How to Knock Up Your Nurse: A Billionaire Secret Baby Romantic Comedy

by Melinda Minx

  “This lady sounds very very specific, Uncle Silas,” she’d said. “What color is her hair?”

  And now I had a fucking kid with her.

  Elijah.

  A boy full of energy, curiosity, and strength. My little boy.

  “Fuck,” I whispered.

  “Does the kid know?” Noah asked.

  I shook my head. “He just called me ‘Jiu Jitsu Guy.’”

  “I think he should probably know,” Noah said. “I mean, you want him to, right?”

  I nodded. “Emily said we’ll tell him tomorrow.”

  “Four-year-olds understand things really well. Sometimes you don’t think they do because they can’t talk quite well enough to express everything, but they know. Even Ava already knows way more than she lets on. He’ll understand it when you tell him.”

  Noah got up from the table and poured us each another drink. We were at his place, and Lacey was gone to pick Naomi up from school.

  “Any advice?” I asked.

  “Like how to tell him?” Noah asked.

  I shrugged.

  “Naomi was so little when I found out I had her. I didn’t exactly have to tell her. I just kind of picked her up and held her. I’d just go with your gut, man.”

  “What should I wear?”

  Noah grinned at me. “He’s a 4-year-old. I don’t think he gives a shit what you wear.”

  “He’s going to remember this moment for the rest of his life. I’m thinking a Sefano Ricci tie, Testoni shoes—”

  Noah held up a hand. “He’s not going to remember that shit, man. He’d probably be most excited if you dressed up like Chase from Paw Patrol. Kids don’t care about what you are wearing, Silas. Just be yourself with him. He’ll remember the way you smiled at him. He’ll remember if you made him laugh.”

  “Emily’s going to be there too.”

  “You think she really cares what Italian designer shoes you wear? If she were that kind of woman, she would have already come at you looking for money. It’s the same thing with her, just be Uncle Silas instead of ‘Mr. Winters, CEO.’ Mr. Winters is a dick, but Uncle Silas? He’s a pretty good guy.”

  I nodded. “Alright, man, I think you’re making some good points. So I’m thinking maybe I can buy him a Paw Patrol toy instead of dressing up like Chase.”

  11

  Emily

  “We’re so glad you’re back,” Nadia said, “look at those two playing together!”

  Nadia was one of the nurses I worked with before I moved. We had been pretty close, but now we both had kids who were almost the same age. Her little girl, Tessy, was barely a year older than Elijah.

  Tessy was sitting in a little chair and pretending to drive. “Vroom, vroom!” she said. “Watch out!”

  Elijah pretended to get hit by the car. He fell onto the ground and grabbed his leg. “Oh! My leg! Ah! My Leg!”

  “The ambulance is coming now!” Tessy shouted. She mimicked the siren sounds. “Wooo Wooo Woo! Beep beep!”

  She pretended to take off her seat belt and jumped out of the chair. “Where are you hurt?”

  “My knee! You hit my knee!”

  “That wasn’t me! That was the bad car driver, Elijah. I am the EMT now. I drive the ambulance, and I’m gonna help you.”

  “My knee!”

  I took a sip of my coffee and smiled back up at Nadia. “So guess what happened yesterday?”

  “What?”

  I leaned in closer and whispered. “We ran into his dad.”

  Her eyes widened. “The billionaire?”

  “His name is Silas.”

  “Billionaire. Billion.”

  I snapped my fingers in her face. “I’m trying really hard not to think about that part.”

  “I’m a single mom, and I’m still a nurse, not a doctor. I’d gladly take a millionaire, but this guy has over 999 millions.”

  “I’m aware of how big a billion is.”

  “And you said he’s big too, right.”

  I laughed. “You are fixated on all the important stuff, aren’t you, Nadia? He was great with Elijah. It almost felt as if Elijah took one look at him and just knew this was his dad.”

  I doubted Elijah was at all listening to anything I was saying, but we both spoke in hushed tones, which were almost entirely drowned out by Elijah and Tessy’s loud little kid voices.

  “So he’s got billions of dollars, a big dick—”

  “I never specifically said that!”

  “Your red cheeks are telling me he does. Anyway, he’s got all that going for him, and he’s good with Elijah? What’s the problem here?”

  “I’m scared! It’s all too good to be true. When I first saw him looking at Elijah, I was imagining him being furious with me for keeping the secret. He wasn’t though. He just seemed over the moon to be looking at his little boy.”

  “Does this guy have a brother?” she asked.

  “God,” I whispered, “I don’t even know. We only spent one night together—”

  “There’s no way you didn’t Google stalk the shit out of him.”

  “Okay, so I know basically everything about him. At least what’s available on Google, Facebook, Instagram, his company’s website…he has two brothers.”

  “Is one of them a billionaire?”

  “I know you are hoping to get hooked up with a billionaire, Nadia, and I promise if I get a chance I will do my best to introduce you to one, but let’s focus on me right now.”

  “You go from Emily to Doctor Engel and suddenly it’s all about you?”

  “I’m having a life-altering situation unfolding right in front of me. I need to figure out how to handle this! Should I be trying to date him again?”

  “Would you date him if it weren’t for Elijah?”

  “We’re moms, can you ever really hypothetically erase your kid?”

  “I sure can. Especially when she’s throwing a tantrum.”

  “Maybe I would date him if it weren’t for Elijah,” I said. “Okay, I definitely would date him.”

  “So then I think you should.”

  “But that’s hypothetical! Elijah is here. I can’t help but feel like it’s more responsible—like the ‘good mother’ thing to do—to just try to keep a good and friendly relationship with Silas so that Elijah’s mom and dad are both on good terms with each other. If we date and have some kind of messy breakup, then we might end up hating each other, and that will make everything worse for Elijah.”

  “Or you end up living in some penthouse in Manhattan, you get big billionaire dick every night, and you are a successful doctor that doesn’t even need to lean on your husband. You get to have literally everything, and Elijah gets to have two parents who not only get along with each other, but love each other and live together.”

  “You’re the devil on my shoulder, Nadia.”

  “The only devilish thing in that entire scenario I mentioned was the big dick part! Everything else sounded sweet and wholesome.”

  “Yeah, but you’re telling me to do the thing that I want to do. You should be arguing the other side to keep me balanced and considering both options! Also, don’t drop the L-word on me so early.”

  Elijah suddenly became a cop, and he chased Tessy in giant circles around the house. She was the robber, but she was also a year older than him, so Elijah was never going to catch up to her. He tried to be tricky and suddenly run in the other direction, but Tessy just giggled and turned around.

  “I didn’t say you love him now,” Nadia said, “I was painting a hypothetical and ideal scenario. One in which you both end up loving each other, are together, and Elijah has two parents.”

  I scowled at her, but cracked a smile. “You saying I’m not doing a good job on my own?”

  “I’m a single mom too. I’m allowed to say these things. If I were happily married and saying this to you, you’d have every right to slap me upside the head, but just between us two single moms, as good as we do, you know we want our kids to have a good dad. So h
ere is your real shot at having it. Every single mom fantasizes about the perfect man coming in and making everything better. The man that not only loves her, but loves being a father to his kid. You know Brian is never going to be that for me, so the best I can fantasize about is some random dude coming in and just really liking Tessy and me. If I found a plumber or an HVAC guy who made a clean six figures, I’d consider myself a Disney Princess, Emily. You’ve got a literal billionaire who just so happens to be your kid’s biological father,” she leaned in closer to me and said the last part in a very low, barely audible whisper, “so don’t fuck this up.”

  We waited at the aquarium on Coney Island. It was a warm day for Spring, which was good, because I was probably going to get wet.

  No, not like that.

  I was standing on the boardwalk with Elijah, and we were sharing a bag of popcorn while waiting for Silas to arrive. I had meant to arrive five or ten minutes early, but somehow I had been so nervous that I’d arrived almost an hour early, which was almost unheard of as a single mother with a four-year-old.

  I brought Elijah over to the railing so we could watch the ocean together.

  “Is it the Specific Ocean, Mommy?”

  “It’s not the Pacific. It’s the Lower Bay, technically, but it’s right on the Atlantic Ocean. We’re completely on the other side of the continent now. This is an entire other ocean than the one we saw in Alaska. Isn’t that cool?”

  “Yeah.” He nodded and narrowed his eyes, suddenly looking much older and wiser than a four-year-old, but he shattered the illusion by grabbing a big handful of popcorn and shoving it into his mouth. Only about half of the pieces made it in, and the other half fell onto the boardwalk or rolled off the end into the sand.

  I saw a tall figure far off near the water. I squinted at it, and somehow I knew it was Silas. He was too far away to know for certain, but there was something about the way he walked that gave it away.

  He was early too. I was early because I was nervous, but he must have been even more nervous than me.

  “Do you remember how I told you that you might meet your daddy some day, Elijah?”

  He looked up at me with cheeks full of popcorn, like a squirrel hoarding nuts, and nodded. He swallowed it down. “Yeah, I remember. Are we gonna meet him?”

  I nodded. “Come with me to the beach.

  I took his hand and walked him down the stairs onto the sand. As we walked closer, I became more and more certain it was Silas. He was wearing khaki shorts that showed off a good amount of thigh, a navy blue button-up shirt tucked into a leather belt, with almost half of the buttons undone. He had sunglasses on, so I couldn’t exactly tell when he first noticed us. Soon he had turned completely toward us though, and his already tense posture had gone completely stiff.

  I was wearing a skirt with a pink shirt, and a light cardigan to protect me from the wind. Elijah had on his blue windbreaker and grey pants. His shoes were light-up shoes, which he called his “robot shoes.”

  When he recognized Silas, he ran toward him, his shoes lighting up with each step. “Jiu Jitsu Guy!”

  Silas crouched down and gave Elijah a hug.

  “Can we fight, Jiu Jitsu Guy?”

  “Maybe later,” Silas said, “have you been eating popcorn?”

  “Yeah, I’m sharing with Mommy.”

  Silas smiled up at me, and I held the bag out for him to have some. He took a few pieces and popped them into his mouth. His eyes widened. “Mmm, that’s good!”

  I cleared my throat. “So, did you want to tell him? Or should I?”

  “What are you gonna tell me?” Elijah asked, “is there a surprise?”

  “Yes,” I said, “a big one.”

  “You can keep calling me Jiu Jitsu Guy,” Silas said, “as long as you want. But I’m your dad.”

  Elijah looked up at Silas, and then back up at me. He looked confused for a few moments, but then he smiled. “I got a daddy?”

  I nodded, trying to hold back tears, but failing.

  “I’ve got a son,” Silas said, grinning wide.

  “Jiu Jitsu Guy, you’re my daddy? Does that mean I can learn Jiu Jitsu?”

  Silas nodded. “As long as your mom says it’s okay.”

  “It’s okay,” I said, my voice breaking.

  “Do you think your mommy needs a hug?” Silas asked Elijah, putting a hand on his arm.

  “Hmm,” Elijah said. “I think it’s a good idea.”

  “Let’s hug her then.”

  Elijah ran up to me and wrapped his arms around me. He pressed his cheek up against me. Silas came next, and I fell into his arms and broad chest.

  “I’m getting your shirt wet,” I said, sniffling.

  He ran his hand through my hair, and his grip tightened on me. I squeezed him back tighter too.

  “Mommy, can Jiu Jitsu Daddy come with us to see the fishies?”

  “Woah!” Silas said, “Are we going to the aquarium?”

  Elijah let go of me and started running around us in a circle. “Come on! Stop hugging and let’s go! Let’s go everybody!”

  I reluctantly let go of Silas, our eyes met as we disentangled ourselves, and he smiled warm and inviting. His eyes flicked over toward Elijah, and he smiled even wider. “Did you hear that? Jiu Jitsu Daddy.”

  I laughed. “He comes up with some really fun stuff.”

  We walked together toward the aquarium. Even though that moment on the beach had felt very intimate, I still kept my distance as we walked. I kept my hands in the pockets of my cardigan so we wouldn’t end up holding hands. I was terrified I’d fall too fast and too hard for Silas and somehow mess things up for Elijah. I was thinking about what Nadia had said, and I really didn’t want to blow this shot I had at perfection by thinking with my pussy instead of my big doctor brain.

  It didn’t look like Elijah would have given Silas a chance to take my hand anyway. He started out standing on Silas’ foot and grabbing hold of his leg, riding on his foot with each step. Then he was making him “race,” and finally he was making him carry him piggyback.

  “Mommy!” Elijah shouted back to me, “Daddy is a better piggyback guy than you!”

  “He’s much stronger than me.”

  “And taller! I can see so up high!”

  “Sorry,” Silas said, giving me a sheepish grin. “What are you specializing in, Dr. Emily?”

  “Wound treatment,” I said.

  He laughed. “That is...fitting, but I was thinking you’d become a papilogist.”

  “A what? Is that someone who studies the Pope? I’m a doctor, Silas.”

  He grinned wide. “I Googled what the Latin word for nipple is. I thought if I was going to be a Dad, I should pre-prepare some dad jokes for our date.”

  I thought of shoving him, but since he had our kid on his shoulders, I decided against it.

  Silas gripped Elijah’s ankles to make sure he wouldn’t fall off his shoulders. “What is your favorite sea animal, Elijah?”

  “Shark!”

  “Woah! That’s my favorite one too.”

  “Really?”

  “Yep. I like scary animals.”

  “How about your favorite dinosaur?” Elijah asked.

  “I’m going to count to three, and we both say our favorite on three.”

  “One, two, three—”

  They both spoke at once. “T-rex!”

  Elijah laughed. “Mommy! Jiu Jitsu Guy has the same favorite dinosaur like me. We’re the same!”

  One of the first things we did in the aquarium was going through the big glass tunnel beneath the water. Above and around us on all sides we could see the colorful fish swimming around. Elijah pointed and called out the names of all the different sea animals he saw.

  “Jelly fish! Crab!”

  Silas put a hand on Elijah’s shoulder and gently turned him to the side. “Shark!”

  “Shark! Shark! Mommy look, it’s a shark!”

  The shark swam closer to us. It started out looking weird and di
storted because it was further away through the curved glass, but soon it swam up right to the glass.

  “Look at all those teeth,” Silas whispered.

  Elijah smiled and jumped up and down. “So scary!”

  The shark swam up and over the glass, and I heard kids in front of us start to scream and giggle as it swam further down the tunnel.

  After we cleared the tunnel, there was a big indoor playground with different activities and stations for kids. There was a whole section where the kids were supposed to put on rubber aprons so they could play in the water without getting their clothes wet. I went to help Elijah put one of the aprons on, but he shook his head. “No, mommy! I do it myself.”

  “Okay.”

  He struggled for fifteen or twenty seconds. “Can Daddy help me?”

  Silas nodded and stepped forward. He got Elijah’s hands through the apron and tied the back.

  Elijah took Silas around to all of the water activities. They had water that you could rearrange, little boats you could build and take apart, a water vortex tank, and ramps with water where kids could learn how to redirect flowing water with various plastic barriers.

  I stayed back a bit and let Silas spend some quality time with Elijah. After twenty minutes or so, Elijah became extremely transfixed while trying to make the water on the ramp flow a certain way. I whispered behind Silas’ shoulder. “You can sit down now.”

  “I’m okay here,” he whispered back.

  I grabbed his hand. “Come on.”

  I didn’t mean to actually hold his hand. I was just trying to get him to come with me, but now that I’d taken it, he squeezed back, and we held hands as we walked toward a bench.

  There were a lot of benches all around the activity area, full of parents watching their kids—or more commonly—looking at their phones.

  “You’ve gotta take a break when you can,” I said, sitting down.