Pretend
Page 15
Was Isaac right? Was he trying to punish his parents because he wasn’t theirs? Could he really not get past genetics?
“Come on, boss. Let him go. Don’t do this here.” Gavin touched his arm and when he did, Mason’s hand fell from its hold on Isaac. He turned to see his mom’s hand shaking as she held it in front of her mouth, crying. Jesus, what was wrong with him? He’d almost just kicked Isaac’s ass in his family’s dining room.
“Come on.” Gavin’s hands came down on his shoulders. “Take a walk with me. Let’s go cool down.”
Mason needed to do just that.
***
“Fuck!” Mason yelled as soon as they were a good distance away from the house. They were in the garden, out back. Mason held his palms flat against a tree, leaning on it, his forehead pressed to the bark. “Tell me I don’t want to move forward with this new restaurant for the right reasons, Gav. Tell me it’s not because I’m only thinking about myself or because I’m pissed at them.”
Gavin didn’t know how to answer that. “I think your heart is in the right place. I think you want to do what’s best, and I think you’re trying to do what’s best. I also think the people in that house don’t know you as well as they think they do. Maybe you haven’t let them know you as well as you should. They see someone who wants completely different things when they look at you than what I see. Until they understand that, you’re going to keep going rounds.”
Gavin wrapped his arms around Mason from behind. “You’re hurt, too. Sometimes we don’t see clearly when we’re hurt. Until you deal with it, nothing’s going to change.”
Damned if those words didn’t ring true to Gavin, too. They grew roots, inside him, made their home because he wasn’t doing anything to change his situation, either.
“Do I think it’s a good idea to buy another restaurant? From what I’ve seen, no, but what do I really know? Maybe they need the money, and maybe it really will help your dad feel better. I do know that whether they buy one or not, you don’t have to work in them. I understand your commitment to your family by trying, though.”
Mason sighed. “Why the hell is dealing with family so hard?”
“Because we love them and want the best for them, and sometimes that hurts us.”
Gavin leaned back to give Mason space when he turned around. He had his back to the tree now. He hooked his finger in the loop of Gavin’s pants and tugged. “You’re smart. I knew there was a reason I liked you so much.”
“I thought it was for my cock and my music.”
“That, too. You make things feel better, music man. It doesn’t feel so fucked up with you around. It’s not about work and money and obligations with you. It’s about want.”
Gavin’s chest got full. His body temperature kicked up. That was probably the best compliment he’d ever been given. It turned him inside out. Reflected in his eyes. “Damned, if I don’t feel the same way about you.”
“Look at us, a couple of saps.” He shook his head. “I need to figure out where the hell my head’s at. I need to get in there and talk to my mom.”
Gavin agreed with him on that one. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.” He paused and then said, “Regardless, they love you, Mason. All the people in that house do, and I don’t think that love is dependent on running Alexander’s or not. Even your asshole ex, who I really want to knock out. Just once. Just one hit and I think I would feel better.”
Mason laughed.
“I don’t think he ever thought he’d lose you, and that scares him.”
“I think he likes to win, and right now he’s not winning. Come on. I need to get my ass back in there.”
And Gavin had a lot of things he needed to figure out himself.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Mason watched as Gavin pulled out of the driveway to go back to Blackcreek. Once his car disappeared, he let out a deep breath and walked back into the house. His mom sat at the dining room table, with her back to the door.
“Isaac left,” she whispered when he got close. “He’s been in your life since you were born, Mason. I can’t believe you would get physical with him.”
He took the chair across from her, knowing she wouldn’t understand. “It was a fight. It happens. He’d try and kick my ass if I pissed him off bad enough.”
Mason saw the red rings around her eyes when they made eye contact, and he quietly cursed. He didn’t want to hurt his family. She latched her hands together on top of the table and Mason noticed they still shook.
“I think you need to go see her, Mason. I think you need to know your birth mom—”
“No.” He shook his head. He didn’t need that. The people in this house had raised him. Why did he need someone who hadn’t wanted him?
“There’s something going on with you. Maybe you don’t see it, but it’s there.”
He was an adult. Who gave birth to him shouldn’t matter. “I know who my family is.”
She gave him a sad smile. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see where you came from. And if you want a relationship with her…” His mom sat up straighter, and Mason could tell it was a show. That she wanted to try and look like she believed this, even though it hurt. “You deserve this. It’s only natural to wonder. We should have given you this chance earlier.”
“Dad—”
“You let me handle him. I’m doing what’s best for you right now.”
And she always had. Both of his parents always had, so why in the hell couldn’t that be enough for Mason?
“It’s curiosity. Who doesn’t wonder where they came from? I,” she shook her head. “You met her once. Your father doesn’t know.”
Mason’s heart raced. He wanted this. Wanted information on the woman who had given him away. “He was always worried before. He said it was because of her history with drug use, but I think he was always afraid she’d want you back. I couldn’t tell her no, though.”
Mason leaned forward, his elbows on the table. She’d seen him? And as long as he could remember, he’d never known his dad to fear anything. Even this stroke. Isaac was right about the fact that it wouldn’t get his father down. He won. He triumphed. Yet he’d been afraid of losing Mason, the very thing Mason was letting happen.
“She came to the house. We spent the afternoon in the garden. She played with you all day. I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t hurt. My instinct was to hold you to me,” tears poured down her face, prompting Mason to move to the chair next to her. “You were mine. Ours. Not hers. But…it was beautiful as well. To see you talking and playing with the woman who brought you into the world.”
Damned if Mason’s hands didn’t shake, like hers did.
“That’s when she got her life together. That’s when…”
She married and started a new family.
Mason’s mom opened her hand. She held a small, folded piece of paper inside. “Here’s her phone number and address.”
Mason shook his head, the word no on his tongue before she even finished speaking. “You’re my mother, and my dad’s in the next room.”
She smiled, patted his hand, and then put the paper in his palm. “You want to know where you came from. I see it every time you look at me. I also know you love us. Take the information, Mason.” She kissed the top of his head and walked out of the room.
***
“How are things going with you?” Braden put his feet on the railing of the back porch. Gavin just finished giving Jessie a piano lesson, and the two of them were watching her play outside.
“Busy. And you? How’s married life?”
“Fucking great. I could pretty much ask you the same thing. You and Mason seem pretty serious.”
Gavin shrugged because he really didn’t want to go into his relationship with Braden.
Braden laughed. “I can take a hint.” He nodded toward the little girl on the swing. “You’re doing a good job with Jess. You miss teaching, I can tell. Why not go back to it? Or give more private lessons?”
Gavin shoved that truth away. “I’m not sure it’s the best time. I’m still trying to navigate how to work things out with my family. Mason’s got a lot going on with his dad’s stroke, going back and forth to Denver, and I’m helping with the bar a lot. I can’t see trying to…what? Start a business right now?”
Even to his own ears they all sounded like excuses.
“Sounds like a whole lotta reasons not to do it because of everyone else. What about doing it for yourself?” Braden grinned. “See how smart I am? Being married with a kid and now I’m all grown up.”
Gavin couldn’t help but laugh at his friend. He wasn’t sure Braden would ever grow up, but that was part of his charm.
And he also wasn’t going there with the man. “We’re not together anymore. You don’t have to try and figure shit out for me, remember?” He winked and stood up. “I better go. Mason texted a little while ago. He wants me to go down to the bar, so he can show me something.”
Braden opened his mouth but Gavin cut him off before he could speak. “Not that kind of something. Did you just say you’d grown up?” Honestly, for all Gavin knew it really was that kind of something, which he’d damn sure enjoy. He hadn’t fucked Mason in over a week.
“Where’s the fun in that?” Braden stood and patted Gavin’s arm. “Have a good one. I’ll talk to you later. And, I’m not trying to give you shit here, or trying to figure out your life for you, but you should really give some thought into the lessons. You love it. If Mason’s the kind of man who deserves you, he’ll understand that.”
Gavin nodded but didn’t go into any detail. Mason would understand. He had no doubt in his mind about that.
He made it out to his car when his phone rang. Gavin smiled, assuming it was Mason, until he saw Mom on the screen. His pulse kicked up a notch. It did that when she called now. Hell, maybe it always had, only now it was for a different reason. Mason’s dad’s stroke put things into perspective for him. You never really knew what could happen.
Gavin hit talk. “Hello.”
“Hi. I need a favor from you. We have our church banquet this afternoon. We do it every year and our pianist is sick. The music is a really important part of our celebration. It would mean a lot to me if you could fill in.”
Gavin dropped his head back against the seat. It made him an asshole that he didn’t want to do this, but spending the day around people he knew had prayed for his soul because of who he loved didn’t sound like a good time to him.
“Please. I don’t ask a lot of you. It’s for a good cause. We’re celebrating the Lord.”
Which was something Gavin didn’t have a problem with—he didn’t. He only had a problem with their representation of what that entailed.
Not only that, but he had Mason waiting for him. “I have plans with Mason today.” He wasn’t going to keep that from her. He already kept enough of himself hidden because of her belief of what it would do to his dad.
“Oh… I see. So it’s happening already? You’re choosing that man over your family? I hardly see you, Gavin. You stopped teaching to work in a bar. What happened to my son? This isn’t…we’ve loved you and would do anything for you, and you’re throwing your life away.”
Do anything except fully accept him.
“It’s one day, Gavin. Please. This is important to me. With your father in the home it’s… it’s all I have anymore.”
That’s what did him in. He knew how important this was. He knew how fervently she held her beliefs close to her. She dedicated her whole life to church, his dad, and Gavin. She’d been with his dad since she was seventeen years old, and now he was in a home. Gavin could do this for her. “You’re right. I’d be glad to help. What time do you need me?”
“It starts in an hour.”
Which meant he would already be slightly late. “I’m on my way.”
“Thank you, Gavin. You know I love you, right?”
He did. He always had. “I know. I love you, too.”
He called Mason as he drove. The bar sounded fairly quiet when Mason picked up.
“Hey, it’s me. I’m not going to be able to make it. My mom called. I have to head home and help her with her church banquet. The pianist got sick and I need to fill in.”
“Well, hell, what about my surprise?”
Gavin thought of Mason on his knees. Or being on his knees himself. Of sweat and hard bodies and fucking. Who the hell cared if Mason was at work? Gavin wanted him. That’s what he had an office for, and it had been much too long since Gavin had him. “You’re getting me hard. I like the sound of that.”
“Hey, you using me for sex? Who said this had anything to do with fucking?”
“No, it’s not just the sex, but the sex is good, too.” And that was the truth. He enjoyed doing nothing but spending time with Mason—they could be sitting around the house, working at the bar, or jumping out of planes. He felt like himself around Mason more than he did anyone else.
“It is. Hey, we’re slow around here. I bet I can sneak out for a couple hours and watch you play. That gets me hard. It feels like a Goddamned lifetime since I’ve done anything except work—here or Denver. It’s been all the same. I need to get out. Swing by the bar and I’ll follow you.”
He got what Mason was saying, but the thought of Mason dealing with his mom put a heavy weight in his gut. “You don’t want to spend your time out there.”
“I don’t, huh? You mean you don’t want me to? That’s okay if that’s how you feel, just don’t put it off on me.”
What the fuck? “I’m not putting it off on you. You can’t tell me you want to go spend your afternoon at a church function with the mother of your lover, who thinks her son is going to Hell.”
Mason was quiet for a second and then mumbled, “Shit.” There was noise on the other end of the line before he said, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll catch you later. I have customers.”
“Mason.” He wasn’t sure why he said his boyfriend’s name. Wasn’t even sure what to say after it.
“Don’t talk and drive, music man. Didn’t anyone tell you that’s not safe?”
“Always so damned bossy.” But he sounded like Mason, and that’s all that mattered to Gavin.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Mason hung up the phone a little louder than he needed to. He didn’t know why in the hell this bothered him so much. He understood feeling loyalty to your family. Mason experienced that same thing every day, yet he’d been instantly annoyed when Gavin canceled on him.
It was the stress. It had to be. And the uncertainty of the future. And the Goddamned piece of paper that felt like it taunted him every second since the day he received it.
But the truth of it was, all that had a way of falling to the back of his mind when he was with Gavin, and Mason wanted that. He needed it. And it hadn’t helped that Gavin clearly hadn’t wanted Mason to go home with him. He understood how Gavin’s mom was, but she also knew he was gay. Mason didn’t like to feel like he had to hide.
He spent his whole day moping around the bar like a damned child, angry and frustrated with Gavin. It was a big step for Mason to take Gavin home, and he wouldn’t have minded the same treatment.
“Piano, huh? Some of the bands Gavin brings in need a piano, or something?” Melody, one of their regulars, sipped her martini.
“Something like that.” Mason pulled some of the empty glasses off the bar.
“He runs the place well when you’re not here. You can tell he wants to do a good job for you. The two of you make a sexy couple.” Melody winked at him and Mason chuckled.
“Thanks. And you’re much too beautiful to sit around this place every week alone.”
She finished off her glass. It was almost closing time. Whe
n she came in, she typically left right before they closed for the night.
“The company in here is so much better than the company out there. I’m actually glad it wasn’t meant to be the night I tried to flirt with you. It’s good to see somebody I know happy.” With that, Melody set a twenty on the bar and left.
And he was that. His bar made him happy, and Gavin did, too. It was all the other shit that kept getting in the way.
Mason finished up at work before locking up. He let his other employee go, and finished up everything himself. Just as he grabbed his things to head out for the night, Mason heard a key in the lock, the familiar creak of the door, and then Gavin walked in.
“Hey, I…” His eyes landed on the piano, in the corner of the stage. Gavin stared at it so damn long Mason suddenly felt nervous. It was a foreign feeling, someone having that effect on him, but he wanted this to be something good for Gavin.
“I know you miss playing. I’m not sure if this is the best place for it. We can move it to your house if you want, but I just figured you do enough helping me around this place that—actually, fuck that. That’s not the whole reason. I wanted to do something nice for you, so I did.”
Still, Gavin didn’t answer him.
It wasn’t anything special. It was a used piano, but from the research Mason did, a nice one.
“You’re falling in love with me, aren’t you? Shit. I knew the piano was too much.”
It was those words that finally prompted Gavin to look at him. He smiled and shook his head as he pushed the door closed behind him. “You’re crazy.”
“Eh. You just caught me on a weird day.”
Gavin locked the door, and then made his way over to Mason. His T-shirt stretched across his chest as he moved. He stopped in front of Mason and shook his head again. “I don’t know what to say.”
Mason could see that in him, the confusion mixed with happiness, hiding behind the shock.
The almost shy innocence that he sometimes showed came out of hiding. Mason wasn’t sure what it was about that, but it always made his dick hard and his heart race. “I guess you better think of something.”