Guns & Smoke

by Lauren Sevier

  “Oh, okay. So I guess you don’t wanna hear about the great snapping lion turtles?” I asked, until he begged me to describe the beast. I’d kept my eyes carefully trained away from Jesse as he spit sunflower seed shells during the ride. Truthfully, I was still upset with him from last night.

  My thoughts took a dark turn as the merriment ebbed and flowed. I’d told Jesse more last night than I’d told anyone. Part of me wondered if now that he knew me, saw me clearly, he couldn’t handle my brokenness. Maybe what he saw was so ugly, he didn’t want me. As soon as those thoughts came, The Kid was asking for another story and lifting my mood again.

  “Hey, Bonnie?” The Kid asked. I should’ve probably been annoyed at his questions, but honestly, I was grateful for the time with him before we parted ways. I would miss his inquiring mind.

  “Where are you going to go?” he asked, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth, eyebrows furrowed low over his eyes.

  “I was thinking about St. Louis,” I said with a shrug. “Word has it the gangs were chased out a few years ago. Not havin’ to run may be the closest I ever get to an apple pie kind of life.”

  “Me and Jesse could come too!” The Kid exclaimed, nearly unseating himself from the saddle. Jesse choked on a sunflower seed. I would’ve glared, but I refused to look at him after last night.

  “Sorry, Kid, but I think it’s best if you do a little growin’ up first. Besides, you know better than anyone it takes a lot of hard work to become an outlaw,” I said. He nodded, deep in thought.

  “What about Eagle?” he asked. “Your horse. What if we name her Eagle?”

  “What’s an Eagle?” I asked, confused. Jesse laughed, and I looked at him for the first time this morning, hating how handsome his stupid face looked when he smiled. The heat that’d been muted during the ride flared bright and burned deep when he smiled at me. I bit my bottom lip hard, silently willing the flush in my face to dissipate. I’m not blushing. I can’t be blushing.

  “It’s a bird,” Jesse said. “Or it was. Our mom taught us about them.”

  “Yeah, that’s a great name, Kid. Eagle. I like it,” I said, my voice clipped through my fight to regain control of my senses. What was wrong with me?

  Flustered again, I twisted the reins until my knuckles were white. I needed to do something. Anything. To stop thinking about Jesse and how badly I wanted to kiss him. Sucking in a deep breath, I fixed Jesse with a flirtatious smile. He raised a bored eyebrow at me, obviously too used to my particular brand of coercion.

  “Hey, Jesse,” I said, my voice low and husky. “Wanna race?” I bit my lip. The Kid whooped and Jesse’s answering smile nearly unseated me. His playful grin would highlight my dreams for weeks to come.

  “You’re on,” he said. Before I could even think about it, I dug my heels recklessly into my mount. I let out a cry as the air whipped past, whistling in my ears. Eagle was born for this; I’d known since the first day I laid eyes on her. Leaning down, I urged her faster, keeping The Kid in the cage of my arms as he hung onto the saddle horn for dear life.

  The thrumming of the wind, the merciless pounding of Eagle’s hooves beneath us, and the synchronicity of the telltale beat of my heart connected me to this place, this moment. It was here, racing towards the unknown, that I came alive. That I remembered what life could feel like.

  Just when I forgot we were racing at all, I caught sight of Jesse’s mount from the corner of my eyes, nosing ahead. They were a sight to behold, Jesse bent low over his stallion, the both of them long and lean. The sun glinted off of his horse’s legs like burnished copper, and Jesse’s eyes shone as bright as a cloudless sky. I caught his gaze, wild and disastrous, racing together toward some inevitable culmination.

  We were the same. We were wild, untamable things. We were free.

  Together we crested the hill, slowing down, Jesse’s stallion having taken the lead in our race. Jesse threw his head back, crying out in victory. The Kid scrambled down from Eagle’s saddle to pepper him with wide-eyed questions.

  “You win some, you lose some,” I said, gulping in unsteady breaths.

  “I wanna ride with Jesse!” The Kid exclaimed, but Jesse wasn’t looking at him. He hadn’t stopped staring at me. I couldn’t break the intensity of his stare. I gulped. Squirming in my saddle as the unbearable heat stirred to life within me again. He stared at me like this wildness we’d touched had unchained something inside him, something that’d been there all along. Something I was responsible for. When he stared at me like that, I was naked beneath his scrutiny.

  I wanted to be naked beneath his body.

  Forcing my gaze awkwardly to the reins and readjusting my grip, I was able to close my eyes briefly and remember where I was. Get a grip. Jesse answered some of The Kid’s millions of questions, smiling at him affectionately. Suddenly, I realized how close I was to saying goodbye to them.

  They weren’t friends, not really, but they were as close as I would probably ever come. I would miss them. Shielding my eyes from the sun, I peered out over the horizon, my breath stilling at the sight before me.

  Spread out below us, a lake carved out its own basin from the red rock surrounding it, the water still and perfect like glass. It was a shade of blue so deep it was almost black, and reminded me of the bead I’d given Jesse last night. When he wouldn’t kiss me. The bitter thought swelled in the awe of the moment.

  I led Eagle down the path, marveling at the intensity of the colors of this place. As if life had burst forth in a kaleidoscope, almost too vibrant to look at directly. Most of the trees and shrubs had pale green foliage and branches that were short and wiry. The lichen clinging to the stones, however, was an emerald green so dark it reminded me of shadows in the forest. With the red rock looming around on all sides, the sounds were rounded in an ethereal way. Echoing endlessly back. Insects buzzed and chirped in a symphony of sounds, the quiet hum of life ever present. I led Eagle through a tuft of small purple flowers blooming in patches, almost obscuring the path. As if this place were completely forgotten, unknown to anyone. I thought, perhaps, this was the closest I would ever get to heaven.

  The thud of hooves catching up sounded on the gentle breeze. I dismounted quickly, letting Eagle drink her fill of the water, causing ripples on the surface. I laughed, the sound incredulous. Without hesitation, I pulled my boots off. For the first time since I could remember, I felt like maybe life could be about more than just surviving.

  In one slick motion, I pulled my shirt off and tossed it on top of my boots. I turned to make a sarcastic remark, but the words died. My body was shocked into sudden awareness. Jesse’s eyes were liquid heat, roving my curves with unmasked desire. Every nerve ending crackled like electricity inside my skin. The Kid splashed in the water, but I was burning alive.

  I licked my lips, as they’d suddenly gone dry. The motion brought his eyes to my mouth, and my pulse hammered in my ears. He swung off of his horse and slid onto his feet.

  “You comin’, farm boy?” I asked, breathless, popping the top button on my shorts. I took a bracing breath to steady myself. He’d rejected me last night, and I wanted him to regret it. Instead of fighting another losing battle against my traitorous body, I turned away and slid my shorts down over my legs. Picking up one of my boots, I whirled and threw it at him, nearly catching him in the chest, since he wasn’t paying attention to anything other than the view.

  “What was that for?” he asked, focusing back on my face.

  “For being a creep,” I said, a playful grin on my mouth.

  “If you didn’t want me to look, you should’ve kept your clothes on,” he said, dropping my boot. I backed slowly into the water until it was halfway up my calves.

  “Who said I didn’t want you to look?” I asked, enjoying the shock on his face at my blatant flirting. I turned to walk farther in, until the water was waist high, then dared a look back. I’d seen Jesse shirtless before; we’d glimpsed each other during changes in dark rooms or by dim campfire light. No
thing had prepared me for this.

  Jesse tossed his shirt off, and the air shifted wrong in my throat, choking me. Beneath the midmorning sun, every ridge and hollow in his labor-hardened body was on clear display. His lower abdominal muscles dipped towards the midline of his jeans. Desire pulsed hot within me, throbbed in every part of my body.

  I wanted to run my tongue down every groove and ridge on his chiseled torso. I wanted to wrap my legs around him and ride him like Eagle at a full gallop. I wanted to see that playful grin of his staring up at me from between my thighs. I wanted—

  Realization slammed into me, cooling my feverish skin better than the lake water ever could.

  I didn’t need Jesse. I didn’t need him to help me regain control of my body. I didn’t need him to distract me from nightmares or memories of my past. I didn’t need him to dull the sting of my loneliness. I wanted him.

  I wanted him.

  I wanted him to keep holding my hand. I wanted him to annoy me until I ate at night. I wanted to wake up next to him again tomorrow. I wanted him to want me back.

  Hot tears welled in my eyes. I ducked beneath the water so he couldn’t see. Because it didn’t matter how much I wanted Jesse. Today was our last day together, and I couldn’t have him.

  Chapter Twelve - Jesse

  Though I kept a cool mask on, I couldn’t help but wonder why Bonnie wasn’t speaking to me today. What had I done to piss her off? I thought after our conversation last night that things would be easier. Instead, she seemed determined to drive me crazy. From the short shorts she wore to how she bit her bottom lip when suggesting we race.

  Didn’t she know how she affected me? I tried to be indifferent, but by the time we got to the lake, I was dying. Especially watching her unclothe so seductively. I remembered the soft curves of her body and how she molded beneath my touch.

  I’d wanted her then, but not nearly as much as right now.

  All we had was today. When we got to Roswell, our arrangement would end. Maybe I could let myself enjoy it. Instead of forcing back the desire, I let it guide me. Bonnie dunked beneath the water, and I slid my boots off, then my jeans.

  The Kid splashed near her, calling for Bonnie to watch him. He flung himself backwards, sending up a large wave. When was the last time we went swimming? Though he was normally carefree, something about splashing around in the water reminded me of his youth and innocence.

  We deserved a break after everything we’d gone through.

  When she turned away, I adjusted myself before heading in. The water cooled my hot skin, a beautiful reprieve from the burning sun overhead. When the water reached my chest, Bonnie swam toward me, eyes alight with mischief. The expression caught me by surprise. She was usually serious, her eyes always alert with the next job, the next step. I hadn’t yet seen her look playful. I liked this side of her.

  Her hands slid onto my shoulders, and I narrowed my eyes playfully at her, wondering what she was doing. If she tried to kiss me, I couldn’t deny her again.

  Then she shoved me under.

  The water burned my eyes and throat. I came up to the surface sputtering, intent on seeking revenge. She tried to swim away from me, but I grabbed her around the waist, dragging her back against my chest. She was different today, as though her hard exterior had melted away and she felt free.

  “Not so fast,” I said, chuckling. I lifted her out of the water and tossed her away from me. When she surfaced, she splashed me in the face, grinning. I grinned back.

  “Let me jump from your shoulders!” The Kid exclaimed. I ducked beneath the water. He climbed on my shoulders, and I shot up, sending him into the water. He resurfaced, smiling and begging to be thrown again. So I did. Again and again until he tired of it and swam farther out into the lake.

  I liked seeing them like this. It was a welcome change of pace. And a good way to delay Bonnie’s departure.

  “This was a good idea,” I said to her.

  “Do I have any other kind?” she asked with a flirtatious smile. Bonnie usually didn’t flirt; she belittled, insulted, and teased me at every opportunity. Instead of answering, I darted toward her.

  “Jesse! Don’t you dare!” she warned, but I didn’t listen. Using both hands, I dunked her beneath the water. She came up sputtering. I only felt slightly bad.

  “Jerk,” she grumbled, still smiling at me.

  “Tease,” I said, remembering the heat in her eyes as she’d undressed in front of me, as though it was for me.

  “Flirt,” she said.

  “You started it.”

  “You liked it.”

  “Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart,” I said, lifting my eyebrows suggestively.

  “Maybe I will.” She bit her bottom lip and moved toward me. My gaze fell to her mouth, to that damn lip. She had no idea how much I wanted to bite that lip. I reached hands beneath the water to grab her hips, but before I could act on my impulses, The Kid swam up.

  “Guys!” His eyes were wide with excitement; his mouth opened to say something. I put my hand on top of his head and shoved him beneath the water, holding him there before squaring off with Bonnie again.

  “Jesse! Let him up,” she said.

  “In a minute, we’re not done,” I said. Bonnie grabbed my forearm, but I didn’t move.

  “You’re gonna kill him!”

  “He’s fine. Now, where were we?” I asked with a smirk.

  “Let him up or I’ll stop arguing with you.” Though her features were serious, I could tell by the look in her eyes that she enjoyed every second of it.

  “Somehow I seriously doubt that.” One of the most enjoyable things about us was the playful banter. Even when it wasn’t playful, sparring with her was the highlight of my day. Bonnie pushed against my ribs, sending me backward. I let go of my brother and he resurfaced, gasping for air.

  “You could have killed me!” The Kid said. His face cracked into a grin, so he couldn’t have been that mad.

  “No. Way. Jesse James is ticklish?” She darted for me again, and I squirmed away.

  “I’m not ticklish. You’re just getting handsy,” I said, unable to wipe away my grin even if I wanted to. She reached toward me again, but I caught her hands, trapping them in my own. I moved a step closer to her. Bonnie couldn’t touch the bottom, but I could.

  “My hands never bothered you before,” she said, her voice deeper. Her eyes darkened as she looked at me.

  I didn’t kiss her last night. Every time I didn’t kiss her, I regretted it. I was tired of regretting it. I tipped my head toward her. One of the horses whinnied, breaking the moment. Bonnie slipped out of my grip, murmuring something about tying them off. I watched her swim toward shore. Water slid down her body; the sun glinted off of her skin, highlighting her better features. Specifically, her ass. I’d appreciated it many, many times since meeting her, but seeing it barely clothed almost undid me. I cupped my hands together, then splashed water over my face. I needed to calm down.

  “Jesse! Throw me!” my brother shouted. I turned my attention from Bonnie, who was tying the horses to a nearby tree.

  “Not right now, Kid,” I said. Harry narrowed his eyes at me.

  “What?” I asked.

  “You called me Kid,” he said with a grin.

  Honestly, I hadn’t noticed. It came out so easily.

  “I guess I did,” I said, sparing another glance at Bonnie, who stroked Eagle’s mane. I appreciated the curve of her hips for a long moment.

  “Why don’t we grab some food?” I called out to The Kid.

  I didn’t know when it became my responsibility to make sure everyone ate or drank or slept. But I didn’t mind. Especially if it got me closer to a nearly naked Bonnie.

  “Nah,” The Kid said, swimming away. Bonnie’s back still faced me. Our time grew ever short. I wondered if maybe she was glad for the delay, but then again, I could have just hoped she didn’t want to leave us. Something scaly slithered past my leg. I saw movement in the clear water. Fish. />
  “Hey, Bon,” I called. “Ever been fishing?” My voice carried over the silent oasis. She picked her head up from Eagle to look at me.

  “No. Why would I? I grew up in the desert, idiot,” she said. A smile crossed her face. I walked through the mud and onto the warm bank.

  “It’s easy,” I said, grabbing the large knife she’d given to Harry. She scoffed at me, but I ignored it.

  “Hey, Kid! Guess we get to teach Bonnie something for once. Want to do some fishing?”

  My brother hollered and headed for the shore. When I glanced at Bonnie, there was a scowl on her lips, but her eyes glimmered at me. I smirked before searching through the sparse trees that dotted the shore of the lake. I cut a couple of branches into sturdy lengths, then got to work.

  Twenty minutes and a lot of ingenuity later, I had a couple of rough looking fishing poles. The Kid stood nearby, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

  “These don’t have a fancy reel like the ones Pop had. We’ll have to work at it,” I said.

  “You look like Pop,” The Kid said suddenly.

  The words smacked me in the chest. “What?”

  “When you smiled like that.” My brother grinned, then bounded off toward a small rock embankment on one side of the lake. I didn’t have a chance to digest the words.

  “C’mon,” I said, grabbing Bonnie by the wrist.

  “Now who’s getting handsy?” she asked with a grin. I flashed a smile at her as we joined The Kid on the hot rocks. Though the underside of my thighs burned, it was nothing compared to the flush of my skin as Bonnie slid down beside me, her leg against mine. I was keenly aware of the contact, to the point that I forgot I was supposed to be doing something. Vaguely, my mind registered faint scars crisscrossing her ribs on one side. I looked at her; she stared back through her eyelashes. My brother said something, which shocked me back to the moment.

  “Want a go?” I asked Bonnie, holding the rod toward her.

  “Oh! Jesse! I got one!” The Kid shouted beside me. I didn’t have a chance to question the barb on Bonnie’s tongue and the mischief in her eyes.