The Walls We Built

by Kassandra Garrison

  And you. I can’t help who your dad is or how he treats you but I can’t let you think every father is like that. My dad is loving, compassionate, and maybe a bit too protective. And he is not your dad.

  My dad’s face was downcast as he listened to my description of him, the corner of his mouth twitching at the last characteristic.

  Now, both of you get over it because if you love me and want to be in my life, you’re going to have to get along.

  I sat down and looked around the table. Roy and Cara both seemed entertained at my blunt reprimanding, watching Ezra and my dad for their reactions. My dad cleared his throat and looked directly at Ezra.

  I’m sorry, Ezra. I allowed something that has nothing to do with you soil my opinion. I’d like it if we could start over.

  I’d like that too, sir.

  My dad nodded before turning his attention back to the steaming bowl of dumplings in front of him. Seated beside me, Cara reached her hand over to pat my back. She smiled reassuringly and began a new conversation with the group.

  For the first time in a week, everyone participated in the conversation and seemed at ease in one another’s company. Roy, of course, was full of ridiculous stories, most of them ending in a visit to the emergency room.

  My dad lightheartedly shook his head at his younger brother and offered details to the stories from their childhood. My heart threatened to explode with happiness as I enjoyed being home with my family and Ezra. Even though Cara had reassured me that the tension would cease, there had been a small part of me that had begun to doubt.

  Yet, as my father and Ezra conversed, not only with the rest of us, but with one another, it was the first time I truly believed it was possible. And without the weight of doubt on my heart, I felt lighter than air, surrounded by the people I loved and who loved me.

  Thirty-Two

  The sound of birds chirping woke me from a deep sleep one late June morning. When I rolled over to see the time, I realized how late I had slept. Quickly, I jumped from the bed and threw on a pair of shorts and t-shirt.

  When I arrived in the kitchen, there was no one to be found. I pulled my eyebrows together in confusion, looking back down the hallway toward the bedrooms.

  Maybe Ezra was still in bed, too. But as I inspected his room, I found the door open and the bed empty. As I made my way back to the kitchen, Cara came in through the screen door at the back of the house.

  Good morning, Lottie. I thought you might sleep until lunch.

  Hey, Cara. Where is everyone?

  Roy had some errands to run back at his house. Your father and Ezra are out in the barn.

  What are they doing out there?

  I think your dad is showing him the tractor.

  My jaw nearly dropped to the ground as I pictured the two of them alone together. Since my outburst a few weeks ago, they had been amicable, conversing with one another while in the company of others but never voluntarily alone. Also, it was rare for my dad to show someone else his tractor. He babied that piece of machinery more than me.

  There’s bacon and toast in the microwave if you’re hungry. I had to fight the boys for the bacon but I managed to snag you a couple pieces.

  Thanks, Cara. I’m starving.

  She sat her basket down on the counter, pulling out a head of cabbage and two medium-sized carrots. While I ate my breakfast at the counter, I watched her wash the vegetables in the sink.

  You get those from the garden?

  Yeah, I thought we could have coleslaw tonight with the burgers. Your dad offered to grill out for us.

  Awesome. I love when Dad grills out. Do we have corn on the cob, too?

  Of course. I know it’s your favorite, Lottie.

  I rubbed my hands together over my plate as I popped the last bite of toast into my mouth, crumbs falling on its surface. Outside the window, I could see the tall, red barn tower over the house.

  Do you think I should go check on them?

  No. Maybe we should give them some alone time. Might do them some good.

  Yeah, maybe.

  With a couple of hours until lunch, Cara and I weeded the garden and drank lemonade in the shade to cool down from the oppressive humidity. The guys had not shown their faces since I woke up, the barn door cracked to allow airflow.

  Suddenly, my dad appeared in the doorway, pushing the massive barn doors open the rest of the way. Cara and I sat in lawn chairs, watching the events unfold before us.

  My dad disappeared into the barn before we heard the sound of the tractor starting up. When the giant machine appeared, Cara and I nearly dropped our glasses of lemonade to the ground.

  Well, I’ll be. He’s letting Ezra drive the tractor.

  Even from a distance, I could see Ezra maneuvering the tractor out of the barn and toward the open lawn. His white t-shirt shined bright as the sunlight penetrated the window of the tractor. In the seat next to him, my dad guided Ezra with hand gestures toward different gears and the direction he wanted him to drive.

  Cara and I watched, each with a smile on our face as Ezra drove the tractor around the barnyard.

  I don’t know what I feel most: happiness that Dad finally accepted Ezra or jealousy that he let him drive the tractor before me.

  You know exactly why he doesn’t let you drive the tractor. Don’t you remember learning to drive? I’ve never seen Henry so afraid for his life.

  In my defense, it’s hard to reach the pedals in his truck and I had no idea how sharp that turn was.

  Well, you’re just lucky it was our field that you plowed into and not the neighbor’s land. You took out quite a bit of corn that day.

  I wrinkled my nose at Cara as she teased me about learning to drive my dad’s truck. But I wasn’t jealous at all as I watched Ezra and my dad, smiling as they waved our direction from the tractor.

  When the tractor was parked and the barn doors closed, the two men walked up the hill toward the house where Cara was ready with two fresh glasses of lemonade.

  Here is a glass of lemonade for each of you. And lunch is ready inside. I made chicken salad this morning and Lottie offered to cut the watermelon.

  Ezra and my dad accepted their drinks in appreciation and followed Cara and I into the house. My dad gently clapped my back before walking off to the bathroom to wash his hands.

  Beside me, I felt Ezra’s hand on the small of my back as he sat his lemonade on the table next to his plate. I turned and smiled up at him, his hair had curled from the humidity and a streak of dirt ran across his cheek.

  Hey, Char. I missed seeing you at breakfast this morning.

  Yeah, sorry. I don’t know why I slept in so late.

  No, it’s fine. I’ve had a really good day.

  I see that.

  I raised my hand to wipe the dirt from his cheek, a tender expression washing over his face and a smile in his eyes. As my dad walked back into the kitchen and sat at the table, Ezra excused himself to wash his hands.

  Finally, with everyone at the table, the four of us ate and conversed merrily, playful jabs sent in every direction. Once the table was cleared of plates, my dad addressed Ezra.

  Would you like to assist me with grilling dinner tonight, Ezra? Good practice for the Fourth of July next week.

  I would love to help, sir.

  You can call me Henry, son.

  Thank you… Henry.

  I glanced between the two men, noticing the contentment each displayed in their conversation. Cara shot me a secretive glance from across the table, the corner of her mouth pulling up in hidden delight.

  If I had learned anything at the young age of eighteen, it was that life was full of surprises, some good and some bad. Had I been told at the beginning of the school year that, not only would I have a boyfriend, but he would come home with me for the summer and get along with my dad, I would have laughed over the pages of my book.

  But that’s what life does. It surprises you.

  *****

  Practice makes perfect, righ
t?

  I don’t know about perfect, Ezra. These hotdogs are good but perfect is a far stretch.

  Ezra chuckled as I nudged his arm playfully. After last week’s hamburger dinner he cooked with my dad, he thought he was a professional griller now.

  Don’t get me wrong. The hotdogs are good. But no one needs that big of an ego. Someone had to deflate that head of yours. It’s dangerous around an open flame.

  Yeah, so is hot air, Char.

  We both wrinkled our noses and stuck our tongues out at one another in our jesting. In our laps were plates of hotdogs, watermelon, and baked beans for our Fourth of July celebration.

  Every year, a farmer south of our land set off fireworks which could be seen from our backyard. Ezra, Cara, my dad, and I were lined up facing south in lawn chairs as we enjoyed dinner and waited for nightfall.

  By the time we were done with dinner, the sun was setting and hues of pink, orange, and purple were painted across the sky. Cara and my dad were to my left in their own conversation while Ezra and I had grown quiet.

  As I pulled my attention away from the beautiful colors before me, I realized Ezra was staring at me with a grin on his face.

  Why are you looking at me?

  He shook his head as he leaned forward and kissed me softly on the lips. When he pulled away, his eyes remained close to mine.

  Thank you for bringing me here, Char. I’ve loved every second that I’ve spent with you.

  Even in the beginning when my dad was threatening you?

  Yes, even then. Because I love you.

  Wow. I didn’t know if it was the sunset or the overwhelming charm he was using but, in that moment, I was sure it was all a dream. It was all too perfect.

  But as I opened my mouth to return the sentiment, I spotted a reflection of headlights in the driveway. Quickly, I turned to my dad who was already aware of our visitors.

  Dad, is Uncle Roy coming over tonight?

  No. He’s helping the neighbor with the fireworks.

  No matter how bad an idea it was to let Roy help with the fireworks, I was more concerned with our unwelcomed company at the moment. And it was apparent, so was my dad.

  Stay here, Lottie. I’ll go see who it is.

  I watched as my dad rounded the corner of the house toward the driveway, his posture taut as he cautiously investigated.

  Ezra and Cara both held an expression of concern as they glanced between me and the spot my dad was last seen. But the anticipation was killing me and every second felt like an hour as I waited for my dad to reappear.

  Ignoring the warning from Cara and Ezra, I stood from my seat and walked toward the driveway. As I turned the corner, I heard my dad’s serious tone greeting our visitors.

  Reese. Mason.

  Thirty-Three

  Hello, Henry. It’s been a long time.

  What are you doing here, Reese?

  My heart threatened to beat out of my chest as I listened to my parents speak for the first time in a decade. The sound of my mother’s voice brought back memories of her golden hair and kind green eyes.

  I came to talk to Charlotte. This conversation is long overdue.

  You will not speak to my daughter. I’m asking you to leave my property now.

  Henry…

  Go!

  As the tension increased between the two of them, I stepped out from around the corner of the house. In the colors of the sunset, Mason and my mother’s golden hair shined in the light.

  Mason was on guard, his arms crossed over his chest, while my mother stood with her hands hanging limp at her sides. After a decade, my mother had aged well. Her wavy hair was cut to her shoulders and her figure remained slim. As she spotted me behind my dad, her eyes brightened.

  Charlotte?

  My dad whirled around, his eyes filled with fury as he realized my presence.

  Lottie. I told you to wait for me. Go back to Cara and Ezra.

  No, Dad. I have a right to be here.

  He no longer seemed outraged but sorrowful as he ran his hand over his face and looked around at the dimming light. As he nodded his approval, my mother stepped forward with her hand covering her mouth, tears welling up in her eyes.

  Mason told me not to call you Lottie. Said you were quite a spitfire. My gosh, I cannot believe how beautiful you are.

  Yeah, we’ve all changed over the last decade.

  The tone of my voice was dripping with bitterness as I crossed my arms and glared at her. Mason remained quiet, his eyes flickering back and forth between the two of us.

  I know you’re mad at me and Mason and I’m so sorry, baby.

  You’re sorry?!? You abandon me without an explanation, come back ten years later, and say sorry? You left me without a word as if I wasn’t worth your time. And I haven’t heard from you since.

  I was not in the right state of mind when I left. I’ve gotten help and made a lot of progress.

  And now you expect everything to change? How can I forgive the mother who didn’t fight for me?

  Tears streamed down her face as I released ten years of bitterness and hatred toward her. She nodded her head, accepting her guilt and failure.

  There’s a lot you don’t know, Charlotte.

  You don’t say! It’s as if I was never given an explanation for my mother and brother abandoning us.

  I did fight.

  Suddenly, my father stepped forward and cleared his throat. Mason skeptically watched him as he moved closer to my side, his hand held out cautiously.

  Reese, perhaps we should leave certain details in the past.

  Suddenly, Mason aggressively interjected himself into the conversation. My dad’s expression changed from guarded to wounded as the boy he once raised lashed out at him.

  Why? So, Charlotte will never learn the truth about what you did?

  There’s a lot you don’t know, son.

  Don’t call me your son! Where have you been over the last ten years?

  My mom looked at Mason, a scolding frown darkening her expression.

  Mason, calm down. Now is not the time for your attitude.

  No! I need an explanation just as much as Charlotte. Like why my father didn’t fight for me like he did my sister.

  Fight for me? Both of you left without a word!

  My mother was silent now as she watched the exchange nervously. Dad shifted his weight from one foot to the other, scuffing his boot along the pavement of the driveway.

  No, Charlotte. He threatened that if mom took you, he would make it known she was an unstable and unfit mother to the court. She would have lost both of us.

  Dad? You threatened her?

  As I turned to looked between my mother and father, secrets lurked behind each of their expressions. It was my father who spoke first.

  I couldn’t lose you, too, Lottie. I know it sounds awful now but you were better off with me. Your mother struggled more and more with anxiety and depression, refusing to get help every time I suggested a professional.

  Mason stepped toward my father, his eyes glossed in tears of rejection.

  Yeah, and what about me? I wasn’t better off with you? What makes me any different from Lottie?

  My mother’s focus shot over to my father suddenly, anticipating the answer she dreaded. Suddenly, Dad’s shoulders slumped and he shook his head in disappointment at my mother.

  Reese, for ten years, you’ve only told him your side of the story? Tell him the truth now or I will.

  Tell me what? Mom?

  The tears gathering in the corners of her eyes began to flow down her cheeks as she looked over at her broken son. As she pushed out the words needing said ten years ago, she wrung her hands together.

  Henry is not your father, Mason. You weren’t his to keep.

  With those words, I witnessed the brother I had loved so dearly come back to life. He was no longer the boy hardened by ten years of believing his father didn’t love him but the boy who loved fiercely.

  What are you talking about? Of
course, he is. You started dating, got pregnant, and bought this farm. You told us the story all the time growing up.

  There was another man…

  My dad addressed Mason directly this time, his expression sincere and gentle.

  Mason, she didn’t tell me until the end of our marriage. I didn’t have a right to take you away from her. But, son, I loved you as my own and I still do. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you.

  Then, why didn’t you call? Request visits? Instead, you were content with your biological daughter.

  In the end, we both thought it best to cut off communication entirely.

  Mason and I looked at one another before turning back to our parents in horror. My hands were shaking in fury as I focused on both of their downturned faces.

  So, you thought it was better to never talk to your children rather than try to get along? There’s no wonder you both never told us the truth! Because then at least you look like the good guy to the child you kept.

  My father stepped closer to me, his hand outstretched toward my arm. Before he could touch me, I pulled my arm away viciously and stepped away from the group.

  Lottie…

  No. Don’t touch me. I don’t want to talk to either of you. Even after months of constant harassment and stalking from Mason, he is still the only person I would consider talking to in this group.

  My anger clouded my vision as the heat of the moment became too much. I needed to be anywhere but here. Abruptly, I turned from the group and sprinted toward the pond, each step bringing with it more tears.

  As I slowed near the tree at the edge of the pond, I heard the sound of feet behind me. Expecting Mason or my dad, I was surprised to find Ezra coming to a stop right behind me.

  Are you okay, Char?

  Ezra’s eyes were wide as he watched me throw my hands in the air, tears still streaming down my face.

  No, I’m not alright! I’ve been lied to for ten years by the one person I had left in the world!

  Yeah, I know.

  You know?

  He shuffled his feet and shoved his hands in his pockets, unsure of how to handle my panic.