Yesterday Was Long Ago: Part One

by Hedy Thalberg James

  “Where to begin?” he stated uncomfortably. “I suppose I should first like to hear from Alex what reason he had for calling his little sister ugly,” he said reproachfully, looking at Alex and watching his son’s face carefully.

  “Because she is ugly! And I hate her Papa, I really do!”

  “Now what could she have done to you, for you to hate her?”

  “She….she killed Mama! And made you go away!”

  “Oh, my Lord,” he uttered slowly, cringing at his son’s words and feeling as if someone had stuck a knife into him.

  Surprise was evident on the governesses’ faces, although they did not utter a word.

  “Whoever told you that, Alex?”

  “I’m not telling,” he challenged.

  Karl turned now to Alex’s governess. “How long have you been with us, Miss Hilda?”

  “Two years, sir! He’s never had anyone staying with him longer than three months at a time, sir.”

  “Not much of a record, considering most of our employees have been with us all of their lives. And to think I’ve never even bothered to inquire,” he shrugged in disbelief.

  “Alex has become considerably nicer since you returned in 1848, or I might not be here any longer either,” she stated frankly.

  “Who recommended you?” he asked, sharply, annoyed with her frankness.

  “Your late sister, sir.”

  “I did not ask who had hired you, but who had recommended you. And who had you been working for previously?”

  “I had been governess at the curator Nordmann’s household.”

  “For how long?”

  “Four years, sir.”

  “And why did you leave? Or had you been dismissed?”

  “I left without any regrets, sir. They had five children at the time I was hired, and eight when I left! His wife had died in childbirth. I just simply couldn’t handle all the children alone any longer,” she replied sadly.

  “Good Lord, have mercy!” he exclaimed. “You were the only governess there?”, he asked in disbelief, thinking suddenly of poor Madeleine, the future Mrs. Nordmann.

  Now he turned to Juliana. “Has my late sister rescued you too and brought you in this house?”

  “Yes, Mr. Reinhardt. I came right after Verena’s birth, suffering right along with her and the whole family through all her lengthy operations. And Verena, she was such a very brave little girl,” she recounted the terrible time, almost in tears now.

  “Operations?” he asked, aghast. “What kind of operations?”

  “The ones she had to have on her back, so as not to remain disfigured! You didn’t know, sir? Oh, my Lord, now I’ve said something wrong!” Juliana exclaimed, her hands hiding her face, noticing Karl’s incredulous stare.

  He finally came back to reality and said slowly, still totally dismayed, “No, no! You didn’t Miss Juliana! I have once more been mercifully kept out of things that would hurt me by my dear family.” His face took on a tormented grimace, then changing to one of relief, he added gratefully, “Thank you both, very much! I assure you, things will change, for the simple reason that they just have to,” he promised sincerely, already on his way out and not waiting for an answer.

  Karl’s first thought went to his mother, who had been changing from such a lively lady into a rather somber one. She was mostly staring at Otto’s portrait, withering away more every day. “A most normal stage for a deeply grieving human being,” Dr. Novak had tried to assure him on one of his last weekly visits to her. Karl realized that he could not, at the moment, confront her about Alex’s bad behavior. Nor could he question her about Verena’s operations. He knew that she would absentmindedly, but calmly, answer him as usual. “Papa, Christina, and I did not want to trouble you. At the time, you were already suffering the loss of Louise!”

  Yes Papa, his dear Papa, God rest his soul, and Christina. Neither would have wanted to have him suffer more, just as his mother did not want it! He realized this now more than ever before, still recalling the day of his sudden departure, when Papa had encouraged him with his complete approval to leave. And after he had left, there had never been any mention in any of their letters what problems they had been faced with, always only writing about their pride in his attending one of Europe’s most renowned art schools, envisioning him to carry out one of his grandfather’s great dreams, that his grandson would someday be one of Vienna’s greatest architects. What a joke life had played on him. Him, in his beautiful surroundings in Paris, while his little daughter had been crying from all the excruciating pain she must have had to go through! And to top it off, his son was wondering where in the devil his father went! No wonder he had a negative outlook on life itself and had buried himself into playing the wars of the world, when all along, he needed one parent in his life. And small wonder he had to have a new governess every couple of months. He had doubtlessly been left to fend for himself, with all the agony in his and Louise’s parents’ lives going on, what with Verena’s operations and having to leave most of the upbringing to the governesses for a time. A governess, however qualified she might have been, would never have been able to replace two devoted parents, who had showered him with their love, all the while preparing him for the arrival of a playmate! Karl spun his thoughts, now already feeling sorry for his son and blaming himself for his shortcomings at showing love, and realizing also that Alex could not give it, since he really did not know what it was. Then, his playmate arrived and though her unfortunate birth defect had taken away all of the glory from him and the lavish love that he had enjoyed so far. Poor Alex, he would someday have to come to terms with all the hurt he must have suffered.

  As for his mother, the two months she had shut herself away from life would just have to do! The Reinhardts’ life must continue. However hard it would be for her, and how many trials would go on for them as a family, they would go on! He continued his thoughts, walking over towards his mother’s bedroom.

  “Is Mother still awake, Elsa?” he questioned the maid sitting in front of the room.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Then why are you sitting out here?”

  “She wanted to be alone, sir. I just thought I’d wait an hour and see if she might still need me.”

  “I see.”

  “Yes, sir. Sometimes she wants me to sit with her and she reads to me, and sometimes I read to her. Or we’ll take walks around the rooms, to strengthen her muscles. And then she sleeps again or talks to me about the late Mr. Reinhardt.”

  Curious about his mother’s habits, he tried to learn more from Elsa. “And how is her appetite? Does she eat regularly?”

  “Yes, sir, since Dr. Novak urged her to.”

  “Well, that is at least some good news! However, Elsa, should you notice something out of the ordinary I should know about, you will tell me, won’t you? It’s very important to all of us that she gets well soon,” he urged her, and was assured by her smiling nod and promise.

  “I certainly will, sir!”

  “She has Egon’s smile!” he thought, and was somehow touched and pleased. Arriving at his reading room, he finally sat down, lit his pipe, and hoped to relax and digest his situation. He rose and walked over to the window, seeing that the storm from a few hours ago had subsided, only the snow was still falling slowly and gently, covering the sleeping earth even more, as well as those who were below her; his father and sister, who had now been gone almost two months, and all the others before them! Sitting down in his favorite chair, he told himself that he would have to make an attempt to set things right. “My son hates his sister. My mother talks to a portrait. What next?” He tried to remember another February, that of 1840. What a different time…what a different day. But when one falls in love, everything is rosy, even in February! Even the bad weather did not matter then. It had been so very beautiful! He sat up now, trying to get his mind off the time ten years ago, concentrating on what had to be done in the future.

  ∼

  “As of today, I’d
like to take all my meals together with my children in the old coffee house. This will be large enough for us,” Karl instructed the head housemaid, Mrs. Blauser, the next day. “And after breakfast, I’d like to see all our servants in the hall. Just for a short talk. All of them, please.”

  Alex and Verena arrived for breakfast, perfectly dressed and groomed by their governesses, as always.

  “Good morning, Papa,” Alex greeted him nervously.

  “Are we all eating here together?” Verena asked after hugging him.

  “Yes, children! The three of us are going to eat here until Grandmother is well enough to join us.”

  “Then we’ll be four!” Verena said with great joy.

  “Exactly. And please stop covering your mouth or your tooth is going to be afraid to grow,” Karl jested with a wink.

  “I lost another last night,” she answered, now with an even more bashful smile.

  “Good! Now you’ll have two growing at the same time and they won’t be so lonely,” he laughed, turning to Alex.

  “Have you slept well, Alex?” he inquired, more kindly than Alex had expected.

  “Yes, Papa! And I was very proud of myself last night!”

  “You were?” Karl wondered what exactly his son had in mind to be proud of.

  “Yes! I obeyed your orders without any question, just like an officer!” Karl was relieved that the matter did not lie with his behavior towards his sister.

  “I always obey orders,” Verena quipped eagerly, adding, “I put my dolls to sleep every night and put away my books!” Alex made an attempt to roll his eyes heavenwards, however carefully refraining from commenting.

  “And now I am very proud of both of my children,” Karl complimented them kindly, mostly watching Verena. “She’s only got the dark-brown eyes and curly black hair of Louise. No trace of rosy cheeks, just a pale, rather lifeless complexion.” he thought sadly. And he was right, there was nothing else that would remind anyone of Louise, Verena having a rather wide nose and lips that were too fine with a domineering chin. “Poor girl. The Lord only knows how many scars are disfiguring her back and will stay with her for a lifetime!” But he had to admit that she was the most lovable, cheerful, and easy-going child God had put upon this earth for him. “For this, I shall always be grateful!” he thought, pouring himself some coffee.

  “Well, Alex. Now that you have been obeying my orders, I guess you’ll have to set up all your soldiers for a new battle with me!” Alex was ecstatic. “And,” Karl smiled, “once the snow melts, you and I shall visit the Museum of Armory. Did you know the collection of weapons there dates back to the time of Maximilian the First?”

  “Yes, I did, Papa! It’s the largest in the world,” he reminded his father in haste, and with all the vigor and enthusiasm he could muster.

  Karl could not remember ever having seen the boy happier, and asked, “Have you been there before, Alex? You seem to know so much about it!”

  “No, Papa, this will be my first time. But I have already read about it,” he answered, a hint of sadness lacing his voice. “Grandfather said it would be too grand for me!”

  “Well, I believe he may have felt you were a bit too young for it,” Karl said, attempting to sooth Alex’s bruised ego. “But I feel you are now coming of age where you and I can have a great time together there!”

  “Thank you very much, Papa!”

  Verena, who had been attentively listening to their conversation, was not a bit perturbed to have been left out of it and continued to eat her breakfast.

  “And as for you, Verena, I will have your governess find some nice place for us to visit once the weather becomes more bearable.”

  “Maybe we should wait until my teeth have grown back, please, Papa!” she implored meekly. “And then, maybe Grandmother will be well again also, and we all can go together. I have already been to the puppeteer theater twice now and I did so enjoy that!”

  Karl noticed Alex’s eyes rolling again and gave him a slightly admonishing glance, telling Verena, “You are a fine girl, Verena! And Alex, girls are special and this is why they have more interest in the fine arts. Generally,” he added.

  Again, Verena put her hand in front of her mouth, causing a laugh even from Alex now.

  “I am sorry about last night,” he finally managed to get out, not knowing in which direction to look first and having difficulty in expressing his apology. But to Karl it didn’t matter. Noticing the efforts of his son trying to make amends was satisfaction enough.

  Verena, with her easy-going and friendly way, helped him when she blurted out, “Oh, Alex, so am I!” completely forgetting her two missing teeth.

  “Apology accepted,” Alex said with the most dazzling smile he could muster.

  Karl, recognizing both their efforts to make him comfortable, hoped that this would be the beginning of a more amiable time to come for all of them.

  ∼

  “And how was your night, Mother?” Karl entered his mother’s bedroom, showing good humor.

  “Not so good, Karl!”

  “Neither was mine, if that is any consolation to you. However, my morning has started out delightfully! And if you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to you a little.”

  Stretching out her hand to him, she gestured for him to sit next to her at the table that had been moved near her bed, where she still had her breakfast dishes. He could see that, so far, she had touched hardly anything on the table. “It’s nice to have you to talk to, Karl! Why don’t you ring for the maid to take the breakfast away?”

  Taking her hand, and lightly squeezing it, he remarked, “It looks as though you haven’t eaten any of it, Mother. Don’t you want to continue?”

  “No, I believe I’ve had enough for now. But tell me, what have you to report that makes you so happy?”

  As he retold the incident of last night, he watched her closely to see how she would react to each detail. She finally picked up on his story and elaborated. “By spring of 1848, Thomas von Walden had nothing better to do than to twist every word Christina had told him of Louise’s death and your departure. As I said, this hateful man must have told Alex that the birth of Verena had caused his mother to die, and also that you had been sent away, when Christina had the children at the castle right after she met him. This man has caused so much sorrow, and I am still not sure whether I have forgiven Christina for allowing such talk… and also to take up with him in the first place! Don’t you think she should have seen through him and his rotten character?” she asked uneasily, not knowing where to place her feelings for Christina and also not sure if Karl would see them as misguided. Not receiving any reply, she continued. “As soon as Alex told us, we did not permit the children to visit her house again. And this will also give you an insight of why Papa and I were so bitter and behaved as we did.”

  “There is apparently still much for me to know!”

  She ignored his plea for the moment. “As for the other squabbles—who looks better or uglier,” she smiled amusedly, “there was a time when you and Christina were constantly in a contest and not any better behaved than Alex is now. Don’t you remember the times you both were hardly on speaking terms? Verena, now—she is a completely different child. She is so mild-mannered and not at all the fighting type. Besides, she looks up so to her older brother!”

  “Yes, I suppose we were not any different, but we did apologize to each other!”

  “As you have had to learn, at your father’s insistence I might mention, so will Alex from now on, I’m sure! Children just have to learn.” As an afterthought, she said, “You know, Karl, how much he treasured tranquillity, peace, and beauty in everything that surrounded him. And he loved your children dearly! Karl, I miss him so very much!” She had tears in her eyes now.

  Karl put his arm around her. “I know. I know, Mother! I’ve also spent half of my nights thinking about him and his wonderful and wise manner that put everyone at ease and kept all happy! And just as Papa, I also try not to talk abo
ut it, keeping away all unpleasant things. But how long can I bear it?” he sighed deeply.

  They were then interrupted by the maid, who had finally come to take away the tray, excusing herself for not appearing sooner.

  He resumed his train of thought again. “By the way, Mother, when are you going to be up and around again? We do need you. You realize that, don’t you? And we do want you in our midst. The children are constantly asking for you.”

  “Up and around,” she mused. “I am up every day, at Dr. Novak’s, yours, and Elsa’s insistence! Around, I suppose I am not....at least I’m not sure of it,” she smiled faintly.

  “I’ve just had a meeting with our staff. Needless to say, they are also asking for you and sending their love and best wishes!”

  “How nice of them! But why a meeting?”

  “Just to keep them informed and also to see that they stay as orderly as they always have been! And, of course, to show them that there still is a Reinhardt around for them who cares,” he said, now with a little admonishment in his voice.

  “I am so glad you did that, Karl, since I have no interest in anything whatsoever!”

  “I feel for you, Mother. Would you think that a change of scenery would make you feel better? I mean, as soon as the weather improves? I’m speaking from experience, you know.” He smiled, stroking her frail hand and thinking, “Whatever has become of this strong and resolute lady?”

  “Oh, Karl. I’m chastising myself for not telling you that for some weeks now, I have been thinking very strongly about this. But do you believe that once the mourning time is over—I mean, when I put away my black veil. Mourning will never be over for me, you know that—but do you think I could travel to Prague? I would like to see my family there.”

  “Your family?” he asked uneasily and in astonishment. You’ve never mentioned any family before!”

  “Well, Papa and I felt that they would only be trouble, and since he had had nothing but problems and expenses with his own family, we’d just have my family stay away also. And since he never minded expense, we would send them money also.”