The Quick Brown Fox

by Stan Mason

  He arrived at the hotel on Christmas Eve at the appropriate time dressed in the bright red apparel of Santa Claus wearing a long white beard. Making his way to the restaurant, he looked around the room, holding the collection box tightly in his hand. He was breathing very heavily in anticipation of meeting the love of his life and he quite sick at first. He was going to meet the woman of his dreams whom he hadn’t seen for so many years. His eyes searched the restaurant and at first he failed to see her, then he noticed her sitting at a table in a darkened corner of the room. As he scanned her face his eyes closed with pain as his heart sank. She was still outstandingly beautiful... even more lovely than the woman who had captivated him in his dreams... and a surge of dismay swept through him. She was way beyond his reach... high up on a pedestal. He had no hope of gaining her love! Why should she spare even a glance at an ugly obese man like him? It was ridiculous to consider that she would ever do so! Earlier, he had considered the possibility that, as time past, she might be turn out to be less attractive than he had imagined. She could have emerged into a woman with a nose that failed to match her face, sported unsuitable cheek-bones, developed a pear-shaped figure, or suffered a noticeable blemish which might, ostensibly, have made her rather socially unacceptable. If so, he could have matched his inadequacies accordingly to recognise that he was parallel with her. But now he had seen her, he realised he was totally defeated by her beauty. How could he possibly relate to someone who looked so lovely, so intelligent, so distinguished? There were many beautiful women in history who had married unattractive middle-aged men. More often than not, the reason for the union had been lust or opportunity on the one hand and money or title on the other. But, as luck would have it, there was no doubt that he was neither rich nor famous. There was no point in her considering marrying him for financial gain and he didn’t have a title.

  There was a shout from the other side of the room as someone called out to put money into the collection box and then another man called out from the bar. It was at that moment Zelda looked up to see him for the first time. She smiled warmly at the sight of a fully-dressed Santa Claus and reached for her handbag to find some money, but, by the time she had opened it, he was gone. The confrontation was too much for him to bear. He charged blindly out of the hotel and stood at the corner of the street with large tears flowing from his eyes, saturating the long false white beard, and he regretted his physical indisposition more than at any time in the whole of his life. How could he become involved with such a beautiful woman? It was impossible... unfair... unjust... and he was going to torture himself about it for the rest of his life. After sobbing for a while, he began to rationalise the situation. Even if he felt inadequate, there was the matter of courtesy and consideration to take into account. Zelda had come to meet him on his terms. She had travelled a long distance and he had no right to let her down. In his mind, there was no option but to return to her. She had come to see him and he had to face her once his tears had dried. In due course, he changed his clothes in his car, removed the beard, and returned to the restaurant moving towards her table. His eyes focussed upon her, staring at her lovely face, then, in a sudden attack of panic, he turned tail without speaking a single word to her and left the restaurant. There had been an awful moment as he tried to think of something to say to her but nothing came to mind and no words emerged from his mouth. With his tail between his legs, he went home alone realising that he was a hopeless mess. As far as he and Zelda were concerned, it was the beginning of the end. For him, it was the impossibility of facing her, talking to her, communicating with her in any way whatsoever. For her it was the fact that he had let her down by not turning up to meet her at the restaurant. Except for one letter which she wrote reproaching him for his lack of decency by failing to show up to meet him, she never corresponded again. His dreams about any kind of a relationship with Zelda were about to end and he felt more than sad about his abundant inadequacies. With the exception of his work, everything he did was futile. But what could he do about it? He had been born a misfit in society and a hopeless cause with regard to wooing women. It was a fait accompli! He would give his right arm to change the situation but fate had dealt him a bad set of cards in life and there was nothing he could do about it. As he stared at his ugly face in the bathroom mirror, he had to admit that he was totally inadequate when it came to any kind of confrontation with women, let alone relationships and that he was, indeed, a misfit in society!

  Chapter Two

  After he had finished reading at university, Don discovered that the had an affinity with science and pursued his studies thereafter, researching the subject further in his spare time. As time went on, it was no surprise that he embarked on a career as a science researcher. He went to two companies involved in research but, despite that fact that he was very clever in his field, his lack of communication with other researchers became noticed and, on both occasions, he was asked to leave. In due course, he applied to join Universal Energy Inc., a major international conglomerate involved in manufacturing armaments, shipbuilding, and various other large-scale commercial activities. Despite a horrendous interview in which he stuttered and blustered oddly, the interviewer considered that his pedigree in graduating from Oxford University had to hold good so they employed him. However being ranked quite lowly in the organisation as a result of his reticent and practically backward nature, he had been sent to a remote special unit within the organisation where only two people were employed to test out new ideas and inventions in an attempt to assist the company in its future ventures. In a true sense, it was a brainstorming unit and it was the dumpling ground for any scientist who failed to make his or her mark in the company. It was a place of relegation, With over a hundred thousand workers on the payroll, the two men were sent there and ostensibly forgotten.

  Most days proved to be extremely wasteful as they considered one invention after another and experimented on a variety of ideas in a small way. Some ideas were quite futuristic, but nothing much ever emerged until one day when an experiment conducted by Robert Harris came about which had the potential to be a real winner, He had pondered over a possible means of heat induction for some time before developing a theory which could involve a significant saving in energy in the field of heat production, meaning that the dependence on oil, coal and gas would be seriously diminished in the future. The early experiments proved to be encouraging to some degree and Harris finalised the initial details one morning.

  He emerged from the laboratory filled with excitement, and poured himself a cup of coffee from the percolator with trembling hands.

  ‘I think I’ve cracked it!’ he said excitedly to his colleague. ‘I think I’ve cracked it.’

  Don sat opposite at his desk staring at him dully in his usual fashion. ‘W.what are you t... talking about?’ he stuttered hesitatingly.

  ‘I’ve made a break-through,’ the other scientist told him. ‘It’s still in the early stages but the theory is correct... I’m positive!’

  ‘Ex... explain,’ urged Don flatly wondering what the fuss was all about.

  ‘I’ve discovered a new source of near-limitless power that costs virtually nothing,’ explained Harris excitedly, placing his coffee cup down on the bench and inhaling deeply. The possibility of success was becoming too much for him to bear and his breathing became slightly erratic.

  ‘How do you c... come to that c... conclusion?’

  ‘The system involved uses tiny amounts of water as its fuel and produces next to no waste. It’s perfect... absolutely perfect!’

  ‘That’s f... fantastic but how can it c... come about?’ They had completely so many experiments which had failed that Don’s enthusiasm was diminished at the boast.

  Harris huffed and puffed for a few moments until his breathing returned to normality and pursed his lips as a number of thoughts raced through his head. ‘The idea is a power source that generates a thousand times more heat than
conventional fuel. Can you imagine the impact it will have? Every nation in the world will save trillions... trillions!’

  ‘You do realise its importance if what you’re saying’s correct.’

  ‘Why do you think my hands are trembling,’ countered the joyful scientist with euphoria. ‘We’re on to something really fantastic here.’

  ‘You’d better explain the th... theory in more detail,’ continued Don with an element of scepticism. ‘I mean you may have miscalculated and got it wrong.’

  ‘I’m sure some scientists will say that when they learn of my discovery. No doubt they’ll claim that according to the rules of quantum mechanics and the physics that govern the behaviour of atoms, the idea’s theoretically impossible.’

  ‘S... spill the beans, Bob. You’re k... keeping me on t... tenterhooks,’ pressed Don becoming impatient to learn about it.

  ‘Okay,’ returned Harris. ‘When hydrogen is burned, the emission it makes is water. The great advantage is that it doesn’t produce carbon dioxide, It isn’t a pollutant and is environment-friendly, Therefore I concentrate my research on the element. What have I discovered? Well, in layman’s terms, I’ve produced a new form of hydrogen, the simplest of all atoms, with just a single proton circled by one electron,’ he told the other man freely. ‘With my assistance. I can place the electron a little closer to the proton than normal, so that the formation of a series of the new atoms from the traditional state of the hydrogen is able to releases large amounts of energy. I know in reality it’s still a theory and I’m sure that some scientists will claim that according to quantum mechanics, electrons can only exist in an atom in strictly defined orbits and that the shortest distance allowed between the proton and the electron is fixed and can’t be moved any closer... but I’m going to prove them wrong because I’ve managed to succeed in doing it.’

  Don paused to digest the theory for a few moments and then leaned forward on his desk heavily. ‘Well I h... hope you’re right. The last thing we need is for you to put forward an in... invention which proves to be non-commercial for the org... organisation. I mean uptil now we’ve always kept our n... noses clean.’

  ‘And what have we done over the past two years? We’ve produced absolutely nothing,’ muttered the senior scientist miserably.

  ‘Maybe so,’ came the reply, ‘but, one thing’s f... for sure, no one can b... blame us for g... getting anything wrong.’

  Harris pressed his lips together with determination. ‘I take your point,’ he responded, ‘but on this occasion I know I’m right.’

  ‘Does anyone else know about this?’

  ‘No... I’ve been working on the theory for over two months now and I’ve told no one except my wife, Rose. Not surprisingly, she didn’t understand a word I was saying but she recognised the importance of the project. You know what most women are like about practical things in science. It’s way above their heads.’

  Don nodded and shrugged his shoulders aimlessly. ‘You realise that you’ll put our r... reputations on the line on this one. If it proves to be a d... dud, we’ll both go down in history as a c... couple of n... no-nos!’

  ‘And if it really works, as I suggest it will, we’ll go down as having made a wonderful achievement to mankind... as good as Alexander Fleming with Penicillin or the Wright brothers with aeroplanes, or Henry Ford with motor vehicles.’

  ‘It’s a very complicated theory. You don’t think you’ve made a mistake or a miscalculation, do you?’ Don began to show some serious concern lest the theory was fractured in one way or another.

  ‘No... I’m convinced that I’ve cracked it! You do realise the effect such an invention will have on power plants all over the world.’

  ‘But it first needs to be tested in full. How long do you think it will take to do that?’

  Harris screwed up his face in thought and then picked up his cup of coffee and sipped it before replying. ‘About six months I’d say. They’ll test it out initially on small heaters and then build furnaces to test it fully. It’ll probably be used to spin turbines so that they can produce electricity while its use in industry will be paramount.’

  ‘If you’re r... right, the savings in c... costs will be c... considerable.’

  The senior scientist grunted before replying as the though raced through his mind, ‘I estimate it would be about a quarter of the cost that industry has to pay today. Even more so with regard to nuclear energy. As I said, it has the potential to resolve our dependence on oil, gas and coal. Can you imagine how much saving that will be? Can you imagine our contribution to world industry?’

  ‘What are you going to d... do now?’ asked the junior scientist with an element of awe.

  ‘I’m going to David Coleman to present the formula and the accompanying notes,’ declared Harris bluntly. ‘He’s going to be very pleased.’

  ‘If you can catch him in,’ stated Don sipping his coffee in wonderment. ‘He’s never around. I haven’t see him in the last two months.’

  The senior scientist shrugged his shoulders. ‘I think I saw him go into his office when I came in this morning. ‘

  Don nodded his head slowly. Although the idea belonged to his colleague, he would almost certainly share in the achievement and there might even be a joint Nobel Prize award for the discovery. However, the theory had to be proved first and there was also the possibility that David Coleman, the Head of the Department, would make it known falsely to all and sundry that he alone was responsible for the invention. There were always people in the background waiting for opportunities to grab the limelight from other people’s efforts.

  ‘I’m going to see him now,’ stated Harris bluntly. He put down his coffee cup and turned to the computer on the desk in front of him pressing some keys to enable him to produce some photocopies to support his claim. Thereafter, he nodded to his colleague and left the room to report to his senior manager.

  Don sat at his desk pondering over the theory, If many expert scientists denied that the idea was impossible, he was inclined to believe them. Harris didn’t have a very good track record in the field of science and the junior scientist was extremely sceptical. However, it was something to put forward to senior management and, who knew, the project might have some success... even if its potential didn’t prove to be as large as it was hoped to be.

  He waited in the laboratory with baited breath until Harris returned and sat at his desk thoughtfully musing on the result of the meeting.

  ‘Well?’ ventured Don, eager to know of the reaction from the Head of the Department.

  ‘He’s over the moon... I think,’ declared Harris with a serious expression on his face. ‘Naturally, he wants to test out the theory first before he gets too excited but he’s very impressed with the idea. Hr wants me to write a paper on it and we’re going to call it hydrogenetics. Do you know, I realise it sounds incredible, but I think he’d forgotten all about us being here.’

  ‘Well I’m not surprised,’ exclaimed his colleague. ‘We haven’t come up with any real id... ideas over the last t... two years. Whatever the result of this test, I think you need a m... medal for having done something which most scientists would have c... considered impossible.’

  ‘I think you’re right,’ boasted his colleague. ‘Do you know what I’m going to do this evening? I’m going to take Rose out to celebrate,’ he went on, musing on his ostensible success, ‘I think I deserve it. Yes... we’ll have a slap up dinner with a bottle of champagne.’

  ‘I think that’s a g... good idea.’ He paused, staring at his colleague for a few moments before continuing. ‘Do you m... mind if I ask you a p... personal question?’

  ‘Go ahead... I’ll try and answer it unless it’s too personal,’ came the reply.

  ‘I want to ask you what it’s like being m... married?’

  ‘Wow!’ spluttered Harris with surprise.
‘That’s a question and a half. Why do you ask?’

  ‘Well I’m a bachelor. Never been m... married. I want to know what it’s like.’

  ‘Hm... to put it briefly, it’s being part of a relationship with someone you love. I’m sure I don’t need to explain to you about love.’

  ‘No I understand that p... part.’

  ‘It’s about coming home to someone you love every night, sleeping with them, and waking up with them each morning.’

  ‘That sounds n... nice. What about s... sex?’

  Harris paused to think before answering the question. ‘There’s a lot of that at the beginning of the marriage but it tends to slow down as time goes on. It’s something you need to practice a lot to get it right. At least it did with me. There’s more to it than meets the eye and you need to keep it alive or it gets boring. Hey, did you hear about the two men talking and one says: ‘Sex gives me a pain in the neck!’ and the other man says: ‘I don’t think you’re doing it right!’ He burst into laughter at his own joke but Don appeared totally unamused.