Dread laid heavy on my heart as I realized I would be avoiding two different boys when I returned to school: Mason and Ezra. And even worse, I had no idea with whom I was most angry.
Twenty-Five
My dad and Cara drove me back to campus Sunday afternoon, allowing me to settle in and go to bed early. I set my alarm earlier than usual for the morning so that I could avoid Ezra before class. When I woke up, Sophie was asleep on her pillow, facing the wall with her back toward me.
Quietly, I prepared myself for class and slipped out the door before she even opened her eyes. Since I was too early for class, I decided to get coffee before English rather than after.
The café was unusually quiet as the employees began their workday, turning on equipment and stocking up their stations. I sat in the corner overlooking the blossoming courtyard just outside the window. Daffodils and tulips colored the green field, their petals dancing in the light April breeze.
I stood up from the table, remembering my English professor would have our grades for the presentations we completed before spring break. With only a short time until the start of class, I threw my backpack over my shoulder and walked alone to the English building.
As the professor began his lecture, I grinned down at the grade I had received on my presentation. To my surprise, there had been the tiniest hint of a smile as my normally gruff instructor handed me the form. Setting the graded assignment down on my desk, something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye.
Ezra, breathless and slightly disheveled, stood at the doorway staring straight at me. The blue of his eyes was sorrowful as we met eye contact. Without another thought, I directed my focus back to the teacher. When I glanced back toward the door, Ezra was gone and so was my sympathy for him.
After his countless phone calls over the weekend, I anticipated a pitiful excuse for his behavior in the picture. “Oh, they ran out of seats and I thought I would be nice and offer my lap.” “You fell for that prank? That’s hilarious!” “That was my cousin.”
Whatever absurd excuse he chose to use, I was prepared for my rebuttal. To my surprise, Ezra was still outside the door of my classroom when the professor dismissed us. He must have been in the hallway the whole time, skipping his class entirely.
Charlotte, I need to talk to you.
In a red t-shirt that displayed the definition of his biceps, he reached through the crowd to touch me lightly on the shoulder. Calmly, I turned, optimistic of hearing an excuse I had not yet anticipated. He seemed caught off guard by my calm reaction but proceeded after only a short pause.
Listen, I know Sophie sent that picture to you.
What picture?
Come on, Char. You’re really going to make me say it?
I raised my eyebrows and crossed my arms, leaning against the wall in an attempt to avoid the crowds walking down the hall.
The one with that girl on my lap.
Now, was it just my imagination or was she the same girl who was leaning over your desk last semester?
Yes, it was the same girl.
Hmm, what a coincidence.
Ezra’s eyes scanned the passing faces as he leaned down to talk to me in a hushed tone. He seemed uncomfortable with the idea that other people could hear our conversation.
Can we go back to your dorm and talk in private?
No.
Charlotte, I just want to explain.
I said no.
He rolled his eyes and lowered his tone, stepping forward as I intentionally created more space between us.
Fine. It was a set up. I guess I made it onto Mason’s bad list by interrupting your conversation with him. He, along with Wyatt and a couple other guys, talked her into sitting on my lap. Probably paid her. Before I knew it, she was kissing me and Mason had his phone out. He sent the picture to everyone, including Sophie.
The calm demeanor I was working so hard to keep came falling down as my hands started shaking in anger.
Wow.
Nothing happened between that girl and me. Or any other girl for that matter. Do you believe me?
I can’t believe you would use my brother as an excuse for cheating on me.
I didn’t cheat on you, Char. They set me up.
It didn’t seem like a set-up in the picture. Looked like two consenting individuals.
As soon as she kissed me, I pushed her from my lap, stood up, and walked away. Of course, they didn’t send that picture.
Did they make you fly to Florida and party, too?
You told me to go.
Yes, I did. Now take that same advice and go.
Char.
We’re done. Leave me alone.
His expression was like shattered glass, pieces of what was once a happy relationship now scattered with the guilt of his actions. But I had no sympathy for him. I hoped his pain was worse than the agony he had already caused me.
I turned away from Ezra abruptly and looked toward the other classrooms as I headed for the stairs. My eyes caught sight of Mason talking to a redhead, his attention shared between her and me.
He had been watching my conversation with Ezra. Suddenly, my broken heart attempted to believe Ezra’s excuse. No. I couldn’t believe it. Mason always watched us. Today was no different.
But as I turned to descend the stairs, I swore I saw Mason smile in Ezra’s direction, the manipulative grin sending chills down my spine.
*****
The next month passed by at a miserably slow rate as Sophie and I found ourselves single and bitter. We spent the first two weeks after spring break in the dorm, doing what any other brokenhearted teenage girl would do: listening to sad break-up songs and eating chocolate.
After the initial phase of despair and eating was over, Sophie invited me to, as she put it, “seek revenge on the idiots who lost out on these hot chicks.” To add to the theatrics of her request, she made the statement as she carefully colored her lips bright red in her vanity mirror.
I had to admit, revenge was not usually my cup of tea, but it sounded appealing. Without any resistance, I agreed to attend parties and hangouts with her. Although I did avoid the alcohol. One drunken night was enough for me. And I wouldn’t have Ezra to make sure I made it home safely.
Outside of the dorm and classes, Ezra respected the distance I requested from him, keeping his focus on the ground as he passed me in the halls and courtyard. Yet, when Sophie and I attended parties, I couldn’t help but notice how often I found him staring in my direction.
And I liked it. I hoped he regretted losing me and felt the pain of my absence every day. It was also my hope that the dresses and makeup I began wearing at nearly every outing made the pain unbearable.
While my wardrobe was respectfully alluring, Sophie’s, on the other hand, left little for the imagination. By the looks Nathan and every other guy was giving her, they were definitely imagining something.
You think he noticed me walk by his table?
Sophie sat down next to me in her halter top and shorts, glancing back toward where Nathan sat with a handful of other jocks. Though it was early May, summer had arrived early this year, bringing with it unbearable humidity and intense sunshine. Sweat dripped down my back as we sat outside the taco shack down the street from school.
I think every boy in a mile radius noticed you walk by. Your outfit doesn’t necessarily yell modesty.
First off, it feels horrible outside. Secondly, that was my intention. He’s going to wish he never broke my heart.
By the look on his face, he does. I think I saw a tear run down his cheek.
Really?
She whipped her head toward me, excitement in her eyes. When she realized the severity of my sarcasm, she rolled her eyes and stole a drink of my iced soda. I chuckled under my breath as I finished chewing my taco.
I was thinking about dating someone new. What do you think of Mason? He’s cute.
No, I don’t think you should date Mason.
Why? Because he took that pi
cture of Ezra sucking face with the slut?
I nearly choked on my soda as Sophie revealed who had taken the photo of Ezra. She laughed as I wiped the beverage from my chin, my eyebrows raised in question.
Wait, what did you just say?
Ezra sucking face?
No, not that part, Soph. The part about Mason taking the picture.
Sophie nodded her head over to the table where Wyatt and Nathan sat competitively eating tacos.
Yeah, Mason, Wyatt, and a couple of other guys were all crowded around him when it happened. I saw Mason take the picture with his phone. Boys are gross. They were probably getting their jollies from watching them make out. You want to hear something even more gross?
Probably not.
Bethany told me she made ten bucks from it. Ezra paid her to make out. How gross is that?
Oh my gosh. What had I done? Every detail lined up with what Ezra had told me. He was telling the truth.
And Mason sent you the picture, Soph?
She pulled her phone from her pocket and scrolled through her text messages, finding the picture of Ezra quickly.
Umm, let me see… Here it is. Yup, Mason sent it.
I stood up from the table and scanned the crowd of jocks for his face, for Ezra. He wasn’t there. Quickly, I grabbed my purse and made my way between the tables on the patio. I could hear Sophie yelling after me.
Char, where are you going?
I just realized something. I have to go.
Twenty-Six
My feet couldn’t carry me fast enough as I jogged down the sidewalk toward campus. No longer did I feel anger toward Ezra, only Mason and myself. I pushed Ezra away in my own insecurities and lack of trust, wasting an entire month away from him.
That’s exactly what Mason wanted: to hurt Ezra. He knew I wouldn’t believe his story, knew I would push Ezra away. But Mason wouldn’t win; I wouldn’t let him. He had taken enough from me.
Though the taco shop was not far from campus, the humidity outside made the jog back to the dorms miserable. My forehead was damp and my body felt heavy in the oppressive air.
Now in the refreshing air conditioning, I straightened my hair and wiped the sweat from my face. Passing the door to my dorm, I continued walking to Nathan and Ezra’s room.
I caught my breath and stared at the door before knocking on its solid wood. With it being a Sunday afternoon, I hoped Ezra was in his dorm. Yet, after a moment of waiting, I lost hope of his presence.
As I began walking down the hall in disappointment, I heard the sound of his door opening behind me.
Charlotte?
Oh, hey. I thought you were out.
No. Sorry, I was just getting out of the shower. Had to throw some clothes on. What’s up?
His eyes were cautious as I stepped back toward his dorm room. I eyed the sports shorts and t-shirt he had thrown on after his shower, the scent of his soap wafting into the hall.
Can we talk?
Sure.
Ezra stepped back from the door, holding it open with his hand while he waited for me to enter. It was the first time I had been in his dorm. My imagination had created their room to be a mess, clothes and food littering the floor. Yet, as I looked around, the messiest thing I could find was unmade beds and Ezra’s towel quickly thrown on the ground.
This isn’t what I expected in a boy’s room.
He chuckled as he looked around the room, raising his eyebrows in amusement.
What exactly were you expecting?
A lot more dirty laundry, maybe a rat eating leftover pizza from a box in the corner, and the regretful smell of sweat in the air.
Sorry to disappoint.
As I smiled and surveyed his half of the room, Ezra stared at me, awaiting the words caught in my chest.
Why are you here, Charlotte?
I shifted my weight from one leg to the other as I struggled to find the right words.
Sophie told me about that night. The guys crowding around you, Bethany making ten bucks…
He remained silent as I continued, unsure of what my discovery meant for him.
She told me Mason was the one who sent her the photo.
When did she tell you? A month ago?
No, like ten minutes ago. I ran here from the taco joint down the street.
It’s like ninety degrees outside!
Yeah, I’m aware. I just needed to talk to you.
Ezra’s blue eyes were softening gradually as I spoke, less guarded from the beating he was most likely expecting when he answered the door.
I’m so sorry for not believing you, Ezra. I was just so angry and hurt…
And you expect me to just take you back after a month of your ignoring, glaring, and teasing?
Teasing? I did not tease you.
Please! Since when do you wear dresses to hang out with friends?
Fine. But you didn’t have to stare the whole time!
Oh, you think it was easy this last month? Seeing you but not talking to you, holding you, or kissing those lips.
His eyes were intense as he stepped toward me, my heart rising in my chest as he stared at my lips. Suddenly, I felt his thumb run against my bottom lip, the scent of his soap and clean clothes washing over me.
I couldn’t help myself as I stepped closer to him, placing my hands on his toned abdomen as his eyes ran along every surface of my face. The blue of his irises was explosive, like a deep blue wave and the cascade of its white foam.
What are you waiting for then, Ezra? Kiss me.
There was no time between my words and his soft, warm lips on mine. But this time was different from the normal peck or gentle kiss. Our lips hungrily pressed together, his hands on my back pulling me firmly against him.
My hands clutched to the muscles on his back, drawing him closer to me. I heard the sound of my purse falling from my shoulder to the ground. Neither of us seemed to notice as we slowly sat down on his bed, his lips still against mine.
As I lay back on the bed, my hands knotted in his shirt, pulling him on top of me. His lips ran down my neck as his hands grazed my thighs, a light gasp escaping my lips.
I pulled his shirt over his head and surveyed the indentations of the muscles along his torso and back. His skin was smooth and warm as my hands ventured across his chest. Ezra’s hands slid up my shirt to my bra strap as I felt his teeth run gently across my bottom lip.
Suddenly, I was extremely aware of where this was going and stiffened under Ezra’s embrace. He immediately stopped what he was doing and looked into my eyes as he towered over me.
Are you okay, Char? I’m so sorry.
Ezra pulled himself away from me, sitting on the end of his bed with wide eyes.
You’re sorry? I’m the one who told you to kiss me and pulled you on the bed. I should be sorry.
Trust me. I’m not offended.
I blushed as I sat up from his pillow and listened to the deep rumble of his chuckle from across the bed. His eyes were still dark from the adrenaline of the moment.
I don’t want to rush into this kind of thing, you know?
Yeah, I know.
Are you… okay with that?
He moved closer to me and grabbed my hand, his shirt still on the floor.
Absolutely. I told you before. That’s not why I want you, Char. I love you.
What?
He laughed, running his hands over his face and through his damp hair. As he smiled, I realized how much I had missed everything about him, from his smell to his smile to the way he made me feel.
Why else do you think I would endure all I have? Your constant rejection, vomit, a black eye, a month of misery… would you like me to continue?
No. You just surprised me. Half an hour ago, I never thought this would be happening.
I leaned forward and kissed him again, the depth of our kiss making me dizzy. Only this time, we both managed to keep our wits about us. I pulled away from him before we lost control, our breathing uneven once again.
And I love you… but you need to put your shirt back on.
Why?
Because you’re kind of making it impossible for me to calm down right now.
Oh, sorry.
He picked up his shirt from the ground and threw it over his head. As he pulled his arms through the holes of the shirt, Ezra glanced down at my chest and then back toward the comforter on his bed.
Um, I did manage to unhook your bra…
Wow. How did you do that so fast? I didn’t even realize it was unhooked.
Natural skill, I guess. Some people are born with it, others are not. Poor souls.
You’re ridiculous.
With my bra clasped shut again and the blood rushing to my brain, I stood up from his bed and walked toward the door.
Where are you going?
Anywhere but here. The whole room smells like men’s cologne and soap, your bed smells like you, and I can’t get the picture of you shirtless out of my head, so I think it’s best to go somewhere public. Come on.
Ezra shook his head and smiled, clearly entertained by my exasperated hand gestures and bluntness in that moment. He grabbed his shoes and keys, walking into the hall with me.
I looked up into his eyes as my fingers interlocked with his, his cheeks still pink from our moment of weakness. He leaned down and gently kissed the grin on my face.
So, does that make you my girlfriend again?
Only if you’ll be my boyfriend.
Without a doubt.
As we made our way out of the dorm and into the sticky heat outside, my heart fluttered in happiness. He let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me against his side.
I missed you, Ezra.
I missed you, too, Char.
I just wish we hadn’t wasted a month apart. It’s already May. We have the rest of this month and then summer break.
I shouldn’t have gone on that trip for spring break. We could have spent the time together and prevented this last month.
At least your spring break wasn’t miserable like mine. First of all, both you and Sophie were too busy partying to text me.
Don’t think I partied the whole time. I don’t drink and I was surrounded by idiots who did when all I wanted was to spend time with you. I only went because I was angry that you wanted me to leave rather than spend time with me.
The Walls We Built Page 14
