Pretend

by Riley Hart

  After they said their goodbyes, Gavin sat on the edge of the bed, his right knee bouncing up and down. It made him an asshole to be jealous right now. Mason’s father was in the hospital, and it wasn’t like Gavin didn’t have things going on in his own life as well. Isaac should be the last thing on his mind, yet all he could think about was the fact that Gavin was here, and Isaac was with Mason, where Gavin wanted to be.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  It took Mason longer in Denver than he thought it would. He’d slept for almost six hours before making it back to the hospital. His mom had refused to leave, but had practically shoved him and Isaac out. She had a pullout bed in his father’s room, so he’d felt okay about leaving her, and he’d obviously needed the rest.

  The talk at the hospital hadn’t been easy, but it needed to be done. He ignored the fact that he felt like the room closed in on him, getting smaller and smaller the longer he was there.

  Mason was a selfish man. He hadn’t realized that about himself until recently. He knew he had to change it.

  And he would.

  Finally, after another long day, he made his way back to Blackcreek. He would have been screwed without Gavin there to help the past two days. What would he have done? What would he do now? Because the fact was, he would need a lot more help in the near future.

  The sun started to set as he pulled into the parking lot of the bar. There were about ten cars in the lot, which wasn’t too bad. Thankfully this had all happened on a weeknight.

  Adrenaline built inside him as Mason made his way to the old, creaky door. This was where he wanted to be. This place was his. The thing he’d chosen his family over. The place he wasn’t sure he would be able to keep.

  Gavin stood behind the bar, serving drinks, when Mason stepped inside. His lover didn’t notice him there, and Mason took a minute to watch him. His movements were more confident. He laughed with a couple as he mixed their drinks, obviously telling a story by the way his lips kept moving and the animation in his body.

  For the first time since he got the phone call about his dad, Mason found himself smiling. He didn’t know what the hell it was about this man that made him feel so…good, but he did.

  And then he thought about his dad in that hospital bed again, and his mom by dad’s side. About the changes coming up and his behavior with his family, and his muscles turned to stone again. His gut cramped up and the smile dropped from his face.

  At the same time, Gavin looked up and saw him there. He paused a second, watching Mason, before he jerked his head back slightly as if to say come here.

  Mason tried to ignore everything weighing him down and made his way over to Gavin. The couple he’d been speaking with were now in their own conversation as Mason crossed his arms and tried to pretend his life wasn’t changing. “Becoming a bossy bastard, aren’t you?”

  Gavin’s posture loosened. He leaned slightly toward Mason, crossing his arms the same way Mason did. “How is he?”

  Obviously he wasn’t going to let Mason pretend nothing had happened. That’s what they did, though, wasn’t it? Neither of them let the other get away with shit. They called each other out on it and had this standing honesty between them that Mason wasn’t sure he’d ever had with anyone before. “Same.”

  “How are you?” he asked next.

  “We’ll talk later.” He grabbed the back of Gavin’s head and pulled Gavin toward him, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “How are things here? I need to check stock and put in an order. There are a few other things I need to make sure get finished up that I missed yesterday.”

  He was fully aware that he hadn’t let Gavin answer his first question, but that was Mason. Or it always had been. If something needed to be done, he made sure to do it. He put work first, and everything else second. It’s why he and Isaac had worked so well together. He only hoped Gavin would be able to deal with it as well.

  ***

  Gavin kept his eyes on Mason all night. There was a tenseness in his shoulders that Gavin hadn’t seen there before. His smiled forced, and his gait heavy.

  Which should be expected. His father had a stroke. That was enough to stress anyone out. But it didn’t stop there. Gavin wasn’t sure what else weighed so heavily on his lover, but he had no doubt there was something.

  And he wanted to fix it.

  Wanted it gone.

  It was the first time he wanted something like that for another man, the first time he wanted to fix whatever was broken because Gavin felt the overwhelming need to take care of what was his. He’d never really let something be his before, other than his career. He felt that way about Mason.

  Gavin waited until they closed the bar down. He hung out while Mason took care of orders and paperwork and whatever he could find to keep himself busy.

  Finally, Gavin pushed his way into Mason’s office. The man sat behind his desk; his eyes jerked up when Gavin walked in.

  “Hey. I’m just about done here. If you need to go—”

  “You know I don’t need to go.” He squeezed between Mason and the desk. Pushed his paperwork and laptop out of the way, and sat on the desk. Mason grinned up at him and Gavin shook his head. He wasn’t going to let his lover do that. He wasn’t going to let him distract Gavin with sex the way he had the other night.

  “So, what do we do from here, boss? What’s going on that I need to know about?”

  Mason’s right brow quirked up. “How do you know there’s something you need to know about?”

  Gavin shrugged. “Maybe I’ve spent so much time with my dick in your ass that I’m actually getting to know you? Either that or it’s the talking that’s doing it. Still not sure which. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”

  For the first time tonight, the smile on Mason’s face looked real. “Funny man, all of a sudden, aren’t you?”

  Gavin ran his hand through Mason’s hair. Gripped it and gave it a slight tug. “Tell me, Mase.”

  Mason sighed and then dropped his forehead onto Gavin’s knee. Gavin still had a hand in his hair, only now he used his thumb to rub the back of Mason’s head. One deep breath later, Mason sat up. “He could have died. He could have fucking died, and it would have happened with me being an asshole because, what? They raised me? Accepted me and gave me everything when they didn’t have to?”

  “No. Fuck that.” Gavin wouldn’t let him blame himself. Not that he didn’t want Mason and his family to mend their relationship, but he wouldn’t deal with Mason being angry at himself, either. “Don’t trivialize your feelings. You were hurt. We all get that way. They raised you, but they lied to you as well. Loving someone doesn’t mean you’re perfect. They weren’t, and you weren’t, either. Don’t use that as an excuse.”

  Mason studied Gavin for a long time before he nodded. “Fair enough. That doesn’t change the fact that he could have died. I left a lot on their plate when I came to Blackcreek. I never told them I didn’t want the business. Then one day I just said I needed a break and wanted to try and see what I could do with a bar. It wasn’t fair to them. They’re my family. The business is my responsibility, and Dad…he’s not going to be able to keep going at the same pace he was.”

  Which meant Mason would have to step in. Gavin got that. It still felt like some of the security he’d built here came crashing down with Mason’s statement. “The bar?” Mason loved this place. It would kill him to let it go, whether it’s what he believed he needed to do or not.

  Mason let out a slow, deep breath. His hands pulled into tight fists that he banged gently on the desk. “I can’t let it go. I should. Fuck, it’s just a bar, but it’s my bar. I don’t want to walk away from it.”

  “Then don’t,” Gavin said simply. “I walked away from my job without a fight. Don’t do the same thing. You’ll regret it. You deserve to have your dream, too.”

  Mason’s hands opened. He wrapped them around Gavin and pulled himself closer, so he fit between Gavin’s legs. “You’re damned smart, music man. That’s why
I keep you around.”

  “That the only reason?” Gavin asked.

  “Nope. Your dick, too. You’re pretty good with it.”

  “Only pretty good?” Gavin countered, and then, “so what are you going to do?”

  Mason shrugged. “Talk to Isaac. Maybe he can deal with everything if I take over Sundays and Mondays. I can work here my five days and then spend my days off in Denver. I can deal with Boulder and Denver from there; we just have to hope things straighten out in Durango without an intervention.”

  Gavin fought to keep his body from turning to stone. Fought not to feel that tug of jealousy that he had no right to feel. He hated that Isaac got to be Mason’s answer. For once, he wanted to be someone’s answer. He wanted to be Mason’s.

  “No days off?” Gavin asked.

  “You gotta do what you gotta do. Jesus, you know it’s going to kill me to leave this place for two days every week. I can hardly keep from doing drive-bys now on my days off. This is the first thing I’ve ever had that is completely mine. It’s something I’m building for me. But they’re my family. I owe them.”

  If there was one thing Gavin understood, it was the feeling of owing your family. For him, the reasons were completely different, but his parents had always loved him. They were his family. If you didn’t take care of your family, what else was there?

  “We’ll figure it out. I know I’m new here, but if you want to change my schedule so I’m here when you’re off, we can do that. I understand if you want to hire someone with more experience, but—”

  “Hey, Gavin?” Mason interrupted him.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you.”

  And maybe Isaac got to help Mason with his family, but Gavin had this. “You’ll owe me.” He winked at his lover.

  “I hope so.” Mason paused and then added, “Are you going to kiss me now, or do I have to tell you to do it again?”

  Gavin tried to forget everything else—his family, Mason’s dad’s stroke, how their schedules would change and the fact that Mason would be in Denver with his ex for two days every week. Instead he did exactly what Mason told him to do, and kissed the hell out of him.

  His dick hardened, and he’d do about anything to fuck Mason senseless right now, but instead he stood and nodded toward the stage, hoping this was the right thing to do.

  “Where we going, music man?”

  “To have your first lesson. You’re tense. Music helps me. Maybe it will help you as well.”

  Mason gave him a simple nod and then followed Gavin to the stage, where they spent the next hour playing together.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  The next couple weeks were crazy. Mason spent Tuesday thru Saturday working at Creekside. Sunday and Monday he stayed in Denver, not only to help with the restaurant, but also to help his mom with his dad. The stroke affected the left side of his body. He struggled moving it on his own, and was also in a wheelchair for now. They hoped with physical therapy he would gain control back, but there was no guarantee.

  Jesus, it made his chest ache to see his father like that. To know how close he came to death. And he would have gone with Mason being angry at him. With their relationship strained.

  And honestly, they were still living that way because Mason had no clue what to say to him.

  His time with Gavin had been severely cut into as well. He was tired and overworked. Gavin spent a lot of time at the bar, but work time and play time were two different things.

  As far as Mason knew, he still hadn’t spoken to his family, and that worried him, yet he hadn’t even had the time to talk to Gavin about it.

  It was a Monday morning when Mason jogged down the stairs in his family home. He had meetings today about the possibly of opening of another location that he hadn’t even known about before his dad had the stroke.

  It was a bad idea. Probably the worst idea there was, but his father and Isaac both pushed for it, so Mason decided to listen. There was a man that owned a failing restaurant who, as far as Mason could tell, wanted to cut his losses and run. Isaac and his father wanted to buy. It was cheap, yes, but it still felt like a colossal screw-up to Mason.

  Coffee. Before anything, he needed a cup of coffee, so he went for the kitchen.

  “Oh, Mason. I didn’t realize you were up.” His mom wiped her eyes and smiled at him.

  It was the first time he’d seen her cry since everything happened. He knew she needed it but would try to hide it. That’s how she worked. “It’s okay to be sad, you know? Or angry. That’s okay as well.” He poured himself a cup and then sat at the table with her.

  “Why? It doesn’t change anything.”

  He sighed. “No, I guess it doesn’t. It might help, though.” He was one to talk. Blood or not, he got his stubbornness from the woman sitting across from him.

  “I’d rather talk about you. How are you holding up with all of this?”

  Scared. Overwhelmed. Angry. “Good. I’m not sure about this new move, though. Buying another restaurant? Now just doesn’t seem like it’s the best time for that.”

  This time it was his mom’s turn to sigh. “I’m afraid you’re right, but I also think Isaac can handle it. He knows what he’s doing. If it was the three of you, I wouldn’t doubt it, but with your dad sick, and you…” She took a sip of her coffee. “You don’t want to be here, Mason. I know that. Isaac and your father see it. I know things have been…difficult, but we love you. Alexander’s was supposed to be yours, and I don’t see why that’s changed just because we’re not…” She shook her head as though she couldn’t finish. Guilt swung and kicked at all of Mason’s internal organs.

  “That’s not what it is. I left before I knew.” But they’d thought he planned to come back.

  “Then what is it?”

  Everything. How could he explain to the woman who raised him that he felt trapped? That he felt out of place here, and at Alexander’s? That he’d even felt trapped with Isaac. That he woke up one morning and realized he didn’t know for sure what he wanted, but it wasn’t the life he led. It would only hurt her, only make her feel guilt she didn’t deserve to feel. “It’s nothing. Everything is fine. I should go shower. Isaac and I are meeting soon.”

  His mom smiled at that. “The two of you always worked so well together.”

  Because all they’d ever really cared about was work. “He’ll always be a part of our lives. He’s as in love with Alexander’s as Dad is. We won’t get back together, though.”

  “Are you sure?” She raised a brow the way Mason often did.

  “You’re a damn gossip.” He winked at her. “It won’t happen. Plus, I’m seeing someone else.” He went to stand and realized his mistake. Now the questions would come.

  “Sit your ass back down, Mason Alexander. You have some explaining to do! How is it my only son is in a relationship and I don’t know about it?”

  Her eyes went wide, as though she wasn’t sure if she should have said that, and damned if that didn’t hurt. Mason wasn’t sure if it was because he felt guilty she would be insecure to call him her son, or because he needed her to be confident in who he was, so he himself could be.

  “It’s relatively new, and I don’t even know if it’s serious.” Which was the biggest fucking lie he’d told in a long time. He wanted it to be serious with Gavin.

  “Bring him around. We’d love to meet him.”

  Mason leaned over and kissed her cheek. “We’ll see. Things are a little hectic for both of us right now without trying to arrange family meet-ups. I need to go get in the shower before I’m late to meet Isaac.”

  Mason reached the kitchen door before he stopped and looked back at her. “I love you, Mom.”

  Her eyes welled with tears. “I love you, too, son.”

  ***

  Gavin’s car idled in his mother’s driveway. Mason’s dad’s stroke was a constant reminder that you just never knew what would happen. His parents were older. Neither of them was in the best health. It would kill h
im if something happened to one of them. Especially with things the way they were now.

  After getting out of the car, he headed for the front door, and knocked. He’d done that since the day he moved out—knocked on his parent’s door. It used to surprise him that Braden never did, though he guessed that was pretty normal. His family just had a different kind of relationship than Braden had with his.

  It took his mom minutes to get to the door. He heard both locks before it slowly pulled open.

  “Oh, Gavin. I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been praying for you. The whole church is praying that you’d be okay and that you’d find your way back home.”

  She pulled him into a hug and he closed his eyes, fought the urge to tell her he hadn’t found his way back anywhere. She’d asked him to leave, so he had. He didn’t need their prayers because there was nothing wrong with him.

  “That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? You thought about what I said. You see what your lifestyle has done, how it caused you to lose your job and threatened your family.”

  He couldn’t hold back at that. “It’s not being gay that caused those things, it’s ignorance.”

  “That’s what the devil wants you to believe, Gavin. That’s how he works. He twists things around, makes you believe in what’s wrong.”

  “No, Mom. It’s not.” Gavin stepped inside the house. “Let’s go sit down.” He closed the door and helped his mother into the kitchen and to the table. It was old; everything in the house was. His parents had never cared much about material things.

  Gavin pulled out a chair for her, and once she took a seat, he grabbed one for himself. “The man I’m seeing…his father had a stroke a couple weeks ago.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to hear this, Gavin. Don’t you get it? Your lifestyle is wrong.”

  “You might believe that, but it doesn’t change who I am. You might not want to hear it, but that doesn’t make it less true. Mason could have lost his father. I don’t want to lose you and Dad. You’re my parents, shouldn’t that be all that matters? This is who I am. It’s not changing. If we’re going to have any kind of relationship, who I love can’t matter.”