Pass Interference

by Natalie Brock

  Eventually he confided the real reason he was so unsure about how to proceed. Sara was doing homework at the desk while Philip was lying on the sofa, flipping through channels on his tablet’s TV app. He set the tablet aside and looked over at Sara. “You think I should have the surgery, don’t you?” he asked her quietly.

  Choosing her words carefully, she answered. “Philip, I can’t tell you what to do. And I can’t really put myself in your shoes. No one can.”

  Philip didn’t say anything for several minutes. He closed his eyes, and Sara thought maybe he had fallen asleep until he started speaking without opening his eyes. “If I have the surgery, and I still can’t play, I won’t be able to fool myself anymore. I won’t be able to pretend there’s a miracle in store for me.”

  Sara swallowed hard, watching Philip. When he opened his eyes, she could see they were watery. “If I don’t have the surgery, then I can still believe in the possibility. I can still have hope.” He choked up as he admitted his fears. “You know?”

  Sara nodded slowly. She rose from the desk chair and went over to the sofa, instinctively putting her arms around him and comforting him. He buried his face against the side of her neck.

  That night in bed, Philip was tossing and turning in his sleep. At first Sara thought it was due to the pain, because he was reluctant to take painkillers. He didn’t want to become dependent. But his insomnia turned out to be more mental than physical. When he woke up in the middle of the night, Sara could tell that something had shaken him up. “You okay?” He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he stared up at the ceiling. Placing a calming hand on his chest, she could feel his heart pounding. Her own heart started beating faster from worry. “What’s wrong?” she whispered. Shaking him gently, she pleaded, “Tell me.”

  He slowly rolled on his side to face her. “It’s nothing. Just a dream.”

  “Tell me,” she whispered.

  His eyes were glassy in the darkness as he described the dream to her, and Sara could tell it wasn’t just a dream. “There was this man standing in an orange grove. He was teaching a little kid to throw a football. The kid was maybe seven or eight. At first I thought it was me and my dad, that I was the little kid. But I wasn’t the boy.” His voice cracked with emotion when he told her, “I was the man. What if I can never do that?” Sara’s eyes widened. “What if I can never take my nephews, Jarrod and Jackson, to ball games? I want to be able to teach my kids to play sports one day, the way my dad taught me.”

  Sara choked back tears as she reached for Philip and hugged him. For the first time, she realized that he wasn’t only worried about his football career. He was worried about his life. “You will. I know you will.”

  Holding her close, he spoke into her shoulder. “You heard what the doc said. If I don’t have the surgery, it could impact my whole life.” He leaned away to look at her. “I have to have the surgery,” he told her. “I have to get well.”

  Once the decision was made and the surgery was scheduled, Philip still had a lot of anxiety, so Sara pushed him to focus on his studies to try and take his mind off his worries. She reminded him that, as his tutor, she got judged on his progress just as much as he did, so he cracked the books and made up for lost time, staying up and reading past midnight several nights in a row. It was just as well. Neither of them could sleep anyway, with the surgery just a few days away. It had to be a success this time. It just had to be.

  »»•««

  The next day, Sara was walking to her speech therapy class, thinking about Philip’s upcoming surgery and praying for that miracle he wanted so badly. At the very least, she prayed he would be able to walk with no limp and not have to live with pain. Leaning against the brick wall of the building for Special Education Studies, she watched as throngs of students flowed in various directions. They all had somewhere to go. Not unlike Philip, Sara used to have a clear picture of what her life was going to be like. Now she wasn’t so sure anymore. Life was going to change soon, no matter what.

  She and Philip had talked a little about what life would be like after he graduated this spring. Until he secured a contract with a professional football team, he planned to live in Naples and help his parents in the store. Naples was only three and a half hours away, after all. But after being together constantly for the past few weeks, being even an hour’s drive away would feel like an eternity. She’d grown so emotionally dependent on Philip, so connected to him.

  She closed her eyes, and an unexpected image floated into her brain. She pictured Philip teaching a little boy to throw a football. When she opened her eyes, she realized the little boy she was imagining was their son—hers and Philip’s. She wasn’t sure whether it was an image Philip put in her head when he talked about the dream he had, or if it was a premonition. Maybe it was just a wish. She knew for sure that the dream was unlikely to come true if Philip got his miracle—the ability to play football again. Their lives would go in different directions, and she’d lose him. He had told her many times that he wanted a future with her, but he wasn’t thinking realistically. He was just caught up in the moment, and so was Sara. Still, she prayed for his miracle.

  She reached into her pack and took out her phone, swiping the screen with her finger until she found what she was looking for—the selfie Philip had taken of the two of them before leaving for the New Year’s Eve party.

  Even though it was only a few weeks later, it seemed like a million years ago, when their love was so new and time didn’t matter. She sighed heavily. First loves are seldom last loves except in romance novels, she told herself. No matter what happens, even if they did drift apart and never saw each other again, she felt certain she would always love Philip. Even if she never loved anyone else the way she loved Philip, at least she could say she knew what grand passion was like. Nothing could ever change that.

  As she walked into her speech therapy education class, someone tugged at her sleeve.

  “Hey stranger.”

  Sara’s eyes flashed. “Kevin!” She gave her friend an impromptu hug that surprised even her. Sara was never the hugging type, but Philip’s family must have rubbed off on her a little. “I’m glad to see you!”

  “Hmmm. You have a funny way of showing it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Kevin’s brows arched. “Seriously? You haven’t returned any of my calls.”

  “Oh. Um. I’m so sorry, Kevin.” Sara adjusted the shoulder bag that was starting to slip. “I meant to. I’ve just been…um…distracted.”

  “Distracted. Is that what you call it? I’m thinking you think you’re too good to talk to me now that you’re dating a hotshot jock.”

  Sara tried hard not to give in to her knee-jerk reaction to his statement. She knew where Kevin was coming from. They used to make fun of jocks and cheerleaders all the time. No wonder he felt a bit betrayed. “Kevin, I told you before, Philip’s not like that.”

  “Yeah right.” He rolled his eyes. “A guy like Mason shows you a little attention, and you do a complete one eighty. You changed your whole personality for him. I hardly recognize you anymore.”

  “Kevin, that’s not true! And please, don’t judge me,” she said, a little harshly. Kevin’s words were hurtful, but he was one hundred percent wrong. “I’ve learned a lot since I met Philip. I only made fun of people like that before because I was jealous of their popularity,” she conceded. That was the truth. “And so were you. But I was wrong. There’s a lot more to Philip than meets the eye.”

  “Ha! You mean he’s good in bed.”

  Sara’s eyes widened, but instead of reacting, she silently counted to ten. She could see that Kevin was jealous of her relationship with Philip, which was why he immediately took a jab at her sex life. “I’m going to ignore that remark. What I’m trying to tell you is that meeting Philip has taught me it’s wrong to label people. He’s not just a jock, Kevin.” She could read the skepticism in his eyes. “He’s not! He’s a smart guy, and he’s a good son, and he’s an
attentive boyfriend who just happens to play football, but he isn’t defined by it—except by small-minded jealous people.”

  Kevin was quiet as they stood outside the classroom. “But you’re right about one thing, Kevin. It’s wrong to ignore my old friends just because I have new ones. So”—she smiled warmly—“wanna hang out later?”

  »»•««

  After class, Sara brought Kevin back to Philip’s dorm. She was kind of hoping Philip would be back from physical therapy by now. She really wanted Kevin to meet Philip and see what a great guy he was, and hopefully change his opinion.

  When they entered the room, Kevin made a predictable snarky remark about privileged athletes getting much more luxurious quarters than regular students. Sara was about to pounce, but she held her tongue. She didn’t feel like giving Kevin yet another lecture, and she was certain he didn’t want one. Changing someone’s dyed-in-the-wool perceptions wasn’t something that happened overnight, even for Sara, and Kevin didn’t have the added incentive of being in love with a star athlete. She hoped in time he’d learn to temper his prejudice, especially if he intended to remain friends with her.

  Sara and Kevin sat down on the bed and looked at his tablet. He wanted her opinion of a lesson plan he was preparing for one of his Special Ed courses.

  From the doorway, a voice said, “What’s going on?”

  Sara looked up. “Philip!” She bounced off the bed and went to give him a kiss, but he held her at arm’s length.

  Eying Kevin, he asked, “Who’s this?”

  “This is my friend Kevin,” Sara said brightly. “Kevin, this is Philip.”

  Kevin got up and hesitantly extended his hand. Philip just as hesitantly shook it.

  “Kevin was almost your tutor instead of me,” she told Philip. When she looked at him, she was surprised to see the less-than-welcoming stare he was giving Kevin. This wasn’t how Sara had imagined the meeting would go. What she really wanted was for Kevin to see what a nice guy Philip was. She tried to think of something else to say to break the tension, when Philip finally responded.

  “Well Kevin, if you had been my tutor, I would never have met Sara.” He turned from Kevin toward Sara and looked at her when he said, “And that would have been a tragedy.” Sara locked eyes with Philip. His words were lovely, but his eyes were without warmth, and his expression revealed anger.

  “Well, I’d better get going,” Kevin said. He obviously felt the tension in the air.

  Sara walked him out to the door. “It was good seeing you again, Kevin. We’ll have to do this more often.” Kevin merely nodded and left.

  Sara returned to the bedroom. “Philip?” He was facing away from her, so she approached him gingerly. Touching his arm, she said, “Honey, you seem upset. Is everything okay? Did something happen in physical therapy?”

  He pulled his arm out of her grasp and took a step away from her. “I don’t think you ever mentioned Kevin.”

  “Well, maybe not by name, but I’m sure I—”

  Cutting her off, he asked, “Did the two of you ever date?”

  “Well, I’m not sure I’d classify it as dating.”

  “Is he the one other guy you told me you slept with?”

  Sara’s eyes flashed. Now she saw where this line of questioning was heading.

  He finally turned to face her. “Answer me, Sara!” His tone was about as sharp as she’d ever heard him. “It’s a yes or no question.”

  She looked at him for a long moment before slowly nodding.

  He placed his tongue in his cheek and thought for a minute. “And you brought him back to my room?”

  “I thought this was our room,” she protested. “Philip! He’s just a friend. We hadn’t seen each other for a while and I ran into him on campus today.”

  “I repeat. And you brought him back to my bedroom?”

  She placed her hands on her hips. “Am I on the witness stand or something?” Sara had used up her patience on Kevin, and now her defensiveness was surfacing. “Yes! I obviously brought him back to the room. Like I said, he’s a friend.”

  “He’s more than a friend, Sara.”

  “No! He’s not.”

  “He’s your ex-boyfriend.”

  She rolled her eyes. “He was never my boyfriend.” He was just a means to an end—the end of her virginity—but she didn’t admit that out loud. Instead, she said, “Well, not really. We just…we were um…involved for a short time. A very short time. Honey, you can’t possibly be jealous of Kevin.”

  “Damn right I am,” he snapped. “I walk into my room and find my girlfriend on the bed with her ex, when there’s a perfectly good sofa out there!” He gestured toward the outer room. “Why would you bring him in here? Get real, Sara. Who wouldn’t be jealous?”

  “You’re making it sound like you walked in on us having sex. We were just sitting!” she shouted. “I can’t believe you’re blowing this out of proportion.”

  “I don’t want you seeing him again. Is that understood?”

  Her jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me right now? You’re going to dictate to me who I can and can’t be friends with?”

  “Just who you can’t be friends with. And there’s only one person on that list so far.”

  “Kevin isn’t someone you need to be jealous of.”

  “Oh? Let me ask you something. Suppose you came home from…wherever. A class. You walk in”—he gestured toward the door, then the bed—“and there I am, sitting on this bed right here with an old girlfriend. Or any girl for that matter. How would you feel?”

  Sara looked downward and nodded. “I wouldn’t like it,” she murmured quietly. She looked back up at him. “I was never in love with Kevin.”

  “Doesn’t matter.”

  No, it didn’t matter. The truth was, she could see Philip’s point. She didn’t like it, but she understood. “It never occurred to me that I could do anything to make you jealous, Philip. I never think of myself as someone who could make anyone jealous.” Tears blurred her eyes as she looked at him. “I guess my inexperience is showing. You're the first real boyfriend I've ever had and I can be a little naive sometimes.”

  “I don't buy it,” he said, folding his arms across his chest. His tone was still cold. “You're too smart to be naive.”

  “But it's true. You know it is.”

  He remained expressionless, his jaw still set. This incident brought to mind the way she felt on New Year’s Eve when she saw him kissing another girl. And now here he was, his surgery just a couple of days away, and she didn’t want to fight with him. She wanted him to be upbeat and optimistic. His attitude was very important to the outcome of his procedure. She needed to defuse the situation. “I’m sorry Philip. You’re right. That was thoughtless of me. I didn’t mean to upset you. You know that, right?”

  Philip nodded and sat down on the bed. “You’re not the only one who has insecurities,” he said quietly.

  Sara sat down beside him and ran her hand up and down his back. When he leaned into her, she put her arms around him and whispered, “I love you. You’re the only guy I’ve ever loved.”

  Relaxing in her arms, he inhaled deeply and returned the hug.

  “Are we okay now?” She held her breath, waiting for the answer.

  He leaned away and touched her cheek, wiping a tear with his thumb. “Yeah. We’re okay.” He leaned closer and kissed her softly. When he broke the kiss, he stroked her hair and smiled. “I was planning to ask if you wanted to go out to DeLuca’s tonight. Just pizza, but I think we both can use a change of scenery.”

  Sara squeezed his hand on top of her cheek and exhaled. “Pizza would be awesome.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  After returning home from the pizzeria, Philip got into bed and scanned the online sports news sites on his tablet while Sara showered and changed. By the time she came to bed, he had already fallen asleep, holding his tablet. Not wanting to wake him, she gently removed the tablet from his hands and set it on the nightstand. S
he climbed into bed as quietly as she could, hoping she wouldn’t disturb him. Poor guy hardly slept through the night these days.

  In the middle of the night, Sara woke up to find Philip holding her tightly, his hand gripping her bare upper arm in his sleep.

  She took the time to just look at his sleeping face. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she could see he looked troubled, even in sleep. His brow was knit, his jaw was clenched, and his breathing was irregular. He was worried, and so was she. She wiped away a teardrop from her cheek before it dripped on Philip’s skin.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, touching her chin with the index finger on his free hand.

  Sara looked up and forced a smile. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “I wasn’t really sleeping.” He shook his head. “Tell me, sweetheart. Why are you crying?”

  His tenderness brought her emotions to the surface. She had planned to keep her feelings to herself, but she was tired and emotional, so she decided to come clean. Between sobs, she said, “I didn’t want it to be like this. I didn’t want your football career to end, but—”

  “But what?” he asked, searching her face in the dark. He caressed her cheek.

  “I didn’t want it to continue either.”

  He leaned away. “What?”

  “If you went pro, I’d lose you. I’d lose you forever.”

  Philip pushed himself up on the pillow into a sitting position, so Sara sat up too. “Why would you say that?” he asked.

  Sniffling, she rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. “Because you’d end up in a different city and you’d be on the road half the year, and I wouldn’t be following you,” she admitted. “I told you, I’m not the groupie type.”

  Chuckling, Philip said, “Trust me, I know you’re not.”