Guns & Smoke

by Lauren Sevier

  I opened my mouth to tell him to go sleep next to Jesse if he was cold, but the look on his sweet, sleeping face made the words die on my lips. Whatever remnants of a heart I had left tugged sharply at the sight. I ran my fingers through his hair, marveling at how the flickering firelight made it change colors. That was how I fell asleep, brushing my fingers through his hair and staring at his innocent face, wondering whether, if someone had protected me when I was his age, I would have turned out differently.

  The heat of the next day was brutal. As much as we sweat, our shirts were never wet for long. The sun beat down, baking the moisture off our skin. I pushed them hard, even harder than the day before. Just the simple knowledge of a settlement ahead made me yearn for a shower. I daydreamed about the water, sluicing down my back and ridding me of the layer of dust and sand that’d inevitably found its way onto every inch of my skin.

  By mid-afternoon, the heat was making me crazy. I glanced over at the boys; my eyes lingered on The Kid. His eyes were glazed, and his body swayed in front of Jesse as we rode. Jesse stared hard towards the horizon, mesmerized by the way the heat of the day could wave and flicker in the air.

  “We need to find a place to stop,” I said finally, my voice an unattractive croak. I licked my lips, even though I knew it would only make them crack and bleed. My thirst was a living thing, trying to claw its way out from my dry throat. But I’d bested this beast before.

  We settled in a small thicket of shrubs. My head swam, and my body shook as I dismounted, the lack of food and water taking its toll. I should have eaten the night before. Silently I cursed my lack of endurance. I fought against my thirst, taking only one swallow. I could’ve downed the entire canteen. Conservation was key until we came upon the settlement.

  Passing the canteen to Jesse, I thought over the route again. I’d pushed them hard, but if they could keep up the pace for a little while longer, we could make it to the smoke column by nightfall. I glanced at Jesse, noticing dark circles beneath his eyes and how unfocused he seemed today. He hadn’t slept again last night. Even though he hadn’t said anything, I recognized the signs. Something bad had happened back on his farm. He was running from it as furiously as I was running from Sixgun. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t said anything; I knew what it felt like to have your past chase you into your dreams. I also knew his body couldn’t handle much more stress today. The Kid wandered off, probably to relieve himself, and Jesse turned to face me.

  “How much farther?” he asked, screwing the cap back on the canteen. His voice sounded as anxious as I felt; we were both ready to be out of the open expanse of desert.

  “Not far,” I said, my eyes sliding away from him.

  “How far is not far?” he asked again, irritated.

  “We could make it by nightfall if I pushed y'all, but...” I trailed off, biting back the words I knew would wound his pride.

  “But what? Can’t you just answer a fucking question?” he asked, pushing off of the ground to stand. My anger flared bright, nerves shot and body shaking from exhaustion.

  “You can’t make it through the fucking desert like this!” I shouted, pressing a finger into his chest to punctuate my point. The color drained from his face, and he fisted his hands at his sides as the hot words spilled from my mouth.

  “Excuse me?” he asked, angrily. I ran frustrated hands through my hair and gritted my teeth.

  “You haven’t slept in days; earlier I thought you were gonna fall off your damn horse,” I said, ticking one of my fingers before barreling on. “The Kid isn’t used to the heat, and it’s taking way more outta him than it ought to. And you both don’t seem to have any concept of rationing. So, we need to find high ground, make camp, and eat some dinner before either of you keel over and don’t get up again!” My chest heaved as my anger subsided into a steady pulse. His eyes darkened as they scoured my flushed cheeks.

  “If we do that, will you actually eat tonight?” he asked, an accusatory tone turning the words into an insult. They shocked me all the same. He noticed how little I’d eaten?

  “What do you care?” I asked him, arms crossing over my chest defensively.

  “I don’t!” he shouted. A moment of silence pressed heavy between us before his eyes hardened at me. “I just don’t want you to die of a heatstroke and leave us stranded in the fucking desert.”

  Heat rose in my cheeks, and I ground my teeth together as I realized he thought I was weak. My arms shook as I clenched back the urge to hit him in his smug face.

  “I’m used to going hungry,” I ground out, infuriated past caring about what came tumbling out of my mouth next.

  “I guess it’s settled, then,” he spat, a muscle twitching near his jaw.

  “Fine!” I shouted again, hands flinging wildly into the air. “I can’t wait to get to Roswell and be rid of you.”

  “Then fucking guide us there!”

  The urge to stomp my boot into the hard-packed sand beneath my feet was nearly impossible to quell, until I heard the sound of a rattle in the bushes. My anger fell away like a heavy blanket, my senses sharpening in an instant. I knew that sound.

  “Which way did The Kid go?” I asked, panic softening my voice as my eyes dropped to the shrubs at our feet, searching furiously for any sign of the snake nearby. I picked up a branch and snapped it until I had one long length of wood with a forked end. Jesse motioned in the direction the rattle was coming from.

  “Shit.” I swore. Jesse’s hand gripped my upper arm tight, and he spun me to face him. “Don’t panic.” I shook off his hard grip and then led him slowly toward The Kid, whimpering as he faced down a furious-looking rattlesnake. Jesse tensed beside me, and I pressed a hand to his chest, a silent command to let me handle it. The snake curled, fangs bared, preparing to strike. Raking in a deep breath, I crouched low and walked forward as slowly as I possibly could.

  “Kid,” I whispered, breath coming hard, pulse rushing in my ears. “Don’t move a muscle. You don’t wanna scare the snake.” He nodded so slightly I could barely tell he moved at all.

  “Screw the snake,” Jesse hissed, his panic making my heart slam against my ribs. I glared at him, and his voice died in his throat. Calmly I positioned myself behind the snake, crouching low. I sucked in a nervous breath, then struck. The next moment it was twisting and jerking below the forked part of the branch, and I snapped at The Kid impatiently.

  “My knife, Kid.”

  He hesitated, wavering on his feet at the sight of the snake.

  “Now,” I growled, stepping on the head of the snake with my boot to keep his jaw shut and fangs sheathed. I held my palm flat, and The Kid pressed my blade to it tenderly. “Rule number two: Never go anywhere without telling your crew.”

  He nodded furiously, backing away until he reached Jesse’s side.

  I made quick work of cutting the head from the body, relief flooding through me like a heatwave. I bent down to retrieve the long body from the ground, turning to them with a wicked grin.

  “Good goin’, Kid, you found dinner.” The disgust on their faces deepened the smile on mine. “Don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” I said with a chuckle. As I led the way back to camp, The Kid ran up to me, asking a thousand questions about snakes. I told him everything I could remember, ruffling his hair as he carried his snake with a reverent expression in his eyes.

  Jesse was quiet, which could’ve meant a thousand things. We barely knew each other, after all. I didn’t want every conversation with him to turn into a shouting match like earlier. I noticed an aloe plant and cut off a long leaf with my knife. Without asking, I split it open and moved towards Jesse, pressing the slimy insides to the back of his neck where the sun burned him the worst. His eyes fluttered closed at the relief it provided.

  “I get that you don’t trust me,” I said. His eyes opened to regard me carefully. “I wouldn’t either, considering how we met.” I shifted nervously on my feet. “I gave you my word. That might not mean much to you, but out here... it’
s pretty much all we have left of value. I won’t go back on it.”

  I didn’t wait to see if he was going to respond; instead, I turned towards camp and showed The Kid how to prepare the snake for dinner, giving him the rattle when we finished.

  In his excitement, he threw his arms around my neck and pulled me abruptly into a tight hug. The contact was startling and unfamiliar. I was shocked into stillness as my mind raced. How did someone react when a child hugged them so tightly? I patted him affectionately on the shoulder until he finally released me. Jesse’s eyes glowed at me from across the fire, amusement etched deep in the angles of his face. He was laughing at me.

  I cleared my throat and focused on the task at hand, trying to hide the blush on my cheeks. Soon enough, we were sharing what was left of the bread and the roasted rattlesnake. Jesse eyed his warily while The Kid ate with gusto. I tried not to let the satisfaction of a full belly show on my face but failed miserably. It was no time at all until The Kid leaned forward, more questions glinting in his bright eyes.

  “How do you know so much about the desert?” he asked, shaking the rattle. I sighed, licking the last bit of flavor from my thumb before leaning back and contemplating my answer.

  “Beck, mostly. She grew up around here and used to teach me survival skills when we both ran with the same crew.” I offered him a soft smile.

  “What about guns, and how you knocked out that guy in Vegas? Did she teach you all that too?” My mood darkened, and I heard the echo of my younger self, sobbing in that dark trunk. The chill crept in, and a shiver raced down my spine. Instead of answering, I just shook my head. His questions always turned just personal enough to keep the specter of my past close.

  “How about I tell you about crater beasts instead?” I noted the amazement in his eyes as he shuffled closer. “You know about the Culling, right?” He nodded, so I picked up a small stone and cleared the sand in front of me. “When the bombs dropped, they made craters in the earth,” I explained, letting the stone fall from my hand to the sandy ground. As it made impact, a puff of dust rose and rolled from the place the stone had fallen, showing a miniature crater. Picking the stone up, I tossed it to The Kid, who fumbled but caught it.

  “Inside the craters, strange plants and beasts grow wild, fed on the radiation from the bombs.” I let my voice soften, adding an air of mystery as I leaned real close to him. “Creatures the likes of which no one’s seen before. No two alike, and they all have a ravenous taste for human flesh.” He gasped, and I leaned back from him as his eyes widened. “Wild gator dogs with tail spikes as long as Jesse’s arms and skin so hard even bullets can’t pierce it.”

  “Have you seen a crater beast?” he asked, his words coming in puffs on the cold air. I shook my head, and disappointment dropped his shoulders low.

  “If I’d come face-to-face with a crater beast, I wouldn’t be here to tell you about it, Kid,” I said, chuckling and ruffling his hair affectionately.

  “Well, I’d stick ‘em with my knife!” he said, realizing he didn’t have it and ducking his head sheepishly. I handed it over, hilt first, and watched as he snapped it carefully in place. He checked three more times that it was still there before bedtime. The temperature dropped so rapidly I could see my breath fog in front of me as he settled into his bedding for the night. I tucked the blankets up around his chin.

  Jesse’s eyes were on me again; without acknowledging him, I could tell. His gaze felt like the brush of his calloused hands on my skin, a startling awareness that’d become too frequent. His eyes were always on me. It’d grown comfortable, to be watched so closely by him. Familiar.

  “You should try to get some sleep tonight,” I said softly into the darkness, knowing he’d heard me. I turned my face into my bedroll and let exhaustion drive me into a deep sleep.

  The next morning, I woke before the sun was up. I shot nearly off my bedroll and clutched my left arm, a cold sweat breaking out on my skin. It was just a dream.

  The Kid grunted and rolled over from my movements, blinking sleepily into wakefulness. I took a steady breath and gave him a smile, shaking off the tremors from the nightmare that haunted me. He grumbled at the early hour, but when I stood and began packing up camp, careful not to wake Jesse, he helped.

  The sun peeked over the horizon, the sky lightening with the telltale signs of morning. It would be daylight soon, and we needed to get on the trail before the sun was too high. I hated to wake Jesse, though, knowing how little he was sleeping. After a long moment, I decided it was time and walked over to him while The Kid finished tying bedrolls to saddles.

  I knelt down, brushing a long lock of sandy hair from his forehead as he breathed deep and even. He looked so serene, the harsh lines of his face softening into that peaceful expression I’d noticed the day before. His hand reached out to grip mine before I could pull it back, and my heart leapt into my throat. He dragged my palm to his chin and then to his mouth, pressing his lips unconsciously against the pulse on the inside of my wrist. He inhaled deeply, drinking the scent of my skin into his lungs. His eyes cracked open to lock on my face, flushed from being caught touching him while he was sleeping. Confusion flittered in those brilliant blue eyes of his, settling into recognition. It was a pity; he almost looked happy to see me before he realized who I was.

  “Sorry,” I said, fumbling over the word and pulling my hand out of his grip. “T-the sun is up and we need to get goin’.” I rocked back onto the balls of my feet and turned towards the horses before I could embarrass myself any further. Swinging up onto my mustang, I tried not to notice the way he stretched as he stood. Or the line of flesh that peeked from beneath his shirt near the line of his jeans when he moved that way.

  What was wrong with me? When did I start stumbling over words or blushing over the sight of a man’s stomach? I continued to beat myself up silently during the ride that morning, until the air dried out and the sun’s unrelenting blaze battered all thoughts of anything but the heat.

  The smoke billowed high just beyond the next hill. Close enough to withstand another hour of the heat. The direction of the wind changed, whipping past my cheeks and bringing with it a scent that stilled my heart. I pulled on the reins, stopping my horse short as the acrid stench wafted over me. It was char and rot and something sweet enough to curdle your stomach. A scent you never forgot. I turned to Jesse to suggest an alternate plan, but the words died on my tongue.

  His knuckles were bleached white from his furious grip on the reins of his horse. His body so tense I felt sure he would snap in half. Without a word or a glance, just the tight lines of his body, I knew he recognized that scent too. The smell of burning human flesh.

  Fire. The Kid said he was afraid of fire when I taught him to shoot. Jesse’s eyes snapped to mine, fierce and determined. A mask of bravado I knew intimately, meant to cover the worst hurts that would never heal. We’d seen this smoke two days ago. This wasn’t just a single funeral pyre, but a tragedy.

  There was nothing I could say to Jesse that would lessen the pain of remembering whatever they’d run from. So I nodded and tucked the collar of my shirt up around my nose, digging my heels into the side of my mount and moving forward.

  We needed supplies to get through this desert. No one said it would be easy. I made them both a promise: to help them survive. No matter what lay beyond that hill, I was going to keep it.

  Chapter Six - Jesse

  “What is that?” Harry asked, turning up his nose to the heavy air. I didn’t respond. The desert fractured; Bonnie and The Kid, the tan soil and dark smoke, it all disappeared. Instead, the Montana night enveloped me, returning me to the place I was born.

  I shivered against the night air, wishing we could light a fire. It wasn’t safe. We would have to wait until the spring sun came up to chase the chill away.

  “I want Mom,” Harry said through chattering teeth. We didn’t have time to grab our jackets before leaving in a hurry.

  “Tough,” I said as we rounded the trees
that led to the church where Clara’s father preached on Sunday mornings. My first thought was to go to the church for help.

  It was burning. Everything was burning.

  Flames crackled and wood groaned. My heart twisted at the thought of Clara and her family. Had the same men that burned down our house come here? The roof of the church caved in, sending sparks into the night sky. Smoke rose in giant plumes, blotting out the full moon just above the horizon.

  Had Clara and her family gotten out in time? Their house was connected to the church. I broke into a sprint, barely conscious of my brother’s attempt to keep up. My boots crunched through gravel until I neared the double front doors of the church.

  Chains. A padlock.

  Heat radiated from within. I couldn’t get any closer, or it would burn me. Harry’s feet skidded, sending a spray of rocks into the air. I stuck an arm out in front of him, looking into his eyes. The fear in them was mirrored in my chest. They couldn’t have escaped.

  “Come on,” I said, pulling him away from the burning building. Our feet sank into the soft dirt of a freshly planted field as the horizon lightened.

  “I’m not going,” Harry said.

  I walked for a minute before realizing that he sat in the middle of the field, arms crossed. Obstinate as ever. I doubled back, shaking my head in frustration.

  “Come on,” I said. We couldn’t stay here. If those men came back, we couldn’t outrun them.

  “I’m not going,” he repeated.

  “Then I guess you’ll starve, won’t you?” I’d been on edge the entire night. There was a bone-deep weariness inside of me, but we had to keep moving. We had to get as far away from our home as we could.

  “We have to go back for them,” he said, voice cracking. His bottom lip trembled. Emotions welled in my throat, words threatening to spill out. I balled my hands into fists at my sides. How could I tell him they weren’t there anymore? Harry needed comfort, but that was something I couldn’t give him.