at me while he’s been singing and I’ve known that he’s wanted me to hear the words. I have, I do, I know we have a connection that no one else understands, we know that other people think that we’re just a couple of kids and we know how wrong they are. My heart is pounding so hard in my chest that I actually step back from the stage slightly, in case the mic picks up the boom, boom, boom sound that it’s making. Sean hits the first note on the piano and I know in an instant what it is. He proceeds to belt out the most beautiful version of Georgia on my mind that I have ever heard, the whole place is totally silent, I hold on to my sob for as long as I can but it gets to the point where I think I’m actually going to puke so I have to let it go. Jimmie puts her arm around my shoulder and Lennon stands on the other side of me and slides his arm around my waist and kisses my hair, we all know in that moment, that without a shadow of a doubt, the boys are destined for greatness, they are so talented and as much as I love Sean, the song and the dedication, I get this really horrible sense that I’m losing him, wash over me. I swipe at my tears, tuck the feeling away and smile up at Sean as he finishes the song and walks over to the edge of the stage and kneels in front of me with a rose in his hand.

  “I love you G, I’ll always love you.”

  The whole place goes off with whoops and cheers as I wrap my arms around his neck and tell him that I love him too, once again, he’s given me one of those moments that will stay with me until the day I die.

  CHAPTER 5

  The rest of 1984 is amazing for the boys; they land a recording contract with a small independent label and are in talks to support a big American band on the European leg of their world tour in the summer of 1985. The record label insist that the pub gigs have to stop and they spend the last part of the year in the studio setting down tracks for their first album, which will be released to coincide with the tour.

  My Dad got his lawyers involved in contract negations with the label and the boys secured a pretty good deal with an upfront amount, which prompted them all to focus full time on their music, they were either in the studio in West London or at our place writing new songs, none of this really had any effect on mine and Sean’s relationship. We spent all of our time together and we were still absolutely in love; the only difference it really made to me was the recognition as Sean McCarthy’s girlfriend. I didn’t use it as an excuse to be a bitch but it did pretty much make me queen of the school. Perhaps now, on reflection, people did consider me a bitch but I was never deliberately horrible or spiteful to anyone. I was choosey with my friends and perhaps now, with hindsight, I was very shallow about who I hung about with. I was pretty, my boyfriend was the lead singer in a band, and my parents lived in a nice house in the best part of town. I had nice clothes and never wanted for anything and I didn’t actively seek out friends like me. It just sort of happened. That’s how Ashley ended up hanging around with Jimmie and I when she started at our school at the beginning of our fifth year; Jimmie and I were no angels but Ash was truly wild, we smoked, we drunk, we dabbled in drugs, our boyfriends were older and involved with a band, they tried things, we tried them too. Usually after a gig or at a party and we had never tried anything stronger than weed or whiz; Ashley on the other hand, would happily skin up at school and bragged that she had tried coke and could get hold of it any time we wanted, she had an older brother that served up for a living and was willing to give us a good deal, we didn’t take her up on her offer.

  The boys finished recording their album in March of 1985 and spent the next few months doing nothing but rehearse; the tour would be kicking off in Italy in May, they would be away for four weeks and then on tour in England for three weeks in July. Jimmie and I couldn’t go on the European leg of the tour, we were in our last year of school and up to our necks in exams until the end of May, our parents wouldn’t allow us any time off; I was so angry with my Mum and Dad. I would be marrying Sean as soon as I left school, I had turned sixteen the September before and once school was over, nothing would stop us from being together. He was going to be rich and famous, what did it matter whether or not I passed my exams but they wouldn’t listen, agreeing only to pay for flights so I could see them play in Spain at the end of the second week they would be away. I begged, pleaded and even threatened to kill myself at one stage but to no avail, thinking back now, I was lucky that they let me fly to Spain with my best friend at the age of just sixteen but they knew Marley and Lennon would be at the airport to collect us and it was only a two and a half hour flight.

  Walking through customs and into the arrivals terminal of the airport in Spain was my first realisation that the boys were now well on their way to fame, the reviews had been good from the live shows and there had been a lot of hype in the music magazines about the album release, which would happen the week before the UK leg of the tour. Jimmie and I only had a small suit case each as we were flying out again on Monday morning, after spending just three nights with the boys but three nights was better than nothing. I had gone beyond butterflies in my belly as I looked out for Sean or Lennon as we walked into the terminal building, my heart began to sink as I looked around and couldn’t see him.

  “Dya see them?” Jimmie asked. I shook my head in reply, biting down hard on my bottom lip. What if he’d forgotten about me, met someone else, a page three girl or someone famous, what if he had realised I was just a school girl and he was on his way to being a famous singer. We had spoken every day and he’d said that he loved and missed me but what if he was lying? My head began to spin, I hadn’t been able to eat yesterday and our morning flight had meant that I hadn’t had breakfast this morning, the airport was hot and noisy, I suddenly felt sick and could feel myself sway. I stopped walking and held onto the luggage trolley while I took some deep breaths, as I regained my balance and the room came back into focus. I
suddenly noticed the noise, I thought there had been an accident at first, there was so much screaming. Police and security guards started running in the direction of the noise and a crowd was forming.

  “George!” I turn and look at Jimmie. “Bloody hell, you deaf or what?”

  “Sorry, I feel a bit dizzy; it’s warm in here. What’s wrong?”

  “You don’t think that could be them do ya?”

  She gestures with her chin towards where the commotion was going on, as we both stare, the biggest, blackest man I’ve ever seen appears from amongst the melee with Sean tucked under his arm, Lennon appears behind them; as soon as he sees me Sean breaks free from the black bloke and jogs toward me with the biggest grin on his face. I can’t move, my legs are stuck but I don’t need to, Sean grabs me around the waist and swings me around in a circle, he sets me down on my feet, then snogs the face off me.

  “Fucking hell G, I’ve missed you, show us ya tits.”

  And he’s there, my Sean, his arms, his smell, his taste and everything is right with world, I’m back right where I was born to be, at his side, I don’t know why I panicked and doubted him, the way he looks at me, the things he says, I know without a shadow of a doubt how much he loves me, his eyes tell me as they look into mine and I instantly dissolve into him.

  We end up with Milo the black body guard and four armed Policeman escorting us out to the car waiting outside, well I say car, it’s a stretch limo… a stretch fucking limo. Jimmie and I scream like the pair of sixteen year olds we are as Len and Sean high five each other, we jump inside, Milo and the driver put our cases in the boot as they shout at a group of about ten girls and a couple of boys that are banging on the window of the car.