The Widow's Friend

by Dave Stone; Callii Wilson

  So there you go. And what about you, what kind of a life have you had?

  Callii

  Chapter 8

  “Rexburg”

  So she still lives in Rexburg, that’s a shock. She still lives in her little home town and I’m just thirty minutes away. I got up and went outside. This bit of information made our conversations just a little more nerve racking, knowing that she was just down the pike a bit. It might have been better if she was living in Georgia or Minnesota or someplace like that. This just made things a little too convenient, and maybe a little too easy for my own good. So now what do I say?

  And she’d quit her job? Not just anybody can up and quit their job. She must have some cash stashed away, though it was none of my business.

  I turned on the TV and grabbed the remote. I settled onto the sofa and clicked away. I tried to think of nothing at all, but it didn’t seem to work.

  The neighbor’s cat sat outside the patio door. It was a small cat, striped and gray. I waived a finger. She caught the motion with her eyes. She looked at me through the glass and mouthed out a meow. I knew what she wanted. Females always wanted something from me. I got off the couch and went for the tuna.

  I went out to the patio and delivered the goods, and of course the cat loved me for it. She couldn’t decide whether to rub up against my leg or eat the tuna. She seemed to want to do both. She finally settled on the tuna and I was glad.

  I stared into the darkness and mulled things over. An old song ran through my mind: “Who are you?” by The Who. It was just there in my head. That’s all. I had no idea who Callii was now. A lot of water had gone under the bridge since our youthful fling. Was there a man in her life? Was she interested in my e-mails, or was she having a good laugh with a boyfriend? Or maybe there were some girlfriends viewing them with her, maybe even some roommates, or possibly even her kids. I felt vulnerable and at risk.

  “Who are you?” the tune broached the alcoves of my mind as more questions flickered there.

  It was quiet. My backyard was a sanctuary. A cinderblock wall sealed me in on the left. An empty and darkened street ran along the boundaries on the right, and nothing but hayfields ran directly behind me. It was roughly a mile before the lights of a home twinkled on the other side. It was dark and it was peaceful. The cat hopped up on my lap and began to purr.

  “You love me, don’t you little girl?” I whispered. She continued to grind out sounds of affection. I scratched her head and petted her back. It was nice to be appreciated.

  “How do women think?” I asked the cat. She hopped off my lap and sauntered away. Her tail wagged back and forth, taunting me in an egotistical display of feline righteousness. Then suddenly, I was tired. I stood up, opened the door, and slipped off to bed.

  From Levi Stone

  Sept 2nd

  Hi Callii, it’s nice to hear from you again. I live in Idaho Falls now, not that far away. I’ve been here quite some time. I’m surprised that you still live in Rexburg. I don’t really know why, I just am. My life, in a word, is boring. It really is. Mr. Excitement—that’s me in a nutshell.

  I want to finish my apology and I hope you’ll understand. I guess I’ll just say it straight out. I really liked you when we dated. You were fun, you were beautiful, and you were very passionate—what’s not to like. But we got a little frisky one night, the night that I stayed there, and I wasn’t ready for that. Now you didn’t do anything wrong, I want you to know that, it’s just that I was young for my age and naïve. I withdrew from you afterwards, and I didn’t really understand why. I remember sitting in your apartment one night. My friend and another girl were snuggling across the room. You and I were sitting on the floor, up against the wall. You wanted to cuddle, but I just couldn’t do it, and I didn’t understand why. I could sense your desire, and I had no wish to hurt you, but I couldn’t bring myself to reach over and pull you in. It was years later that I figured out why. It wasn’t you, it was me. I was young for my age, and you were divorced, and I just wasn’t ready. I retracted from you emotionally. It was my upbringing—I was just such a straight arrow. I hope you can understand that, and I hope you can forgive me. It was my fault entirely.

  Thanks for understanding, Levi

  Chapter 9

  “More of the Same”

  I sat back and mulled over Levi’s e-mail. The soft light of my computer screen reflected off my face.

  Well, that was nice—I think. Levi blames himself. His explanation seemed sincere, but I still felt somewhat responsible and I always have, though I’d never been quite sure why. And to be honest I was still a bit confused. I’d always wondered why he’d left without any explanation. “It wasn’t your fault but mine,” he’d said, laying the blame on himself, but I still had to feel I had a hand in it. I mean I had hoped I hadn’t done anything stupid, but I’d known in my heart that I had. He had spent the night at my invitation. I may have even tricked him into it. I certainly wasn’t blameless. But now I was a little mixed up. He said I hadn’t done anything wrong, but he’d still walked away. I’d just thought that was what men wanted—didn’t they? Most men would have walked away if I hadn’t let them stay. I still think most men feel that way, even after all these years, especially after all these years, and besides that I was still annoyed. I couldn’t decide if this explanation was a good thing or a bad thing, it just baffled me all the more. But I had liked him, I have to admit that I’d liked him, and he said that he’d liked me, and he does seem kind of nice, just like he did back then. Holy Moley, what’s a grandma to do?

  I wanted to call Anne and talk things over, but she was so judgmental, and this Levi thing was all so new. I’d better keep it to myself. That would be for the best, at least for now it would.

  And this was the first time he hadn’t asked me a question, so I didn’t feel any pressure to write him back. Maybe I’d just let things lie for awhile and mull things over a bit. What’s more, I had to clean the house and pack my bags—we were flying to Los Angeles in less than a week. Anyway, I had plenty of other things I needed to do, and besides, Levi was a married man so I shouldn’t let myself get too close to him. I went out to my car and drove up the street. A burger and fries sounded good about now, maybe a milkshake too. A little fast food always makes me feel better about things, especially when I’m confused.

  Chapter 10

  “Tick, Tick, Tick”

  It had been one solid week and Callii hadn’t answered back yet. I was getting anxious. I tried not to let it bother me, but how could it not? There was no denying the way she affected me and there was no denying my feelings inside. She was beginning to get to me in ways that I had never expected, or intended.

  And so the days went by. I got up every morning and went through my routine, but somehow there was something missing. Really now, we were just old friends, so what should be the problem? I tried to be mature about this whole thing and remain emotionally detached, but it was hard not to think about her, and the wait-time toyed with my emotions.

  And then one more agonizing week went by, and still nothing. I began to wonder if she would ever write again. Maybe I’d have to wait another thirty-something years. Had I done something wrong? I was tempted every day to shoot off an e-mail and ask if I’d done anything stupid, or ask if she was okay, or ask her anything at all, anything to just make contact and see her words again. But I resisted. I knew if I did I would show weakness and lose her respect. It would ruin everything if I didn’t wait for her reply, and I had no intention of knocking this train off its tracks, as hard as it was for me to sit and wait.

  Then something strange happened. My mind wandered off to other women, women from the past, and a few from not so long ago. It didn’t happen intentionally, I guess it was just an old habit from my dating years in the past. It was a common trick back then to forget one girl by finding another, but things were a little different now. I intentionally blocked them from my thoughts because they didn’t matter anyway, and what was really the point
? I didn’t care about anyone else, really. I hadn’t contacted Callii for romantic reasons in the first place, and I still wasn’t entirely sure why we were talking. For whatever the reason, I had been compelled to reach out and make contact with her, that’s all. But I had to admit, romance had taken over, and it had taken hold very quickly, not intentionally, but quickly just the same.

  I cleared my mind and reflected on Callii again. I thought of her face and I thought of her smile. I thought of her neck and I thought of her eyes. You see, I had cheated a bit. There was a picture of Callii on Facebook, it was a recent picture taken by a friend at their high school reunion. I had copied it to my desktop and viewed it frequently, and I was glad it was there.

  Time passed. I tried to be cavalier and not let the waiting get to me, but who was I kidding? You can only imagine how I felt. It was just me and the cat, alone on the patio, and I was glad to have her. We talked a lot, at least I talked and she listened. She pretended to understand and I pretended she did too. It was a good relationship—she never talked back. But the clock was ticking and I was anxious still.

  I kept myself busy enough. I was working with my artist on the cover for my new book. I was shopping for a new car, and my granddaughter visited almost every weekend. But frankly, I was beginning to get impatient. Was this worth all the angst? I wasn’t really sure, and yet, life still went on.

  Chapter 11

  “Thinking Things Over”

  I’d been back from Los Angeles for about a week now, and I was starting to get bored. I had a couple of shows coming up, but they were still a ways off. My mind had touched back to Levi a bit, lately. I felt somewhat guilty for not returning his e-mail, mainly because I’d given him no explanation. But he was married—what was really the point? But still, I was curious, so I fired off another message. A little more talk certainly couldn’t do much harm. And after all, I really was bored, and that had always been my Achilles’ heel.

  From Callii Wilson

  Sept 25th

  Hi Levi, I’m sorry I’ve taken so long to write back. I’ve just been so busy. Life is hectic. I’m sure you know what I mean.

  I just got back from a shopping trip to LA. It was great fun. We even went to Disneyland for a day, though I was quite dizzy for most of the afternoon after riding on Space Mountain. And now I’m getting ready for a couple of gift fairs that are coming up. You see, I have a side business called “Little Dolls”. I make old fashioned porcelain dolls and sell them at the shows.

  I’m sorry I’ve taken so long to write. Have you been doing anything fun?

  Thanks for answering, Callii

  Chapter 12

  “Finally”

  Finally, an e-mail had lit up my life. My heart was racing but my intellect warned me to slow down. Callii had stiffed me for almost three weeks now, and without an explanation of any kind. Though thoughts of Callii still excited me, the burners of my heart had gone from medium high to medium low. I felt a little more wary now, and the song “Who are you?” ran through my head even more.

  I was a little bit overwhelmed. I mean, who goes on shopping trips to Los Angeles, no one that I knew. She might have flown back from Paris for all that mattered. I felt inconsequential.

  “What should I do?” I asked the cat. “I’m not sure how to handle this.” She began to purr and hopped up on my lap. The night was cool. October was just around the corner. In the distance, the lights of a home sparkled. The stars of night twinkled up above. Down the street, a dog barked—the cat didn’t flinch.

  “Are there any words of wisdom from my feline friend?” I muttered. She stopped purring.

  “So that’s it, I should cool off a bit, huh?” She raised her head and glanced into my eyes.

  “Got it!” I answered obediently. I opened my laptop. Its greenish hue lit up the night. It seemed fitting somehow to play it cool, and I began to tap away. It wasn’t like me to be…unfriendly, but I gave it my best shot. What would be would be, but it made me a little nervous. My heart still burned on medium low.

  From Levi Stone

  Sept 28th

  Hi Callii, it’s nice to have you back home again. “Little Dolls” is a cute name for your business. It reminds me of a woman I know who had a flower shop called “The Blooming Idiot”. Heh, heh…. That’s called incoherent relativism, for whatever that’s worth.

  How tall are you? Two different people have told me that you’re tall, and both times I replied, “She couldn’t be that tall—I dated her.”

  Also, which gift fairs are you preparing for? “Making dolls is a talent and I’ll bet you’re good at it.

  Things are boring here, as usual.

  Write soon, Levi.

  Chapter 13

  “Boring?”

  So Levi thinks he’s boring, I’m almost beginning to believe it, but he seems intriguing too. Some of the things he says….

  I’ll write soon this time. He deserves a quickie. Oops, what am I thinking? But I will respond. After all, there’s nothing else going on at the moment.

  From Callii Wilson

  Oct 2nd

  Okay, so how tall am I? As I recall, I am taller than you. I have always dated guys that are shorter than me. I don’t know why but the tall guys like short girls. For example, my three boys are all 6’ 2” or taller, and they all have wives that are about 5’ 3” or so. I do think I have shrunk some. I am about 5’ 6”. Not only have I gotten shorter but I have also gotten rounder. I guess that comes with age.

  I saw your picture on Facebook. You guys had a football party, huh? What a handsome bunch. I can’t believe you left your wives home, though. That seems a little odd.

  It’s getting late and I am tired. My little Mattie is back with me for a few days and she is wearing me out. I start getting her ready for bed about 7:30, but I can’t seem to get her to settle down and get to sleep. She keeps coming out of the bedroom to talk to me, or show me a sore, or any other excuse she can come up with to not have to go to sleep. I have to threaten her with calling her mom to come and get her for her to finally give up. Got any suggestions?

  Well, enough for now.

  Have a good nite, Callii

  P. S. I forgot to answer the other question. I am preparing for a craft fair in Pocatello and another one in Salt Lake City. I think I might have to cancel the one in Salt Lake City because my little sister is having heart surgery. She was going to have it on October 5th, but as of today they are moving it back a bit. She is going to need some help, so I will be traveling to Iowa once again.

  ***

  From Levi Stone

  Oct 3rd

  Hey, it’s nice of you to respond so quickly, not that you need to, but for awhile there I thought I might have to wait another thirty or forty years to hear from you again.

  I’m calling in sick tonight—for tomorrow. I have a short road trip with an old friend. The only part I dislike is making the phone call to work and telling them that I’m not feeling well. Sigh—I hate to feel dishonest, but there’s always something that doesn’t feel right: a slight cough, a sprained finger, or an arthritic joint.

  Now, how tall am I? I was five foot eight when I graduated from high school and I still am. Neener, neener, neener—I’m taller than you. Do you wear high heels? That would make you look taller. And you were petite back then, which always makes women look smaller. I don’t remember you being tall, so…it must be your shoes. I remember that you were a babe, and not a towering babe, so bring it on.

  I think back to when I saw your picture in my yearbook a few months ago. I had seen your picture and that of many other classmates numerous times over the years, and no one had ever jumped off the page at me like that before. And in fact, I looked at your picture again last week and it was just a picture, there was nothing electric about it at all—sorry! But now we’re talking and I still don’t know why, it just kind of happened.

  Last night I was mowing the lawn and a thought went through my head. It made me smile. The thought was: I’ll
bet Mom was behind all of this! That just seemed to make sense and I wondered why I hadn’t thought of it earlier. You would have had to know my mother. She was an energetic little five footer that was always doing things for other people. And now that she’s up there on the other side, she understands what I go through in my marriage—because she can see. So anyway, there you go. Nothing too dramatic and kind of dumb, but it happened and it still makes sense, at least to me it does.

  So now, please tell me about your gift fairs. I may try and come to one and buy a doll or two, Christmas presents for the little ones. And don’t worry, I’m harmless and I’m a bit round myself. It does come with age, I guess. I just want to see you for a minute, that’s all.

  Levi

  P.S. Sorry, upon further review it seems I forgot to answer all of your questions. It’s getting late and I’ll try to make this as fast as I can.

  First, I hope everything will be okay with your sister. I’m sure there’s a story there. It’s nice that you have the time and freedom to help her out.

  I was hoping you wouldn’t see that picture of me on Facebook. I’ve told a brother several times over the last few years that, “I damn well look better in real life than I do in pictures or I’m screwed.”

  And we’re certainly not a handsome bunch, and we know it. After all, we’re pushing towards sixty. We know who we are and we’re not afraid to admit it.

  Our group of friends doesn’t get together all that much, but we did have another football party at Ty Morrison’s place just last week. Two of our group, Jack Davis and Rick Sundstrum have remained very close over the years, though. They have a great friendship and I’m a little jealous of that, actually.