by Love Belvin
I chuckled. No matter how many years I’ve known him, his usage of bro versus mine of bruh was a stark contrast. We’re from the same tiny ass state and still have different lingo. With as much of my vocabulary that has worn off on him, bruh wasn’t one of them.
“I hear you, Al,” I clinked my glass with his without warning. “I feel you, bruh.”
That was bullshit. At that very second, I wanted someone texting me something—about calculus, literature…fucking psychosexual development—anything!
Oh, fuck. I missed my Niña.
“Yo, what’s up with Zoey? You hit I see. Y’all still going strong?” Alton asked out of pure innocence. He probably thought since a couple of weeks had past, it was safe to, but to the contrary, it was still a private topic, and as of late, a sensitive topic.
“She good. I’m good,” I replied succinctly before taking a swig.
“Here you go with that secretive bullshit. Was she a virgin or what, man?” He pushed on. “I don’t believe shit her cousin, Angela, has to say. I know you hit, so spit it.”
I looked at him from the corner of my eye. He knew I didn’t run my mouth about sex, and I damn sure wasn’t about to start with Zoey. If I was honest, I’d admit to it being difficult not being able to have someone to talk this shit out with. It was too fucking complicated. She was so young. I knew the best thing to do with her was let her go. That, however, was easier said than done at this point.
“Okay, well what about Erika Erceg?” Al wasn’t giving up. “Man, she been running your ass down for almost a year now. If you don’t want that ass, please pass your dick over here so I can use it to handle her. God knows if and when my dick touches any pussy, Tynisha can detect that shit,” he snorted almost painfully.
I didn’t respond to that. In fact, I didn’t utter another word for the remainder of the forty-five minutes we stayed there. We all had an early morning the following day and needed to get the hell out of dodge.
We beat the Wizards; laid them on their asses at their home. While everyone was wild and boisterous in the locker room, I was preoccupied. I pulled my phone from the locker and found there was still no word from Zoey, but as I searched my phone, I saw there was something in there from Paul. He left a voice memo. Not a voice message, but a memo using an app. He drove me fucking crazy with these and typically used it when he had quite a few things to share. He said I didn’t comprehend long written messages well, but responded to this better. I thought it irritated the fuck out of me to hear his elongated pronunciations, but rode with it.
I plugged my earbuds in and hit play. Paul started with updating me on scheduling and upcoming meetings. It wasn’t until he was almost done that he got me to stop in my tracks.
“So, as far as your little mission: I was able to find out where Miss Zoey stays on campus. I called her dorm, but got her roommate, Rebecca, who informed me that Zoey’s phone has been out of service for a few weeks and that she doesn’t have a new one. I didn’t say much from there because you only asked that I try to get a new number for her. So, that’s that.”
Hearing Zoey’s name brought me back to that empty feeling in the pit of my gut. How do you have sex with someone for the first time and not follow up with even a call. I would wonder if she enjoyed herself those few short days, but every time I thought about how tightly she wrapped those legs around me and how violently her body rocked when I sucked between her legs, I knew we’d connected. I just wasn’t expecting the sudden disconnect.
I toyed with my phone the entire ride back to Philly. Each time I picked it up to respond to Paul with another move, I put it back down fearing rejection. What if she’d changed her mind about all of this? She was young after all. Shit, she was entitled. I’d changed my mind on lots of relationships when I was her age. But I wasn’t Zo…smart, funny, sexy as sin and courageous.
Fuck it.
I picked up my phone and typed my next set of instructions to Paul. I had to see this shit through. If ole girl didn’t want to be friends anymore, she was going to have to be mature enough to tell me.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Are you sure she’s in here, P?” I asked as I trailed behind him nervous as fuck.
“Yes!” he jumped and whispered forcefully. He’s such a damn crab. “You asked me to get the intel then to get us here. We’re here and you don’t trust me? You’re unbelievable, Stent!” he shook his head as we entered the Lewis Library.
“When did the jawn say Zo would be here? Was that tonight?” I asked, towering behind him.
He abruptly spun around again, this time with his weak porcelain finger pointed at me. “Don’t do that! Don’t do this, Stent!” he attempted to whisper but turned red while doing it. “You asked me to take on this menial task that I don’t like, but I did it because of the broad parameters of my job description—a description that doesn’t include private investigation, by the way—but I did it. Now don’t get out here and challenge my snooping capabilities, Stent. Don’t do that!”
I tilted my head to the side, giving him a warning glare. Paul is so fucking dramatic that I have to remind him who’s the fucking boss around here. The last time he pushed me past my limits I had him flying out of the room crying. I was too goddamn nervous to be dealing with his queen persona. Shit, my stomach was in knots.
Nervously, Paul shifted his gaze past me and retracted his finger. “I know what the roommate said, okay? I had to play like I was her World History classmate to get questions answered. She said the Lewis Library; I know what I’m doing here.” His tone was much more reasonable.
I followed him through the open foyer, then through the walkway of the main hall and up the stairs, taking two at a time and reminding myself that I was, in fact, following him. All I could think was what if she wasn’t alone. What if she was studying psychosexual development? When we got to the private room where Zoey was supposed to be, my chest tightened and my fucking knees went weak. Paul pushed the door open and I quickly pushed out breaths to even them before stepping into the doorway.
She was there at the table wearing earplugs, with books spread out everywhere. She wore a thick cable knit sweater, looking as angelic as I’d remembered. Her doe eyes were big and pretty with her long lashes and pouty lips that she used her teeth to scrape over. She was surprised to see me.
Zoey…
“You’re making that sound in the back of your throat,” I noted out of pure nervousness. I didn’t exactly have a script planned in case Paul was right about finding her.
~~~~~~~~~~
Zoey
At first, I was speechless. I didn’t know if this was real or if I’d fallen asleep in the library again and dreamed of him.
He was tall, almost having to duck into the room. Even in the relentless freezing temperature outside, he wore an open jacket with a V-neck sweater, revealing the various patterns of his body art. He didn’t crack a smile as he studied me. I immediately grew self-conscious about my appearance. My hair was thrown back into a sloppy ponytail. My blue sweater had been washed so many times the integrity of the blue was dim. My lips were dry and I tried licking them discreetly, but who was I fooling. With the depth of Stent’s observation, he likely knew the color of my bra. He always saw right through me.
“And you need to step up your defense. You barely won that last game,” I murmured, sounding like an idiot. I knew nothing about basketball, had yet to watch a game. I didn’t know what else to say.
Paul’s brow line narrowed, probably confused by my very false dig. Stenton chuckled.
“Who was the team we played?” Stenton quizzed, his voice low.
“The one with the tall guys on the team. Duh!” I shot back.
He moved closer and my legs trembled beneath the table. He didn’t sit, but came unmistakably close enough for me not to miss his words…or his scent.
“You haven’t called.”
My eye squeezed shut. From the moment I saw Paul, I knew I’d have to answer for my absence. I just didn’t know
how to tell him my life had gone to pieces from the moment I left his car that day nearly three weeks ago.
“I-I know,” I whispered before dragging my lip between my teeth again. “It’s been a crazy time since we last spoke.”
“Really,” he snorted. “I guess I would be privy to that had you simply picked up the phone, but it’s clear that we’re no longer the friends I thought we were.”
His long calloused fingers skimmed gently over my knuckles that were curled into tight fists. I took a deep breath at the shooting surge of electricity from his touch.
With my eyes closed I whispered, “We are still friends. At least I hope so.”
“Best friends?” he pushed. This time his voice was closer, his minty breath hitting my flushed face.
I opened my eyes to find him just inches away, now sitting on the table, hovering over me. It was now Stenton’s turn to seduce. Suddenly my breathing hiked and breasts felt heavy and confined. My eyes darted over to Paul and found him with his back to us on his phone.
“Yes,” I breathed.
“Then why the distance, Niña?” I heard the plea in his voice; I saw the shadows of betrayal from my abrupt absence in his marbled eyes.
I swallowed the painful tension, hard. I didn’t want to trouble him with my issues. I knew I’d thrown a lot on him in Alpine with being deceptive and manipulative. God, what he must have thought of me. But I didn’t want to lie to him. He was right; he’d been my best friend, in no time.
I trained my eyes to the table and willed the courage to tell him the truth.
“Stent,” I whispered. “When you dropped me off, it was early and I thought to drive home and check on my parents’ house. I got the mail and saw another foreclosure letter amongst other bills. I stayed there for a few hours, trying to decide if I should call them while they were away at a prayer conference, likely petitioning this very thing. Then there was a knock at the door. It was a certified delivery of the foreclosure notification. I stayed there that night, not wanting the house to be unoccupied. Then the next day my phone was cut off. I forgot that I wasn’t able to cover the entire bill this month. Then the following week my laptop broke down. I don’t have the money yet to fix it, so I’ve been coming here a lot.” I shook my head, exhausted by it all. “It’s just been crazy.”
I tried to suppress the tears to the point of developing a burning sensation in the back of my throat. I didn’t want to initiate a pity party.
“I guess that splendid idea of graduating and landing a lucrative job isn’t working out too fluidly,” I choked out wryly.
Stent didn’t smile. Instead, his head leaned in and he studied me for seconds long. He then pressed play on my iPod and lifted one of the earbuds to his ear. I heard Ledisi’s powerful and soulful voice rip through the tiny pores of the other earbud still on the table. I felt my eyes close again at the longing of her vocals, begging to be found because she needs to love again. Her pleas of needing to be rescued echoed those of my recent prayers. This moment also was shared by the feeling of betrayal. Stenton was getting a glimpse at the side I fought to keep from him.
When she sang the line about wanting to live, Stenton’s eyes jumped to mine. I watched as his jaw clenched almost to the point of popping. There was no mistaking the plea in the song that was on repeat. It’s all I listened to; one of the two tracks I’d been meditating to for weeks. A part of my soul had been revealed.
“Ewwwwww…that’s depressing.” I jerked my head toward a grimacing Paul. Stent was shooting him daggers, too. “I’m just saying!” he rustled before turning back to his phone.
Stent’s gaze returned to me. “Friends keep in touch with friends so when friends need love or to give it, friends can do just that,” his deep baritone rolled over me, caressing my skin like velvet. “Look at me, Zoey!” he rumbled. I did and felt my nose trembling. “Maybe I needed a friend to tell me about my defense, or lack thereof.” His full lips quirked up into a smile.
I sputtered a laugh. He knew I had no clue of his game. “No. You need prayer to help with keeping that ball,” I continued with his joke.
“Do you even know what position he plays?” Paul’s tone wasn’t shy of a sneer.
I peered over at him. “Of course I do, silly! Stenton Rogers is a quarterback. Duh!” I doled out while looking straight into Stenton’s amused eyes.
I heard Paul gasp, but didn’t acknowledge him. I was too caught up in Stent’s enthralling smile.
“Paul,” Stent called over his shoulder and reached behind him to retrieve something from Paul without removing his penetrative gaze from me.
“Oh, shit,” Paul cried, patting himself down. “I’ll be right back.” He dashed out of the room.
In spite of that weird exchange between the two, I was still caught up in Stenton’s presence. My humor died down, smile was fading, and so was his. I’d experienced more happiness in those short five minutes than I had since leaving him that day, weeks ago. He moved toward me, and I leaped from my chair. The heat emanating from his lanky and incredibly delicious countenance was unbearable. I’d spent weeks wondering if I was somehow being punished for what I did with him. To him.
“What the fuck, Zoey?” Stent groaned. His face twisted with confusion.
I was against the wall, panting hard. Ridiculously aroused.
Raising my arm in defense, I babbled, “I-I didn’t tell you everything!”
My face set into a grimace as if I was being tortured, and I was; I was tormenting myself with why things had turned so grim for me right after Alpine.
I swallowed hard, and unsuccessfully tried catching my breath. “I Googled you,” my eyes darted over to Stenton, whose brows were narrowed.
“Okay…,” he said expectantly, more or less asking me to continue.
“And I know how much you make. I didn’t call you because I couldn’t. I couldn’t have you believe that after what I’d done to you, I wanted something from you. I’m not one of those girls!”
He inclined his ear towards me, gesturing for me to go on with my point.
I scraped my bottom lip between my teeth. “Stenton, from the night you kissed me last summer when we said goodbye, I knew I’d developed feelings for you that I’d never experienced with anyone. That night, I told myself I was going to give myself to you. I purposely didn’t tell you I was a virgin…I left crumbs for you to believe I was experienced, all to…” I was out of breath. Stent moved closer to me, tantalizing my already heightened senses. “Gosh, Stent, I fell in love with you over the summer! Who does that? I didn’t know how sex was going to happen, but I knew it would. I knew it was wrong, but I…” I was at a loss for words. “I knew you were a basketball player. Angela told me you were “the man,” but I didn’t know.” I shook my head at my naïveté. “So when I was online researching the foreclosure process in the state of New Jersey, I needed a break from the stressors and thought about you right away. I know we joked about your celebrity and I said I’d avoid your public persona…when I found out, I froze. I thought of the stupid game in Alpine, the way I seduced you for selfish reasons, but none had to do with your wealth. I swear it!”
I was so lost in my discloser that it hadn’t registered when Stenton drew closer. Really close. He had me sandwiched against the wall. And his scent. That enticing Bergamot odor, disarmed my defenses, definitely affecting me in some abstract way.
“When all that stuff was happening and I needed someone to talk to, I couldn’t come to you. After I found out all about…you know…your net worth, I knew I couldn’t come to you with this convenient travesty after what I’d done to you.” The rough pads of his fingers traced the lining of my quivering lips. I hadn’t exactly noticed that right away either. “I didn’t know about you when I did that. I think—no, I know I need to apologize for not being lady-like…or Christian-like. You must think I’m—”
Stenton’s mouth crushed into mine and the next thing I felt was his tongue near the back of my throat, soothing the burn that affli
cted me by attempting to control my emotions around him. Then I felt spikes of pleasure down my groin from his oral movements. He lifted my legs, one by one and wrapped them around his narrow waist. My hands found their way into his hair, knocking his baseball cap from his head, and suddenly I couldn’t recall what I’d been trying to convey. I could only feel the push of Stenton’s arousal against mine. Could only feel the need to rub off the pulsing of my core onto his.
Stenton grabbed my heavy breasts, kneading them through my thick sweater. I could hear my ragged breaths. His big hands rose to my head, holding me in place as if I’d fly away without his consent. My hands flew to the wings of his back, desperately wanting to rub the ink splayed back there just as I did several weeks back. I then felt his hands all over my waist, causing traces of lingering sensations wherever he touched. Our kiss turned hard and fast in no time. When he pulled from my mouth, I was gasping for air. He looked at the adjacent wall for a while, clenching his jaw. I wondered what he was thinking, but couldn’t catch my breath to ask.
Then his heated gaze returned to me and everything happened in slow motion. He was channeling something with those marbled orbs as he bore into me with them. His eyes only dropped to watch himself pull at the drawstring of my sweats. My line of vision followed his. My back was against the hard cold wall, my front was against the hard hot essence of Stenton’s arousal.
My chest dropped and fell, dropped and fell and dropped in and fell in anticipation. The wild look in his heavy eyes made very clear what his intent was. The only question was whether or not I could be so bold to deliver. The knot was undone and his marbled orbs were intently regarding mine once again. He slowly licked his lips causing my sex to clench. I missed him so much. Just in that short three-day getaway with him in Alpine, I’d familiarized myself with his expressions of desire. The back of his hand caressed the short hairs of my private area. His eyes flickered. He was communicating with me. I then felt his long finger moving lower until I felt it at the juncture of my labia—
