by Mia Ford
I lost my friends, my grades, my boyfriend, myself... all for someone who didn’t want me. Since then I’ve been on dates but if they aren’t Prince Charming they don’t get to stick around for long. I don’t have time for that. I cannot put my faith in someone unless I know for certain I can trust them.
“Yeah, I haven’t had many relationships either.”
As Ben answers me, I’m shocked. I would think that he has a different girl on his arm all the time... but maybe he does, he just doesn’t let them in. I might not have led that lifestyle myself, but I know there’s a big difference between sleeping with someone and letting them in.
“Wow, that’s... yeah. Erm, so when was your last relationship?”
“I didn’t know we’d changed the game around?” Ben chuckles at me. “I didn’t know it was okay for you to ask me questions... but since you want to know I had a girlfriend when I was twenty years old but it didn’t work out because I was a workaholic. I cared too much about my business and not her.”
“Oh. Right.” I don’t know what to say to that, maybe I shouldn’t have started asking anything. “I see.”
“So, my turn again.” He leans back in his chair and runs his eyes up and down my body. The stare is invasive, but weirdly I like it. It isn’t like me to want to be looked at, but there’s something about Ben’s gaze that makes me feel kinda sexy. Even my shoulders are rolled back as if I’m confident. “What are you normally dressed like? I can’t imagine you walk around like that all the time.”
“Oh I do,” I tease. “This is my clothing from home. It just happens to be right for the job.” I giggle playfully before giving him a real answer. “No, I’m usually in jeans and tee shirts. I would like to dress better but I can’t afford to. That’s why I’m here.”
Maybe that’s a bit too honest, but I’ve said it now. It’s out there. I would much rather him know that I’m here because I need the cash rather than him think I like it.
“Yeah, fair enough. I’m always in suits, I don’t know how to be casual. Maybe that’s my problem.”
Ring, ring... Ring, ring... Ring, ring...
I glance around, wondering where that noise is coming from. It can’t be me because I don’t have anywhere on my body to hold my cell phone. It’s safely locked in the work changing rooms along with everyone else’s.
“Is that your cell phone?” I ask Ben curiously. “It’s been going off for a while.”
“Oh is it?” As he pulls it out and he looks at the name on the screen, his expression falters. I already know that he’s about to leave me before he pushes his chair back. This is someone he needs to speak to. Thankfully because of the conversation I just had with Ben, I know it isn’t his wife. That would be really weird. “Hang on, I’ll be back in a moment.”
I watch him leave, admiring his butt as his quick steps move away from me. He’s damn gorgeous, and also the kindest person that I’ve met since I’ve been here. I’m not ready for him to go yet.
I stand awkwardly for a couple of moments at the edge of the table, but now that Ben is gone I can’t get away with sticking to this one table any longer. Jenny has pretty much got control of it, what with her flirting with Kyle like there’s no tomorrow.
I don’t want to go, but I’m going to have to if I want to make any money. Apparently the boss doesn’t like staff who stand around without doing anything, and I don’t want to get fired because of that on my first shift. I haven’t even made any tips yet. I need to at least give talking to other people a go.
I push my way back through the crowd when a man plants his big hand on my arm to pull me to his table. He has a thick Cuban cigar between his lips as if he wants to show how rich he is, and a group of men and a couple of young women who might possibly be escorts by his side.
“Yes, can I help you?” I ask through gritted teeth, trying to ignore the hot pain radiating through my forearm.
“Get us some drinks, love. That’s why you’re here isn’t it?” He laughs nastily with his friends. My eyes discretely turn towards Ben’s table because I miss him like crazy already. “Come on, we want a selection of vodkas.” He gives me a horrible look. “Well come on then, get to it. You aren’t thick are you? I haven’t grabbed the arm of someone stupid by mistake?” His eyes explore me, but it doesn’t feel anything like when Ben looked at me. I feel self conscious and uncomfortable all over again. “That would be a real shame since you aren’t even the hottest girl here.”
Tears sting the back of my eyes, I feel terrible. If this is what I will normally have to deal with then I don’t know if I’m strong enough to hack it. I can’t even argue back, this is definitely the sort of place where the customer is always right. I don’t think the asshole boss will like it if I start standing up for myself.
“Yes,” I whisper. “I’ll get your drinks for you. I’ll be back in a moment.”
Come back, Ben. I miss you so much! You’re the only person that I ever want to work with here. I need you.
Chapter Five – Ben
I race away from the table only because I know it’s my mom on the other end of the phone. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, who I’m partying with, I’ll pretty much always stop them to speak to Mom. She needs me and I need her. All we have are each other in this world.
My dad died when I was just a baby so I don’t remember him at all. He’s always been like a ghost in my life, the man in the photographs and in my mother’s stories. Not someone attainable, but someone’s who’s always been there, affecting me all the same. His impact on me has affected my life from day one and I never got to know him.
Growing up in a single parent family, with a mom who worked every hour God sent just to give us a mediocre life, I knew I wanted more. I never wanted to live the same life as Mom and I wanted to make her existence better too. That’s why I’ve always worked hard, that’s why I obsessed over business and getting my qualification, that’s why I worked myself into the ground. I wanted to make a better life for me and Mom and that’s just what I’ve done.
“Hi, Mom, you okay?” I ask while glancing behind me to see where Serena is. I can’t see her anywhere. The only people still at the table are Kyle and Jenny. Maybe he’s finally done the decent thing and sent Rick home. “I haven’t heard from you in a while. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, yes,” her tone is warm but I can detect some loneliness there. I make a mental note to myself to make an effort to go and see her at the weekend. She doesn’t live too far away, just outside the city. I should be able to do it more regularly really, sometimes I get too caught up in partying. “I’m okay, thank you. I’ve been out with Vivian from Bridge Club today, we went shopping and for a coffee, so that was nice. Ever since her husband passed away she’s been struggling. I can help with that, you know?”
I gulp down the thick ball of emotion that lodges firmly in my throat. I don’t want to go down this road, not now, but if Mom wants to talk about Dad with me then I’ll let her. She might need that and if it helps her get through the day then so be it. “Yeah. You know what you’re talking about,” I rasp. “So it’s good that Vivian has you.”
“Oh I’m glad to have her too. It’s good to have friends.” She pauses for a moment and I can almost tell where her mind is headed. She has this funny notion that I’m the lonely one, despite the fact that my life is constantly filled to the brim. I’m always doing things, there’s never a dull moment for me. Why would I feel lonely ever? “So, how are things with you? Have you been busy with work?”
“Busy as always.” I puff my chest out proudly. “You know me, always got something on the go.”
“Yes... I know you have. What worries me is that you push yourself too hard. I just think by now you should delegate more and start taking some of your life back.” She only says this because she feels guilty. She doesn’t want to think that it might be her fault I work so hard, even though it really isn’t. I don’t blame her at all, I know that she did her best for us. “Shouldn’t you want t
o start... dating now?”
“I’ve been dating,” I insist. “You don’t need to worry about me on that front.”
“Well I don’t really mean dating. I mean settling down.” I roll my eyes, it feels like everyone is on my case about that at the moment. “I think it’s time you start finding someone to get serious about, don’t you? You need to find someone and settle down before it’s too late.”
“I don’t know, Mom. I’m not sure that’s what I want.” I might as well be honest with her. “I’m quite happy with the way things are.”
“You only think that because you’re out at the moment. I can hear the music thumping in the background, but what about when you’re at home lying in bed alone. Don’t you think it would be better to have someone?”
I don’t often spend the night alone, and when I do it’s because I’ve passed out, but I don’t think Mom needs to know that much.
“I’m good, Mom. Don’t trouble yourself. I’m doing well.”
“You might want kids one day,” she continues as if she hasn’t heard me. “The last thing you want to do is leave that too late. If you don’t... well then you won’t have anyone to love like I love you.”
I’ve always suspected that Mom wishes she had more kids but no one came along after my father. I’ve never even seen her show any interest in any man. Maybe my dad was just ‘the one’ and after the love she shared with him nothing can compare. It’s sweet, if not very lonely.
“If I ever decide to settle down, Mom, I’ll let you know, but for now...”
“Oh I know. She’ll have to be a really special girl to catch you’re eye, I’m just saying that it might be time to start looking.”
Inadvertently my eyes travel aback over to the table, just to notice that Serena still isn’t there. She must have got called over to another table which I don’t like. I was looking forward to asking her more questions and getting to know her better. I don’t want her taken away from me now.
“Yes, Mom, I know. I’ll think about it.” She doesn’t understand that being twenty eight isn’t a death sentence. She was married by twenty one years old so she doesn’t think that I should still be single. She doesn’t understand that I’m nowhere near ready. It doesn’t matter though, if it ever happens then she’ll realise that I was right to wait until I met the right person. “Anyway, I’ll pop over to see you at the weekend if you like, it’s been too long since I came to see you.”
“Oh yes, that’ll be nice. Come for dinner. It’s been a long time since we had a nice meal together.”
My stomach growls at the idea. “Oh that sounds great, Mom. Your meals are honestly the best. I haven’t eaten anything home cooked for ages.”
“So what do you eat?” I laugh at her horror. “I’m serious, are you having take away every night?”
“No, Mom I eat out too. And I always have my vegetables,” I tease. “You forget I’m a big boy now, I can look after myself.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. Just come over tomorrow lunch time, don’t wait until the weekend, and I’ll fatten you up, okay?”
“That sounds lovely.”
Just before I hang up the phone I cradle the phone close to my ear to feel closer to Mom again. I do miss her every day, but I can’t persuade her to move right into the city near me. She wants to keep the house I grew up in, the one she brought with my father. I guess she’s never gotten over his death.
As we say our goodbyes, I wonder again what it would have been like if my father never died. I try not to consider this much, but sometimes when I’m talking to Mom my imagination gets the better of me. He wasn’t ever an ambitious man, he was happy working a middle management job, but maybe if that drunk driver didn’t crash into his car as he drove home from work, we wouldn’t have struggled so much and I wouldn’t have developed my deep need for money. Cash represents a security I haven’t had before adulthood, maybe if I had a father I wouldn’t have become this way.
Then again, if I wasn’t like this I don’t know who I would be. It’s too weird to think about.
Once the call disconnects I pause for a moment, just trying to get myself back together. Mom makes me a little emotional, and emotion spells vulnerability in the business world and that’s the last thing I need added to my bad ass reputation. I’m known as someone quite ruthless and strong, not someone who chokes up after speaking to Mommy.
Right, Ben. I steel myself. Don’t think about that now. Think about seeing Serena again.
That intriguing, beautiful woman is fascinating, I really want to spend more time with her which is something I’ve never really felt before. Even my girlfriend I had when I was younger, Ally, never captivated me that much. She was pretty and fun, but my business always got in the way. I was just starting to get big then, I was on the way up and I didn’t want that momentum to end. She just couldn’t drag me away from it.
I don’t even think about her now, and I haven’t much since we broke up, which just shows how little she affected me. I imagine she’s married now to someone who will worship her in the way she deserves. That could never be me.
But maybe with Serena...
I don’t know why, and I’m certainly not thinking about settling down all of a sudden, but I do want to see her more. I like her face, her smile, her lilting laugh. I like the way she has been opening up to me as well. I can tell that she’s shy and usually quiet, but with me she gave me a bit of sass and that’s something awesome. I would like to see how far I can push her...
Not in a sexual way, I try to convince myself. I’m not that much of a pig... although I can’t help wondering what that pale skin looks like naked, flushed with desire, and with slick perspiration all over her. The image in my mind makes me bite down on my bottom lip in anticipation.
I move back to the table to see Rick back there looking glum. Kyle hasn’t taken his eyes off Jenny for hours, and judging by the bulge at her side he’s been paying her for the privilege.
“Where’s Serena?” I ask Rick. He looks at me blankly as if he has no idea who I’m talking about. “The dark haired shot girl who was here earlier on?”
“Oh, she’s over there.”
He points in the direction of another table and my heart sinks. She’s being pawed at like there’s no tomorrow and all I want to do is rescue her. The only problem is the man at the head of the table is Mr. Ash who has known Mob connections. I really don’t want to get on the wrong side of him and I know the money he spends in here will outshine even mine. I’ll just have to keep an eye on her tonight and intervene if things look like they get too out of hand. From the looks of it she has a bulge at her side too, so she must be getting good tips. Maybe she really doesn’t mind...
“Go home, Rick,” I say rapidly. “Kyle’s gone for the night. He won’t need you again.”
Rick bolts upright, taking my direction quickly. “Thank you,” he rasps. “See you later.”
I turn my chair around, ignoring Kyle completely. I only have one person that I want to keep in my eye line and it sure as hell isn’t him. I need to keep an eye on Serena, while trying to keep my protective inner beast in check. I can’t get in the way unless she absolutely needs me. No one will benefit if I act too soon, it’ll just end in disaster. Least of all Serena.
Chapter Six – Serena
“Is it really four AM?” I ask wearily as my aching feet throb in my shoes. “I can’t believe it’s so late.”
“Yeah, that’s the game when working in the shots game,” Jenny giggles as she replies, looking fresh as a damn daisy. How is it fair that she gets to look so good? I could scream with utter frustration. I haven’t looked in a mirror but I can guarantee that I look as tired as I feel. My bed is screaming out for me, but it’s too far away. I cannot wait to fall back into it... but it’ll be in the knowledge that I’ll be back here again soon enough, doing this all over again.
After leaving Ben, things quickly went downhill. The other man was horrible to me the whole time, touching me in ways
that I really didn’t want to be touched and laughing at me when I asked him not too. I don’t know if I can complain about that, since it’s only my first night I don’t know if that’s just part of the game. It did get me plenty of tips, that’s the one good thing. I probably have enough cash stuffed in my pocket to pay my rent for the next three months... and that’s just for one night. If it keeps going like this at least I won’t have to do it for much longer.
“Are you coming out with me and some of the other girls? We like to hit up a bar after work to wash the night off us.” She narrows her eyes, examining me closely. “Although you might be too tired, huh? I remember I was after my first shift.”
I’m so grateful for the get out clause. I really can’t face being out any longer. “I think I better give it a miss tonight,” I say with pretend regret. “But maybe next time.”
“Will you be okay getting home? I know it isn’t far, but it is late?”
“No, I’ll be fine.” I don’t want to ruin her fun. “I’ll be home in a moment. I’ll send you a message as soon as I get in, you don’t have to worry about me. I promise you.”
As Jenny pulls me in for a hug, she asks me a question so quietly I can tell she doesn’t want anyone else to hear it. “Did you have a good time? It’s not too bad for the money, is it? Once you get used to the hours...”
“No,” I only half lie. “It’s not too bad.”
