Fixing Tanner (Second Chances Book 3)

by Rachel Del

  “Well, when I met you at Blue Martini, you were this borderline arrogant guy that I was ready to brush off without much thought, but you have this… presence about you. I knew I wanted to bring you home, even though I could tell that you had done this many times before.” She motioned to the scene unfolding around them. This. Picking up girls in bars. Sex.

  Tanner felt a twinge of panic set in. She had no idea…

  “And that’s not what you expected from me?”

  “I knew what I was getting into when I left with you that night. What I didn’t expect was that you’d come back around, or that you’re ‘the kind of guy who sticks around after sex.’ ”

  In fact, Leah had counted on him not being that kind of guy.

  What she had gotten herself into now, she wasn’t sure if she knew a way out.

  “See, but I just told you that I’m not usually that guy.”

  “So why me?” she asked, genuinely curious.

  It had been three weeks since they met, during which they had spent many nights together; yet he had never spent more than three consecutive hours with any other woman he slept with.

  The truth was that Tanner himself still couldn’t put a finger on it; he knew only that something kept pulling him back to her. So he said the first thing that came to mind.

  “I’m sorry, have you not looked at yourself in a mirror lately?”

  Leah smiled. If there was one thing she was sure about in her life, it was that she had worked long and hard to feel the way she did about her body. The fact that other people took notice only made it that much more worth it.

  “And you…” she began, smirking, “have got to go. It’s one a.m. and I really need to get some sleep.” She stood and walked to the bedroom door.

  “You look beautiful.”

  Leah looked slightly taken aback. Tanner couldn’t help but wonder where that had come from. It’s not the kind of thing he said. Ever. But it was true, he thought idly. Any woman that could walk around naked, proudly, was a woman he wanted to be around.

  “What would your mother think of you if she could see you right now?”

  Leah scoffed. “There’s nothing to tell. There’s nothing going on here besides two consenting adults having sex.”

  Tanner had dressed and maneuvered his way around her apartment to gather his things, his hands wrapped tightly around a black, hardcover notebook. He stepped right up to her so that his nose was nearly touching hers.

  “You keep telling yourself that.”

  And before she could retaliate, he was through the door and out of sight.

  __

  Tanner stepped through the doorway into his bathroom and grabbed for the bottle of hair gel on the counter. He was the same guy he had been for years. Nothing much had changed. He still couldn’t begin his day without two cups of coffee and he still spent far too much time in restaurants and cafes people watching. Life… everything… was fodder for his novels; it was how it had always been and how it would always be.

  At thirty-four, he had long ago grown into the body that seemed oversized throughout grade school and high school. His curly black hair, long overdue for a cut, fell just over his eyes and highlighted his strong, square jaw. Comparable to an older, darker Chase Crawford, he received attention wherever he went – even more if people recognized him from his jacket covers.

  Tanner swallowed the last of his drink and slammed the empty glass down on the counter, his grasp tight and his knuckles white. It was obvious that Leah didn’t know what she wanted. How else could she be so blind as to what was right in front of her? Didn’t she know that there were countless other women lining up to be with him?

  __

  Leah liked to think that she was smart about men. She had long ago established ground rules that had served her well: keep things light, never let them spend the night, and don’t get attached.

  When she met Tanner Young, she knew that he was just like every other guy she had been with: strong-willed and confident, yet mildly misplaced. There was something about him that just didn’t quite feel right.

  But then she saw, in brief glimpses, sides of him that made her want to change her mind about him. Like the way he lingered at her door as though he wanted to kiss her goodbye. And like the way, after sex, that he asked her about her life. She never told him much, but just the fact that he was interested somehow comforted her.

  Still, it was best not to get attached.

  So far, her life had granted her the perfect excuse never to get too close to anyone. Her career as a travel writer meant that she was never in one place long. Her apartment, while covered in colorful souvenirs of her travels and full of stories, was little more than a resting spot in between adventures.

  It had been because of her sister that she had pursued this kind of life. Years ago, she had watched Lily – who was once vivid, adventurous and often reckless – marry Thomas Gardner and lose herself in the process. And then recently, she had been witness to the unraveling of the marriage.

  It had all been enough to push Leah to conclude that relationships and marriage and babies were definitely not for her. Instead, her life would be about travel, and writing, and meeting new people.

  She was as happy as she had ever been. And while she owed some of that to Tanner, she knew that it was safer to keep her distance.

  Leah slipped a pair of sandals onto her feet and headed for the door, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror. With almond shaped brown eyes and a sea of jet black hair that fell past her breast bone and a slim body that she shared with her twin sister, Leah had often heard herself described as beautiful. But it was her easy confidence and outgoing, friendly nature that people seemed to adore and that aided in her building a life that she was truly proud of.

  That there was no man in her life was a choice that she continued to make each and every day. Life continued to assure her that she was making the right decision.

  __

  “She doesn’t want to be exclusive, Elle. I’m not doing anything wrong.”

  Elle Young threw her dirty blond hair over her shoulder in a gesture of frustration and fixed her green eyes on her brother. “Do you have any idea how fucked up this all is?”

  “I guess I don’t see it that way.”

  “Because you think it’s just as simple as research for your book.”

  He nodded in agreement. “It is.”

  “You might be able to fool everyone else, Tanner, but you forget that I know you better than anyone. I know what you’ve gone through…”

  Tanner remained silent.

  “And that’s why I can say that I think you’re acting like this because you’re running away from the past, not because you’re going to write about it.”

  If it were anyone other than his sister standing across from him saying these things, he would have walked out by now. But she was right; she did know him better than anyone. While their five year age gap had meant they spent the majority of their childhood arguing, somewhere around the time that Tanner left for New York they began to open up to one another and found that they could finally have a real relationship.

  “What are you saying?”

  “I really do want the best for you, and I don’t want your career to go down in flames because you can’t write anything…”

  “Spit it out.”

  “I think you’re just fucked up enough that you should start seeing a psychiatrist.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Tanner said, deadpan.

  “Think about it. For me.”

  Tanner agreed, knowing very well that he had no intention of giving it even an ounce of further thought. He didn’t need to talk to someone. What he needed was to write again; to prove to himself and the world that he still had something worth saying. What he needed was to banish Leah from his mind.

  It was obvious that she didn’t think of the “relationship” the same way he did. And if she didn’t want to commit to him that meant she was free to see whom
ever she wanted.

  An errant thought entered Tanner’s mind and try as he might he couldn’t push it away. Did she have men like him in all the cities she frequented? Was he just one in a string of many? And regardless, what was stopping him from seeing other women? In the very least, he should continue on with his research. Maybe all he needed to get past his writer’s block was some fresh material.

  That night Tanner found himself seated across the table from a group of his friends, drinking heavily and trying to push Leah from his thoughts. It was her fault that he was there in the first place. If only she had wanted what he did then he would be at home being a good little boyfriend instead of out at a bar eyeing a group of brunettes across the room, picturing what they would look like lying beneath him.

  And that’s when he saw her. With blond hair that nearly reached her elbows spread out over her brown leather bomber jacket and tight jeans that clung to her long legs, she might have been the most gorgeous thing he had ever laid eyes on. She looked over at him and smiled and he was in love.

  “There are no empty tables, do you think I could join you?”

  “Of course not,” he blurted out, elbowing his friend to make room for her.

  “I’m Hayley,” she said, holding out her hand. She started to ask him what he did for a living, but he couldn’t concentrate on a word she was saying.

  In his mind Hayley was on her back on his bed, legs spread.

  She was licking her lips, running her hands down her long, lean body.

  She was reaching out for him.

  He was on top of her, allowing her to feel his weight.

  He was exploring her body with his mouth, meandering through each and every one of her crevasses.

  She was breathing heavily, her hands clawing at his back.

  In his mind Hayley was his for the taking.

  “Anyone home?”

  Tanner saw her waving her hand in front of his face. “Sorry,” he replied, sheepishly.

  “I was asking what you do.”

  “Oh sorry. I—“

  “He’s a writer!” his friend cut in. Tanner shot him a look that said thanks but no thanks.

  “A writer,” she said, as though she were debating how the word tasted in her mouth. “What kind of a writer?”

  “I write fiction. Novels mostly.”

  “That’s cool. Anything I would have heard of?”

  “The Big Life… Happiness Falls…”

  A look of recognition flooded her face. “Damn, you’re like… legit.”

  “I guess you could say that,” he said, smirking.

  She stood, looking around. “This place is pretty weak, I’m going to head out. You coming?”

  An image of Leah flashed into his mind, but he pushed it aside. What was it she had said when he last saw her? There’s nothing going on here besides two consenting adults having sex.

  “My car is right outside.”

  With her eyes closed in concentration as she straddled him, Tanner kept his green eyes focused on her lips and neck. As her breathing became heavier and her moaning increased, he could sense that she was close. But as she came around him, he couldn’t help but feel as though he was doing something wrong.

  It was all wrong. She was all wrong.

  He scrambled away from her. “I… I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go.”

  Hayley was tugging on a pair of red, lace panties. “Are you kidding me?”

  “I’m really sorry.”

  He couldn’t get out of the apartment fast enough, and as he stepped out into the Las Vegas heat, it felt as though his throat was closing in on him. This is it, he thought, as his heart continued to pound away in his chest. This is how I’m going to die.

  Chapter 3

  “You know, you’re kind of a hypochondriac,” Leah said, deadpan.

  Tanner stuck out his tongue at her. “And you’re kind of mean.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to belittle your experience, but dying? Really?”

  “How was I to know? I’ve never had a panic attack before today.”

  “Really?”

  Tanner raised his eyebrows. “Are you a seasoned veteran or something?”

  “I’ve had my share of attacks here and there. Mostly in College.”

  “What is possibly so stressful about College that you would have panic attacks?”

  Leah frowned. “Says the guy with a high school diploma.”

  “And two published novels. You can’t forget those,” he said, smirking.

  There was something awfully cute about the way she looked when she frowned. “Education or no education, I think I’m doing pretty damn well for myself.”

  “Can’t argue with that. Actually, about that...”

  He played with her hands absentmindedly. “What?”

  “What are you working on now?”

  Tanner froze, a reaction that didn’t go unnoticed.

  “What? Did I touch on a nerve or something? Am I not supposed to ask?”

  “No, it’s fine… I just wish I had a better answer.”

  “So you’re not working on anything?”

  “Nothing of consequence, really.” The lie tasted bitter in his mouth.

  “I can’t imagine what it must be like to be you. I write about must-see places and hotels to stay at; it’s pretty basic stuff, nothing like writing fiction. Speaking of which, I read The Big Life.”

  If there was one thing in life that Tanner could never get tired of, it was talking about his work. That Leah had taken the time to read one his novels meant more than she could know. He was surprised just how much it meant to him.

  “And what did you think?”

  She lifted her leg over top of him until she was straddling him.

  “I think you’re a genius. And a sexy one at that.”

  “Yes, uh huh, go on…”

  “Let’s just say that I get what all the excitement’s about.”

  “Glad to hear it, Foster.”

  He was surprised by the way her name floated from his lips. It was probably the closest thing to a nickname he’d ever said.

  “Oh, we’re on a last name basis now, huh?”

  “It’s just kind of came out.” He flashed her a pearly white smile and she climbed off of him and laid down on the bed next to him.

  “If you could write about anything, what would it be?” Leah asked.

  “Anything? That’s a tough question. Are you happy with the writing you do?”

  “I guess so. I knew I always wanted to write, I just never knew what. I kind of just fell into travel writing during College. I had a blog, believe it or not.”

  “A blog? How cliché,” Tanner teased.

  “I know, I kind of barfed a little in my mouth when I said it.”

  “You know I’m kidding right? Everyone and their mother has a blog now. Even me. But that’s only because Nathan is making me keep one.”

  “Well I think that’s hilarious, considering that ninety-five percent of people have absolutely nothing of consequence to offer the rest of us. At least you’re someone that people want to hear from.”

  “Okay, that I agree with. But I need to hear more about yours.”

  “I can’t even remember the name of it, but I started it to keep my family updated on what I was doing while I was travelling, and it kind of just took off. By the time graduation came around I already had a job lined up.”

  “So if you weren’t writing about travel, what would you be writing about?”

  Leah pursed her lips. “I honestly don’t know.”

  “I think…” Tanner began, pausing to brush an errant strand of hair from her face. “That I’m writing exactly what I’m meant to be writing.”

  “I think you’re right.” Leah leaned in towards Tanner, pressing her lips against his. “I think you’re kind of awesome,” she said.

  “Oh yeah?”

  “That book… your writing… I’m just amazed really. I’ve actually known my fair amount of writer
s. Heck, I’ve even dated a few. And they were all kind of fucked up.”

  That caught Tanner’s attention. “How so?” He tried to ignore the tightness building in his chest.

  “Most, if not all of them, were alcoholics or drug addicts and all of them had a pretty messed up upbringing. They all had more skeletons in their closets than I care to count.”

  “Hmm,” was all he could manage to say. If he said any more she would surely run for the hills.

  “I’m only telling you this because I think you’re the first normal writer I’ve met.”

  “I’ve always thought that normal is overrated.”

  “Funny, I think it’s kind of refreshing.”

  The following morning Tanner stood under the hot shower for much longer than necessary, Leah’s words stumbling around in his head. He felt like a fraud… a liar and a fraud.

  He reached for his phone the second he was dry. “Elle. I think you’re right.”

  “I’m right about many things, little brother. You’re going to have to be more specific.”

  “I can’t believe I’m actually admitting this, but therapy might not be a bad idea.”

  “What happened to change your mind?”

  “Nothing happened.”

  “You’re a terrible liar, even over the phone.” Elle had always been the one person who couldn’t be fooled by the act that Tanner put on for the world, a fact that both comforted and terrified him.

  “I’ve started seeing someone.”

  “Ah, and now it all makes sense.”

  Tanner sighed. “She thinks I’m normal.”

  “So she’s delusional then,” Elle responded, laughter filling her voice.

  “I’ve got to figure my crap out before she realizes I’m nothing like the guy she thinks I am.”

  __

  If there’s one thing that will force a young man to grow up quickly, it’s making him accountable for his own life at an early age. Tanner had always known how to take care of himself. He knew what it took to earn a dollar. He paid his car insurance on time and sent in his credit card payments on the same day every month. He understood the value of a good night’s sleep and the healing powers of a stiff drink with dinner. And he knew that to continue down the path as a successful writer, he needed only to keep writing. Everything else would sort itself out.