Fixing Tanner (Second Chances Book 3)

by Rachel Del

  With startling clarity she remembered sitting on his dorm room floor helping him study. She remembered their shared love for late-night junk food binging. She remembered him telling her that he had met someone new and maybe she was the one. She remembered running to him for comfort after each and every break up.

  But most of all she remembered the feeling that he had always given her: the feeling that as long as he was around, nothing in the past mattered. There was always hope for the future.

  “Sam,” she responded, allowing his name to roll of her tongue. She had always loved the way that it sounded. He reached down and enveloped her in his arms.

  “God it’s so good to see you.”

  “It’s good to see you too,” he said, smiling. How long had it been since she had seen that smile in person? How long had it even been since they had spoken?

  “It’s been far too long,” he said, as if he could read her mind. Then again, she wasn’t surprised. He had always been that way.

  Leah stole glances at Sam as he studied the menu on the red, ornate metal table in between them, trying to recall just what it was that she had found so attractive about him back in College. His beautiful head of curly hair had thinned and receded some, and the wrinkles beside his eyes made him look much older than thirty-one. His body had filled out a little but he was still handsome.

  “I’m glad to see you’re still travelling for work,” he said suddenly. Or maybe it had only felt that way because she had been so lost in her thoughts. “It brought you out here to me.”

  Leah pushed past the faint flutter of butterflies in her stomach. “Are you still in advertising?” she asked, noticing that he was dressed awfully casual for a Thursday morning.

  “Actually I gave up that gig about eight months ago and opened up a coffee shop out in Brooklyn with a good friend.”

  “That’s amazing,” she said. “I can’t picture you in a suit and tie. This—” she said, waving her finger in the direction of his clothing – “seems much more fitting,”

  “The casual attire was definitely the biggest selling point.”

  Though she shouldn’t have been, Leah was surprised by how easily the conversation flowed from there. It was as if they had never spent any time apart. The nerves that she had originally felt upon laying eyes on him had been replaced with a sense of calm.

  “How come you never made a move in College, Leah?” The question caught her off guard and she choked on her iced tea.

  “Sorry,” Sam said. “I’ve just always wondered.”

  She didn’t have an answer for him. Not one. Not one that she was willing to voice out loud anyways. “Why didn’t you make a move?”

  “Do you want to know the truth?”

  “As long as it’s not going to make me feel bad, then yes.” She smiled meekly.

  “I always knew you had a thing for me and the feeling was mutual, but I always kind of thought that you were way out my league.”

  Leah absentmindedly wiped at the condensation on her glass. “For the record: that wasn’t the case. But it didn’t matter anyways. We never could get our timing right.”

  Sam became suddenly serious and, Leah noticed, nervous. “And what about now? Is the timing still bad?”

  __

  “Can we please talk about something else?” Screw avoidance, Tanner couldn’t bear to talk about Leah anymore.

  Dr. Schultz wasted no time. “Tell me about Manny.”

  He spoke slowly and deliberately, as though he were carefully choosing each word.

  “We met in the tenth grade. He was a cool kid, the kind that you would see around and instantly want to be friends with. He had this great sense of humor and an incredible sense of adventure, and that was enough for me know I had to be his friend. It was easy because we’re guys. I walked up to him one day, said ‘hey, what’s up?’ and that was it. We were pretty much inseparable from there.

  “He was a very perceptible kind of guy; you couldn’t get anything past him. All he needed was to spend thirty minutes with you and he’d have you pegged. He was the first person to tell me that I didn’t come off as cool as I thought I did.”

  Tanner chuckled to himself and smiled at Anna before continuing.

  “Imagine how I felt when he told me that everyone thought I was this hostile, impulsive guy. And I wasn’t nearly as smooth with the ladies as I thought I was. He said that deep down I wasn’t that guy at all; I was shy and reserved. I was shocked because of course he was right.”

  “It sounds like he was the kind of guy you’d like to keep around,” Dr. Schultz interjected.

  “You could say that again. He helped me get laid for the first time.”

  Dr. Schultz couldn’t help but laugh. “So he definitely came in handy.”

  “Oh yeah. She was one of the popular girls too. Cristy Talbott. God, I don’t know why I still remember her name.”

  “Our memories work in strange ways,” she said and Tanner couldn’t help but nod in agreement.

  “Anyways, he really got to me. When you start to realize who you are in the eyes of the world, you see a different person in the mirror. You see what they see, not necessarily who you are.”

  That moment had begun to shape Tanner in a way that only he could perceive.

  Their friendship had continued strong throughout high school, and only grew stronger when they left for New York together. There, in the city that never sleeps, they partied like young men would tend to party: sludging through their work days during the week so that they could explode into the weekend. In the summer months it was typical for them to spend their weekends in upstate New York, sleeping five to a room in whatever cottage they could scramble together. There, they would drink, get stoned, and try their damn hardest to get laid. There was no shortage of product available for everyone and when you are young and surrounded by excesses you take advantage of the opportunity.

  But one particular weekend had been different.

  It had started like any other, but by nightfall on Sunday, Tanner knew he would never be the same carefree person he had once been.

  He should have known better. They all should have.

  Chapter 9

  Present Day

  August 4, 2015: 5:05pm

  She tells me that she’s addicted to the feeling of being somewhere new. That there is a unique sense of discovery that comes with removing yourself from your “normal” life. She jokes that her favorite places are the ones she hasn’t been to yet.

  I worry that I could never keep up with her if I tried.

  - TY

  __

  “Have you told Leah about your book yet?”

  Tanner shook his head slowly, avoiding eye contact with Dr. Schultz. “I can’t. I just can’t.”

  “Have you considered that there are alternatives to her walking away? She could very well be angry, but be able to look past it.”

  “I really don’t think that’s the case here.”

  “And what makes you so sure?”

  “Leah is the kind of girl who doesn’t need a man to make her life great. She does what she wants, when she wants, and she sure as hell isn’t afraid to walk away from something that isn’t working.” He looked down at his hands before continuing. “She’s in New York now. She’s been gone for a week and she’ll be gone for another few days. While I’m here and at home thinking about her, I can almost guarantee that I have barely crossed her mind. She hasn’t texted, called or emailed.”

  “It was my understanding that the two of you weren’t serious.”

  “Right. That was her call.”

  “So maybe she sees no reason to be in touch with you while she’s away.”

  Or maybe she’s already on her way to forgetting about me, he thought.

  __

  There was something about New York City that always intrigued Leah. She’d been through every nook and cranny, eaten at all the best restaurants and stayed in all the nicest hotels, but there was always something new to see and
do. Each time she returned from the city she felt she was a slightly different person than when she had arrived.

  Leah knew she was there to work and kept herself busy for six days before she gave in, picking up her phone and dialing the familiar number.

  “As if you’ve kept the same number all these years,” she said upon hearing the voice on the other end of the line. “Let’s eat.”

  Leah could count on one hand how many times she had been this nervous, and it usually involved some kind of exam or job interview. What it didn’t usually involve was the reappearance of someone from her past.

  Not just someone… the someone. The one that got away.

  “Leah Foster.” She heard him before she saw him, but it was enough to remind her just how much she had missed him. She turned slowly, wanting the moment to last forever, her gaze directed towards the pavement until she lifted her chin and locked in on his ocean blue eyes.

  With startling clarity she remembered sitting on his dorm room floor helping him study. She remembered their shared love for late-night junk food binging. She remembered him telling her that he had met someone new and maybe she was the one. She remembered running to him for comfort after each and every break up.

  But most of all she remembered the feeling that he had always given her: the feeling that as long as he was around, nothing in the past mattered. There was always hope for the future.

  “Sam,” she responded, allowing his name to roll of her tongue. She had always loved the way that it sounded. He reached down and enveloped her in his arms.

  “God it’s so good to see you.”

  “It’s good to see you too,” he said, smiling. How long had it been since she had seen that smile in person? How long had it even been since they had spoken?

  “It’s been far too long,” he said, as if he could read her mind. Then again, she wasn’t surprised. He had always been that way.

  Leah stole glances at Sam as he studied the menu on the red, ornate metal table in between them, trying to recall just what it was that she had found so attractive about him back in College. His beautiful head of curly hair had thinned and receded some, and the wrinkles beside his eyes made him look much older than thirty-one. His body had filled out a little but he was still handsome.

  “I’m glad to see you’re still travelling for work,” he said suddenly. Or maybe it had only felt that way because she had been so lost in her thoughts. “It brought you out here to me.”

  Leah pushed past the faint flutter of butterflies in her stomach. “Are you still in advertising?” she asked, noticing that he was dressed awfully casual for a Thursday morning.

  “Actually I gave up that gig about eight months ago and opened up a coffee shop out in Brooklyn with a good friend.”

  “That’s amazing,” she said. “I can’t picture you in a suit and tie. This—” she said, waving her finger in the direction of his clothing – “seems much more fitting,”

  “The casual attire was definitely the biggest selling point.”

  Though she shouldn’t have been, Leah was surprised by how easily the conversation flowed from there. It was as if they had never spent any time apart. The nerves that she had originally felt upon laying eyes on him had been replaced with a sense of calm.

  “How come you never made a move in College, Leah?” The question caught her off guard and she choked on her iced tea.

  “Sorry,” Sam said. “I’ve just always wondered.”

  She didn’t have an answer for him. Not one. Not one that she was willing to voice out loud anyways. “Why didn’t you make a move?”

  “Do you want to know the truth?”

  “As long as it’s not going to make me feel bad, then yes.” She smiled meekly.

  “I always knew you had a thing for me and the feeling was mutual, but I always kind of thought that you were way out my league.”

  Leah absentmindedly wiped at the condensation on her glass. “For the record: that wasn’t the case. But it didn’t matter anyways. We never could get our timing right.”

  Sam became suddenly serious and, Leah noticed, nervous. “And what about now? Is the timing still bad?”

  __

  “Can we please talk about something else?” Screw avoidance, Tanner couldn’t bear to talk about Leah anymore.

  Dr. Schultz wasted no time. “Tell me about Manny.”

  He spoke slowly and deliberately, as though he were carefully choosing each word.

  “We met in the tenth grade. He was a cool kid, the kind that you would see around and instantly want to be friends with. He had this great sense of humor and an incredible sense of adventure, and that was enough for me know I had to be his friend. It was easy because we’re guys. I walked up to him one day, said ‘hey, what’s up?’ and that was it. We were pretty much inseparable from there.

  “He was a very perceptible kind of guy; you couldn’t get anything past him. All he needed was to spend thirty minutes with you and he’d have you pegged. He was the first person to tell me that I didn’t come off as cool as I thought I did.”

  Tanner chuckled to himself and smiled at Anna before continuing.

  “Imagine how I felt when he told me that everyone thought I was this hostile, impulsive guy. And I wasn’t nearly as smooth with the ladies as I thought I was. He said that deep down I wasn’t that guy at all; I was shy and reserved. I was shocked because of course he was right.”

  “It sounds like he was the kind of guy you’d like to keep around,” Dr. Schultz interjected.

  “You could say that again. He helped me get laid for the first time.”

  Dr. Schultz couldn’t help but laugh. “So he definitely came in handy.”

  “Oh yeah. She was one of the popular girls too. Cristy Talbott. God, I don’t know why I still remember her name.”

  “Our memories work in strange ways,” she said and Tanner couldn’t help but nod in agreement.

  “Anyways, he really got to me. When you start to realize who you are in the eyes of the world, you see a different person in the mirror. You see what they see, not necessarily who you are.”

  That moment had begun to shape Tanner in a way that only he could perceive.

  Their friendship had continued strong throughout high school, and only grew stronger when they left for New York together. There, in the city that never sleeps, they partied like young men would tend to party: sludging through their work days during the week so that they could explode into the weekend. In the summer months it was typical for them to spend their weekends in upstate New York, sleeping five to a room in whatever cottage they could scramble together. There, they would drink, get stoned, and try their damn hardest to get laid. There was no shortage of product available for everyone and when you are young and surrounded by excesses you take advantage of the opportunity.

  But one particular weekend had been different.

  It had started like any other, but by nightfall on Sunday, Tanner knew he would never be the same carefree person he had once been.

  He should have known better. They all should have.

  Chapter 10

  There are turning points in every person’s life. The day your mother passes away after a long battle with cancer. The moment you become a parent for the first time. The day you graduate from College. Good or bad, these turning points all have one thing in common: they forever change a person.

  Tanner knew they were smarter than this, but the mix of weed and alcohol meant they weren’t thinking clearly. They should have kept a closer eye on the events.

  “I can remember so vividly that someone was playing guitar all weekend.”

  Empty bottles were flung into the lake and the boys wrestled to prove their physical prowess, the girls giggling by the nearby campfire. It had been one of those perfect weekends that you never want to end.

  “Eventually someone stumbled across a canoe. It was so dark out that I don’t know how they even found it. We were just drunk enough that it was far too enticing to pass up. Man
ny and I took another hit from the bong and climbed into the canoe. Everyone was egging us on. We all thought it was hilarious.”

  He became quiet then. With the exception of Elle, the only people who knew this story were locked safely away in his past. He wasn’t sure he was ready to bring everything into the present.

  “What happened then, Tanner?” Dr. Schultz asked, gently nudging him forward.

  “Do you believe in fate?” he asked, his eyes beginning to gloss over.

  “You mean do I believe that everything happens for a reason and we have no control over anything? No, I don’t.”

  “Neither do I,” he began. “There couldn’t have been less than twenty-five of us there that weekend. Any one of them could have stopped us.”

  He should have known better. He knew Manny couldn’t swim, just like he knew that neither of them was truly cognizant of their surroundings by that point of the night. But they all let them go… encouraged them to go.

  He couldn’t help but smile as he and Manny drifted off to a chorus of excited screams and taunting while they ducked whatever debris was being tossed their way from the rowdy crowd. But as they disappeared from sight and their friends’ voices trailed off into the darkness, he felt an uneasiness sweep over him.

  “No one could tell me how long we were gone.”

  Morning broke and the news travelled quickly. One boy had been rescued clinging to the side of a canoe the next morning at the far end of the lake. They weren’t sure he was going to make it; hypothermia had begun to set in. There was no sign of the other boy.

  “That was nearly ten years ago.”

  Tanner slowly lifted his gaze to meet Dr. Schultz’s. She sat silently, her eyes giving away no indication of what she was thinking or feeling. Her silence encouraged him to keep going. As if there was anything that could have stopped him.

  “We were laughing,” he said, shaking his head slowly from side to side. “We were telling jokes and just waiting to drift to shore because Manny had lost our paddles. The canoe tipped early but I didn’t think much of it until Manny reminded me that he couldn’t swim. We were so wasted.”