Love Delayed

by Love Belvin

  I don’t know how much of the sermon Stenton took in, but he kept his eyes straight ahead. I, on the other hand, couldn’t focus on anything but this man whenever he was around, especially today during this awkward encounter. Stenton remained locked and still. At one point, I heard Tynisha scolding Alton for being on his phone in the house of worship.

  When service was over and Pastor Whitaker directed everyone down into the dining room for food in celebration of the christening, I noticed most of Stenton’s crew headed in the opposite direction to the door.

  Stenton finally turned to me and murmured, “I have to leave, but before I do, I need a word with you outside.”

  I nodded my head keenly. As we left the pew, my mom appeared with a warm smile. Stenton asked her to take Jordan while we spoke. She agreed and Stenton kissed a sleeping Jordan, who ironically smiled. That caused a pang to rip through my chest.

  “He’s going to need a diaper change really soon. He didn’t have one all service long,” Stenton informed my mother as a responsible parent should.

  Yup! I feel like crap!

  When we continued outside, I didn’t know what to expect. Stenton and I had never really fought. We hadn’t really argued since our initial interface when we were forced to spend time together while Alton and Angela had their short-lived affair. Other than him breaking my heart, we had nothing to fight about.

  On our way out, Pastor Whitaker stopped him.

  “Mr. Rogers, I’m so glad you were able to make it. I apologize. Had I known you’d be a little late, I would’ve waited for you. I know today’s a busy day for you,” he offered genuinely.

  Stenton shook his hand and offered an amenable smile. “That’s all right, Pastor. I’m just a mere man; no one to wait on. That was made clear to me today.”

  My mouth swung open as Stenton tossed me the nastiest glare. Pastor Whitaker must have caught on as he cleared his throat and swiped his nose.

  Stenton then amended, “Pastor, I appreciate your service in christening my son and the hospitality shown to my friends and family today. Although I know you’re not in the business of making money, I insistent on speaking with Zoey’s parents to discuss an appropriate donation to your congregation. With the years I’ve missed in tithing, I know I can cough of something to show my appreciation.”

  “Well, you don’t have to do that, Mr. Rogers, but we would appreciate what you do give, even if it’s only your time for the Word.” Pastor Whitaker extended his hand again. “Thanks.”

  “Yeah, well, I appreciate the support you’ve given Zoey during a time when an unexpected decision had to be made. Thank you for not being as critical as the masses.” Stenton gestured to the church and I died a thousand deaths. Again! “That went a long way with me.”

  I noticed Stenton never referred to Jordan as a mistake. No matter how unexpected, Jordan was a blessing from God.

  “We love Zoey. And we now have Jordan to love as well.” Pastor Whitaker nodded. “God bless your family,” he spoke to both of us with a gleam in his eyes before walking off.

  Stenton directed me down the church’s steps, to the sidewalk, and almost to the corner before he stopped. I noticed Rob and Barry trailing a few feet behind us, but distant enough to give privacy. With each step, my heart almost raced from my chest in anxiety.

  He then abruptly turned to me, placing his fists on his waist. “Let me tell you something. I don’t know what the fuck you thought you were doing today by not—”

  I sucked in a breath as my eyes felt like they were being pulled from their sockets. “Stenton!”

  “Don’t fucking Stenton me! Zo, you know you could have told me that my fucking son was going to be christened today—”

  “Stenton!” my throat shrieked in alarm. “You are in the middle of the championship!”

  “FINALS!” he shouted at my ignorance. “They’re finals! And yes they are important, but nothing is more important to me than my son and supporting you.” He pointed his long finger over my shoulder towards the church. “If this is the shit you’re into then I’m into it, too! It means something to me!”

  “Well, Stent, it’s not like we’re together.” That felt juvenile as soon as it left my lips. I tried amending it. “I know you have a life.”

  “Yeah, and I’m putting myself and several of my teammates, who came today to support me, at risk of being fined for showing up late to practice. A practice in Boston we may not even make! But I’m here for my son. It’s not just you, Sarah, Michael and Karen!” His face morphed into a grimace. “And then you had the nerve to have that…Bernard…” Stenton turned and punched the air as he mumbled a string of expletives. He returned to me. “I don’t know what type of feminist bullshit you’re on—”

  I gasped. “Stenton, you know I’m no feminist!”

  “Bullshit!” He drew closer to me. “You’re so fucking independent. Zoey, you may be a single woman who’s a mother, but you’re no fucking single mother. I’m his father. I’m an equal partner in this! When you make decisions like this, you need to involve me!” Stenton took a moment to breathe. And just when I thought he was done, he continued, “Let’s not act like I’m not footing the bill for the food they’re in there partaking of right now. Let’s not act like I’m just a sperm and financial donor. I am Jordan’s father!” he stabbed his chest with his index finger. “I am here. I am your partner…whether you like our setup or not, we’re going to make the best of it. You will not pull shit off on me like this. And if you continue to, Zoey, I swear to fucking god you will feel every bit of it! I will not tolerate it. I’m. Here!”

  Shocked. Shamed. Embarrassed. Foolish. Those were some of the words that could best characterize what I felt in that moment. I couldn’t speak. Had nothing to follow up with. The Queen of Comebacks had no comeback. He was right. Even today, during one of the lowest moments of my life, he’d shown up for me…uninvited and all.

  I stood there and widened my eyes in an attempt to keep my tears inside. My chest heaved and nose flared. Stenton pivoted again and that’s when I saw my mom just beyond him. Stenton must have caught her in his peripheral, too, because he turned completely toward her then let out another string of profanities under his breath. I knew he didn’t want her to have caught his tirade.

  As my mother approached us I noticed the plate she held in her hands. She had her loving smile in place. A smile that could sooth anything…up until that moment. My heart was still bleeding.

  “Stenton, I came out here because I know you love my cream cheese pound cake. I was told you don’t have time to eat with us, but I know you’ll always make room for this.” My mom handed him the plate.

  Unable to look her in the face, Stenton took the plate and murmured, “Thank you, Sarah. I appreciate this.” A few beats later, he croaked out a low, “I’m sorry.” And I was aware he was exclusively speaking to her.

  “Son, there’s no need to apologize.” Her voice was so calming as she gently took him at his broad shoulder. “I was not aware of this, but I will be talking to Zoey about co-parenting even though you two are in a precarious situation.” Her eyes turned restless, she was disappointed in me. “You’re a great dad. You go on. Get to work. We don’t want you in any trouble behind this. I’m glad that you showed up for your son today. Thank you for showing up for my child, too.”

  My child? I’m a grown woman!

  Stenton walked off to his waiting truck, tossing me a last glare before getting in. I turned my head and inadvertently collided with my mother’s feverish glower.

  “He’s just so frustrating! I don’t get him. You know how I feel, Mom. You know what I’ve been through. You said yourself, you don’t like the confusion taking place between us.”

  “I said I don’t like confusion, honey. Stenton doesn’t at all seem to be the one confused.” She gave me a searing gaze before walking off herself, leaving me, just like Stenton did moments before.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  July 2008

  “What are yo
u looking at? I thought you came over to help me sort this laundry.” I laid Jordan’s fresh onesie in the pile with the rest of the white ones on the dining room table.

  Tynisha glanced up from her laptop and rolled her eyes. She sighed, “Mascot, what you need is a damn maid, not someone to help you. Have you looked me up lately? Do you not know what I do for a living? It’s a little awkward when I don’t even do my own.”

  “But that’s what you said when you called to tell me you were stopping by.”

  “That was just to get me in here. God knows you won’t come out,” she hissed as she went back into her screen.

  “Anyway,” I exhaled. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m…ummm…looking up Alton’s activities to see if he’s been cheating.”

  “Huhn?” My jaw fell to the table.

  “Yeah. There’s this small production company out of Delaware—run by some guy Alton went to high school with that moved down there—who has been doing a documentary on him for years now.” Tynisha’s voice was low and the cadence of her words staggered as she was so engrossed in what was on that screen. “They’re recording him like my camera crew does me, and uploading small clips on their website to drum up anticipation. And I’ve been watching to catch him in the act.”

  Tynisha and I had been relatively cool for months, but never had I felt comfortable enough to inquire about the policing she does with Alton.

  “How would video footage prove anything unless it actually shows him in the act?” I knew Alton could be a bit dumb, but even he wasn’t that foolish.

  “Look.” Tynisha flipped the laptop so that I could see the screen. “See, I know Alton. If he’s fucking this bitch, he’ll avoid looking at her in public. He doesn’t want anybody to know. In his mind, he thinks the best way to fool people is to not acknowledge her at all. Because Alton can’t keep his dick in his pants, he naturally stares at a woman with his tongue hanging from his mouth. So, I’m looking to see what he does with this one girl,” she points her perfectly manicured nail at the grainy image of a woman on the screen walking down an alley with at least six other people alongside Alton.

  “So, what is he doing?”

  “I haven’t figured it out yet. This is my twentieth time watching and I see a little eye action on his part, but I can’t quite tell.”

  “Does that method really work? Is your theory even valid?”

  “It works. It’s how I was able to tell he was fucking your slutty cousin a few years back when she tried to say he got her popped. I looked up the footage and saw he wouldn’t look at her when y’all was leaving the country club and diners. He doesn’t even know how he gives himself away. I could also tell that Stenton was fucking you because he kept stealing looks your way. Alton is the exact opposite.”

  That stopped me in my tracks as I held a burping cloth midair. “Tynisha,” I shook my head and tried stifling my laughter. “Stenton and I weren’t involved back then when Alton was sleeping with Angela.” I decided to ignore her labeling of Angela, realizing it would be futile in correcting. She was understandably upset by the situation. “We didn’t start…you know…sleeping together until well after that summer.”

  “Well, whatever. My point is every woman has her method of telling if her man is cheating. Every man has a rhythm. I know Alton’s. Like, I always try to make sure to give Al the snatch before one of us leaves town. When I can’t give it to him, it increases the chances of him getting it from somebody else.”

  I rolled my eyes at that utter bull crap. Men who want to cheat will cheat!

  I sighed and wrinkled my face to fortify myself. “Ty, doesn’t that get a bit exhausting, always checking up on him to make sure he’s doing his part in keeping with fidelity?”

  She looked up and into the distance, considering my question, as elementary as it was. Tynisha shrugged, “I don’t know, girl. I’ve been doing it for so long, I have no idea.”

  I scoffed. “It would get a bit tiring to me.”

  Then her eyes narrowed. “Well, it beats sitting here doing laundry like you’re getting paid for it. What are you doing with yourself?”

  I fought my grin as I shook my head at Tynisha again.

  Tynisha’s neck snapped back. “Mascot, don’t judge me! I’m sure you know Stenton’s rhythm and you try your damnedest to make sure he doesn’t trip out on you, especially with Erika Erceg sniffing around his balls. Him having a baby recently has not slowed her chase at all, in case you didn’t notice.”

  I’d heard of Erika. She was a drop dead gorgeous woman of Syrian descent and had been almost an overnight household name for a sex tape of her and a rapper that went viral a few years back. Erika was also a reality television star like Tynisha. I got the distinct impression she didn’t care for her competition. But I had no idea she had something for Stenton.

  I tried shaking that scenario from my mind and resumed folding clothes. “Stenton and I are not together.”

  Tynisha didn’t skip a beat when she observed, “According to you two, you were never together, but baby Rogers back there,” she flicked her fingers to the back of the apartment where a napping Jordan was, “…would claim otherwise.”

  I chuckled while shaking my head. That’s when I noticed Tynisha staring at me dubiously.

  “What?” I narrowed my brows.

  “You and Stenton ain’t sleeping together?” Her already slanted eyes, contracted even more.

  “No!” I snorted. “Stenton and I haven’t been together in ages.”

  “I’m sure since the baby…”

  I shook my head. Not that I was exactly comfortable with sharing about my sex life or lack thereof, but I felt I could be candid with Tynisha. She was a celebrity herself. What public figure didn’t appreciate confidence?

  “No. I haven’t been with him since well before I had Jordan.”

  “You better be careful. I know Stenton’s a freak. I’ve heard he’s into that kinky shit…chains and whips and shit.”

  I let out a small chuckle as I shook my head at her musing.

  “Damn, he is! Isn’t he?” she blurted in a revelatory manner, lustful even.

  “I didn’t say that.”

  Tynisha continued her examining, staring at me. “You didn’t have to. The color in your cheeks is telling me that he is. Not only that, but look at how hard your nipples are all of a sudden.” I re-draped my silk—and apparently thin—robe. “What the hell’s going on, Mascot? Okay, you guys haven’t exactly been in an official relationship. I can’t judge that. Look at Alton and me: we’ve been engaged for three years and have as many kids and all we have to show for it is countless scandals.” She took a breath. “But you two… Stenton’s never wavered in his feelings for you. It’s clear that he’s crazy about you.”

  I huffed. “Well, I can’t tell.”

  “Well, yeah, because men can be so fucking retarded with the way they express themselves. But trust me, I know. That’s why I’ve been chilling with you. Not because you’re my speed. He’s made it clear that you should be treated as a part of the circle.” She shrugged again. “I don’t know…” She then went back to her footage.

  That only lasted a few seconds. Tynisha popped her head back up toward me as I stood over the table, folding and sorting.

  “Mascot, you’re here with the baby. He comes by and you guys don’t go at it?”

  “No. He spends time with his son. He has a room in the back for when he can’t come until late at night, and even when that happens, he takes the night shift to let me sleep. We’ve been doing a much better job at co-parenting since the christening.”

  What a fiasco that was. It was hard coming back from that. Stenton would still come over for Jordan, but hardly looked at me, much less conversed with me. It took some time for me to officially apologize and offer to do better at including him in all decisions made regarding Jordan. I’d tried to play it safe with Stenton since then.

  “I’m just so damn confused.” Tynisha wouldn’t drop the subje
ct.

  “About what? What’s the confusion?” I returned with just as much frustration, and snorted, “If he wanted me, he would’ve made that clear long ago, and we’d be together. I respect his wishes and will give him time to decide what he wants. Life goes on, right?”

  In all honesty, I was simply happy to be in a better place from the breakup that occurred nearly a year ago when he dropped me off and said goodbye for no reason at all. Being pregnant with Jordan eclipsed that, and having him around pushed it to the back burner, but there was still an ache in my chest from his decision.

  Tynisha shook her head. “You around here doing laundry…first of all, you need to start with getting a damn maid, then a nanny.” She snatched a few items from the laundry basket. “Then you need to get your back blown out. There’s no way a woman can function if she’s connected to Stenton Rogers, but not being taken care of. He’s running around here flossing it up for everybody else, but you ain’t getting a piece of the pie. You young girls need to learn how it’s done. Because I guarantee you if he was getting some of that snatch, there wouldn’t be any confusion in your relationship. You, unlike my dumb ass, would probably be married by now.”

  That hurled me into a pit of confusion. I stilled myself, processing Tynisha’s new theory.

  “Well, anyway, once we’re done I’m gonna call my guy to come over to take your measurements. What are you…a size six now? I have some fun pieces that you would kill in!”

  I let Tynisha ramble on, too stuck on the mention of marriage for me and Stenton.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  August 2008 Stenton

  “You don’t know? What does that mean, Stent?” her voice purred harmoniously, a little too sweetly.

  “Nah. I got some things coming up. You know summers are just as crazy for me with endorsement work, and I have to steal all the time I can with my kid. My schedule is pretty tight now.”