The Walls We Built

by Kassandra Garrison

  You look beautiful.

  Thank you.

  Looking over my shoulder at Sophie, I blushed as I slid on my coat and backpack. He handed me a cup of coffee as I shut the door behind me and began walking down the hallway with him.

  It’s too bad Valentine’s Day fell on a Friday this year or I would have made plans with you for the whole day.

  Oh, yeah? Like what?

  I won’t say. I might use my ideas for next year.

  His statement caught me off guard as he mentioned intentions of planning our Valentine’s Day a year from now. Did boys say that kind of thing just for brownie points? I nodded and smiled as my mind swarmed with doubts of his true intentions.

  I have my report in English today which means I have to stand in front of a bunch of people and bore them with my genuine love for literature.

  No, you’ll do great. I just wish I could be there. I’d much rather listen to you than my math professor. His monotonous voice nearly puts me to sleep every time.

  Do you really pay that much attention anyway? You don’t need a teacher when it comes to math.

  No, I usually complete the assignment from the textbook while he’s babbling on. With my free time, I write you a note.

  You mean doodle silly pictures and then hand them to me to dispose of?

  Those are masterpieces straight from my heart. You throw them away?

  No. I was joking. I like your doodles. Especially the conversations you make them have.

  Which one has been your favorite?

  Definitely the one where you drew yourself fighting a great white shark.

  And who won?

  In your fantasy? You. In reality? The shark.

  Char, we talked about this. The boyfriend always wins.

  I’m sorry. I cannot with good conscience lie to your face on who would win between you and a shark. What if it gives you confidence to actually pick a fight with a shark? You’ll get murdered all because I lied and said you would win.

  Wow. You’re right. From now on, be brutally honest with me. Even if it hurts, tell me the truth.

  I chuckled as we approached the staircase to my classroom, walking slowly up the steps to prolong our time together.

  Well, since you asked… I also don’t think you could win against a t-rex, bear, or lion.

  Oh, man. You’re really destroying some lifelong dreams of mine.

  You said to tell you the truth.

  I just never imagined I would hear you say those things to me. I’m going to leave now. I need to think about what this means for us.

  Now at the doorway of my classroom, Ezra smiled as he bent down and kissed my forehead softly. His lips lingered longer than usual before he tilted his head to look into my eyes.

  He let go of my hand, his fingers grazing gently over my palm before he turned to walk down the hall.

  Good luck, Char. Knock them off their feet.

  Well, they’re sitting so…

  Ezra turned and shrugged his shoulders, his smile warming my heart.

  Then, there’s no pressure. Half the work is already done.

  I stood in the hallway and watched him leave. But, before I looked into the classroom, I saw Mason watching me at the other end of the hallway.

  Had he been watching Ezra and me the entire time? And if so, why? The intense focus of his eyes bothered me as I quickly ducked through the doorway of my class. Immediately, I tried to clear my head of Mason, and even Ezra, as I prepared for my presentation.

  *****

  And where have you chosen to take me for dinner tonight? Please don’t tell me that expensive Italian bistro on Grand Avenue.

  Absolutely not. So pretentious.

  Then, where?

  It’s a surprise.

  Since it was winter, the sun disappeared hours before Ezra picked me up from the dorm. Now, we strolled arm in arm through the dark courtyard, illuminated by the streetlamps and snow on the ground. It was actually kind of beautiful without countless college students littering its sidewalks and lawn.

  We came to a stop in front of the library, Ezra pulling me toward the stairs. I furrowed my brow in confusion as he opened the door and led me through the entrance.

  The library?

  He was silent as he placed his hand on the small of my back and guided me through the halls of the library into the grand room where thousands of textbooks and novels were stored in towering bookshelves.

  I stood still as I spotted a table in the middle of the room adorned with a tablecloth, candles and dishes. The aroma of food wafted toward us as we neared the arrangement.

  Ezra!

  Do you like it?

  The dishes, silverware, and glasses were set on a white tablecloth, a vase of orchids set beside the containers of food. Around us, candlelight flickered across every book’s binding, its illumination creating a romantic, soft lighting.

  I love it. How many girls get to say they had a romantic, candlelight dinner in one of their favorite places?

  I hoped you would say that. Just a couple strings needed pulled… plus the librarians really like you. I guess those are the perks of dating the girl who makes the most visits to the library.

  The librarians are so much fun to talk to about books. They know practically everything.

  Ezra’s eyes shined in the candlelight as he stepped forward and pulled my chair away from the table for me. I accepted and set my purse to the side of me, careful not to damage the gift I had hidden for Ezra.

  For dinner, Sophie told me you’ve been wanting to try the lasagna from that Italian place. Even though the restaurant is overrated, that doesn’t mean we can’t eat the food.

  Very true.

  He carefully placed a slice of lasagna on each plate and unwrapped the bundle of bread sticks. The rumors were right. I nearly closed my eyes as I tasted the sweet tomato sauce and creamy ricotta cheese. When we were done eating, I couldn’t wait any longer to give Ezra his gift.

  That lasagna was delicious. And as a thank you, I got you a present.

  No, you shouldn’t have.

  Well, maybe it will make up for this beautiful dinner and the amazing Christmas gift you gave me.

  I pulled the fragile rectangle from my purse, careful not to ruin the outside paper. His eyes locked on the gift, a smile playing on the corner of his mouth at my excitement.

  It’s not a first edition of your favorite book but I hope you still like it.

  Ezra accepted the gift from across the table and placed it in front of him, pulling at the corners of the paper to reveal the present.

  Inside the wrapping was the picture of him and his sister from Christmas and a frame which said, “Near or far, my love will remain.” He smiled as he looked at the picture of them together, his eyes slightly glossy in the candlelight.

  Thank you, Charlotte. It’s beautiful.

  It’s the least I could do. You have been so amazing since we started dating. Hiding from Mason and moving slowly in the relationship, you’ve been supportive through it all.

  He leaned forward, his eyes sincere and soft.

  And I have loved every second with you. It doesn’t matter where we are or what we are doing.

  See, when you say things like that, you make me feel horrible.

  What? Why?

  Because you’ve been so perfect. I just keep waiting for the catch.

  Catch? There is no catch. I like you and you like me.

  Yeah, but sooner or later, he would leave. How many college romances lasted a lifetime? Just ask my dad.

  I just keep expecting something bad to happen, you know?

  His eyes were intense as he stared at me, knowing exactly why I reflexively waited for perfection to end abruptly.

  I am not going to leave. Char, I’m not perfect; no one is. I don’t do nice things to get anything from you. Frankly, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since we met. When you rejected me relentlessly, it drove me crazy but I couldn’t keep myself away. So, you’re dif
ferent from other girls? I don’t want those girls. I want you. And every day you let me close to you, I count myself lucky I am one of the few people you let see the beauty behind those walls.

  His voice raised in volume as he became more adamant about the points he made.

  No matter how many fake boyfriends you create or walls you build, you can’t change my mind.

  My heart was beating in my throat as I listened to his speech, every doubt I had and fear of him leaving temporarily cast to the side. As I looked out the window at the falling snow, I smiled and returned my eyes to his intense focus.

  Well, I still think we should get our first fight out of the way.

  You want to fight on Valentine’s Day?

  Yeah, but you have to promise to give me everything you’ve got.

  I’m not going to fight with you for no reason, Char. What are you talking about?

  Come on.

  I stood from the table and offered my hand out to him. Although he was still confused, he accepted it and let me drag him outside. We looked up at the giant snowflakes coming from the sky as we pulled our coats onto our shoulders. I ran out to the snow in the courtyard lawn and created a snowball, tossing it in my hand threateningly as he looked down from the stairs.

  Or are you too afraid?

  You’ve challenged the wrong person. Do you have any idea how many baseballs I have thrown?

  Blah, blah, blah. Less talking, more fighting.

  Oh, you’re on.

  Ezra leapt from the top of the stairs and scooped up a pile of snow, smashing it between his hands. I dodged his first throw and missed him with my first attempt. As he came closer, I made a run for it across the snow.

  His long legs once again outran mine as Ezra wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to the ground. The snow was cold against my coat as I rolled over onto my back next to him and laughed until the cold air hurt my lungs.

  I started waving my arms and legs around me to make a snow angel, looking over at Ezra as he followed suit. When we stood to survey our artwork, we laughed at our misshapen angels.

  Suddenly, I heard the sound of music playing nearby. I turned to find Ezra holding his phone, a song lighting up his screen.

  May I have this dance?

  Yes, you may.

  Accepting his outstretched hand, Ezra pulled me into him and swayed to the rhythm of the music. When I finally listened to the song, I realized it had been playing at the Christmas party during our first dance.

  I remembered the tension as the lines between friendship and romance were becoming tangled. When I looked up at Ezra, it all came back to me. The dark intensity of his eyes, the heartbeat in my throat, and the magnetic pull between us, it had all returned.

  Do you remember this song from the Christmas party?

  Yes, I remember.

  Tell me something. Did you want to kiss me at the dance or was it all in my imagination?

  I smiled and looked down at our snow-covered feet, chuckling to myself.

  No, you weren’t imagining it.

  So, if I were to kiss you now, you wouldn’t be upset?

  Infuriated.

  His eyes searched my face as I smiled up at him, one of his hands leaving my waist to gently cup my chin. Electricity shot through every vein in my body as his soft, warm lips touched mine. Ezra’s lips grazed over mine tenderly before he pulled away, a grin pulling the corner of his lips upward. The cold night air and snow dusting our hair had no match to the warmth his kiss made me feel as we continued to dance, snow falling silently around us.

  Twenty-Two

  They were fighting?

  Oh, yeah. Big time. Screaming, cussing, throwing stuff. The works.

  Oh, no.

  Ezra and I sat a short distance from our dorm in the courtyard in the cool spring breeze, the winter nip still slightly present outside. Being early March, spring break was approaching quickly.

  It was Saturday morning and Ezra had awoken to screaming in his dorm as Nathan and Sophie fought for the first time.

  They’ve been dating for, what, almost seven months now and this is their first fight?

  When exactly is the correct time to fight in the beginning of a relationship?

  Ezra glanced over at me, sipping his coffee and quirking his eyebrows in question.

  I just mean they haven’t done anything but suck face for seven months; not even the tiniest fight has occurred.

  Well, it definitely built up because it was explosive from my standpoint.

  There was no doubt I would be hearing about the fight tonight when Sophie and I were alone in our dorm. I was worried for both Nathan and Sophie. They seemed so happy together that seeing them apart would be devastating.

  And we already had our first fight anyway so there is no need to worry, Ezra.

  Snowballs don’t count. And if I am remembering correctly, and I am, that “fight” ended with our first kiss.

  Are you afraid we won’t make it through our first real fight?

  No, Char. We’ll make it.

  Ezra pulled me closer to him on the bench, tucking me under his arm and against his side. I welcomed the warmth he provided and the soft scent of his cologne.

  Well, I’m glad. I kind of like you, Ezra.

  Kind of?

  Yeah, you’ve grown on me.

  His deep chuckle vibrated against my side as he brought his cup to his mouth, casually glancing around the courtyard. There was a small group of students playing frisbee on the lawn while others walked to and from the coffee shop.

  The trees were budding, awakening from their hibernation and the birds were busily singing. It was the perfect spring morning to sit and listen to the sound of nature around us.

  Suddenly, across the courtyard, I noticed someone on the sidewalk a distance away, standing still and facing us. I stiffened under Ezra’s arm and watched as he began walking in the opposite direction.

  What is it, Charlotte?

  Mason. Mason was watching me again.

  What? Where?

  Carefully, I nodded my head toward where Mason was walking on the sidewalk.

  There. Blonde hair, red shirt, walking toward the coffee shop in front of those two girls.

  He was just standing there watching you?

  Yes. You know how I told you I see him in the English hallway before class sometimes?

  Yeah.

  Well, lately I have been seeing him everywhere. And he just stares at me.

  You don’t think he’s dangerous, do you?

  No. He was never like that when we were kids. He’s kind and gentle.

  But how long ago was that? There’s no possibility that he’s changed in the past ten years?

  I guess he could have. But I don’t get the creeper- stalker-murder vibe from him. It’s like he just wants to talk.

  That doesn’t give him the right to stand and stare at you.

  I watched as Mason’s red shirt faded into a tiny dot at the opposite end of the courtyard. My stomach was churning with the image of his eyes on me.

  You want me to tell him off?

  No, no. I don’t want to put you in the middle of it.

  Okay. But if he tries anything, I’m going to intervene.

  Appreciative of his protective instincts, I patted his hand on my shoulder, leaning up for a quick kiss on his lips. It had been three weeks since our first kiss and I still couldn’t get over the electricity that traveled from our lips every time.

  Suddenly, we heard stomping behind us from the direction of our dorm. We both looked up to find Sophie coming our way, her hair loose in some parts and her makeup uncharacteristically nonexistent.

  Ugh, I hate him. I don’t know why I ever dated him. He makes me so mad.

  Ezra and I both had enough experience with Sophie to know we shouldn’t try to interrupt her rant. We continued to listen attentively as she plopped down on the bench beside me and waved her hands in the air as she spoke.

  First, he doesn’t notice my new o
utfit and then he forgets about our seven-month anniversary. He made plans with the guys that night! Can you believe that? He just doesn’t seem to pay any attention to me lately, like he’s bored.

  She stopped to take a breath, finally looking at me and Ezra instead of yelling back in the direction of the dorm.

  I’m so sorry, Soph. You guys will get through this.

  No, Char, we won’t. We just broke up.

  Wait, what?

  He said our seven-month anniversary wasn’t a big deal and he was still going to hang out with the guys. And then I told him not to worry about any of the plans we made and slammed the door behind me.

  Ezra pulled his arm from around me and sat forward, his hands cupped around his coffee. He cleared his throat awkwardly and looked over at Sophie.

  Doesn’t sound like a break-up to me. And Nathan isn’t the type of guy who likes to make a big deal out of small events. Maybe he would prefer to celebrate your anniversary by the year and not each month.

  I know you guys probably think I’m high maintenance but I just like to celebrate the little things, every landmark Nathan and I reach. I think he’s just tired of me.

  There’s no way that’s true, Soph. You are practically all he talks about. And I would know. I have to listen to him drone on and on about you until sleep provides sweet relief.

  Sophie shook her head, unsure of how true Ezra’s statement was after their fight. She wiped a stray tear running down her cheek and looked back toward the dorm.

  I’m so stupid. I keep hoping I’ll see him waiting on the sidewalk for me.

  My chest ached with the sorrow of Nathan’s absence. I remembered back to the fights Mason and I overheard from our bedrooms as kids.

  Of the countless fights at the end of their marriage, I learned how to gauge the severity of an argument. In the beginning, the fights were about lighter, more fixable problems.

  Yet, near the end, their statements became increasingly less rescindable. It wasn’t until my mom was gone that I realized just how irreversible their fighting had become.

  I set my coffee on the ground and pulled Sophie toward me, embracing her shoulder and rubbing her arm in comfort as she laid her head against mine. Her eyes never left the sidewalk in front of the dorm.

  In that moment as I sat on the bench with Sophie, my mind made a totally new realization. What if there wasn’t a point of no return? Perhaps, if true love existed, there was no limit to the forgiveness one was willing to give.