The Walls We Built

by Kassandra Garrison

  Suddenly, Wyatt comprehended that Ezra was the only thing stopping me from dancing with him. He puffed his chest and stood with his face close to Ezra’s, maintaining intense eye contact.

  You got a problem, Ezra? I’m trying to get me a piece of this tail if you don’t mind. You want to fight me for it?

  As the intensity of the fight began to rise, I stepped between the two of them and looked Ezra in the eyes.

  I’m not yours to protect. Maybe it’s time I get this stick out of my butt. What do you say?

  Purposefully, I walked over to the kitchen counter where several shots of vodka waited to be taken. Quickly, I swallowed the burning liquid and sent a vicious glare toward Ezra. Wyatt cheered me on as he grabbed a shot and then pulled me toward the dance floor.

  Before I knew it, I had lost count of how many times my cup had been refilled with beer. My feet ached from dancing for so long in Sophie’s strappy, golden sandals. My vision became fuzzy as Wyatt began dancing closer and closer to me.

  This was not what I wanted. In my pain, I had lashed out at Ezra in the worst way possible. Now, I was drunk with an idiot trying to grind up against me.

  Even in my drunkenness, I knew I needed to escape my current situation. Desperately, I pulled away from Wyatt, but his grip was too strong. And he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

  Oh, come on. Angels can be bad, too.

  Stop it, Wyatt. I said no.

  I searched for Sophie and Nathan, but I couldn’t find them in the crowd of dancers. My vision was becoming extremely blurred as the heat of the room threatened to empty my stomach.

  In a frantic effort to escape his grasp, I kicked Wyatt in the shin and weaved through the crowd. I broke through the edge of the crowd just before I blacked out. In my last remaining moments of consciousness, I felt arms cradled around me and cool autumn air.

  Ten

  Charlotte? Can you hear me?

  My stomach churned as the cool night breeze washed over my face. There were hands on my arms gently shaking me.

  Ugh.

  Yeah, that will teach you for binge drinking out of spite.

  As my mind became more and more clear, I realized it wasn’t Wyatt’s voice as I had expected. It was Ezra’s. In the blur of my mind, I squinted my eyes at my surroundings. We were in the back of a cab, the cool leather seat against my face.

  Ezra sat facing me as I laid propped up in the corner by the door, the open window behind me allowing a refreshing breeze to enter. But his eyes weren’t filled with anger as I had anticipated; they were filled with worry.

  I was just letting loose for once. You said I had a stick up my butt.

  Leave it to you to remember something from a week ago when you’re hammered.

  How could I forget it?

  Charlotte, I’m not going to talk about this with you when you’re drunk.

  Immediate regret set in after the roll of my eyes sent my vision into another dizzy spell. Ezra provided a plastic bag into which I dry-heaved as the car came to a stop.

  He handed the cab driver money and climbed out of the cab. Suddenly, the door behind me no longer supported my back and I began falling backwards. Ezra’s hands quickly grabbed me and carefully pulled me out of the cab onto my feet.

  I noticed as I clung to him for support how defined his muscles were under his shirt. For a moment, I stood looking at his outfit and then down at mine. His expression was filled with confusion as he watched me slowly figure out my current situation.

  I’m wearing your jacket.

  Yes, you are. I was trying to prevent you from throwing up on your pretty dress.

  Oh. Well, that was very nice of you.

  Thank you.

  His low chuckle vibrated against my ear as he began helping me down the sidewalk, my chattering continuing with each step. We were back on campus and the dorms were in front of us. My feet didn’t want to work properly as I stumbled, creating the need for Ezra to repeatedly catch me.

  It’s chilly. Aren’t you cold without your jacket?

  I’ll be fine. You wear it.

  Oh, this is my dorm. Is Sophie here?

  No, Sophie is still at the party with Nathan. They didn’t drink half a dozen beers and a shot of vodka before jumping up and down for half an hour.

  I was just trying to have fun.

  Yeah, I know.

  We had finally reached the bottom of the stairs in the dorm when Ezra swept my feet off the ground. He ascended the stairs as he cradled me in his arms. I took the time to study the angle of his jaw and the curve of his eyelashes.

  What are you looking at me like that for?

  I’ve never been this close to you before. Your eyes are so blue!

  Yes, they are blue.

  And you have such long eyelashes!

  Um, thank you, I think.

  Can I tell you a secret?

  I don’t think I have a choice.

  I groggily looked around the stairwell to make sure we were alone before whispering incredibly loud in his ear.

  I’ve always thought you were cute.

  My finger poked the end of his nose. His chuckle shook me as he reached the top of the stairs and set me back on my feet. Slowly, we walked down the hallway to my dorm.

  I don’t know where I put my key.

  My hands ran along my dress and my hair as I desperately searched for a way into my room. Ezra pushed the door open as he displayed the key in his hand.

  Sophie found it for me before we left. I didn’t feel comfortable searching for it while you were passed out.

  Before I could thank him for the respect he had given me, I ran to the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. It took no time at all for Ezra’s hands to be on my back, holding the strands of hair that had fallen from my updo away from my face.

  When I was done, he pulled a washcloth from the shelf and ran cold water over it. As I sat down on the floor away from the toilet, he crouched in front of me and gently wiped the cool washcloth over my hot face.

  You’re good at this.

  Yeah, well, I’ve had a lot of experience with drunks.

  Pick better friends.

  His eyes darkened as he seemed to contemplate what he could tell me in my drunkenness.

  No, my dad is a pretty heavy drinker at home. Away from the public where he doesn’t care about his reputation.

  Oh. Sorry.

  It’s not your fault.

  Ezra finished running the cool, damp cloth over my face and offered his hand to help me from the ground. Carefully, he helped me toward the bedroom and assisted me in taking his jacket off. I lay on my bed, leaning against the wall and rejoicing in the coolness of its surface against my skin, hot from vomiting.

  He sat on the bed next to me and watched me with his head propped against the wall.

  Are you feeling better?

  Much better after throwing up.

  You’re lucky you aren’t going to remember any of this tomorrow.

  Maybe I don’t want to forget it.

  He chuckled as he turned his head and looked around the room, his teeth shining in the moonlight.

  You are so drunk. Sober Charlotte would never talk to me like this.

  And how does sober Charlotte talk to you?

  Like she has a vendetta against men in general.

  Well, maybe sober Charlotte has a reason for pushing people away. Did you ever think of that?

  He turned and looked back at me, either in shock over the quality of conversation drunk Charlotte could maintain or the vulnerability now spilling from her mouth.

  We are all results of our lives, are we not?

  And why are you the way you are?

  What do you mean? What am I like?

  You hang out with the popular crowd even though you don’t like them. Wyatt is an annoying douche, but you still hang out with him.

  Ezra chuckled as he looked up at the ceiling incredulously. His eyes were dark with the only light in the dorm coming from the harvest moon outside
our window.

  I am my father’s son. I guess he’s raised me to believe others’ opinions matter.

  My dad taught me the opposite. I’ve learned to ignore what the bullies and jerks say about me.

  Well, they’re wrong, Charlotte. You just don’t let anyone close enough to see the real you.

  What you see is what you get.

  No, I don’t believe that. I’ve been watching you for months now. I see you’re holding back from being yourself.

  Stalker.

  Ezra’s intense gaze quickly changed to laughter as our serious conversation came to a very abrupt end. His laugh was so warm; it washed over me gently and put me at ease.

  Leave it to the alcohol to ruin one of the first real conversations we’ve had.

  My eyes became too heavy to hold open as I leaned over to lay on my pillow. I felt the bed move as Ezra stood up. His hand pushed my hair away from my face and placed my dorm key on the bedside table.

  Before I fell into a deep sleep, I heard him whisper in the darkness of the room.

  Goodnight, Charlotte. I’ll see you Monday morning. And not drunk Charlotte or guarded Charlotte, but the real one.

  Eleven

  The Halloween party had been on a Saturday night, making Sunday perhaps one of the worst days of my life. Hangovers are for the birds. When I woke up the next morning, the sun coming through the window next to my bed nearly sent me into shock.

  Ugh. This isn’t real.

  I squinted and clutched my temples as my head pounded. As I turned over to look for Sophie, she sat up slowly with her hair and dress from the night before a disheveled mess. She pointed to the blind and whispered with a raspy tone.

  Turn the sun off. It’s blinding.

  My stomach lurched as I stood up and closed the blind on the window. In the dim light of the room, I witnessed Sophie fall back on her pillow in surrender.

  When did you get back to the dorm last night?

  You mean this morning?

  As she buried her head under her comforter, I unzipped the uncomfortable white dress from the party and threw on a big t-shirt before sliding back into bed.

  What the heck was I thinking last night? I’ve never had a drop of liquor in my life.

  From where I lay in the fetal position under my covers, I could see Sophie’s head as it popped out from under the blankets.

  Yeah, what were you thinking? I went to dance with Nathan and before I know it, you’re chugging beers with Wyatt.

  I was trying to make Ezra mad.

  Why? Because he flirted with another girl?

  No.

  Then, what the heck were you thinking?

  Well, I didn’t tell you this but last week when I was angry at him for flirting, he came to the coffee shop that night.

  Hangover or no hangover, Sophie shot up from her bed, more alive than I would have thought possible. I continued to tell her every detail of that night, every insult Ezra had thrown my way. When the story was over, Sophie’s mouth hung open in shock. Yet, no words came.

  Why are there no words coming out of your mouth right now?

  My body no longer knows how to function. I already thought my head was going to explode and then you lay this on me. Why didn’t you say anything until now?

  I don’t know. It just hurt so much. He used insecurities I have about myself against me. Too high of standards, my lack of friends…

  You hurled some nasty insults his way, too, Char.

  And then, last night when he wanted to talk, I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. I wanted to prove to him that I can have fun.

  You are fun. Not everyone has the same definition of fun. It’s okay that you don’t like to get plastered at parties.

  Yeah, maybe I should have talked to you before the party last night. It would have prevented the liquor from trying to kill me now.

  She half-heartedly giggled as she laid on her side watching me from her bed. I looked away from her and traced my finger along the material of my pillow.

  All I know is that he was awful tender with you last night when he offered to take you back to the dorm.

  Why did you let him?

  Charlotte, I’ve known Ezra since kindergarten. He is not the kind of guy who would take advantage of you, drunk or not. Plus, after he and Wyatt got into it, he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

  My heart leapt in my chest as she mentioned an argument with Wyatt and Ezra. I could feel my quickened heartbeat behind my eyes as the pressure in my head expanded.

  What do you mean they got into it?

  Ezra totally took a punch from Wyatt, who was hammered beyond belief. I guess Wyatt thought he was trying to steal you from him, so he clocked him right in the eye. Nathan and John held him back while Ezra picked you up off the ground and carried you away.

  As she recounted Ezra’s heroic actions, my eyes found the key on my bedside table.

  Why would he do any of this?

  Charlotte, you’re a smart girl. Why do you think? He’s obviously had a crush on you since he met you.

  No, I don’t—

  I’ve known him for a long time and I have witnessed a lot of girls chase after him. He has never looked at anyone the way he looks at you.

  Blood rushed to my cheeks as I thought of all the times I found his eyes on me in a crowd, the way the blue of them darkened as they focused. And after last night, I couldn’t keep the image of his lips, jawline, or eyelashes out of my mind.

  Last night when I was drunk, I told him I thought he was cute.

  No, you didn’t!

  Yeah, and then I proceeded to “boop” him on the nose.

  Oh my gosh! I can’t believe you remember that. I only remember pieces of last night and it’s about stuff that doesn’t even matter. Like why do I need to remember how many tacos I ate on the way home? I would rather know at what point I lost my other shoe.

  I looked down at the floor where one lonely high heel sat on its side. Rolling onto my back, I looked up at the ceiling above me. If I was being honest, I remembered every detail of last night. Ezra’s confession about his dad, the feel of his warm body under his shirt as I clung to him for support, and his promise to see the real me on Monday morning.

  I wasn’t sure I was ready to let anyone see the real me, the girl who shut out anyone new in her life so she didn’t have to feel the pain of them leaving, the girl who learned to protect herself to a fault. Sophie’s voice brought me out of my doubts as she searched for more juicy details from the night before.

  What else do you remember?

  Not much. Really just flashes of random stuff.

  She seemed disappointed as she rolled over onto her back. It didn’t take long for her breathing to deepen with sleep. I, too, took advantage of the lazy Sunday afternoon and took a much-needed nap.

  *****

  When I woke up Monday morning, I was still slightly groggy from the weekend. After a quick shower, I threw on a sweater, skinny jeans, and boots and ran to class.

  By the time I reached the classroom across campus, my damp hair was chilled from the autumn breeze outside. As always, I sat in my same seat near the front and waited for class to begin.

  Despite running later than usual, I still managed to make it early to class. My stomach dropped as Ezra walked through the door. But he wasn’t accompanied by his usual posse of jocks and cheerleaders. In a navy-blue sweater and dark-washed jeans, he made his way past the professor’s desk and up the two stairs where I sat.

  As he plopped down beside me, he pushed his messy brown waves from his eyes and smiled at me.

  Good morning.

  Um, morning.

  He pulled his notebook and pen out of his backpack before glancing over at my organized desk. After situating his desk in a similar, functional manner, he realized I was watching him the entire time.

  Ezra, aren’t your friends expecting you to sit with them?

  Ezra raised his eyebrows as he glanced back at the huddle of letterman jackets
several rows up and shrugged his shoulders.

  I want to sit with you today.

  As I studied his expression, I noticed the bruise that had developed around the side of his eye from Wyatt’s punch. My appreciation for his protection halted any sarcastic remarks I had locked and loaded.

  Does it hurt?

  I gestured toward his eye as he glanced at me in question. He raised his hand to graze the bruise and waved off my concern.

  I’m so sorry, Ezra.

  The surprise in his eyes was evident as he leaned forward in his seat and tinkered with his pen.

  It’s the least I could do after what I said to you. Charlotte, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said any of those things. I shouldn’t have come at you like I did. I was angry and I lost control.

  I said things I shouldn’t have either. And why were you so angry?

  He chuckled under his breath and sat his pen down on the desktop before leaning in closer, checking our surroundings for privacy.

  Because I like you, Charlotte, and the thought of you either having a boyfriend or lying to me about having one drove me crazy.

  It didn’t seem to be bothering you when you had a cheerleader on your lap.

  That was to make you jealous. Or to make me forget about you. Either way, it clearly didn’t work.

  Why are you telling me all of this?

  The deep blue of his irises churned as the ocean during a storm as he searched my face.

  I’m done lying to each other.

  Ezra, I don’t want to date right now. I told you that the first night we met.

  I know. So, I have a proposal.

  Oh, you do?

  Yes. Let’s be friends again.

  Friends? That’s all you want?

  He held up his pinky to swear on it, his teeth flashing a smile to brighten the entire room.

  Yes, just friends. A fresh start.

  Alright, I think I can manage that.

  Gingerly, I allowed his larger pinky to wrap around mine in his childish display of a promise. As the professor cleared his throat to begin class, Ezra mumbled under his breath quiet enough for only me to hear.

  And if you fall in love with me, then I can’t help that.

  My eyes were wide as I looked over at him and watched him snicker behind his hand, his elbow propped on the desk. I couldn’t help but smile as I playfully punched him on the arm and directed my attention to the front of the class.