Honor

by Sherryl Woods

  Finally, though, he had run out of excuses. The only one left to him was a plea for her to reconsider leaving at all, and that one he had promised himself not to use. Though yesterday he had fought her going, he knew that she was right. They needed time apart to sort through everything, to figure out exactly who they were.

  “You’ll call when you get to town?” he asked as he carefully closed the car door.

  “I’ll call.”

  She glanced up at him, her blue eyes shimmering with unshed tears. She blinked hurriedly, then looked away. He could barely hear her when she asked, “You’ll be careful? You’ll take care of yourself?”

  “Of course,” he promised. “You don’t think I’m going to undo all the good you’ve done with those nourishing soups, do you?”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to rent a car?”

  “No. You’ll be back before I need one,” he said, though there was a forced sound to his optimism. He touched a finger to her chin and tilted her head up until he could gaze directly into her eyes. “I’ll miss you.”

  “Me, too.” She hesitated, then reached for the key and started the engine. “I should get started.”

  “Right. Drive carefully.” He stepped back from the car.

  “I always do.”

  He couldn’t think of one more thing to say to make her linger. He reminded himself again that her decision to leave was the right one, the only one.

  So why did he feel a lump the size of Texas lodged in his throat as he watched her go? Why did he feel this aching sense of abandonment, of loneliness and loss, when the car wasn’t even out of sight?

  * * *

  Lacey prayed that she would be able to go back to Boston without anyone knowing. She didn’t want Jason and Dana hovering. She certainly didn’t want Brandon charging in to save the day. Why hadn’t she extracted a promise from Kevin not to tell them? Hopefully he would have his own reasons for keeping quiet.

  She turned the car radio on full blast, to an oldies station, hoping to drown out her thoughts. Instead, every song dragged her back down memory lane. She cried all the way home—big, sloppy tears that left her blouse soaking wet and her eyes red.

  It was dark when she finally got back into town. She had never felt lonelier than she did when she turned the key in the lock of the apartment she had rented months earlier. She went through the living room, bedroom and kitchen switching on lights. She flipped on the stereo because the silence seemed oppressive. This time, at least, she was wise enough to avoid old favorites.

  The apartment wasn’t so bad, though after the home she and Kevin had shared, it seemed little bigger than one of their walk-in closets. The furniture was slightly shabby, but comfortable. She reminded herself that in many ways she had been happy during her months here. There had been a contentment, though she’d always felt that something was missing. Not something material, just Kevin.

  Just Kevin, she thought mockingly, as if he were no more important than a comfortable bed or a faded print of some masterpiece. The truth of the matter, though, was that she could have been happy here for the rest of her days, if Kevin had been here to share it. She supposed that was just one example of that dependence he’d complained about.

  Enough, she decided. Tomorrow would be soon enough to tackle the future. She concentrated instead on settling in. It took her no time at all to put her clothes away, to shove her suitcases into the back of the cramped closet. Making herself a pot of tea wasted ten minutes at best.

  And then she had to face the fact that she was really and truly alone. Always before she had known in the back of her mind that leaving here and going home was her decision, that Kevin would welcome her back. It was entirely possible after the talk they had had last night that he would have second thoughts about resuming their marriage.

  She was startled when the phone rang. She considered not answering it, then worried that it might be Kevin. He’d looked fine when she’d driven off, but something could have happened since then. And he was the only one who knew she’d left the Cape, the only one who would expect to find her here.

  “Hello,” she said hesitantly.

  “Lacey, it’s me.”

  “Kevin. Are you okay?”

  “Fine. More to the point, how are you? You promised to call.”

  “I’m fine,” she said, clutching the phone tightly. So, she thought, they were reduced to polite chit-chat. “I’m sorry. I just got in a half hour ago. I was getting settled.”

  “Everything’s okay, then? You’ve locked the door? Checked the windows?”

  A smile crept up on her. “Yes. Kevin, this apartment is perfectly safe.”

  “Lacey, the security system consists of an old man who’d sell out his own mother for a bottle of booze.”

  “That’s not true. Charley is very careful about who he lets in. Besides, he’s not on at night.”

  As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she realized they’d been a mistake.

  “What do you mean he’s not on at night?” Kevin demanded. “Who is?”

  “Actually, there’s a buzzer system.”

  “My God.”

  “Kevin, it’s fine.”

  “Sure, okay. I guess you know what you’re doing,” he said wearily.

  “Thanks for checking on me, though,” she said, reluctant now to cut the connection. Kevin’s concern, even under these tense circumstances, made her feel warm and cherished.

  But of course that was what this was all about—proving whether she could stand on her own two feet without him there to protect her. She wasn’t sure which of them needed to know the answer to that the most.

  * * *

  Lacey spent the next day restocking her refrigerator, going through the mail and cleaning the apartment. It gave her one whole day of reprieve from thinking about the agonizing decision she had to make.

  By afternoon, a late spring cold front was pushing through, bringing rain and icy winds. The skies turned dark and miserable by five o’clock, mirroring her mood.

  By eight she was ready to scream. Fearful of what too much introspection might reveal, she picked up the phone and called Paula Gethers. She sensed that staying busy, that finding a new purpose to her life was going to be the most critical thing to come of the next days or weeks.

  “How’s the house coming?” Lacey asked without preamble, hoping to get her friend off on her favorite topic before she could pick up on any unwitting signals Lacey might be sending out.

  “Okay,” Paula said, then promptly added, “Lacey, what’s wrong?”

  So much for fooling an old friend. “Who says anything is wrong?” she said anyway.

  “I do, and I’m never wrong about these things.”

  “Look, I was just wondering if you could use my help tomorrow. That’s all.”

  “I can always use your help, but something tells me you want to hit nails so you won’t break up the furniture.”

  “If you’re suggesting I sound depressed, you’re right.”

  “Actually, I would have said angry.”

  “Maybe that, too. But I don’t want to talk about it,” she said firmly. “Not now and definitely not tomorrow.”

  “Then I will see you first thing in the morning and I will keep my opinion of your sorry state of mind to myself.”

  Lacey sighed. “Thanks on all counts.”

  “Hon, you don’t have to thank me for letting you work your buns off. As for the rest, you may not want to thank me after you’ve had time to think about it. You sound like you could use someone to talk to. Just remember, I’m here if you change your mind.”

  Paula said goodbye and hung up before Lacey could reply that the last thing she needed right now was more talk. She and Kevin had done enough of that to last a lifetime. Maybe if they hadn’t spent so darn much time digging below the surface of their problems, she wouldn’t be questioning the very foundation of her life right now.

  She had built her life on loving and being loved by Kevin
. Without him, what was left? Her relationship with her son and daughter-in-law to be sure, but they certainly didn’t need her hanging around twenty-four hours a day.

  Her thoughts were starting to be so depressing that she made the mistake of grabbing the phone without thought when it rang again. Any interruption would be better than more of these dark reminders of the state of her marriage.

  The sound of Brandon’s voice snapped her back to the present. Any interruption except this one, she corrected, wondering if she dared to hang up in his ear.

  “Good. You’re there. I’m coming over,” he announced.

  “Brandon, don’t,” she pleaded, then realized that she was talking to herself. Her father-in-law had already hung up.

  If she hadn’t been so furious, she might have laughed. Brandon was reacting totally in character. He was as predictable when it came to loving his family as, well, as she was. The comparison was the most amusing thing of all.

  Lacey briefly considered fleeing, but figured a stint in the French Foreign Legion wouldn’t take her far enough. She satisfied her need for some illusion of control by letting him lean on the buzzer downstairs for five full minutes before letting him in.

  Brandon glared at her when she finally opened the door, then breezed straight past her, carelessly tossing his Halloran cashmere coat over the back of a chair. He left his umbrella dripping all over the kitchen floor, then stalked into the living room. It looked smaller than ever with him prowling from one end to the other, a disapproving scowl on his face. He rubbed his fingers over the cheap upholstery on the sofa and shook his head, his dismay unmistakable.

  “I’m delighted to see you, too,” she said dryly, when it looked as if it might be a long time before he got down to saying exactly what was on his mind.

  “What’s the point of making small talk? We both know why I’m here.”

  “I doubt that,” Lacey retorted.

  He shot her a puzzled glance as her implication sank in. “What the devil’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that you couldn’t begin to know what’s gone on between Kevin and me the last couple of days, not unless your son has broken a lifelong cardinal rule and confided in you.”

  “I know you’re here and he’s still on Cape Cod.”

  “And how did you discover that?”

  “I drove out there today.”

  Lacey’s eyebrows rose at that.

  “I had some papers to drop off,” he retorted without a trace of defensiveness. “Kevin tried to cover for your absence, but he’s a lousy liar. That’s enough to tell me you two fools still haven’t settled your differences.”

  “Brandon, you can’t charm me into doing what you want,” Lacey said dryly.

  He gave her a sharp glance. “I wasn’t trying to charm you. Dammit all, can’t you stop jumping down my throat for five minutes and listen to what I have to say?”

  Lacey drew in a deep breath and apologized. “You’re right,” she said, sitting down opposite him. “Would you like something? A cup of tea, maybe?”

  “I came here for a real heart-to-heart, not to see if you’re up on your social graces.”

  “Fine. Say whatever you want to say.”

  He nodded in satisfaction. “Years ago I did you a grave disservice. Nobody’s sorrier for that than I am. You and Kevin came pretty close to lighting up a room with the kind of love you had. When the two of you stood up to me, I thought there’d never come a day when something more powerful than me would come along and change that.”

  She found herself grinning at the high esteem in which he held his own power.

  “What’s so danged funny?” he grumbled.

  “Nothing,” she said. “Go on.”

  “I’m not here to ask you again what your differences are. Kevin’s old enough to plead his own case.”

  To her astonishment, he actually looked uneasy. Before she could figure out what to make of that, he said, “I just want you to know if this has anything at all to do with those old days, I’m sorry for what happened and nothing would make me happier than to see the two of you back together.”

  Touched by the apology, even though it had come nearly three decades too late, Lacey found herself reaching for his hand and clasping it. “Brandon, this isn’t about you. I swear it.”

  “Halloran Industries then? You never did want Kevin to work there.”

  “That’s not true. I just wanted him to make his own choice, not to be bulldozed by you.”

  “Well, if it’s not me and it’s not my company, what is it?” he demanded as if the thought of anything else were totally preposterous.

  Lacey burst out laughing at that. “And Kevin complained because I had a narrow world.”

  Brandon glowered at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means, you crotchety old man, that I adore the single-minded purpose with which you protect what’s yours. Kevin obviously inherited that from you.”

  Brandon was shaking his head. “You think he’s anything like me?”

  “A lot more than either of you suspect, I think. Thank you for coming by. It means a lot.”

  “You going back there in the morning?”

  “No,” she said firmly.

  Brandon looked disappointed. “My powers of persuasion must be off a little.”

  “Don’t worry. I’m just a tougher sell than your run-of-the-mill client.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Tomorrow I’m going to build a house.”

  He regarded her as if she’d suddenly started speaking in Swahili. “Am I supposed to understand what that means?”

  “No,” she said, laughing.

  “Good. I’d hate to think I’d started losing my wits, when I have some plans for the future I’ve been thinking about. If I could just get the two of you settled and get that great grandbaby born, I might start thinking about my own life.”

  This time it was Lacey’s turn to be confused. “Am I supposed to know what you’re talking about?”

  He gave her a wink. “Nope. This business of keeping secrets goes both ways.”

  * * *

  Lacey felt her spirits begin to climb just a little as she arrived at the housing site in the morning. The thought of what the half-finished house before her would mean to some family was gratifying. Maybe she couldn’t do much to fix her own life, but she could do her part to help someone else get a new start.

  She wandered around the house in search of Paula or Dave, so she could get an assignment. She found Paula atop a ladder. Her husband, his hair tied back in a ponytail, was holding the ladder steady with one hand. The other was sliding slowly up the back of Paula’s denim-clad leg in an intimate caress.

  Lacey felt the sting of tears as she listened to their familiar bickering. There wasn’t a hostile note in the exchange, just the fond give and take of two people who’d found their own shorthand way of communicating.

  When Dave’s hand reached Paula’s bottom, she turned and glared down at him. “You’re not helping, David Gethers,” she grumbled, but Lacey could clearly hear the amusement in her friend’s voice.

  “How can you say that?” he inquired innocently.

  “Because I need to concentrate on what I’m doing here, instead of wondering where that roving hand of yours is heading.”

  “Don’t you worry about that. You go right on doing whatever you need to do.”

  “If I have to come down off of this ladder,” Paula warned with mock ferocity, “you are going to be one sorry man. Go check on the plumbers or something.”

  “It’s the or something I’m interested in.”

  “Dave!”

  “Okay, okay,” he finally said with weary resignation. He turned and caught sight of Lacey.

  “The woman is a trial,” he grumbled. “Maybe you can explain to her that there are more important things than checking shingles or whatever she’s doing up there.”

  Lacey laughed. “I doubt I’m the right person to
be giving anyone advice on priorities.”

  Paula peered down at her and immediately descended. “Good. You’re here.”

  “Ready, willing and able,” Lacey confirmed. “What’s my assignment?”

  “First things first. Come with me,” Paula steered her around the corner to an RV that served as a mobile office for the project. Inside, she held up a pot of coffee. “Want some?”

  Lacey hesitated, sensing that Paula had more on her mind than deciding whether to hand her a paintbrush or a screwdriver.

  “Sure, why not?” she said finally. She sat down on a corner of the office’s one cluttered desk.

  “So what did Kevin think when you told him about our project?” Paula asked.

  “He was very excited,” Lacey said honestly. “He wants to find a way to get Halloran Industries involved.”

  “So why aren’t you whooping for joy? Did you expect him to turn up here first thing this morning with a tool kit?”

  Lacey sighed and set the cup of coffee aside. “No, that’s not it.”

  “What then? Are you two reconciling or not?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Paula shook her head. “I don’t get it. You love him. He loves you. What could be simpler than that?”

  “He wants me to have my own interests.”

  “Like this project?”

  Lacey shrugged. “I suppose.”

  “Come on, girl. Pick up the pace here. I’m getting lost. What do you want?”

  “Let me see if I can figure out how to say this. The best thing about our relationship from the very beginning was that we always shared everything. Now he goes off to Halloran and I come here. I guess if anything, I’m envious of what you and Dave have. You share the same concerns. You work side by side.”

  “Can I assume that Kevin does not want to come over here and hammer things?”

  “He wants to write checks.”

  “Hey, we need people like that, too. Don’t even think about complaining about that.”