I'm Still Wifey

by Swinson, Kiki

  “Goddamn! How niggas found out ‘bout that? Shit! It ain’t even been a week yet since I started fucking with her.”

  “C’mon Ricky, look where we at? You know somebody is always peeping shit out.”

  “So who told you this?” I wanted to know.

  “That nigga Dune from the trustee block.”

  “Damn! I wonder how he found out?”

  “I don’t know. But he also told me that most of the niggas ’round here know she be bringing you plenty of shit in here from off the streets. And right now, they straight hating on you, dawg.”

  “Fuck ’em, na mean?”

  “Yeah, but don’t sleep on them.”

  “So, whatcha think I should do?”

  “I don’t know, dawg. But you gon’ have to be real crafty with this one.”

  “Do you think that nigga Dune will tell you which niggas got me on the radar?”

  “C’mon Ricky, you know damn well you can get anything you want for the right price.”

  “Well, step to that nigga and see what his price is for that information and let me know. ’Cause I want whoever’s talking mouths to get wired.”

  “Oh yeah, for the right price, I can make that happen, too.”

  “Good. Because I’m about to put some shit in motion that’ll keep me and you paid in here. So I can’t let none of them crab-ass niggas interfere with that! And not only that, home-girls pussy is crazy good, so I ain’t ready to let nobody interfere with that, either.”

  Bossman laughed at my comment and said, “Damn, dawg. Is the pussy good like that?”

  “Yeah, man. That shit is popping! And it’s always wet, too.”

  “I betcha be tearing it up. Dontcha?”

  “You damn right! Every chance I get. But what’s so crazy is, when we first got together, she wanted to suck my dick instead of giving me some pussy. But I was like, nah. I wanna fuck. So then she was like, ‘but we ain’t got a condom.’ So you know I had to kick game to her, ’cause I was not about to let her walk out of that room without giving me the goods. So I told her, ‘I’ll pull out.’ And she went for it.

  “That’s what’s up!” Bossman agreed with me and then he said, “But, tell me what wheels you trying to put in motion? ‘Cause if you talking ‘bout that venture we were speaking about a few weeks ago, then I’m all geared up and ready.”

  “Yeah,” I started saying, “I talked to my peoples on the outside and they gon’ send us some good shit up in here. And I’m talking ‘bout shit that’s gon’ have these mu’fucka’s ‘round here looking like zombies.”

  “Oh, yeah. We gon’ need something like that.”

  “That’s what I was telling my peoples. And because that shit is so lethal, we going to be able to spread it around and blow up.”

  “So when are you trying to do this?” he asked me.

  “Very soon, baby boy! Very soon!” I assured him. ’Cause I wasn’t gon’ tell him exactly when my pack was going to make landfall. It ain’t good to let the next man know your every move. I mean, even Bossman know that. But I guess since I only been kicking it with him since my bid started, he thinks that I’m on it like that with him.

  And don’t get me wrong, ’cause he’s a cool dude, but I’ve got to protect my investment. And that’s some real shit!

  ***

  I got another letter from Sunshine today talking about she ain’t heard from the appeals court, which is a good sign that they’ll grant her the appeal. But I wasn’t trying to hear that shit. I don’t want to hear about nobody getting out of jail but me. So fuck all that other shit!

  And then her letter started talking ’bout how much she misses and loves me. But that ain’t nothin’ but game. I know she’s telling me this ’cause she wants my peoples to keep sending her dough, so her commissary can stay tight.

  Yeah. She thinks I’m stupid. But it ain’t that type of party with us no more. I mean, it ain’t like she can do something for me. I can’t get no pussy or head from her. So what good is she to me now? Not a damn thing! So I’m going to dead this pen pal thing with her real soon. She’s done.

  ***

  Later that night I woke up to the sounds of some bitch-ass nigga moaning ’cause some punk was sucking him off. Now this type of shit makes me sick to my damn stomach when I hear these niggas acting like a man and a woman. But as soon as the lights come on, the same ones be ’round here patrolling like they soldiers or something. That’s why I wish one of them would ever run up on me with that bitch shit! ’Cause when they do, I’ma straight put ’em out of their misery! Ol’ con-fused-ass muthafuckas!

  Nothin’s 4-Ever

  Rhonda called me early this morning and woke me out of my sleep to tell me she wasn’t going to be coming into shop today.

  “But why?” I asked because it’s not like her to miss any days, especially when I know she has a long list of clients’ hair that needs to be done today.

  “Because I am too emotionally drained right now to be around anybody, that’s all.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  She sighed and said, “I just got some unfinished business to talk to Tony about.”

  “Where is he?”

  “He just called me about twenty minutes ago and said that he was on his way here. And he thinks I’m stupid, too, but I bet you any amount of money that he’s coming from Letisha’s house. ‘Cause when I asked him where he was at, he tells me that he was just leaving his mama’s house. So after we hung up, I called Ms. Mable and she told me that she ain’t seen or talked to Tony in two days. Now you tell me what you think?”

  “Well, it’s obvious. The nigga lied. And now he’s going to come home with more lies. So don’t fall for that shit, girl.”

  “I’m not. But I am gon’ sit back and hear what he’s got to say. I mean, you should’ve heard him begging me to let him come back home. Talking about how sorry he is for hurting me. And that he ain’t gon’ do it no more because he sees how it’s affecting our kids.”

  “And what did you say?”

  “I told him that we need to sit down and put everything on the table and work it out from there.”

  “C’mon now, Rhonda. Girl, you know that shit he’s talking about ain’t nothing but game. I mean, look how many times this nigga done screwed around on you already. He’s not going to change and you know it.”

  “But we don’t know that, for real.”

  “Yes, we do. So please stop lying to yourself.”

  “But...,” Rhonda began saying.

  I interjected and said, “But nothing, Rhonda! This man of yours disrespects you and hits you in public. Now are you gonna sweep that under the rug? ’Cause if you do, trust me, it’s going to happen over and over again, just like all that other fucked-up shit he does to you.”

  “So, you wouldn’t let him come back?”

  “That’s not for me to say. But I will say this—stop short-changing yourself, because you deserve a whole lot better. And I know you can be so much happier if you just let all that baggage go.”

  “You’re right.”

  “Okay. So if I’m right, then whatcha gon’ do when that nigga come walking through the front door?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Oh, you know! It’s just that you’re afraid of going on with your life without him being in the picture. You’re so used to having him around, so you’re not sure if you can function without him. But you can, if you just stop letting him consume you with all his drama.”

  “Kira, it’s not that easy.”

  “Rhonda, I know it’s not. But it’ll get easier every time you take a step forward. You see, I did it.”

  “Yeah. And that was because Ricky got locked up.”

  “Okay. And you’re right. But, do you see me running down to the jail to visit him?”

  “No.”

  “Exactly. And that’s because I could care less about his no-good ass! You remember all the shit he used to put me through?”

  “Yeah.”

>   “But guess what?”

  “What?”

  “He will never be able to drag me through that bullshit again.”

  “Wait...hold up,” Rhonda said and then she got quiet.

  So I waited a second and then I said, “Hello,” but she didn’t respond. So I said, “Rhonda, you there?”

  “Girl, I’m sorry. But I had to put the phone down because I heard a car pull up to the house.”

  “Is it Tony?”

  “Yeah. It’s him. He’s out there parking his car now.”

  “Well, go ahead and get your thoughts together. Because he’s going to come at you with some game. But don’t fall for it. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “A’ight. Well, keep your head up! And I want you to know that I love you, girl. You have always been like a sister to me. So I’m going to have your back, regardless of what you decide to do. Okay?”

  “Thanks, girl. And I love you, too.”

  ***

  Later on that night, my baby Mark sat in the living room and waited for me to get dressed so we could go to the bowling alley. Nikki and Syncere had already called and told us that they was gon’ meet us at the place, so Mark put the pressure on me because he was ready to go.

  “Are you ready yet?” he asked in an impatient manner.

  “I’m almost,” I said as I began to tie up my sneaker laces.

  Immediately after, I stood up and got a glimpse of my 36-24-38 frame, and wondered how in the hell I got my big butt in these tight-ass jean shorts. And then I realized that it didn’t matter because I was looking so good in them. Plus, I knew Mark was going to love it. So as soon as I grabbed my handbag, I cut the light out in my bedroom and headed into the living room.

  “Baby, I’m ready,” I told him the moment I approached him.

  “Goddamn! Whatcha trying to do?” he commented.

  “What are you talking about?” I played dumb. But I knew he was talking about my shorts.

  “Yo, you need to go and change them, ’cause there’s no way I’m gon’ let you go outside with that shit on. They’re too tight.”

  “But they’re Apple Bottoms. That’s how they’re supposed to fit.”

  “Look, Kira, I ain’t trying to hear that. So go and take that shit off.”

  “A’ight,” I said and left the living room to change into something a little more loose fitting, which only took me about five minutes to do. When I returned he was already standing up and waiting by the front door.

  “Now that looks better,” he commented the moment he laid eyes on me.

  “Oh boy, hush,” I replied and then I flipped the light switch off while he opened up the front door.

  When we got outside, he walked ahead of me so he could unlock the passenger side door. Yeah, that’s just the gentleman working inside of him. And as soon as he closed the door behind me, two guys with black masks on and guns in hand came up from behind him and started unloading their clips on us.

  I heard Mark fall to the ground instantly and when I heard the loud thump, I knew in my heart that he wasn’t going to be getting back up, which is why I screamed at the top of my lungs and tried to scramble to the driver’s side of the car, but it was too late. I got hit with two bullets.

  I felt the first one go through my right arm like a flash of lighting while the second went through my right back side.

  Oh, my God! I’m getting ready to die. These bullets are burning my insides up and I’m bleeding everywhere. I need some help. But I can’t move.

  “Yeah, nigga! You thought it was over, didn’t you? Trying to play gangsta in front of your punk ass click,” I heard one of the guys yell. “Now, look at ’cha bitch ass!”

  I lay there motionless. I wanted these guys to think that I was already gone.

  “Take that nigga’s jewels,” I heard the other voice say.

  “A’ight,” said the first guy.

  And then I heard a whole bunch of movement and commotion on the ground. It sounded like one of the guys was struggling to move Mark’s body.

  And as bad as it sounds, I couldn’t bring myself to cry. I was in too much pain. And not only that, I knew that if I continued to play dead, then I would stay alive.

  “A’ight. Let’s go,” one guy said.

  “Wait! Let me see if his girls still breathing.”

  “Yo, I stuck her first! I know she’s sleeping. Now come on before the police comes.”

  “A’ight,” the other guy replied and then I heard them both run off. About a minute later, I heard a car’s tires squeal as they sped off.

  Now it took every ounce of strength I had within myself to move my body. And when I was able to do this, I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket book and dialed 911.

  “911, what’s your emergency,” the lady said but my mouth wouldn’t move. And then I went out cold and lost all consciousness.

  ***

  I began to hear voices and that’s when I realized that I had regained consciousness. I opened my eyes but was instantly blinded by the lights that were blaring at me from above. I closed my eyes and tried desperately to control my breathing through these plastic tubes I had plugged deep into my nose.

  “She just opened and closed her eyes,” I heard a familiar voice say. When I reopened my eyes once again to get a look at the person behind the voice, I managed to escape the light blaring down at me as the person who had spoken was blocking it.

  “Hey look! She opened up her eyes again,” the same voice commented.

  Now I knew who this person was, but I wanted to make sure, so I blinked my eyes into focus and that’s when I got a clear view of my cousin, Nikki.

  My home girl Rhonda was also in this picture. She was standing right next to Nikki.

  “Kira, baby, can you hear us?” Rhonda asked while I noticed that she had been crying.

  Now it took me a minute or two, but I answered her by nodding my head “yes.”

  Then she asked me, “Well, can you talk?”

  So I took a deep breath and began moving my lips, so the words, “Where am I?” spilled from my mouth.

  “You’re in the hospital,” Nikki said.

  “Where’s Mark? Is he all right?” I asked.

  But from Nikki’s facial expression, I could tell that he wasn’t, which wasn’t good enough because I wanted answers. So I asked her again.

  “Where’s Mark? Is he all right?”

  “He didn’t make it Kira,” Rhonda said. “The paramedics pronounced him dead before they could get him here. It was too late.”

  Hearing Rhonda’s words got me choked up really bad. The lump in my throat made it very hard for me to cry out. But, it didn’t stop the tears in my eyes from trickling down my face.

  “No, I can’t believe that,” I was finally able to say.

  “Listen, Kira, we couldn’t believe it either. But, he’s gone,” Nikki stepped up and said.

  “No! Nikki, you know he’s a fighter.”

  “Kira, baby, please calm down and take it easy.” Everything’s going to be all right.” Rhonda interjected.

  “Yes, girl. Everything’s gonna be all right,” Nikki repeated.

  And instead of uttering another word, I closed my teary eyes and just lay there as a lot of mixed emotions started overcoming me. And I’m talking about the feelings of knowing that a nigga I was starting to love is now gone and never coming back. But what’s so really messed up about all of this is that I was with him when those masked muthafuckas murdered him.

  Now how am I ever going to erase that night from my mind? I know that it’s gonna be damn near impossible to do. I mean, what am I going to do now? How am I going to go on with my life knowing that I’m not going to be able to have him lay next to me ever again? And how am I going to be able to go home and not think about the fact that he got killed right outside my apartment?

  And I know that there has to be some traces of his blood splattered all over my sidewalks. So what am I going to do? I can’t go home and see that. I j
ust can’t go back there, ever.

  Changing Da Game

  Nikki and Rhonda stayed by my side in the hospital room the entire morning. They tried every trick they could muster up just so I could feel better about the situation. But nothing they did worked. And what made matters worse was when the doctor who performed my emergency surgery walked into the room.

  “Hello, Kira. I’m Dr. Magno,” the six feet tall, bald-headed Caucasian man said. “I’m just stopping by and checking in to see how you’re coming along.”

  “Excuse me, Dr. Magno. But can you tell me how long is she going to have to be here?” Nikki jumped in and asked.

  “Well, it all depends on her. But I will say she could be here for a minimum of two days.”

  “Two days?” I said with frustration.

  “Yes, Kira. You’re going to have to be here for at least two day, so we can monitor your vitals. Not only that, you lost a lot of blood as a result of an internal hemorrhage. And unfortunately, the hemorrhaging caused you to have a miscarriage.”

  “Wait a minute, doctor...I lost my baby?” I said aloud as my eyes filled up with tears, hoping my mind wouldn’t register the thought.

  “I’m sorry Kira, but, yes, you did. And I assure you that there was nothing that could be done to save the baby. However, I have requested that you see a family planning counselor before you’re discharged from the hospital. So if you should have any questions, please feel free to address them to her. But in the meantime, I want you to relax yourself as much as possible. And when you start to feel the pain coming on, let your nurse know so she can give you the medicine I’ve prescribed for you.”

  “Well, doctor, can you tell us how long she’s gonna have to wear those tubes in her nose?” Nikki wanted to know.

  “It won’t be much longer,” he began saying. “Her nurse will remove them before her shift ends, which is around 3:30 this afternoon.”

  “Well, what about this IV? Will the nurse be taking that out too?” Rhonda jumped in and asked.

  “No, we’re going to leave that in for another day. And the reason for that is because we’re using it to dispense her meds. Plus, she was severely dehydrated. So we have to replenish her body with the fluids needed.”