by Love Belvin
“What the hell?” I heard preceded by the forceful close of the door.
I jumped into Stenton’s hard chest as he simultaneously grabbed me and supplied a salacious grin. I chanced a glance beyond his left shoulder and found Paul seething, his hands on his hips and bouncing on one foot.
“Were you seriously going to fuck her against the wall…in the library?” Paul gasped.
My neck reversed back over my shoulders and saw the unwavering mischievous smile on Stent’s face.
“Uhhhhh…cameras!” Paul whispered forcefully. “Did you think of that, genius?”
I banged the back of my head against the wall at that revelation. What am I doing? I lowered my right leg from his high waist, trying to stand, but Stenton grabbed me at the sides of my thighs.
“No!” he growled thickly. My breathing increased again. He lowered his forehead to mine, closed his eyes. There were a few seconds before he whispered, “I don’t like not being able to call, to contact you.”
I felt myself exhale. “I’m sorry,” I whispered painfully. I didn’t know what I was apologizing for; it just felt right. His compelling scent reminded me of the private experiences we shared weeks ago. “Well, I do have a crisis happening right now,” I squeaked remorsefully.
Then I felt an object being stuffed between us causing a sharp pain just beneath my bra line. My head jerked down and saw Paul, pushing a small box and looking pointedly at me. I looked up at Stent and found him rolling his eyes, clearly annoyed. Mechanically, I took it and examined the image of the smartphone on the cover.
“My number is programmed in already,” Stenton’s deep tenor forced my attention. There was strong regard in his eyes, something sobering. “Call me.”
This time, I successfully pulled myself down from him and studied the box.
It took a few seconds, but I murmured, “Sheesh! I could always email to keep in touch.”
Stenton shook his head. “You seem to have a roadblock there, too, remember?” Stenton reminded me.
And before I could speak, Paul piped in, “And don’t think that won’t be resolved soon.” His tone was laced with sarcasm. I honestly didn’t know how these two worked together.
I looked directly ahead at Stenton, expectantly. He returned it with a shaking of his head that gestured I should ignore Paul’s attitude.
“We have to go, Stent,” Paul warned. “After the stunt you pulled last month with skipping out of town without letting anyone know, you shouldn’t be pushing it like this.”
“I have to go,” Stenton murmured regretfully. “Zo, call me when shit like this goes down. Just call me. All the crazy shit going through my mind these past few weeks…”
“What?” I plucked a brow. “Did you think I was too busy sorting out psychosexual development with Leo?” I gave a mock gasp.
The corners of his lips quirked into a half smile.
“That’s cute, but that smart ass mouth is going to get you in a world of trouble with me,” he all but whispered with a smirk playing at the corners of his lips before walking over to the door after Paul.
The sad look in Stenton’s eyes told me he wanted to stay with me just as much as I wanted him to. It took me a minute to come down. I could still feel the heat from his touch. Could still smell the aroma of his cologne. I collapsed against the wall and fell on my haunches. When I landed, a sharp pinch of my skin had me hopping to my feet. I reached around to my back to assess what caused the alarming nip. I felt crisp paper and pulled it out to find all types of bills; Benjamins, Grants, Hamiltons and Washingtons folded. I went back and sure enough, there were more. I quickly counted over twenty four hundred dollars.
When did…? How?
Then I heard a chirp from inside the cell phone box. I scrambled to the table and opened it. There was notification of a text. I slid the bar and found a message from “Niña’s Lover”.
That’s all I had on me.
He knew I’d found it.
You didn’t have to do this. I collapsed my woozy head on the table. All of a sudden, I felt exhausted by all of this.
Yes, I did. Call me…day or night!
I stayed there in the library for at least another two hours. I spent much of it trying to get Stenton out of my head. I couldn’t. I was now in a realm with which I had no experience. I felt things for him that made no sense to me cognitively, but my heart—and body—was so easily and naturally inclined to the idea of him. I needed help sorting through my feelings and could only think of one person with whom I could trust this crazed elation. Just at that thought, my stomach growled. I packed up my things and headed to New Brunswick.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Momma, when did you know you were in love with Daddy?”
I sat at the small kitchen table that I’d spent countless hours of study at, watching her work at a comforting pace as she cooked.
“What was that?” Ruth rudely interjected as she came busting through the kitchen.
I rolled my eyes. “I asked Momma when did she know she was in love.”
“Why don’t you ask me that question? I may be the youngest, but we all know I got the most experience of the two of us. I’ll school you on that.” She grabbed a soda from the fridge and swung her small body into the seat across from me.
“Because I’ll get the Bonnie and Clyde version of illegal infatuation.” I plucked a brow, warning her to back off.
“It’s more than you’ll ever have, always got that face stuck in a book.”
“Better a book than a mug shot,” I quickly returned.
“All right now,” my mother’s voice carried without being too high an octave. “We’re not going to start this fighting. Our family is going through enough as it is.”
Just then, Ruth’s phone rang. She answered it with the biggest and most mischievous smile that I wanted to gag at the sight of. The trouble my family had been experiencing had begun because of Ruth and her affinity for thugs. Almost a year ago, Ruth was arrested with her boyfriend when he had been pulled over for bad papers on his car. That minor infraction wasn’t the biggest find that night. No. The biggest was the drugs they found in the vehicle. Although they found small amounts of cocaine on his person, she was with him and caught the same charge. My parents had to hire a good lawyer—one they technically couldn’t afford—to beat the charges. Unfortunately, they used monies that should have been paid on their mortgage and car for her representation. They’d been underwater ever since.
It had taken months for me to work through my resentment of my sister. I read countless scriptures and books on forgiveness. It had been hard watching everyone in our home be preoccupied with staying afloat except for Ruth. She’d broken up with that boyfriend for unrelated reasons, and moved on to another of the same caliber. It upset me to no end.
“To answer your question, young lady,” my mom called over to me, awakening me from my trance, “I knew I was in love with your daddy when I saw a husband in him. I had lots of crushes when I was a young girl. But when I saw myself as his wife, I knew I was in love.”
I sighed, resuming my previous source of frustration.
“So, because I don’t see myself as his wife it means I’m not in love?”
My mother paused as my gaze was fastened to her kneading hands that were in a mixing bowl, preparing dough. “Is this about that tall young man that came over here Christmas?”
My eyes averted in inferiority. I never lied to my mother, but discussing something that had become so precious—complicated—to me almost overnight wasn’t as easy as all of our other conversations. Sarah Barrett was my best friend. There was nothing I couldn’t come to this woman with. My mother never judged; only guided and nurtured. I had to get on one accord with her concerning this. I needed answers.
“Elizabeth Ardell Barrett, don’t you look away from your momma like you stole the last of the porridge. Spill it, young lady!” Her voice was so firm, yet powerfully controlled. She didn’t want to alert my dad or sister.
I rolled my eyes back over to her. “I told him I love him,” I squeaked.
Her left hand landed onto her popped up hip. “And if I know my own child, you meant it.” It wasn’t a question. She knew I’d never been in love nor made it. Her long searing gaze was inquisitive. And as my mother, she knew every answer that didn’t leave my mouth by asking the questions that never left hers. She knew that I had given myself to Stenton Rogers. “Did he at least say it back?”
I chanced a glance to see her mouth wide open and her brows furrowed. She was unsettled.
“Yes, Momma.”
“Do you think he meant it?”
“Yes, Momma.”
“How?”
I sighed, feeling my stomach jump in my abdomen, the same sensation I’d always feel when I thought of Stenton. “Because he looks at me as though I’m the coming messiah. It’s hard to explain, but when his marble orbs hit me, I feel a power over him too potent for a mere human being. It empowers me and scares the crap out of me at the same time. Momma, I’m so…”
“Confused.” She answered for me. My sister re-entered the room and just when I thought the conversation was over because my mother snapped out of protective mode and went back to her dough, my mother continued, “And afraid.”
“Yes, Momma. Afraid.” My voice reduced to a whisper. She understood me.
“Well,” Ruth inserted herself back into the conversation. “…if you still a virgin, Zo, you ain’t in love, or you crushin’ on a man that don’t want you ‘cause I truly do believe you are going to die with your library card in one hand and your v-card in the other.”
“Ruth!” my dad shouts from the living room. “Come turn this TV to my sports channel.”
Ruth sucked her teeth, but quickly obeyed as she swung her legs from beneath the table very dramatically and stomped her way out of the kitchen.
“You just make sure y’all be careful, young lady,” my Mom whispers over to me with her face contorted. She was not happy, but not judging either.
“We always do, Momma,” I fully put it out there to make it clear that she knew about my move into womanhood. I couldn’t keep that from her.
She rolled her eyes hard back into her bowl. “Go get cleaned up for dinner. I hope you stayin’ for the peach cobbler.”
“Momma, I have to get back on campus. I didn’t come for dinner. And I keep telling you not to make so much food now that I’m not here. We really have to cut back,” I whined. I had been so worried.
I shared the foreclosure letter with my parents when they returned. I even supplied them with information on the procedure and possible alternatives. While they took the paperwork and promised to look at it, they pushed me out the door and back to campus begging me to not get stressed over it. They assured they’d take care of it. It was too late. I’d lost four pounds since then.
“Elizabeth, this here is my home. I gave that foreclosure mess and repo junk to the Lord. He will provide for us. As your mother, I want to encourage you to finish what you started at school. You should be focused on that. Not here with something that me and your daddy is petitioning for in prayer. We gonna survive this.” She moved to the fridge. “Now, here. I already packed this up for you. I knew you would be back any day now. You don’t ever seem to stay away for too long.”
She handed me a Pathmark plastic bag filled with Tupperware. Every time my mother cooked, she would include enough for me. Although she constantly threw my butt out of the house, ordering me back to campus, she would never fail to feed me while away. I was grateful because in all honesty, I couldn’t afford to feed myself.
“Thanks, Momma.” I wrapped my arms around her voluptuous frame and squeezed all the fortitude from her that I could. I could stay in this woman’s arms forever. No one could ever make me feel so secure and loved. The closest to it was…Stenton.
I was almost out of the kitchen when I remembered another reason for my impromptu visit.
“Oh, here. This is for you. Don’t tell Dad.” I pulled out the same wad of cash Stenton magically planted on my person just hours before.
It was all but $200. Some of that went to gas to get me to my parents’ that night, and the rest was for food and a study book I desperately needed, but couldn’t afford to get. I shouldn’t have said I never lie to my mother, because that night I did.
My mother gasped. “Girl, where did this money come from?”
“Shhhhhhhhhhh!” I jumped up and grabbed her at the shoulders. The last thing I needed was Ruth coming in there finding out about Stenton.
“You know I tutor. I mattress all of my savings. I wanted to let it accumulate to have something generous to offer.”
“You’re always offering your tutoring money. I‘on’t recall ever seeing anything like this, Elizabeth!” At least she kept her volume low on that one.
“I know, but I’ve been getting lots of referrals. My momma breastfed me and gave me a big brain,” I charmed.
“Zo, didn’t you say your laptop crashed? Don’t you want to use this to get that fixed or your car?”
“I’ve been spending a bunch of time in the library tutoring, so I use the computers there. Don’t worry about me. I’ve been petitioning God, too.” I winked before leaving my mother with an aghast expression.
When I went into the living room, I saw my dad and Ruth glued to the television. It was an odd sight, seeing the two, who were always in conflict, doing something together.
“Zo, ain’t this the one you and Angie volunteered with this summer?” Ruth asked.
I shifted towards the television and sure enough, there was Stenton being interviewed my Stephan A. Smith. I couldn’t stand Stephan A. He was more emotional of a debater than I preferred in a man. And his tone and accent irritated me to no end, but my dad was a fan, forcing my attention to his on-air persona.
“Yeah. His friend’s the one Angie tried to say her baby was by. Foolish little girl if you ask me,” my dad murmured somewhat under his breath. The family was just getting over that dud of a scandal.
“You two are both foolish if you ask me. There’s no way that summer would have ended with me still being poor. Y’all ain’t play your cards right. Dude is fine and paid? Yup! Fools.” Ruth’s tone was resolute.
My dad’s head shot back to her. And there goes the peace. While my dad gave a rebellious Ruth a piece of his mind, I turned my attention back to the screen where I watched a series of basketball-related questions Stephan threw at Stenton, who was skilled at answering them. Stenton used knowledge and charm as he articulated his answers and responses. The only thing alluring about that segment of the interview was ogling Stenton’s heart-shaped lips. They were plumped and even a dim shade of cerise as the top was wider than the bottom, creating sensual perfection. Involuntarily, my sex clenched.
“So, let’s talk about something you hate to discuss: your personal life.” Stephan provided a disclaimer to prepare Stenton. “You know man, back in the day the media couldn’t get enough of airing your dirty laundry. What has changed? You are an extremely, extremely private man now. Speak on that.”
Stenton smiled, squinting his eyes to the point of closing them—something I loved. “I started giving my laundry to the cleaners instead.” Stephan belted out a hard laugh, Stenton followed. “Really. I grew up with cameras and microphones in my face. Eventually, I grew rebellious and didn’t care what others said or reported.”
“And now?” Stephan asked, almost cutting Stenton off. Indicative of why he irked me!
“And now, I know the best things in life are things that can’t be shared. I now have the advantage of letting people get to know me without the assistance of Google. And I’ve been enjoying it.”
Was that an insider for me? No. It couldn’t have been. Stenton knows I don’t follow his career. But he told me he’d put away his wild and reckless behavior at least two years before meeting me, so why use an insider only I’d appreciate?
“So, here’s the question every female I work with,” St
ephan gestured behind him, “…and am friends with will never speak to me again if I don’t ask. Are you dating anyone?” Stephan’s eyes grew larger than they usually are.
He annoys me!
Stenton’s face wrinkled to express contemplation. “Uhhhh-mmm… Dating? Not exactly.”
“Well, what the hell else is there, StentRo?” And there’s that name again. Usually only his teammates referred to him as that. That could have only meant they shared some level of friendship, comradery. “I mean, you have to date every woman you have that type of connection to,” Stephan goaded.
“This is true, but sometimes these things take on different paths. I’m on a different path right now.”
“All right. I know Stenton Rogers and that was a shut-down answer, which means that’s all we’re getting. Crack the code for yourself and confer with your girlfriends, ladies. That’s all the time I have…” Stephan went on to end the interview.
“Hmmmm…you know who he’s screwing, Zo? It sho’ nuff ain’t you. You spent the whole summer with him and probably didn’t get him to even look at you,” Ruth taunted.
“That’s it, young lady!” My dad jumped from his chair. “Upstairs. You go to your room if you wanna encourage behaving like a harlot. Not in my house!”
That was my cue. I kissed my dad on the cheek while he was still fuming at Ruth. I sent a teasing wave her way before I left the house. I had too many things to think about. So much had happened that evening. My mom didn’t help much but accepted that I’d been with one of the most respected basketball players in the world. But that didn’t help provide resolve with what I was feeling for him. I didn’t know how to reconcile that.
Two days after seeing Stenton in the library, a fully loaded MacPro was delivered to my parents’ home. I couldn’t believe he went through the trouble…and expense. It took me a few hours to rebound from the shock his gift hurled me into.
Stenton, however, never waited for me to call him; he made sure to text me every day from that day out.
Stenton: What are you up to?
Me: At the Laundromat.
Stenton: Doing what?
