Evanescent Ink (Copperline #4)

by Sibylla Matilde

He looked back down into the box, seeming rather contrite. It was almost shocking coming from Justin. “I think I may have fucked something up a little bit.”

  I walked back over to him and glanced into the box. There weren’t many things in there, just a couple odds and ends.

  All things of mine that I had left it Raven’s.

  Oh, fuck.

  I felt weak. “Justin, what did you do?”

  “Well…” he began with a fake laugh, “funny story. Raven stopped by to drop this off. She, um… well, she was acting kind of off, and she asked how you were doing. If we were excited about the tour. I didn’t mean to, but I kinda slipped and told her Maggie was here… in your room.”

  Fuck. God, no…. fuck no…

  “Fuck,” I breathed. “What did she say?”

  He grimaced. “She said she wasn’t surprised.”

  I turned to Maggie with the dark scowl on my face. “How in the hell do you always do this to me? How in the fucking hell do you keep managing to ruin my life?”

  “If she loved you, she would’ve been here with you,” Maggie spat back. “But I am here, Drew. I’m here and I will stay with you through all of this.”

  “The fuck you will!” I roared. “Get out of my fucking house! Get out of my fucking life! I don’t EVER want to see your fucking face again as long as I live!”

  “Drew—” she began, but Justin stepped forward and started pushing her towards the door.

  “Maggie, I think he’s serious,” he murmured.

  “Justin, you can’t let him do this,” Maggie began to plead. “I got those promoters to come here. I got them to come for you guys. Drew needs me. You all need me.”

  Right about that point, Denny walked through the door with Eoghan in his arms, followed by Felicity and Cody.

  “Feckin’ hell,” Denny muttered at the first sight of Maggie.

  “Maggie?” Felicity gaped. She turned to glare at me. “What the fuck!?”

  “A fuck! A fuck!” Eoghan began to squeal.

  Justin shot a wry smirk at Denny. “I told you he got it from her.”

  “Feck off, ya eejit,” Denny replied.

  “Denny,” Felicity rounded on her husband, “you didn’t tell me she was back.”

  “I didn’t really know she was,” Denny shrugged. “She was at the meeting yesterday, but I didn’t really—”

  But Felicity had already spun around to face me. “Why is she here?” she demanded. “Where’s Raven?”

  Suddenly, I remembered the rest of the shit that was falling apart around me. “Raven’s leaving.”

  Felicity gasped, jolting back. “Leaving? Why? What did you do?”

  “I didn't do shit, but why should she stay? Her mom’s gone, and that’s the only reason she was even here in the first place.”

  “You stupid fucker,” Felicity shot back.

  “Fuckoo?” Eoghan parroted in an adorably innocent voice.

  “Oh, Jaysus,” Denny muttered. “He’s got another one.”

  Felicity stepped towards me and began stabbing at my chest with her finger. “She cares about you, you stupid son-of-a-bitch.”

  “What the fuck ever,” I grated back. “If she cared about me, she wouldn’t be leaving.”

  “Exactly,” Maggie piped in.

  I shot her a murderous glance. “Maggie, shut the fuck up and GET THE FUCK OUT!”

  Cody glanced at Maggie and nodded towards the door. “You should probably leave.”

  But Maggie only scowled back at him.

  Felicity had barely taken a breath as she continued to rant. “You stupid, idiotic bastard! I can’t believe you! Of all the brainless—”

  Denny managed to get his free hand over Felicity’s mouth, wrangling her and Eoghan out to the door. “Fliss, relax yer cacks,” he began in a calming voice. “Why don’t ya take Eoghan out to the truck and wait for me while I help get rid of the scrubber. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

  Maggie glared at Denny. “I’m not sure what you just called me, but speak English you fucker.”

  Justin rounded on Maggie. “You do NOT get to say that to my friend!”

  “Oh for fuck’s sake,” Maggie huffed. “Fine, I’ll go… for now.” She turned and gave me a pointed look. “I’ll arrange for another meeting with the promoters. Let me know when you’ve talked these guys into taking this offer, Drew. You know it’s your only shot.”

  With an exasperated sigh, she ripped open the door and slammed out.

  “Well,” Cody murmured, “that was rather dramatic.”

  Denny finally uncovered Felicity’s mouth and stared at me thoughtfully. “That manky hoor is right about one thing. We do need to make a decision about this.”

  Cody nodded. “What do you want to do, Drew?”

  “We want to do this,” Justin said decisively.

  “Feck off, Justin,” Denny coarsely grated out. “I want to know what Drew wants to do.”

  I looked up to see all eyes on me, even little Eoghan who had finally stopped spouting little baby F-bombs, but only because his thumb was stuck firmly in his mouth.

  “You fuckers,” I muttered. “You bastard motherfuckers. You can’t make this my decision.”

  “This is your dream, Drew,” Cody said. “We can’t keep you from your dream.”

  “Right,” Denny added, “even if we don’t finish it with you, we have to help you get started.”

  Justin turned to me and grabbed me by the shoulders, looking at me earnestly. “Think about the pussy, Drew. Think about all that wild groupie pussy.”

  “Justin…” Felicity warned.

  He turned to look at her, a pleading glimmer in his eyes. “But the pussy…”

  I looked at my bandmates. “What do you guys want to do?”

  “We want to support you,” Denny replied.

  “Don’t you guys want this?” I asked him. “Isn’t this what we’ve been working towards?”

  He slipped his arm around Felicity’s shoulder and pulled her up against his chest. “What do you think?”

  It occurred to me that he looked pretty fuckin’ content right where he was.

  It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was getting so tired of the waves of shock that kept battering me around. The last twenty-four hours had been complete hell, especially after the sweet, comfortable, amazing days with Raven that had come before.

  Raven.

  Raven who didn’t want me. Raven who was leaving.

  I shook that thought away. I could only handle one crisis at a time.

  “Why didn’t you just say so?” I asked.

  “You’re like a brother to me, ya bloody tosser,” Denny said. “I’d do anything for you, anything to help you get what you want most in life.”

  Cody came forward, placing his hand on my shoulder. “Drew, I’ll say right now… I couldn’t care less about being famous. I love my life. I love the Copperline and my wife and my son. I love working in Brannon’s shop. I want Max to grow up with Eoghan. I want more kids, and I want them to grow up in Ophir and play with your kids. With Denny’s kids. Hell, I’d even let them play with Justin’s kids.” He frowned. “Well, maybe not if I have a daughter and he has a son—”

  “Dude,” Justin began, “I don’t think I have any kids. I’ve been pretty careful.”

  Cody ignored him. “The thing is, though, you’ve been the driving force behind the Mofos this whole time. You’ve given me this family… and I don’t just mean Ilsa and Max, I mean all you fuckers.”

  Eoghan pulled his thumb out of his mouth and started to talk. “Fu—”

  Denny quickly pushed his thumb back in. “No ya don’t, you wee snapper,” he murmured softly. “That’s enough cursin’ for you today.”

  “We’re behind you,” Cody continued without missing a beat. “Like Denny said, even if we don’t finish it with you, we have to help you follow your dream.”

  In the blink of an eye, I thought back to a conversation I’d had with Raven. It made my heart ache, but I could st
ill hear her voice. I could see the soft understanding in her eyes as I told her about my dad. About him seeing me play and the way it made me feel.

  Kind of explains why you wanted to be on stage so bad…

  I had a fucking epiphany. Right there while the sky fell around me, I realized something about myself.

  I had craved fame. I had wanted the spotlight. The stage and the adoration.

  Looking back, though, I’d really been reaching for that remote man who was my father. For a sense of family that had eluded me my whole life.

  I looked around at my friends.

  My brothers.

  And I realized they had become my family.

  “I don’t want to go,” I whispered. “That’s not my dream. Not really. I want this… the Mofos. I want the Copperline and the whole kids playing together thing that Cody said.”

  Denny and Cody grinned at me. Felicity finally looked at me with something other than ferocity.

  Justin looked like someone ran over his puppy, but then nodded.

  “You don’t mind?” I asked him. “You won’t regret not taking this chance?”

  He thought about it momentarily and finally shrugged.

  “I actually get a lot of pussy already.”

  One drama had passed me by. Cody pulled out Steve’s business card and called him and Bob to give them the news.

  Thanks, but we had a good life already.

  Well, they did. Mine was still kind of a wreck. I had an ex who had flipped her lid, trying to yank me back and forth like a yo-yo. I had a feeling, though, once she found out we’d turned the tour down, she wouldn’t be back. It wasn’t about me. It never had been. She simply wanted to ride my coattails into the big life.

  Cody headed home to tell Ilsa the news, or the lack thereof, I suppose. The life-changing event that solidified life as we knew it. Relief lit his features. Same with Denny. Felicity, too, who even gave me a hug when they left.

  “See you later, you stupid fucker,” she murmured as she turned away.

  She was still unwilling to let that drop, like I had any choice in what Raven did.

  Raven.

  Fuck.

  I trudged up the stairs to my room, trying to figure out what my new normal would be without her. I’d seen her almost every day for two years. I’d loved her almost every day for two months. Listlessly, I straggled over to my bed where I fell flat on my face.

  My first thought was I needed a new mattress because mine wasn't anywhere near as comfy as Raven’s.

  I missed Raven’s bed.

  I missed Raven.

  I half-crawled and half-rolled to the piece of paper I’d set on my bedside table the night before. The sketch I’d brought home from Ink. Her eyes. Her bereft smile. Trailing my fingertip down her cheek, I could almost pretend it was her, flesh and blood before me.

  “Was it the tour?” Justin said from my doorway.

  “Was what the tour?” I didn’t turn around, but just angled my head towards him.

  “Why shit fell apart with Raven?”

  “She was leaving anyway. She just hadn’t told me yet,” I murmured with a shake of my head. “What I had with Raven… it was a figment of my imagination.”

  “It didn’t look that way to me. To any of us.”

  “Justin, don’t. Just don’t. It was just sex. She told me over and over until she was blue in the face.”

  “But—”

  “That’s all she wanted from me. That’s all women ever want from me. She’s just another heartless bitch in a sea of heartless bitches.” I sounded like a real whiner, even to my own ears, but, fuck… I had really wanted her to like me for more than that. I wanted her to love me like I loved her.

  “Drew—”

  “She didn’t give a shit about me. It’s like Maggie all over again.”

  “I get that you’re pissed, especially after that little display this morning. Maggie is a nasty cunt who lied for years about loving you. The thing is,” he shrugged, “I think Raven lied about loving you, too.”

  I turned to face him and narrowed my eyes. “Way to rub it in, asshole,” I growled. “Raven never said she loved me. She always said it was just sex.”

  “Exactly.”

  Uh… what?

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” I asked.

  “She said you were just fuck buddies, but, dude… Raven hasn’t been with anyone in the whole time we’ve known her,” he continued. “She hasn’t hooked up at all since she started working for you. I figured she was a lez. Dude, she actually turned me down so many times. Me! Can you believe that shit?” He paused and gave a bewildered shake of his head. “How long after you and Maggie split did you and Raven hook up?”

  The wheels in my head had started to process where he was going with this. I tried to think of any guy she’d been with, any mention of a guy… and came up completely empty.

  “A couple hours,” I replied thoughtfully.

  “See? The moment you became available, she suddenly couldn’t get enough of your dick. I think that’s a little more than her just wanting to help out a friend.”

  Jesus…

  Justin was imparting wisdom, and the scary part was… it actually kinda made sense.

  “Justin—” I began, but he cut me off.

  “She’s yours in a way that Maggie never was or ever would have been.”

  Hope started springing up in my chest, bubbling throughout my body. I looked at him and saw a strange light in his eyes. Something that I’d never really seen in him before. It was almost wistful.

  Longing.

  Coming from Justin.

  What in the actual fuck?

  It was like the fuckin’ end of days.

  He continued in a quiet, serious tone. “You’ve got so much more there than you realize. It’s yours for the taking. You’d be an idiot not to snap that up.” Then he shook his head, as if to brush away the human emotions that had taken hold of him. “And then talk her into a threesome with me.”

  I laughed in response. Heartsick and raw, but laughter all the same. “Fuck off, Justin.”

  “Worth a try,” he grinned back.

  After he left my room, I turned over his words. Justin had a heart. Who knew? Yet another bizarre revelation to sort out in my head.

  But even more powerful, he saw something fierce and real in Raven and I.

  Something worth fighting for.

  I missed her.

  I went to work, but she didn’t come in. Off to help Joe with her mother’s things. It was torture sitting there thinking of her dealing with something like that. Raven was so stoic, so strong. She didn’t want to fall apart.

  However, she might need to, and I wasn’t there to catch her.

  I was pretty quiet while I worked. On autopilot, I traced the lines of some dude’s flaming skull while my mind raced. Meanwhile, every memory I had of her played on a continuous loop through my head.

  My determination wavered back and forth. One moment, every touch and whisper and kiss told me that she really wanted me. That she had to care.

  But then I’d hear her telling me we were just fuck buddies. With a rancid sensation in my gut, I’d think I should just get over her, somehow. Some way. However long it took.

  It occurred to me it might be best for her to leave. If she got away from Ophir, away from the painful memories of her mother, she could make a clean break. She could go off to live her life. She could be happy. Free and easy.

  But the thought of losing her… of never seeing her again… never holding her but always loving her…

  God… it killed.

  I lasted until just after noon before I tried calling her. It went to voicemail. The day had been relatively uneventful following the showdown that morning. I’d finished the last of my appointments for the day so I could head over to the Copperline to start setting up for Friday night like normal. Instead, I sat at my desk staring at my phone. I tried calling a second time, and just like before, I got her voicemai
l.

  Sorting through her mother’s things would be emotional. I couldn’t blame her for not wanting to pick up if she was in the middle of that. I just wanted to know she was okay.

  Joe… maybe I could get in touch with Joe.

  I grabbed Raven’s employee file from the cabinet. Right there under her emergency contact information was Joe’s number. After about two seconds of justifying what was essentially stalking, I said ‘fuck it’ and made the call.

  “Hey, Joe,” I said when he picked up. “It’s Drew. Raven’s friend.”

  “Oh, shit… is Raven okay?” he immediately asked in alarm.

  That threw me. “She’s not with you?”

  “I’m halfway to Omaha, Drew,” he replied, his voice rife with concern.

  “What the hell?” I muttered to myself. “She didn’t come to work today because the two of you were going through her mother’s things.”

  “I’m not sure why she didn’t come to work, but that wasn’t it.”

  “I guess she didn’t want to see me,” I muttered.

  “Drew,” Joe said sternly, “why don’t you go back a little and tell me what’s going on.”

  “I’m not really sure. I mean, there was this thing, and then she told me about Lacey’s roommate.”

  “Lacey’s roommate? My daughter Lacey?” Joe sounded as confused as I was.

  “Yeah, because her roommate moved out, so Raven was going to move into the second bedroom.”

  “Huh, that’s not right. Drew, Lacey lives in a tiny efficiency apartment. She doesn’t even have one bedroom, much less two, and she doesn't have a roommate.”

  “What the hell?” I murmured again. “She lied to me.”

  “That ‘thing’ you mentioned… what kind of thing.”

  “My band had the chance to record, go on tour… all kinds of stuff.”

  “You had the chance?”

  “We turned it down.” Joe was quiet for a minute. So quiet I almost wondered if the call had been dropped. “Joe?”

  “Raven thought you might leave Ophir?”

  “She told me to. She said to follow my dream.”

  “So why did you turn it down?”

  “Because Raven is my dream.” I said it without even thinking, forgetting for a moment who I was talking to.