Carnage

by Lesley Jones

  “It was a stupid argument over nothing, I said something I shouldn’t have and you know what your sister’s tempers like, she threw her glass of water over me.” Sean’s eyes are looking over my face as he speaks; he’s quiet for a moment as he listens to whatever it is Len is saying.

  “Len, this stays between us just us right now, Georgia will tell Jim in her own time, but she’s pregnant and we really don’t need this shit, make it go away.” He’s quiet again as he listens to my brother. My heart swells with how much I love my Husband, despite the story being basically complete bollocks, his first thought is for me and our baby and I just love him so much.

  “Early days mate, just eight weeks and thanks.” He gestures toward me and asks silently if I’m okay, I nod but leave him to talk as I go downstairs and pour him a drink, good job there’s more than one bottle of Wild Turkey in the house; otherwise he’d be licking the office walls to get a drop. By the time I get back upstairs with a bottle and a glass, he’s out of the bath and standing with a towel wrapped around his hips, leaning in the doorway between our bedroom and bathroom and staring down at our bed.

  “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you that I spoke to Cam outside the restaurant, I didn’t even think about it until Len mentioned it.”

  He shakes his head and without looking at me he says, “I already knew, I watched you.”

  “You what?”

  “I watched you, I followed you straight out and I watched you. I watched him come over to you, I watched you shake your head at him.” His eyes finally come up and meet mine.

  “Why, why did you watch?” He shrugs his shoulders and his jaw trembles slightly as he speaks.

  “I wanted you to choose me, I wanted you to send him away and choose me so I stayed back and watched and waited to see what you would do, I was terrified that you would leave with him.”

  I put the glass and bottle down on the chest of drawers. “What, no, no Sean, never, why would you think that?”

  “Because there’s something there G, you told me once that you thought that you loved him.” He shrugs his shoulders as he looks at me. “I think that I know you better than you know yourself, I know that you love him, I knew it that night when he turned up at Ashley’s party, when we first got back together. I knew it as soon as I saw you look at him and I knew it when I looked at that picture of you and him in the papers last year, there were more than the one I showed you, there were hundreds and I looked at all of them.”

  I’m standing right in front of him now and he reaches out and strokes my cheek with the back of my hand. “And I knew it was true when you couldn’t make eye contact with him yesterday, you love him G, it’s just as simple as that. So I stood back, I waited inside the foyer of the restaurant and I let you choose and I just hoped and prayed that it would be me you chose or at least that you wouldn’t choose to go home with him.”

  “I left him for you, why would I choose him, I love you Sean, I’m in love with you, there’s no one else, there never was, it’s still only ever you.” I reach out and touch the tattoo at the base of his neck that’s made up of the words of the song that he wrote for me, the words that we both included in our wedding vows. He takes my hand and kisses my wedding ring.

  “I know I watched you tell him to leave, but I saw how much it hurt you to do it.” I let out a sob, I hate that he doubts my love for him; it’s like a physical blow.

  “No, no, it didn’t hurt because it was a hard choice. I just didn’t want to hurt him, he’s only ever been good to me Sean. Despite his reputation, Cam’s a good bloke and I asked him to just go away and leave me alone, I didn’t want him, I don’t want him.”

  He pulls me toward him. “I wouldn’t survive G, if you left me, you might as well kill me because I wouldn’t survive.”

  He kisses my hair and my head and my temples and eyes, my nose and my cheeks, along my jaw and then my mouth, he sucks my bottom lip into his mouth, then his whole mouth is over mine, his hand is in my hair. I kiss him back with even more passion and pull the towel from his hips, his cock is already hard and I begin to stroke him, I rub my thumb over the tip and can feel that it’s already wet. He undoes the belt on my robe and slides his hands inside and cups my left breast in his hand, I kiss his neck and his chest and slide down his body and kneel in front of him. I gently brush my fingertips over his arse cheeks and down the back of the inside of his thighs, as I look up at him, he brushes my hair from off of my face I take him in my hand first and then guide him into my mouth, swirling my tongue over his tip, pushing my tongue into the slit at the end, he closes his eyes for a few seconds, then continues to keep looking into my eyes.

  “That is one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen, you Georgia, are so fucking beautiful and I love you so much.” I take him into my mouth as far as I can and squeeze his balls in my hand, they’re hard and tight, I stroke my fingers along the seam underneath to the crack of his arse and press two fingers onto but not into the hole at the back.

  “Fuck,” he hisses between clenched teeth. He bends his knees slightly, almost pushing himself down onto me, I lift my fingers of my other hand up to his mouth and he sucks on them, making them wet, we’ve never done anything like this before and I have no idea what I’m doing but I’m going to try this. I move my hand back between his legs and retrace my strokes along the seam under his balls until I get to the hole again, but this time I don’t stop, I slide my fingers straight inside him, his knees buckle slightly.

  “Ah fuck G, fuck.” I push in further and he pushes down onto me harder, he takes his cock in one hand and holds onto the back of my head with the other and he wanks himself into my mouth. I push my fingers in as far as I can and he comes, almost instantly, in my mouth, over my chin and over my tits as he calls out, “Georgia, fuck baby, fuck!”

  I look up at him, his cum dripping from my mouth and chin. “Fuck baby, I take that back, you looking up at me like that, with my spunk all over you is now most definitely the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  He drops to his knees and cleans me up with his tongue and I almost convulse with pleasure at the thought of what he’s doing, he then turns me around and fucks me on the floor doggy style and makes me come loud and hard as he presses his fingers of one hand onto my clit and pushes two from his other hand into my arse, all whilst still pounding into me from behind.

  CHAPTER 27

  The next few days are insane, the stories printed about us are beyond ridiculous and we have to get extra security at the house to stop the press intrusion. Luckily we issue a trespass warning to all of them and they don’t venture further than the gates but trying to get in and out of the property is beyond impossible. In the end, Sean calls all of my family over on the Saturday, we announce our pregnancy, which makes both of my parents cry, but Sean tells my Mum and Dad how worried he is at what all of the stress is doing to the baby. I’m actually not that stressed, the stories are laughable and I know that Sean and I are solid, we are closer right now than we’ve ever been in our lives and I’ve never been happier or more in love. If only the press would fuck off and leave us alone. Sean’s main concern is that I’m going to get hurt in the scramble to take our photographs. We’ve issued a statement and invited one journalist and a photographer into our home to give an interview and answer questions on the rumours and to take a couple of photos of us together, but the interest still hasn’t died down. Cam has even made a statement, categorically denying all the allegations.

  Then while my family are all at our place on Saturday, Len receives a call from the band’s offices telling him that Haley has crawled out of the wood work and is touting a story around the Sunday tabloids that she’s happy to confirm that Sean is gay and has in fact been in a long term relationship with Marley. Len is onto the lawyers straight away; last year when I had my little run in with her, Sean’s lawyers agreed to pay for her nose to be reconstructed, as apparently I had broken it, in several places and the deal she got meant that she was neve
r allowed to sell a story or talk about us to the press again. The rest of the evening is spent with Len making arrangements for a lawsuit to be filed against her and any newspaper that prints the story. I’m not laughing any more, not now that she’s involved, I want to run away and hide and as if reading my mind my Dad says, “Maca, why don’t you go to our place in Portugal for a coupla weeks, stay out the way till this all blows over.”

  Sean is biting down on his bottom lip as he looks across at me. “Is it safe for you to fly?”

  I shrug my shoulders. “I can call the doctors tomorrow and find out, but I’m pretty sure it’ll be fine, it’s not like it’s a long flight.”

  “You two have a photo shoot Monday don’t forget,” Len looks from me to Sean as he speaks. “I don’t think it would be a good idea to cancel, go and do the shoot, show a united front and then disappear for a couple of weeks, I can deal with whatever else you have booked.”

  “Portugal it is then.” Sean smiles across to where I’m sitting in the sunshine, it’s a beautiful day, my family are all here, I’m pregnant with a healthy baby and I love my Husband beyond measure. All of our dreams, everything that Sean and I hoped would happen in our lives, have been far exceeded. Carnage have become more successful than any of us could ever have thought possible, from the four boys in a band, practising in the summer house of our old back garden, they are now known across the world and have had hits right across the planet and we are all basically living the dream and I’m not going to let Whorely and her shit once again spoil my life.

  Rather than run the gauntlet of the press at our gates, my family all stay over Saturday night and I love every second of having our home filled with the sound of laughing and talking, kids shouting and screaming, they have put the pool to good use and even the sounds of the splashes as they jump in and out make me smile. By Saturday evening, everyone is in the pool apart from my two youngest nieces who are passed out and sleeping soundly in their baby buggies, right where we can see them. My Mum is in the kitchen with Sam, Bailey’s partner; cooking God knows what to feed us all, we would normally call out for a takeaway of some kind but it’s just too much hassle with the twenty or so photographers parked at our gates.

  I climb out of the pool and watch Sean with Ziggy on his shoulders, who’s throwing a Frisbee to his brother Jimmy, who’s on Lennon’s shoulders and his cousin Joe, who’s on Marley’s shoulders. Connie, Annie and Paige are using my Dad and Bailey as a spring board and diving into the water. As I watch, I suddenly see the resemblance between me and Paige that my family are always telling me is there. She’s tall for her age and skinny, she has Len’s dark skin and hair but with the most amazing blue eyes. When I was younger, I always thought my eyes looked odd against my olive skin and chestnut hair but on Paige, they look stunning, my hand instinctively goes to my belly as I wonder what I’m carrying inside me. After what happened with my last pregnancy, I just want a healthy baby and I’m pretty sure Sean feels the same way. I look up as I hear Paige shriek as she is thrown in the air by my Dad and is caught by Bailey, he and Sam have a little boy called Freddie who’s just a couple of months old and in his baby capsule in the kitchen with my Mum and Sam.

  As I watch the kids all play, it strikes me that Sean and I weren’t much older than my nieces and nephews when we met, were we really so young? Just children and yet I knew, we both knew, at eleven and thirteen, our eyes met that very first time and we both felt something that neither of us had any understanding of. How many people on this planet find that? How many ever have that connection with another person, ever? Let alone go on to marry, have a family together and live the life that we have. Okay, things have been rough at times, a four year separation; my stupid, stupid mistake with Cam; and the loss of our baby were tough times, but on the whole, we have been so lucky. We’ve survived everything that’s been thrown at us and still love each other in a way that most people will never comprehend, even our families still laugh with the way that we are with each other, how intense our feelings have remained and as if to prove a point, I look up and toward Sean, because I just know that his eyes are on me.

  He has a bemused look on his face as he strides through the water, Ziggy still on his back and I can’t help but grin at him. “What you thinking about G, you okay?”

  Before I can answer Ziggy shouts down at me. “I wanna get down Auntie George, I’m hungry.”

  Sean swings him off of his shoulders and I grab a towel from behind me and wrap him in it as Sean passes him to me, we walk over to a sun lounger and both tickle and dry Ziggy at the same time as he screams and kicks with laughter. “No, no Maca,” he can barely speak, he’s so puffed out from the fight he’s putting up. “Make him stop Auntie G, make him stop.”

  He wraps his arms around my neck and clings to me, his cheek pressed against mine, Sean stops and stares at us both. “You’re going to be such a great Mum Georgia.”

  Our eyes both fill with tears. “Have you got a baby in your belly Auntie G, must be really little coz your belly’s not big like Sam’s was when Freddie was in there.” We both laugh as we explain that our baby is only tiny and has a lot of growing to do before Ziggy can see him just after Christmas and it suddenly strikes me, that Sean and I have both called our baby a ‘him’. Ziggy escapes us and goes in search of food and as we watch him run away, we both call out to him to walk and not run.

  Sean turns to me and says, “Dya think it’s a boy?” I nod, because I do, don’t ask me how but somehow, in the last few minutes, I’ve become 100% sure, that we’re having a boy.

  “Me too,” Sean almost whispers. “And I cannot fucking wait to meet him.”

  We smile at each other, his hand on my belly, oblivious to all of the noise going on around us; we lean into each other and kiss, very gently, our lips barely brushing. “I love you so much Georgia Rae, our son is so lucky to have you for a Mum and I’m so lucky to have you as my Wife.”

  Before I can reply, my Mum and Ziggy shout at us all to come and get some food so I just smile at him and let him lead me out to the patio where a banquet has been prepared from the contents of my fridge and freezer. We eat, drink and celebrate our pregnancy in noisy Layton style, the kids are put to bed and the adults stay up till the early hours of Sunday, talking, laughing, reminiscing and sharing stories of our lives as we were growing up. I go to bed happy and content, appreciating my fantastic family but not realising that it’s the very last time that we will all be together, that our dynamics will be changed, shattered irreparably before the year is out.

  CHAPTER 28

  Our photo shoot is done on Monday morning and by Monday evening we’ve been taken by helicopter from our home, to a private jet waiting for us at City Airport in London, then on to Faro Airport in Portugal, from there we were picked up by a town car and Sean drives us to my parents villa, in Albufeira. We spend an entire week doing very little except sleep, swim, eat and have lots and lots of sex, which still isn’t enough to sate my pregnant, hormonally charged libido. Sean is overjoyed with the fact that I can’t get enough of him, he may be one of the biggest stars on the planet, but we’ve known each other for almost twenty years and have had about fifteen years of sexual experiences together so even for us, things sometimes get a little normal, everyday. Just because you’re rich and famous, doesn’t mean that your sex life is always super exciting every time. We’re no different to any other couple that have been together for a lot of years, but right now, despite the years together, things are hotter than ever and being alone at my parent’s place and away from the worries of what the papers and magazines might be saying about us, things are definitely on fire.

  Just over a week after we arrive, we are up and taking a walk along the beach at seven in the morning, it’s June and the sun is getting stronger every day that we are here so we’ve been waking early, making beautiful wake up love, taking a quick shower and then having a walk on the beach before heading back for breakfast and more lovemaking.

  Today is a litt
le cloudier and I shiver as a wave from the Atlantic Ocean washes over my feet. Sean puts his arm around me and pulls me into his side as we walk; I wrap my arm around the back of his waist and grin up at him.

  “What?” he asks.

  “Will ya be my boyfriend Maca?” He smiles my favourite cheeky smile, the one that I have known for so long, my smile, the one he has smiled at me with for over half of our lives.

  “Hmm that depends Georgia Rae.”

  “On what?” I stop walking and fold my arms across my chest. I’m wearing a t-shirt with the Carnage logo on it, a red heart shaped iris, with a black pupil, crying blood red tears that are collecting underneath in a pool. Sean, Lennon and Marley came up with the design one wet and rainy afternoon in our summerhouse and it was almost as well-known an image across the world now as the golden arched M of MacDonald’s. I’d worn this t-shirt as it was Sean’s and loose on me, my boobs were getting bigger every day and I needed to leave the top button on my denim shorts undone the last few days as they were also getting too tight.

  I looked at Sean with raised eyebrows, waiting for an answer to my question. I started to tap my foot. “I’ll be your boyfriend G but only if you show me your tits.”

  I laughed at him, looked up and down the deserted beach to make sure no one was watching and lifted my t-shirt, I wasn’t wearing a bra so he got to see them in all their naked glory and I just loved the look on his face as he took them in. “Fuck Georgia, they’re getting bigger every day, our boys gonna be one well fed baby.”

  He pulls me toward him and tilts his head down and sucks on my right nipple, he drops down to his knees and kisses my belly as he holds onto my hips. “Now listen here little man, your mother has a great pair of tits and I know that’s all you’ll see when you look at them is food, but you will still need to share. I’ll make sure that they’re all yours at meal times, but the rest of the time, those girls are mine, you got me?”